Sunnydale , California Christmas Day 2008
Buffy checked her appearance in the mirror for the twelfth time. She looked pale. She’d tried putting on a little blush, but it had looked clownish against her unusually white skin. She’d finally settled on a bare face with only a touch of mascara and lip-gloss. She’d brushed her hair until her scalp hurt and left it falling in waves past her shoulders. William had told her that he liked her hair down. The thought made her both happy and sad, as did most thoughts of William. She wondered if she was being too obvious and scowled at her reflection. She smoothed imaginary wrinkles out of her dress and turned to study her profile. The weight loss was doing nothing for her chest. Still, she supposed that the forest green sweater dress looked nice enough; it didn’t cling too tightly and it was very soft. She’d paired it with ivory colored tights and tall brown boots. She worried that she looked a little too “Christmas in Connecticut”. Her mother had walked by earlier and said that she looked nice in a mildly surprised tone. It concerned her. Somehow her mother’s approval of the outfit made it seem wrong, like her mother couldn’t like the outfit she hoped would catch William’s eye. She was wondering if she had time to change when she heard her mother open the door downstairs and the mingling of greetings as Anne and William came in.
Greeting William and his mother was awkward, but thankfully brief as Joyce and Anne immediately filled the room with joyful chatter about how long it had been since they’d all been together. Buffy couldn’t help but notice how handsome William looked in dark jeans and a walnut brown moleskin sports coat. She spotted a speck of dust on his shoulder and felt her hand start to rise automatically with the urge to brush it off. She forced it back down and blushed.
Seeing a cake in Anne’s hands, Buffy grasped at her chance to escape. She had to call Willow. She held her hands out towards Anne and smiled widely. “Let me take that to the kitchen. It looks seriously yummy.”
“Oh. Thanks dear.” Anne handed her the cake with a smile before turning to hand her waiting son her coat. She smiled as she watched him hang it in the Summers’ closet, unable to keep her thoughts from drifting to one of their first visits with Joyce and Buffy. Her lips twitched with remembered laughter as she thought about the day she and Joyce had found the kids emptying Buffy’s closet with the intent of making it William’s room. He was moving in, they’d announced determinedly. She’d been stung a touch at the time; the last thing a single mother needs is to hear that her son wants to live somewhere else. Still, Anne had always been glad to see that her shy little boy was actually playing with Buffy and he’d looked so stricken when she pointed out that she’d be lonely if he moved out, that the memory held much more joy than sadness.
She noted Buffy’s quick exit and the tension in her son’s shoulders and frowned. It was time to do something about this, she decided, shooting Joyce a determined glance.
Buffy didn’t get a chance to call Willow for her much needed advice. She’d barely slid the cake into their overfilled refrigerator when her mother started calling for her to set the table. She sighed and started gathering the holiday china, cloth napkins and silver. At least, she thought as she carried the things into the dining room, she didn’t send William to help me. She nearly whimpered when she found him waiting in the other room to do just that.
He reached out stiffly to take the load from her hands.
He looked miserable. As much as she wanted to be with him, she couldn’t imagine that his being forced to spend time with her was going to help anything. Buffy bit her lip. “You don’t need to…I mean…I can…”
William lowered his arms and nodded. He turned and walked out without a word.
Buffy gasped. He hadn’t even looked at her. Realizing that her hands were shaking, she quickly put the plates down before she dropped them. He hated her, she thought; he was just too good a person to ignore her entirely or to be flat out rude. No, she knew that he’d try to keep their mothers happy today. But she also couldn’t see how anything that she and Willow had come up with would win him back. He’d wanted to marry her and she hadn’t even been ready to date; a few friendly pop-ups weren’t going to mend the hurt she’d caused. She’d lost him. She’d lost the man she loved before she’d even realized that’s who he was.
William was glad to avoid detection as he made his way to the bathroom. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t let himself crack in front of everybody. He closed and locked the door and slid to the floor. With his head resting on his knees, he practiced the deep breathing his therapist had taught him. Buffy wasn’t ready to forgive him, she didn’t want to see him. He told himself that it wasn’t the end of the world. It felt like it.
