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Banner by Alissa.


Author's Chapter Notes:
Look two chapters in the same week-I might just finish this fic after all. :D
Anyway-thanks to everyone for the kind words and reviews. I know that I don't respond to them all individually, but I absolutely read and treasure each one. And thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the few that I have left. (It's so hard to say goodbye to these two.)
Sunnydale, California December 2008

Buffy stared at him in open shock. “Will?” She repeated his name quietly, almost to herself.

He nodded and tried to read her expression. Clearly she was surprised, but he couldn’t decide if she was happy-surprised and horrified-surprised.There was a big difference between the two.

Willow watched the two stare at each other for several moments trying to read the situation. They both just looked lost.Even not knowing what was happening she hurt for them. When the silence had gone on too long for her she held out her hand to William. “Hi. Wow! I don’t think I’ve seen you in years. I’m Willow, you probably don’t remember me.”

William tore his gaze from Buffy and took in the slight blush gracing the redhead’s complexion. He gave her a small smile, remembering that she'd always been the warmest of Buffy's other friends. He'd always preferred having Buffy to himself, but he'd never really minded Willow's company. “Yes. Of course, I remember. It’s nice to see you again.” He took her hand and gave it a quick shake.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked suddenly. It wasn’t how she meant for the question to sound, but it was out before she could rephrase.

William quickly decided that his being in Sunnydale was not a good surprise.His jaw tightened as he struggled to keep the hurt from his tone. “I’ve taken a position here.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Here, as in Sunnydale U, here?” She pointed dramatically towards the ground they were standing on.

Again he misread her surprise for displeasure. It wasn’t hard since it was what he was expecting. She hadn’t called or written since she’d left. He’d tried to give her some space, but he wondered now if that had been a mistake.He wondered if he'd only made things worse. “Yes, I—It was time to come home. It’s a large school. I’m certain that I can stay out of your way. I—I have no desire to cause you—I’ll try to stay out of your way.”

“Oh.” His cold words and tone of voice hit Buffy like a punch to the stomach. It was a surprise, but only a small one. She knew all too well that she had hurt him. Of course he doesn’t want to spend time with you, she admonished herself, you didn’t even notice he was in love with you. She suspected that he thought of her as the most self-involved girl in the world at this point, and she couldn’t find it in herself to blame him.

“It—It was nice to see you.” He nodded to both girls. “I’ll leave you both now to enjoy your day.” He turned and started up the library steps.

“Oh! Right. I mean, it was nice to see you too. Umm—Welcome home.”

Buffy wasn’t sure he’d even heard her words as he’d hurried into the library so quickly. She turned, pale-faced, towards Willow and spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper. “I don’t know what to do?”

Willow frowned sympathetically. “Maybe you could start by telling me what happened.”



Sunnydale, California December 2008

William really didn’t know what he’d been expecting. All he was truly certain of was that he’d gotten it all wrong. He’d moved back to Sunnydale knowing that it would mean that he and Buffy would see each other. He’d absolutely hoped that her seeing him would lead to her forgiving him or maybe thinking that she’d missed him or perhaps even that she needed him in her bed, forever. So he was definitely counting on the -her-seeing-him-around aspect of the plan. Somehow the part where he would have to see her escaped his notice, or at least it escaped his consideration. She was everywhere. He’d only been home a week and since the rather epic failure of first contact on the library steps William had already spotted Buffy around campus and in town an additional four times. Once he’d nodded to her and she’d nodded back. Even at his most hopeful, William knew that wasn’t truly a good sign.

Once again, he was watching her and hoping that she didn’t notice. She looked beautiful. William knew that she always looked wonderful, but felt sure that she was looking especially lovely sitting on the grass in her deep blue dress. Buffy had taken off her cardigan in honor of the unseasonably warm weather and William could see the golden skin of her arms. He ached to touch her. She was sitting with Willow and a man that William didn’t know. They were laughing. He wondered if the man was the reason Buffy had worn lip-gloss. He wondered if she was sleeping with him. The thought alone was nearly enough to send him running back to his new apartment to hide in the dark and berate himself. It took a fortitude that he’d only recently discovered within himself to continue to his new office and finish setting up. He had to give the plan time to work.

