Chapter 2 – My heart can't let go
Here sitting all alone
In the stillness of my room
Silence fills the room
Where I once held you
There's a breeze around me
A memory that chills me to the bone
It's tearing me apart
My Heart can't let you go
Though I try to break away
It haunts me every night
But the ghost of you won't fade
You've hypnotized my soul
My heart can't let you go
Now I try and turn the page
I know I must move on
But I never get too far
It's you alone I want
There's a touch that's missing
An emptiness that I've never known
And I don't know where to start
It's tearing me apart
My Heart can't let you go
Though I try to break away
It haunts me every night
But the ghost of you won't fade
You've hypnotized my soul
My heart can't let you go
No matter how hard I pretend
You might be coming back
Don't wanna face the fact
Every story has an end
She had been over the moon, picking Spike up at the airport. When he called her, she couldn't believe how quickly he managed to get a flight out. She was relieved that Buffy went out to get the last ingredients for the ritual. The ritual that Dawn knew wouldn't be happening after tonight.
Coming to she saw the swarm of people getting off the plane but didn't see Spike. She knew he couldn't very well go out during daylight hours, but it was near dusk and the sun never stopped him before.
Screeching she was grabbed and ready to jump the perpetrator from behind only to turn around and feel cool leather encased arms crush her body to his.
She knew waiting for him had been like waiting in slow motion but the tears they shed and the hugging it almost made her forget about the meddling fools for keeping her family apart.
“You're real. You're really alive” Dawn managed to say.
“Still undead but yeah Nib.” Spike smirked.
Hooking his arm with hers she dragged him out to a heavily darkened car waiting by the curb. Leaving him at the sliding doors she ran to open the door and motioned at him to get in the car. Spike pulled his duster over his head and dashed for the open door.
The driver said not a word. He was well paid and knew when to keep his mouth closed. He had seen some outrageous things in his life and this was the least of it. When his passengers were seated, he drove off.
During the ride Spike and Dawn talked amiably and finally had their chance to mend their relationship. Dawn was ecstatic while Spike was immeasurably relieved.
“So, Nib”
“Spike”
“This ritual that she plans to do, you don't think she'll do it now that I'm here, yeah?” Spike didn't at this point know what to make of that.
He didn't know whether to be furious that she was taking his sacrifice to this extreme or immensely happy with why she was doing the ritual. ‘Not that she would be doing the ritual, the bint is off her bleeding arse if I let her go through with it'
“Nah Spike. She might believe you're the First tormenting her but up close she'll know it's you” Dawn reached over and ruffled his hair.
“Oi” Spike batted her hand away. “Leave m' head alone” Spike grumbled shooting her glares as she snickered. He may have been miffed by her girly tactics but smiled being here with her like this again. He really thought they had lost their closeness.
Whatever Buffy had told Dawn seemed to have changed her from the ‘You sleep, and I set you on fire threats if you harm my sister again'
Dawn knew exactly what ran through his head. She knew that threat hung over them like a proverbial bad penny, but she couldn't change it. She took his hand and squeezed it and smiled at him. Knowing they still had another ten minutes to get to her home, she laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms into his left arm.
Spike sighed at that very moment. He genuinely thought his girls wouldn't want him around, and now he had a clinging Dawn on him.
Head shooting up Dawn cursed, “Shit!”
“Nib” Spike warned.
“Sorry but how am I going to get you in the apartment and the club without Buffy knowing?” Dawn nibbled at her lip thinking hard.
“Nib I have it covered. She won't know I'm in the apartment or the club. She's not in now is she? That might be a problem getting me in first” Spike questioned.
“Oh she's out getting supplies for the ritual.” Looking down at her watch, she added, “We have tons of time.”
“Bella we are here”
Shoving Spike out the door he made a dash towards the building.
Dawn pulled out her euros to pay the driver, “Grazie”
“Bella di buon giorno” The driver drove off.
Dawn shook her head and headed after Spike to her apartment.
She issued to Spike his invite, and together they entered hers and Buffy's apartment. Inside she got comfortable and pushed Spike to her room. Throwing him and his carry bag at him, she glared at him to disobey.
“Oy! Niblet! Those Monks were thorough. You Summers women always sodding pushing me around!” Spike yelped after landing on her pretty blue duvet.
Smirking Dawn marched over to him and knocked him in the head and giggled hearing him his grumbling and throw out countless “bloody hell's” and “aggravating little bints”
Shooting her a look he softened it to see her smiling and laughing.
“It's good to see you happy again Nib”
“Not much to be happy about, ya know. Between losing Mom, then the mess with Glory, then Buffy dying and coming back to losing you it's been a little touch and go. I suppose Buffy and I both were just here and not living much.” Dawn sadly admitted but turned away from him quickly before he could reply and went in search of William.
“ Psss Psss, William here kitty, come to Dawnie”
Dawn had to take a quick look and nearly fell to the floor laughing at his confused look.
It didn't take long for William to make an appearance. It was where William went that shocked her.
Dawn knew William didn't like most visitors but the Persian took to Spike like they had always been around each other.
As soon as William curled in Spike's lap, she heard Spike's whispered question.
“Niblet, can you please repeat the cat's name?” Spike said desperately hoping what he heard was wrong.
“Spike this is William. William this is Spike"
"You got a cat and named him after me??”
Cringing and ashamed Dawn answered his question.
