Spike awoke with a start. He laid there for a moment, going through all the possibilities the morning could bring. He had almost fully accepted the possibility that Buffy could have left already when he heard a sigh coming from his side. She was still asleep, just now turned away from him. He watched her for a while, then decided to get up.
He knew what he was going to do if she had left. It would be another normal day. But now he wasn’t quite so sure what to do, she was still there.
Spike could hear something vibrating somewhere. He found Buffy’s phone in her pants and opened it. She had 7 text messages. Those people couldn’t leave her alone. He didn’t have to go through them to know what they said. He turned the phone off and set it on the dresser. The battery was almost dead anyway.
“Spike?” Buffy called out groggily. “Where’d you go?” She said into her pillow.
“Right here.” He said as he walked back over to the bed. “Good morning”
“Hi. What time is it?”
“About noon.”
“Oh. That’s later then I thought. Can you hand me my pants?”
Spike laughed in his head. He grabbed the material and threw them on the bed. He walked over to his bar and poured himself a drink while she got dressed.
“Isn’t it a little early for that?” Buffy asked, referring to the Jack Daniels.
“I suppose it may be but, I am a hundred and something years old and dead. I think I will survive.”
Buffy was still wearing his shirt. At the surprised look on his face, Buffy just shrugged.
“ Its comfie. So what are you up to today?”
Spike just scowled at her.
“Right. Day meaning sun. Sun meaning vampires stay inside.”
“Sun also meaning telle luv, or maybe sleep, or maybe 101 things that could keep me occupied. I have evil to plan you know? Very bad bad genius things. You should be afraid.” His voice lowered as he creeped over to her.
“So I am supposed to be afraid of the evil vampire whose bed I just slept in? Or the vampire who I almost tickled into a second death yesterday? Yeah, you’re right. I am terrified.”
Spike walked around the bar and poured himself another drink. There would be no winning after that.
“Shouldn’t you be off running around with the Scoobies right now? They might be having a group hug without you.”
“At the moment they are probably trying to do a locator spell on me.” Buffy conceited. She reached into her pockets to try to find something. “Spike, do you know where I set my phone last night?”
Spike sighed. “It’s on the dresser. I turned it off. Twas about to die.”
Buffy walked over to the dresser, picked it up, and turned it on. She started flipping through the messages, growing more frustrated the more she read.
“God! Why can’t they just leave me alone! It’s been months and, yes! I am still alive! I am still here because they wanted me to be. I am so sick of everything I do being overanalyzed and second guessed. I can’t go 24 hours without checking in! I am the Slayer, not some wide eyed teenager that doesn’t know her way around a curling iron. God damn it!”
Spike just leaned against the wall and watched her. It was sort of amusing, although he would never admit it. She was right though this was getting ridiculous.
“Buffy, luv, I have an idea.”
“Does it consist of murdering my friends?”
Spike chuckled. That was the first time he had ever heard her joke about harming humans. “No luv. I turned your phone off because I didn’t want it to bother you. Maybe you should just let me have it for a little while. If some life or death situation comes up, I will give it back. Fair?”
Buffy contemplated it. Spike never let anything bother him the way she did. It sounded like a good idea, but…
“We have to go to the house and get the charger.”
“Okay”
*******************************************************
“It’s like you’ve done this before” Buffy observed as Spike snuck into her house and up the stairs to her room.
He only looked at her. It said enough. It was always strange for her to consider that he had practically been living there while she was dead. In view of what their relationship was like before she left, she could only attempt to understand why he had stayed. She knew he said he was keeping his promise to protect Dawn. Was there something more than that? On several occasions he had given her reason to believe that he still loved her. He hadn’t said it since that day. There would be no easy way of going about this with Spike. She was attracted to him, had feelings for him, but was unsure of what he wanted their relationship to be.
Spike walked around the room as if he had never been in there before. He was looking for her charger, but figured he might as well see the sights. And while he was playing stupid, Spike knew every last inch of that room. He knew where her jewelry was, how the books were organized, and exactly where she kept the charger. He wondered what would happen if he told her that he had spent most of that summer in her room. She was still standing in the doorway, just staring at him.
“See something you like?” He smiled.
