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Special thanks to Edgehead for the lovely banner and to Cordykitten for letting her know that I was in need of a pretty


Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok-before you all freak out on me-remember how I wrote that there would be some angst? It's coming-prepare yourself.
I'll post again quickly so that we can get through the tough stuff as fast as possible.
Buffy was only moderately surprised when Cordelia lit into her Monday morning. She sighed. “What was I supposed to do Cordy? I just wasn’t…I’m not in love with him. How would it be better for him if I stayed with him?”

“What’s not to love Buffy? He’s hot and he’s treated you good; everyone knows that.”

“I never said that he didn’t.”

“So what the hell were you thinking?”

Buffy sighed again and tried not to lose her patience. “I told you.”

Faith stepped in before Cordy said anything more. “Whoa Queen C, maybe give her a little space. She did what she thought was best right?”

Cordy shook her head and huffed once before walking away.

Buffy gave her unexpected savior a small smile. “Thanks”

“No big.” Faith shrugged. “And she’ll get over it…” She frowned. “Or maybe she won’t but damn: Why does she care so much?”

Buffy shrugged. “I guess it’s just that we’ve all been friends for awhile and…” She sighed. “I don’t know.”

Faith nodded slowly before giving her a grin. “So is it William?”

“What?”

“Is Willie Boy the reason you’re clearing your schedule so to speak?”

“What? No. I mean we’re just friends.” Buffy shook her head quickly and blushed.

Faith chuckled. “Yeah I got that. But I’m thinking that maybe you’re thinking a change there could do you some good.” She grinned.

Buffy started to deny it then stopped. She bit her lip and gave the other girl a considering look. She decided suddenly that she could trust Faith and that she needed to trust someone. “Is it that obvious?”

Faith shook her head. “I mean, I’d say yeah, but since no one else seems to have noticed: I’d say your big secret is safe.”

Buffy let her breath out quickly and gave Faith a grateful nod. “No one can know.”

Faith raised her eyebrow. “You mean until you tell him.”

Buffy shook her head. “No. I can’t. I mean he doesn’t even want a girl friend; he’s definitely not interested and then with the freaking out and…no… no, telling just leads to badness.”

“Or it might just lead to goodness.” Faith held up her hand to stop Buffy’s rebuttal. “Trust me here B; the boy wants a girl. He’s just holding out for the right one.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You think?”

“Oh yeah. And I don’t mean to brag here, but this, kind of my area of expertise.”

Buffy blushed again but forged ahead. “What should I do?”

“I’d say go with the classic jump him maneuver.”

“But I’ve never…I mean I’ve…but I haven’t…”

William heard Buffy’s voice and smiled. He followed the sound to a classroom around the corner and stopped in the doorway. Faith, he thought, paling considerably. He rapidly decided to wait outside until they were done chatting.

Faith’s jaw dropped. “No way. But…two years…” She shook her head. “Damn. Ok the advice is still the same. You want him: jump him. Trust me; hottie like that it isn’t going to be hard or well parts will be…do you need a whole health class chat?”

Buffy’s amusement outweighed her embarrassment; she laughed. “No. I think I got a handle on the basics, but…just…jump him?” She scrunched her nose.

Faith nodded. “Definitely.”

William backed away from the door shaking. He felt sick. Buffy wanted to sleep with Angel. The thought tore through him, she hadn’t yet but wanted to now. Idiot, bloody moron, he thought clutching his stomach; you thought she could want you. William thought about the song he’d planned to play for her that afternoon and barely made it into the boy’s restroom before he began retching.
****************************************************************

Buffy found William standing at his locker talking with Willow and blushed. She wasn’t sure that Faith’s idea was the way to go but she had decided that she was going to make a move. She’d just invite him over like normal and then she’d try a little flirting and maybe a snuggle and then she’d see if he freaked. She smiled at the thought; he was cute when he was freaked. She walked over and gave him a big smile. “Hey.”

William nodded once in her direction and then looked back in his locker.

“So do you want to come over this afternoon? I don’t have practice and I was thinking we…”

“Can’t”

“Oh. Ok. Whatcha doing?”