Sunnydale, California December 2008

One Week Earlier

“Oh my God, Buffy. Why didn’t you tell me all this when you first came back? How could you hold this all in?” Willow hugged her friend tightly before leaning back to look at her in dismay.

“I don’t know-it just didn’t seem…right. I mean it was personal and not just my personal-you know?”

Willow nodded, but didn’t look convinced.

“I didn’t want to kiss and tell I guess…especially-It was special and I didn’t want to-and maybe I was just way too ashamed of myself.” Hugging Willow’s shoulders tightly, Buffy broke into tears again.

Willow patted her back. “Ashamed because you slept with William?” She asked softly.

“No!” Buffy pulled away and shook her tear-streaked face vehemently. “No. That was…he was…” She didn’t want Willow to have the wrong idea, she absolutely didn’t want to give the impression that there was something wrong with William but she couldn’t really put into words how right it had felt being with William either. Buffy was sure that no one else could have ever made her feel as safe and wonderful. She knew that she shouldn’t have slept with him, that doing so ended up hurting them both, but she didn’t exactly regret it either. She knew him so much better now, she’d never want to give up the closeness that she’d felt with him when they’d been together. Confusion was too simple a word for her feelings.

When she dissolved into tears again, Willow decided that she had finally figured it out. “You’re upset because you hurt him.” Buffy sniffled and nodded against her shoulder. “And because you love him?”

Buffy nodded. “Of course I do. He was my best friend. I’ve loved him forever, just not in the same way as he felt and—”

“Are you sure?” Willow asked carefully. She was pretty certain that she knew the answer. She was far less certain that Buffy knew it.

“What?”

“Do you think—are you maybe a little bit in love with him?”

Buffy looked stunned by the question. “I never—I never thought about him like that—he’s always just been my friend, I mean my best friend and I love him, but—”

Willow nodded understandingly. “But when you were—when you two were—you know, making with the—togetherness in bed and—stuff,” she blushed brightly as she rambled. “Then. How did you see him then?” When Buffy didn’t immediately respond she tried again. “Did you think ‘oh that’s my buddy and I’ll just make with the smoochies and it’ll be fun’ or was it more like ‘whoa, I want to be kissing him because he’s—‘ ”

“Hot.” Buffy blushed hot red as she quietly whispered her answer. “I thought that I had never realized that he was so hot and I wanted to—I really wanted to touch him. A lot.”

Willow smiled, the man they’d just seen was a far cry more attractive than the skinny boy she remembered hanging about at Buffy’s house years earlier. It didn’t surprise her to hear that Buffy noticed and it reinforced her strong suspicion that Buffy had feelings she was intentionally ignoring. She nodded her head encouragingly. “And now?”

Buffy’s eyes widened as her mind filled in all the possible answers to Willow’s question. What did she want now? “I don’t know.” She replied lamely.

Willow shook her head in denial. “Yes, you do. What do you want now?”

“I want…I want William.”

Willow gave her a big grin. “Good, now we’re getting somewhere.”



Sunnydale, California Christmas Day 2008

Buffy stared at her mother in shock. “William’s coming over? Here? Today?”

Joyce laughed lightly and shook her head. “Of course he is. He and Anne have been joining us for Christmas for years. You know that.”

“But—”

“I know the two of you had some kind of tiff when you visited him but don’t you think that’s gone on long enough. I think the holiday is the perfect time to let bygones be bygones. You two were always such good friends; it’s just awful to see you throwing that away.” She shook her head. “Anne and William are practically family.”

Jaw-dropped, Buffy continued to stare at her mother as she walked away. Of course her mother thought it was no big deal, she realized, remembering how she’d gone out of her way to act like nothing of importance had happened and that her early return was mostly due to homesickness. She whimpered quietly. She and Willow were working on a plan to figure out if William was still interested in being with her…in any way at all. She was supposed to have several brief friendly encounters. Planned encounters where she was ready with friendly, but not too friendly, comments that would tell her if he wanted to see her or not. They hadn’t planned out those comments yet. She had no idea what she would say to him. She also, she realized looking down at the jeans and sweater currently covering her body, had no idea what to wear.





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