Author's Chapter Notes:
A MASSIVE thanks to both my Beta's Burnkitty and Dragonflylady *hugs* and also a HUGE thanks to Edgehead for the awesome banner.

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~~~*~~~

Buffy hadn’t seen or heard from Spike in over a month. She had rung and left messages, pleading him to call back countless times. All she received back was silence. She had realized a few days after the incident at the Espresso Pump that she might have over reacted slightly; after all he was just trying to be there for her. But she did tell him that she didn’t want to talk about it and he kept pressing the issue. Plus, a month of unanswered calls was too much for her to handle right now.

She had gotten a call from Fred moments before, asking her to meet her downtown at the Espresso Pump. She sounded excited, more excited than usual so Buffy guessed it was something rather important. She tried to call Spike again and was met with the same dull answering machine recording. Deciding that she wasn’t going to torture herself any more, Buffy slipped on a jacket and headed out to meet Fred.

As she opened the door, she was confronted with Spike standing in the doorway, hand poised, ready to knock on the door.

“Hello, Goldilocks,” he smiled smugly, lowering his hand. Buffy glared back at him.

“What do you want?” Buffy replied coolly.

“I thought we could grab that coffee,” Spike smiled, leaning on the side of the door.

“Sorry, I’m on my way out to meet someone. But this has been fun,” Buffy went to step forward but Spike still stood in her way, not even attempting to move. She found herself pressed against him. She breathed in, inhaling his smell, realizing he smelled simply delish.

“Oh yeah and who would that be?” he whispered huskily into her ear. It sent a shiver down her spine but she wasn’t about to back down, no matter how good he was making her feel at the moment.

“That, Spike, would be none of your business.”

“Oh I think it is luv. It was only four weeks ago that you were on stage serenading me with that beautiful voice of yours,” Spike trailed his hand softly down her arm as Buffy whipped her head up, glaring into his soft blue orbs that were filled with so much unspoken emotion.

“Who said the song was for you?”

“Come on now, luv, we both know it was,” he whispered back at her, reaching his hand and tucking an invisible hair behind her ear. More than anything, she wanted to melt into his touch but she wasn’t going to make it that easy on him. Not after what he had just put her though for the last month.

“If you think so, Spike.”

“Well, what was it with the messages then?” She could feel his breath ticking the hairs on her neck now, his lips so close to her ear. She inhaled his cologne as she leaned forward, her forehead inching closer to his shoulder. Buffy could feel her skin tingling, his slight touch making her want him, need him.

It was only that little voice inside that was telling her to get a grip and that she couldn’t do thi,s that made her push past him and walk away. She got about a dozen steps away before she turned back around to the now stunned man who was half standing in her doorway.

“Oh and the reason I have been calling, is that Devon wanted me to tell you he has an opening for you and your band, on Saturday night if you were interested. I told him you would call.” With that she spun on her heels and stomped off down the hallway. Spike groaned and thumped his head on the doorframe. This woman, he knew, was going to be the death of him.

He reached forward and closed the door that Buffy had neglected to shut in her haste to leave.

The death of him indeed.

~~~*~~~

Buffy rushed into the coffee shop, her cheeks flushed and ready to apologise. She didn’t get a chance however; because the moment Fred caught sight of her she leapt out of her chair and wrapped her friend in a fierce hug.

“Wesley asked me to marry him,” Fred squealed.

“Oh my god! Fred, that’s amazing. Tell me everything,” Buffy gushed and gestured to the chairs. Fred could barely sit still, her excitement flowing off her in waves.

“Oh, Buffy it’s like a dream come true! I can’t believe it,” she said covering her mouth with one hand as she giggled. She went into details about how Wesley had taken her down to the beach and hired out a sail boat for them and that he then sailed the boat around to the place where they had gone for their first date before getting down on one knee, proposing.

“I am so happy for you!” Buffy reached over and clasped her hands with her own.

“This brings me to my next question. I wanted to ask you if you would be one of my bridesmaids,” Buffy’s mouth dropped into a small ‘o’ of surprise before she let her excitement burst though.

“Yes! Of course I will!” Buffy smiled at her. She was so happy for Fred. She knew that Wesley was a good man. It was then Buffy realized that if she didn’t let go of all the pain Parker had inflicted upon her, she would never have the feeling her friend had now.

Disappointment must have flickered across her features, as Fred expression turned to one of concern.

“Well now that I have told you my news, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Buffy looked up at her, smiling softly.

“I don’t know… I mean I do know, I just don’t, you know?”

“Not really. I’m thinking it has something to do with Spike though,” smiled Fred.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, lowering her head. “I panicked.”

“Oh Buffy it’s understandable. I mean after what happened with Parker I’m sure Spike understands that.”

Buffy looked up at her, a guilty look on her face.

“I called him dense.”

“Dense?”

“He was asking me about my life. He was pushing for me to tell him what happened with Parker and… I sorta lost my temper and called him dense.”

“Buffy, this is Spike we’re talking about. I’m sure he knows you’re just not ready to talk about things just yet.”

“But I should be. I mean it’s been months, more than months… and if I can’t talk about it, I just know it’s going to eat away at me. I don’t want to turn out to be one of these old ladies that has nothing to show for her life except bitterness.”

“Then let yourself go, open up and just say what you’re feeling. He’s a good man Buffy, he’ll listen.” Fred reached out and rubbed Buffy’s arm comfortingly while Buffy just nodded.

Fred was right. Spike was a good man and if anyone was going to help her through what Parker did to her, it would be him. But the fear Parker had pushed into her ran deep. The very thought of getting close to another male scared her. But she was determined not to let Parker rule her life.

That meant she had to let go of what he did, before it killed her.


Chapter End Notes:
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