Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to everyone who sent me their thoughts on the last chapter. I know we're heading into the hard stuff and I hope you all can stick with me until the end.

Special thanks to DampersandSpoons for the beta-reading. She rocks. She might be my new bff, she'll have to come over for porn with the sound off (it's better if you write the dialog yourself) and cheap champagne.
Sunnydale, California 2004

Buffy yanked the phone out of her mother’s hand excitedly. “Will?!”

“Hello, Buffy.”

“Oh my God. Are you in England yet? Was the plane ride horrible? Did you have to stay in the chair the whole time? When we flew to Chicago for my Aunt Cathy’s wedding the stupid flight attendant wouldn’t let me walk around at all, and she had on like, way too much makeup. Was she the flight attendant on your flight? You’d know her ‘cause she was a mad-annoying witch.” She lowered her voice. “I’d say the other word, but I think my Mom is in the kitchen still.”

William sat on the bed in his dorm room and fought both the urge to laugh and to cry. He’d just spoken to his mother. She had cried and it had been difficult. Calling Buffy was harder though. As happy as it made him to simply hear her voice, listening to her on the phone reminded him all too clearly just how far away she was. He had done the math; she was almost 6000 miles away. “I’m at school. The plane ride wasn’t too bad. I got a lot of reading done. I…I miss you.”

“Well duh.” She blinked hard. She had promised herself that she was going to be happy-girl on the phone so that Will wouldn’t be sad too. “Of course you miss me. I’m awesome. Are you like, already done with all your homework?” She giggled. “You totally are, aren’t you?”
He laughed then, fully. “Not exactly. I have read a couple of the texts we’ll be using…”

“See. I knew it. I’m like a Will expert, an expert on all things Will.”

“That’s true. So do you still have the paper I gave out when to meet me online?”

“Umm…maybe,” she teased. “I mean you only gave me like three copies.”

William blushed. “I just don’t want us to miss each other. You know that I’m eight hours ahead here?”

Buffy laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You. I mean…” She broke off in a fit of giggles. “It’s like skipping grades wasn’t enough for you and you had to just skip half a day too. You’re such a nerd.”

“Oi!”

“Hey, do you remember when I used to think that I’d catch up eventually? It was like I thought that somehow I’d be your age at the same time as you. God, I was so dumb.”

“I’ve never thought so.” He swore solemnly.

“But you’re so smart. How did you even put up with me?”

“You’re plenty smart, Buffy. And you’re nice and fun and…you’re the pretty one.”

She wrinkled her nose. “You think I’m pretty?”

“You know that you’re pretty.”

“Yeah,” she agreed companionably. “But I didn’t know you thought so.”

“Well….I do. I mean…for a girl and all.” He rolled his eyes at his lame attempt to cover up his admission before joining her in giggles.

“So wait, if you’re eight hours ahead…then if we chat when I get home from school it’ll be like eleven at night there. Won’t you get in trouble?”

“I’m going to give you a minute to think about that.”

Buffy gasped. “There’s no…you can stay up as late as you want! You are so lucky.”

William chuckled. “I have a curfew, but yes, once I’m in my room no one is going to check to see what I am up to.”
“That is so cool.”

“Yeah.” William agreed, looking around his room. They’d given him a single. Someone at the University had decided that it was the best choice given that he was still a significant bit younger than other freshman. They’d said something to his mother about protecting him from a too mature influence. But with no roommate and the few things he’d brought with him on the plane, his room was looking pretty empty. It might be cool, he thought, but it was also lonely.

Oxford, England 2008

“Keep your hands down. Look forward and…tell me why you are in my office.”

William was quite certain he’d never been more aroused in his life. He felt as though he ached for her at a cellular level, but he was determined to preserve the moment. He knew that she’d misunderstood his reaction, that she’d worried that he didn’t like her outfit or her game. If he could have, he might have laughed at the irony of that. Like was an understatement. It was too perfect. It was mind-reading. It was the exact fantasy that he’d left home to avoid. The small part of his brain that was still rational tried to assure him that it really wasn’t wrong, that she really was an adult now. William just wasn’t so sure that it would have mattered. He wasn’t so sure he would have been able to resist her even if she wasn’t. And that made him sick, reduced him to what he’d once been: an anxious fifteen year old boy trying desperately to hide an almost painful erection caused by the little girl everyone assumed he thought of as a kid sister.

He’d never thought of her as a sister. She’d always been his girl, his future wife. Always when he’d seen her, he’d thought “Mine.” William knew that his feelings of possessiveness towards her were extreme. He’d read dozens of psychology books, he had plenty of theories. Maybe his need to claim her in such a dramatic way came from his hurt at her earlier rejection or from a more general sense of insecurity. Maybe he’d always felt like the weaker half of their duo and simply wanted one area in which he was on top. He supposed it didn’t really matter where the desire came from; the point was simply that having his girl in such a submissive position made him hard, agonizingly hard. He gripped her hips and rubbed himself against the perfect valley of her ass. Groaning loudly, he pulled back to unbuckle his belt, reliving a touch of the painful pressure.

“Tell me the game, kitten. Why are you in my office?”

She looked ahead like he’d told her to, but couldn’t answer. What did he want her to say? The combination of nerves and frustration nearly had her crying.

He continued in a deep, hoarse voice. “Have you been a naughty girl?”

She shuddered. “Will…please.”

His hand slid down her back to squeeze her ass. “Say it.”

“I…I can’t.”

William leaned down and kissed the back of her neck. “You have to. I’ll play the game, kitten. But you have to tell me what we’re playing.”

She knew what he was waiting for. She knew where the game was headed, understood that he needed permission before he’d touch her in that way and a part of her wanted to give him that permission. Her head spun. It was exciting. She knew that with the right words he would spank her and she had just realized that she would probably like it. She would probably like it a lot. So it was exciting, but even more so it was terrifying. It wasn’t that she thought he’d hurt her. She trusted him completely, but she needed time to deal with the personal discovery part of the whole situation. Her voice cracked when she answered. “I don’t…I don’t want to play the game, Will. I just want you. Just. You.”

Oh, the words were perfect. He froze. William wanted desperately to simply let himself believe that she meant them the way they sounded, but he knew better. She wasn’t really saying that she wanted him; she was saying that she wanted to go back to their normal game. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t pretend. Seeing her dressed in that outfit had shocked him. It had frayed his nerves and he just didn’t have the control needed to cover anymore. He’d tried. But he just could play a game she didn’t know was one. William couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He’d known, going in he’d known in was a bad idea. It was dishonest and it made him feel like both the villain and the victim.

The truth was he just wanted to be with her. He didn’t want to be merely her teacher or her friend. He wanted to be her everything. William knew that when she said that she wanted him, she meant his skill or his body even, not him. He needed her to want all of him.

He choked out a hoarse laugh. “Yeah, but you don’t.” He took a step back and watched her quickly move to sit on the bed before he turned away. “Get dressed, yeah? Then we can talk.”

Buffy furrowed her brow. “Will. I…I…don’t know what’s…”

William looked up with wet eyes and nodded once before walking out of the bedroom.


Chapter End Notes:
Thoughts?



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