He knew that his therapist would remind him that his happiness did not rest on whether or not he won back Buffy, so he tried to imagine what Liam would say instead. Liam wouldn’t give up just because the girl hated him. He just had to stay in the game; that’s what Liam had said: be visible, remind her about what she’s lost. William knew that hiding in the bathroom wasn’t part of the plan. With one last rallying breath, he stood up and brushed off his jeans. He wondered how soon he could leave without disappointing his mother and Joyce.
“Oh there you are.” His mother clutched his arm as soon as his feet hit the bottom step. “Joyce needs help bringing all the food to the table.”
William forced himself to give his mother a smile. “I’m on it.” He walked into the kitchen. “Rumor has it, Miss Joyce, that you have once again cooked far too much. I’d chide you about the extra side dishes but then I would feel even more glutinous when I sample each and every one. Instead, I’m hoping only that you’ll allow me to work up some extra appetite by bringing this all to the table while you go keep my mother company.” He tried to keep his anxiety about Buffy’s reaction to his once again being in the dining room off his face.
Joyce laughed as she placed the pot she was holding back on to the stove. She was thrilled to have William home. He was, in many ways, like a son to her. She reached over, squeezed William’s arm and smiled at the mischief in his eyes. “Joyce is fine, William. I haven’t been your teacher in…well, in more years than I’d like to consider.” It was hardly the first time they’d had the discussion. For years Joyce had assumed that William wouldn’t drop the title out of respect, she suddenly found herself wondering if he’d been teasing her for years.
William nodded solemnly. “Yet you haven’t aged a day—must be why I have such a difficult time remembering.” He winked.
Joyce was startled to find herself blushing. When exactly, she wondered, had the odd but endearing little boy she remembered become this charming man? She wondered if her daughter was wondering the same thing. She suddenly had a lot more questions about Buffy’s time in England. “Just let me put everything into serving dishes and then I’ll be glad to have the help of a strong man to do the carrying.”
He shooed her and shook his head. “I’m sure I can remember where the dishes are. Please go gossip with my mother,” he leaned in conspiratorially, “I believe she mentioned an intriguing new gentleman working with her at the library, perhaps you can find out if I’ll be needing to have a conversation with him regarding the wonderful woman that is my mother and how she should be treated.” He watched as Joyce’s eyes widened in surprise and knew that she would be allowing him to handle the rest of dinner. He felt only a little guilty for suggesting that there might be something between his mother and her new co-worker when he knew that his mother was hoping to set up Joyce herself with the man in question.
Glad to have a task to busy himself with, William quickly transferred the food that Joyce had prepared into serving dishes and then began to transfer them to the dining room. He noted Buffy’s surprise when he first entered, but didn’t say anything to her. It took a few trips, even with Buffy’s silent help, but soon everything was on the table. He swallowed hard and looked up at the girl he loved. His voice was low. “Will you tell them it’s ready?”
Buffy was startled. “Oh. Yes, I can…” There was no need for her to finish, as soon as he finished asking her to make the announcement, William headed back into the kitchen. Buffy shook her head. Things were not going well.
Both Buffy and William were relieved that their mothers kept up a steady stream of happy conversation throughout dinner. All that was required of them was the obvious compliments to the chef and to answer a few requisite questions about school and work.
Buffy listened intently when William told Joyce that he was settling in well and looking forward to the start of the new semester. No, he told her, he didn’t suppose that university in the United States would be too different from university in England. “Students are students”, he said. He didn’t say anything about wanting to be with one student in particular, but Buffy really didn’t expect him to. Sitting so close to him without being able to hug him and share smiles over their private jokes was killing her. She decided that it was the worst Christmas that she’d ever had and then realized that, if she couldn’t get William to forgive her, she might never have a truly good one again.
After that she focused only on keeping a smile on her face as her thoughts drifted about. They didn’t get to drift for long.
“Oh, Joyce, surely you remember when we found our Buffy and William sleeping together?”
Buffy nearly choked. She looked up quickly to find a similar expression of horror on William’s face. For just a second they were once again able to read each other’s mind. Her heart would have soared if it wasn’t trapped in her stomach.
They knew?Her mind reeled. They knew and they waited until Christmas to say something?
“Pardon?” William barely gasped out the question. He couldn’t even look in Joyce’s direction. Oh God! Surely Buffy didn’t tell her mother.