Buffy rolled her eyes and walked over to sit on the bed. She looked around the room at the objects so familiar and yet so foreign. Ever since the day that the pictures in her room appeared to be dead people, she couldn’t look at them. She could barely look at herself in the mirror.
“Hey lets get out of here.” Spike had noticed that she was tensing up. He leaned over the bedside table to grab the charger. He came back up and her eyes met his gaze. She smiled at him and shook her head. He just shrugged, not much to say with your hand in the cookie jar. For a moment, if only a moment, he saw the spark in her eyes come back.
“Buffy?” Spike whispered as he moved closer to her.
“You want me to be happy, right?”
Spike looked at her confused.
“I mean, if you had the ability to fix this, you would try. Right?”
Spike nodded his head. She got noticeably sadder.
“What is it luv, what are you thinking about?”
“I was just thinking, and please don’t take this the wrong way… Three years ago, if I had asked you to kill me, it would have been a dream come true for you. Slayer of the slayers. You are the only one who has ever been capable of doing it. And you were right- maybe I do have a death wish. But now it’s more complicated than that.”
Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Had Buffy just asked him to kill her? Was that why the spark in her eyes had come back? He sat down on the bed next to her. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around her.
“Luv, they didn’t tell me. I would have stopped them”
The blue in his eyes had turned to ice. It wasn’t often that he got that look, he was vulnerable and incredibly strong at the same time. Buffy pressed herself close to him and took a deep breath.
“Do you still love me?”
“I never stopped, not for one second.” he whispered and wrapped his other arm around her.
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?”
Spike paused and took a breath. “Yeah. I knew the day I met you. I dunno how or why. But I knew I loved you. And I knew I was gunna havta wait for you for some time. I don’t care, I’ll wait till you finally understand it. I just know that there is no chance you could ever love me, not till you can love yourself again.”
Buffy sat up “Spike I’m…” She thought about it for a second. Spike bit his lower lip. “Spike I’m so sorry.”
“Why? What for? You haven’t done anything.”
“I don’t know how to explain it, but I am going to try. I am sorry for using you. When I came back I just didn’t identify with anyone. Everyone acts so different around me. When I saw you, when I am around you, things make sense. I don’t have to pretend everything is okay, and you don’t care that it’s not. Well… you care about me, and you really see me. Anyway maybe it’s not that I am sorry for now, I am sorry for before. Do you get what I am saying or is it just a big jumbly mess?”
Spike chuckled. “Luv, I think I am about the only one who understands that. And I should probably have my head checked out. There is nothing to be sorry about. I have always wanted to be there for you. Always been drawn to you. I think you are over thinking everything because I am still, and will always be a vampire. Think about it. If I had been human when we met, there would not be a problem with us being whatever it is we are. But I don’t think it would have worked, you can’t be with a human. They can’t possibly understand what it is to be the Slayer. Even the bunch you got caring about you don’t get it.”
Buffy was silent. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She wanted Spike, all the time, couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was holding her still, and it was great she wanted to stay like that always. But she also wanted him. To kiss him, to feel his body pressing hers against the bed. But would he allow it? He said he knew she could not love him till she loved herself again.
Buffy turned to face him. His eyes were kind and the expression on his face soft. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his. He didn’t protest, kissed her back, but he didn’t take it any farther than the kiss. When they broke his eyes were still closed.
“Spike, how are you holding yourself back?” She whispered
He opened his eyes. “You have to understand. I love you so much. I have to be sure you feel the same and that this isn’t just… residual of you coming back. I can’t have you hating me later, you’ll kill me. If I can’t have all of you luv…”
“I get it, I understand.” She exhaled and smiled “If I were you I would probably want the same. I don’t think I am going to be back to normal Spike, not ever. But I know there is still something I have to… face before…”
“Yeah, I have that same feeling too.”
“I need you to know I want this”
Spike nodded. “I do. Maybe it would be better if you stayed here tonight luv. So we can have time and think.”
Her heart lurched. “I want you to stay”
“You need some time, so do I.”
With that he stood up and kissed her again. “All you have to do is call, and I will be back”
And then, he was gone.
[Reviews - 24]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2262 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
My first attempt at Spuffy... The story has already been written, I am just taking my time getting it out there...Thanks for the reviews!
Chapter End Notes:
More to come...