“I didn’t name him, Buffy did. She said it was hard at first having a cat that represented so much of you. However, she got over that rather quickly because William would only go to Buffy and me. Watching him now it would seem that he likes you.”
Looking at Spike’s dejected and pouty look she decided it was time to get this conversation going before Buffy showed up.
“Enough of that. Tell me why your helping Angel. I always thought you hated the bloody poof” Dawn inquired.
“One I do not bloody well help Angel. I am bloody well there to annoy the git. Second don't poke fun at my speech. Bloody Americans” Spike growled when she giggled.
“BLOODY POOF, BLOODY POOF, BLOODY HELL!” Dawn shouted out and squealed as Spike grabbed her and tickled her to death.
Catching her breath from the giggling she caved, “Stop! Stop! I give!”
“’Bout Bloody time you did. You were looking a bit knackered” Spike chuckled. He realized he hadn't had this much fun with Dawn in well ever it seemed.
Dawn straightened herself out and looked at the time.
“Oh shit! What ever you do don't leave this room until after we have left for Roma's. Here are the directions and what ever you do don't let her see you until the last possible second! Got that?” Dawn rushed about the room and hurried out her speech before Buffy got home.
In a hushed voice Spike moved towards Dawn and took the directions but simply answered, “Yeah, I bloody do.”
Throwing himself on her bed, he laid with his hands behind his back and mumbled, “Bloody wanker. Summers women!”
He quickly shut his mouth when Dawn glared at him and held a finger to her lips hinting he should be quiet, but she caught him when he went stiff and had this glazed faraway look.
It was then that she realized he must have always known when Slayers were near but looking more closely at Spike she knew it wasn’t about the Slayer it happened when Buffy was near. He didn't do that with Faith.
‘Interesting’ Dawn hesitated at the door but her heart soared.
“Dawnie, I'm home! Are you ready to go? We have to get moving if we are going to make it before the big rush gets to Roma's” Buffy yelled out as she ran to the bathroom to freshen up.
Shooting a glare at Spike who seemed to be completely still listening so intently to Buffy, she relaxed. ‘Seems like someone is completely lost in Buffy land’ at his silent nod, she left her room closing the door.
Buffy stood in the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. By the reflection staring back at her, she saw nothing but a shadow of herself. Doing the best she could to make herself look halfway decent she applied eyeliner around her eyes.
She felt something inside of her churning and her hand that held Spike's in the cave burned ever so slightly. Shrugging it off as nerves she set to giving her eyes a dark sultry look and then decided against it and added more neutral tones to her eyelids.
She knew that when she sang this song she would have tears rolling down her face. ‘So neutral it is. I don't need to look like a raccoon on the stage!'
Buffy really didn't understand why she agreed to do this, but it was Dawn's last request, so she gave in. Normally, she didn't sing in front of crowds of people, but it wasn't as if she would be doing it again. Tonight she would be with Spike. Tonight she would get her peace again. Tonight she would say goodbye to Dawn, her friends, and Giles.
“Buffy you look amazing” Dawn walked into the bathroom and stood right beside Buffy looking at her through the mirror.
“Thanks. I wish inside I felt the same. I know I should be wigging about singing in front of all those people, but I'm not. In 147 days I haven't felt this close to Spike as I do now.
I got the rest of the ingredients. I leave to do the ritual after I sing and then say goodbye to all of you. Thank god I didn’t tell the others. They would have found a way to stop me. I’m glad I only told you…You understood.” Buffy's eyes welled up as she rambled. She took a breath and picked up the brush and began to brush out Dawn's long brown hair.
Dawn stayed quiet and never let on that tonight Buffy would not do the ritual. She knew for a fact when Buffy saw Spike, she would be ecstatically happy.
“Dawnie you seem quiet? You are okay with this? I mean… Well,” Sighing she turned Dawn to face her. Dawn shook her head for her to continue.
“My heart can't let go of him Dawnie. I need to be with him. I don't want to do this to you but” Buffy looked down and willed back the tears.
“This is worse than Angel, Dawnie. I was hurt but I was also a child going through her first heartbreak…But this Dawnie. This is like losing a part of me. All I want to do is die, and it's getting worse. Spike was right. Slayers have a death wish but not in the sense he assumes. My death wish is to go with him because if he can't be here then I can't live without him.”
Buffy placed the brush on the counter and pulled Dawn into a hug.
“I love you Dawnie, lets get going”
“I love you too Buffy”
With one last glance to her room where she knew a certain vampire had listened to every word, she followed her sister out the door to Roma's.
Spike was coming to realize when he told Buffy to leave that cave that he didn't entirely deny her. He wanted her to live. It never crossed his mind that she would be devastated over him. To the point she would allow herself to die to join him.
Pacing the confines of Dawn's room he waited until he could no longer feel Buffy. When he was certain without a doubt he quietly slipped out of the apartment and kept to the shadows.
Suddenly, his phone vibrated in the pocket of his duster. ‘Thank god for vibrate!'
“Ello?”
“Spike where the hell are you?” Angel bellowed out.
“Bloody hell, Peaches. I don't answer to you. I'm bloody helping a friend out for couple days. Sod off wanker”
“Spike you don't have any friends. Get your ass in the office pronto” Angel snapped angrily.
“No can do, bloody git. I'm busy. Sodding bloody poof.” Without hearing a reply he turned the phone completely off. His golden goddess needed his full attention. Putting the bloody contraption in his duster pocket he headed off to Roma's.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks so much April for your help, you truly are the best!!!