Anne laughed as she took in Buffy and William’s stunned faces. “You two don’t remember? No, I suppose you wouldn’t; you were quite young at the time.” She squinted slightly as she tried to remember the details. She was quite sure that a little trip down memory lane would put an end to whatever foolishness had come between her little boy and his girl. “William, I think that you were seven.”
Seven? It took Buffy a minute to realize that her world wasn’t crashing down around her. No, she decided with an ironic sense of relief, she was only in for an embarrassing story.
Joyce spoke up. “Yeah, Buffy was only about five. I had that trip to Los Angeles for the gallery.” She laughed. “Horrible trip, it must have been 102 the whole week.”
“So Buffy was staying with us for a few days.” Anne filled in.
“Only you both had school so…”
“We didn’t want you two up all night chatting. So we vetoed the sleeping bags and Buffy was sleeping in your room, William, and you were supposed to be sleeping on the couch.”
Both women started laughing again and Buffy chanced a look at William. He looked like he was struggling to remember the story just as much as she was. She hoped that he was; she hoped that he wasn’t struggling to forget. She knew that he might not even want to remember ever loving her.
“I know you were both asleep when I went to bed, but at some point in the middle of the night William must have gotten up and gotten confused or perhaps just a little sneaky. All I know is that when I went to wake you up in the morning I found you both curled up like kittens on William’s bed.”
Joyce nodded. “It was always impossible to actually keep you two separated.”
Buffy fought back a groan and wondered if her mother thought that she was being subtle.
“I wonder where that picture has gotten to?” Anne wondered out loud. “William looked so sweet wearing nothing but his little Superman underpants.”
William stared at his mother in horror. “My Superman…” He shook his head and squared his shoulders. “This hardly seems like an appropriate discussion for Christmas Dinner.”
Buffy couldn’t hold back her giggle.
His mother only laughed. “Oh, don’t be a baby. Buffy wasn’t any better dressed. Days of week I believe.”
It was Buffy’s turn to stare at Anne red faced.
William laughed. “Wrong day, no doubt. Always had the wrong day.”
His words drew surprised looks from all three women.
He blushed and stuttered as he realized what he’d just announced to the table. Brilliant, he thought, you just gave Buffy even further reason to think that you are a freak; now she believes that you regularly checked out her underpants as a preschooler.“I I mean…just…Buffy used to have such a difficult time remembering…so she probably…” He looked down at the table for a moment. “Joyce, I don’t believe I’ve told you how much I enjoy your potatoes.”
Joyce laughed and the conversation edged away from stories featuring undergarments.
An hour later, stuffed with dinner and dessert, the four were settled in the living room and nearly through exchanging gifts when William, package in hand, stood up and walked determinedly towards Buffy. He thrust the brightly wrapped box on to her lap.
Buffy looked up at him, stunned. “For…” She carefully unwrapped and opened the box to reveal a bright pink laptop bag. She smiled down at it as she tried to hide the tears in her eyes. She didn’t know what to make of it, even if he’d only given it to her to please his mother or her own, he had obviously chosen it with her in mind. The color was her favorite and unerringly cheerful. She fingered the high-tech material that made the bag both strong and lightweight.
“Your mother mentioned that she was giving you a laptop for your studies. I thought…if you don’t like it…”
She looked up quickly. “Oh, but I do. I…thank you. It’s perfect.” She hugged the bag to her chest wishing only that she could hug him instead.
William smiled softly and nodded before starting to turn away.
“Wait! I…I haven’t given you your present yet.” She blushed and ducked her head in an uncharacteristically shy move. “I just have to…” She stood up and walked over to the Christmas Tree, where she had tucked his present in a hard to see spot. She hadn’t decided until that very moment if she would give it to him or not. When she’d bought it, she’d thought that she would leave it in front of his office with a note. Notes were less scary; if he rejected her note then she wouldn’t have to watch. She pulled it out and pressed it into his hands. Worrying her lip, she watched him carefully unwrap his gift. He’d barely pulled the paper aside when she started explaining. “It’s a planner. You know for lesson plans and stuff and you can get refills for the inside part so you can keep the cover.”
William was studying the smooth dark brown leather cover in surprise. She’d had it embossed ‘W. Pratt.’. It was handsome and practical, the kind of thing he could use every day for years; he wondered if she had any idea how much he’d like carrying something she had given him through all the struggles of his first few days at UC Sunnydale. He wondered why she had selected something so nice for him when she didn’t even want to speak with him.