William gave her a cold look. “I have plans; it’s not so impossible. In fact I’m going to be busy a lot. You should probably just find another doll to play dress up with; clearly you’ll never be able to change me enough.”

The blood drained from Buffy’s face. “What? I don’t…William, what are you talking about? I don’t…”

William didn’t answer. He quickly reached into his locker, grabbed a book a shoved it forcefully into his bag. He slammed his locker door shut and walked away without another word.

Buffy watched him walk down the hall and right out the front door. She turned slowly to where Willow still stood and noted the look of shock on the other girl’s face. Her eyes watered. “I don’t…I thought we were friends.”

Willow shook her head and moved closer to Buffy. She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Willow wasn’t sure what she’d just seen, but she was certain that William was going to regret it. “You are. I don’t know what that was but I can tell you that William…he really cares about you. He’s…” She shrugged. “He was really upset last period, maybe something happened.”

Buffy looked at Willow for a moment. “But he thinks I try to change him.”

Willow shrugged. “Don’t you?” She asked quietly.

Buffy paled, asking herself the same question. No, she shouted, that’s not what happened. She shook her head. “No. I mean sure I helped him change his look a bit but nothing important. He doesn’t need…I wouldn’t want him to be any different…he’s…he’s…”

Willow gave her a questioning look. “He’s what?”

Buffy couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. Perfect, she thought; he’s perfect. “William.”

Willow nodded but continued to study her quizzically.
*************************************************************
William continued walking straight to the parking lot. He got into his car and drove. He considered taking a long drive, heading out of town and trying to find someplace where he could feel really alone. He went home instead and was surprised to find that his mother wasn’t there. She didn’t mention anything this morning, he thought. Standing in her office, he shrugged thinking that she’d probably just gone shopping or something. He went up to his room and pulled the shades closed. Southern California, he thought bitterly, was just not designed for wallowing in your own self pity.

Acted like an idiot, he thought, now she won’t even let you tag along as her friend. He groaned. He wished he could take back his words. He knew that there was a kernel of truth in them; it bothered him that she seemed so keen on changing him. He wished that she wanted him just the way he was. But at the same time, he was well aware that she had certainly never meant to hurt him. She was trying to help and he couldn’t deny that he looked better. He’d definitely gotten more attention from girls since her makeover. The problem was he only wanted one girl and she wanted someone else. He closed his eyes and the image was there again, the image that had been tormenting him all morning. Buffy and Angel, Buffy giving Angel special looks, Buffy gasping Angel’s name, Buffy giving herself to Angel. It made him sick.

He’d actually supposed that it had already happened, that Buffy had already slept with her boyfriend. It had bothered him but it wasn’t something he focused on. This morning had changed that. He’d woken up thinking that they’d shared something Saturday night; he’d woken up thinking that Buffy wanted him and that had made the truth all the harsher. She hadn’t before, but wanted to now. He wasn’t making progress, Angel was.

He wanted to hit something. William’s seldom seen temper was in full flare. It didn’t matter whether it was the truth or not, he felt like Buffy was his. He felt like his girl was about to make love to another man.
********************************************************************
Buffy wasn’t surprised when William failed to show up for history class. She hadn’t really expected him to come back after his exit earlier. She hadn’t expected it, but she had hoped. She’d hoped to find him seating in his spot with a sheepish grin and an explanation. She’d hoped that she could assure him that she liked him just as he was and that he’d tell her that he knew that.

She spent the entire period watching his empty seat.
************************************************************************

William was still raging when he answered the phone some time later. “Lo.”

“William?”

“Yeah, Mum; it’s me.”

“Honey, are you ok?”

“Fine. Just a rough day. Where are you?”

Anne hesitated. She could tell that her son was already more than a little upset and knew that this wasn’t going to help. She also knew that she had to tell him. “I’m…I’m at the hospital, William. I felt something and I had an appointment with the doctor today.”

“Felt what…why didn’t you say anything?”

Anne sighed. “I felt a lump a couple of days ago.”

“Mum!”

“I just didn’t want you to worry, I figured I’d go to the doctor and it might be nothing, but the doctor needs to run more tests…and with my history, well they want me to stay until they finish.”

William felt the blood drain from his face.

“William? Please honey, don’t worry…it might be nothing.”





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