It was William’s turn to blush. “It was more intense than anything I’ve ever felt before, by a bloody long way.”
“You’re not just saying that?” Buffy asked shyly.
“Hell no! You were amazing.”
“So were you. Like, really really.”
“Fancy that chocolate cake now?” He chuckled and she couldn’t help but giggle.
~~~
“Mmm. That was heaven.” She licked her fork clean of every drop of chocolate.
“Indeed.” William waggled a brow, his piece of cake remained untouched on the room service tray,
“Behave.” She giggled before her face became distressed at the sight of the deserted chocolate cake. “Come on, you have to at least try it!”
“I’m not hungry, pet. But you can have it if you like?”
“Well, I guess. If you insist…” She said nonchalantly before reaching for the unclaimed cake.
William smiled as she attacked his slice with renewed enthusiasm. They had settled in front of the open fire, snuggled together on top of a duvet. The thunder had died but the rain continued to batter on the windowpanes. And William couldn’t remember a time in his life when he had felt happier, or sadder. His brow furrowed with the burden of his heavy thoughts.
“I bet I can guess what you’re thinking about.” Buffy laid her fork down next to the half devoured slice of cake.
William smiled sadly. “Yeah.”
“Do you have an answer?” She whispered.
He tilted his head questioningly.
“To what happens now.”
“We go home.” He shrugged despondently.
“And pretend like this never happened.” She finished.
“I don’t see what other choice we have. Tonight was… is… quite possibly the best night of my life.”
“Even though we-”
“Do you know what? It’s probably because of that. Don’t laugh at what I’m about to say.”
“There’s nothing about this that’s funny – believe me.” She replied bitterly.
He leant forward and gripped her shoulders, pulling her close so her face was mere inches from his own. “Whatever we have, whatever happened tonight – it’s so raw and pure that I don’t have to sleep with you to know that what I feel for you goes beyond anything I have ever experienced in my entire life.”
The dam burst once more and suddenly his lips were on hers. She tasted of cherries and chocolate and an innocence so divine, he could feel tears stinging his eyelids.
Moaning into his mouth, Buffy returned the kiss with fervour. Beyond the passion and the fire she saw his heart and she knew that whatever happened tomorrow, tonight would live in her own heart forever.
Simultaneously, they pulled apart – tears staining both their faces.
“Don’t leave me, William.” She begged, her hands intertwining with his. “Please.”
“It’s not about leaving, it’s about living. And no matter what way we cut this, we lose.” His voice was hoarse with emotion.
“Well sure, if you’ve already given up I guess that’s exactly how it would look.”
“The sun has to rise Buffy, we can’t live in shadows forever.”
“But when I’m eighteen, none of this will matter. We can be together, properly.”
“Yeah, we can live in my house, next door to your mother and three streets away from your high school sweetheart. I can get a job at the local high school and you can stay at home and bake cookies all day. It’ll be perfection bloody personified.”
Buffy threw herself backwards and out of his grasp. “Don’t you dare patronise me.”
“How else can I get through to you?” He was starting to shout now. “Once people find out that we’re together, I will be bloody unemployable. Your mother will lead the community in an attempt to run me out of town. You will lose everyone you hold dear and though it may not matter now, believe me, give it a year or so and you’ll wonder what the bloody hell you were thinking giving up your future and your family for a friggin’ old man like me.” He sprang to his feet and paced the length of the room in an attempt to dissipate his frustration.
“We can move – start over somewhere else.” Buffy was on her knees, reaching out to him.
“You’re still not listening are you? The end result is still the same. No matter what we leave behind, what you’ll be left with is me. And I don’t think you truly understand what that means sweetheart.” His lips twisted in a grimace.
Buffy pulled the duvet tightly around her using the corner to stem the flow of tears coursing down her cheeks.
“It’s like a war raging inside me, Buffy.” He punched his gut. “And there are no winners.”
Buffy eyed him tearfully as he continued to stalk around the perimeter of the room. He was like a wild animal, feral and crazed. Even now, when the seams of her world were coming apart, the very thought that she would not know a night in the arms of this man was enough to wring a sob from her body.
William, lost in a mire of futility, was drawn back to earth by the sound of Buffy’s distress. “Oh god. Oh god, Buffy.”
Sinking to his knees, he gathered her into his arms and rocked her gently as they sobbed out their frustration together.
~~
As the dawn light filtered through the swathes of golden fabric, Buffy stirred from her slumber under the duvet by the now dead fire.
William had been awake for at least an hour, just watching his princess sleep in the cocoon of his embrace. He had worked it through every which way and each ended in misery and turmoil. He had to be strong, for the both their sakes. Last night had been a gift but today and tomorrow and each day after that would be their penance.
“Time to go, pet. Best be early than be late, right?” William croaked.
Buffy nodded, too afraid to speak for fear of another tidal wave of tears overwhelming her.
William slipped out from under the cover and Buffy stifled a groan at the loss of his presence beside her. Sitting up, she looked at the room which last night had been a beautiful, heavenly world separate to this. In the harsh light of day, it was a contemporary version of hell.
After passing Buffy her clothes, neatly folded and dry, William gathered his own and retreated to the bathroom to dress.
Buffy dressed quickly, her body shivering despite the room still being warm from the blaze of the night time fire.
William came out of the bathroom and extended a hand to her. She took it and without a word, he led her out of the hotel suite and closed the door quietly behind them.
Buffy’s second ride on a motorcycle was less exhilarating than her first. Instead, she clung tightly to William’s back and nuzzled her head into the leather of his jacket, choosing to inhale his scent instead of the dewy, morning air.
The sunrise was spectacular but for the first time William could not interpret the beauty of this new day as anything other than empty.
As they wound their way through the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy felt her stomach churn as she realised this was it – real life.
William cut the engine at the top of Revello Drive. “In case anybody is looking.” He said quietly.
Buffy slid off the seat, wrapping her arms around her body to fight the urge to throw herself at William and beg him once more to not finish it like this, to not leave her broken on the sidewalk.
William inhaled deeply before turning to look at her. She was dishevelled and distraught but she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. Blinking, he licked his dry lips and asked her if she was alright.
She nodded and shifted from foot to foot, not sure whether to stay and watch him ride away or to turn and walk.
“I’ll see you round then.” He said, defeated.
“Sure.” She gave him a watery smile. “Thank you.” She considered him for a moment before leaning forward and placing her lips gently against his. Neither of them deepened the kiss, instead enjoying the feel of each other and savouring their last intimate touch.
He ran his hand through her hair and caressed her neck as he memorised the contour of her lips and the way they melded so perfectly to his. He pulled away and he swore he heard his heart shatter in his chest. “You should go.”
“So should you.” She wiped at her eyes.
“I know.” He turned away and gunned the engine to life.
Without another word, he sped off leaving a crying Buffy in a cloud of dust.
Swallowing a sob, Buffy set off walking in the wake of the fading roar of the motorcycle.
Despite their best laid plans of an early rise and an early arrival, they had not managed to avoid the gaze of curious eyes.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter comes with a major angst warning... so hold on tight folks... *hides*
Chapter End Notes:
Can I just say a HUGE thank you to whoever nommed this story at the RWSA Award (Round 2) for Best WIP?!! I was completely bowled over... and even more so when it WON!!! I mean *squeals* THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!