“You don’t like it?” She asked quietly.
When he brought his eyes to hers, his expression was intense. “Of course I like it. I Love it.”
They stared at each other silently for a moment before the sound of Anne’s laughing brought them back to Earth.
They separated awkwardly and sat back down on their perspective sides of the living room to listen to their mothers chat about favorite holiday songs and the perfectness of the Joyce’s Christmas tree.
Eventually, the talk turned to New Year’s Eve plans and the planned gathering at Anne’s home.
“Of course, I understand perfectly if you kids have plans of your own.” Anne said in an innocent tone.
Buffy laughed. “Actually, Oz is playing that night at the Bronze. Willow and I are supposed to go be groupies.”
William frowned. “Oz? Is that a band?”
“No. Oz is the bassist for Dingoes Ate My Baby…which is a band.” She giggled.
William remembered the boy he’d seen Buffy sitting with on the grass; he’d certainly looked like he might be a musician. He became increasingly certain that Buffy was involved with him. He hoped that he could make it home before he threw up his Christmas dinner.
“Oh. William, you should go with them! You’ll have much more fun with them than with the stuffy old crowd at my party.”
William saw the look of surprise that crossed Buffy’s face at his mother’s suggestion. She didn’t so much look as though the idea bothered her as though it had never occurred to her. Why, he wondered, would it? He couldn’t imagine a more horrible way to spend an evening than watching Buffy and her new boyfriend. “I don’t think so. I really have a lot to do to get ready for the start of classes.”
Buffy frowned. She’d thought that they had shared a moment after she’d given him the gift, but he still didn’t seem to want to spend time with her. “Are you sure? I mean Dingoes is pretty good or maybe they’re just loud, but either way it could be fun.”
William was certain that she was only being polite. “That’s all right. I think I’ll have to give it a pass this time.”
He wasn’t even looking at her. Buffy sighed; she needed to get away for a moment. “I think I need a glass of eggnog. Anyone else?”
Joyce and Anne, still uncomfortably full from dinner, laughed at the idea of consuming anything else in the foreseeable future and joked at the unfairness of Buffy’s metabolism. William simply shook his head.
Buffy hurried in to the kitchen and sat down. She just needed to think, she decided, there had to be something that she could do. She couldn’t just give up.
She was startled a few moments later by William’s presence.
“I’m leaving.” He said quietly. “Heading home. I just…wanted to say merry Christmas.”
Buffy stood up quickly and wrung her hands with nerves. She couldn’t see his eyes; they were focused on the ground as though he wasn’t really speaking to anyone in particular. She crossed the distance between them with a few rapid steps until she stood so close that he had no choice but to meet her gaze. “Merry Christmas.” She gave him a smile and waited a second in hopes that he would return it. He didn’t. His expression was almost neutral, though she could see the turmoil in his eyes. She knew that his emotions were mixed but she couldn’t tell if there was still any love in that mix. She rose onto her toes and leaned close to give him a chaste kiss on his cheek. She felt the inevitable wave of desire hit her at his nearness, but ignored it. “Welcome home, Will.”
He smiled then, but sadly. It didn’t feel like was home at all.
She sighed audibly. “I am sorry, you know.” She whispered, wishing that he could give her another chance.
Unable to bear the thought of hearing Buffy explain that she just didn’t love him even one more time, William nodded once before turning to leave. He paused in the doorway, his back to her, to answer. “I am too.”
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Banner by Alissa.Author's Chapter Notes:
I wrote Promised!!!
There is only one chapter after this, okay-maybe two. But still almost done. Also-I have most of the ending already written. This fic will be done and posted by the end of the month. Whoa.
Please don't forget to let me know what you are thinking. :D People seemed excited about the Christmas visit, so I decided to give it to you all in one big chunk-no interruptions for flashbacks or chapter breaks.
There is only one chapter after this, okay-maybe two. But still almost done. Also-I have most of the ending already written. This fic will be done and posted by the end of the month. Whoa.
Please don't forget to let me know what you are thinking. :D People seemed excited about the Christmas visit, so I decided to give it to you all in one big chunk-no interruptions for flashbacks or chapter breaks.