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Author's Chapter Notes:
finally got something for you guys.
Hope you like it...i'll be breaking the pattern soon if you know what i mean, but i got a bit of angst for you guys first.
Chapter 4: Learning to Deal

Buffy and her family headed down to the beach after a filling breakfast at Denny’s. Buffy sat and watched as Spike played with her daughter…their daughter in the water. It was starting to become easier to believe Spike as her husband. Angel’s face was starting to slowly fade…as if she knew him but hadn’t seen him for years, a distant memory.

The bleach blonde man chased Deanna out of the water, and the little girl came running towards her mother. She collapsed on the blanket next to her. “Mommy! He’s tryna throw me in again!” she giggled as Spike picked Deanna up like a baby in his arms.

“Come on baby…you’re next.” Spike smirked at his wife.

“Oh no…you’re not getting me in the water. I’m enjoying the niceness of sunbathing thank you very much.” Buffy said as she closed her eyes and lowered her sunglasses as she lay back on the blanket.

Spike and Deanna looked at each other and smiled. She shared that smile with him…that mischievousness. Spike held her out over Buffy, and Deanna rung her hair out over her mother’s stomach. Both father and daughter giggled and chuckled as Buffy shot up and shrieked in shock.

She jumped up and tossed her glasses on the blanket and she chased her two kids into the water.


* * * * *

Angel was starting to worry…it had been over a week since Deanna disappeared and Buffy seemed to be losing herself more and more by the day. She wouldn’t move, wouldn’t talk…just stare into nothing. He considered taking her to the hospital, but Angel knew of her fear of them. She’d come to soon…he hoped.

* * * * *

Buffy enjoyed the day out so much she didn’t want it to end. She missed her daughter. But now as she lay in her bed that she now shared with Spike, she started to feel guilt. Guilt for leaving Angel to grieve for their daughter…possibly grieve for her. If she was here, what was happening there wherever there was?

That’s when questions started to float through her head. Where is here? Why is this happening? Am I going crazy? Am I just dreaming? She didn’t know…she didn’t even know if she wanted to know. Just get some sleep and think about it in the morning. she thought to herself.

Buffy let herself cuddle into Spike, enjoying the comfort she got from it. It had been a long time since she was able to hold Spike like this, and it almost felt like coming home.

* * * * *

Waking up, Angel felt something he hadn’t felt for a long while. It was an arm…resting across his stomach. Since Deanna disappeared, Buffy had been less physical with him. She wouldn’t even cuddle into him when he held her…she just laid there, still.

Now her head was resting on his chest and she had a sleepy smile on her face. She started to stir a bit the she spoke…for the first time in a week. “Morning baby…” her eyes were still closed. “Tell Dee that she doesn’t have to go to school today…I wanna do a mother daughter day, just the two of us.” Hearing those words brought tears to Angel’s eyes.

“Buffy, Deanna’s not here…we went over this.” His voice was strained and full of pain.

The blonde’s eyes shot open and she quickly glanced around the room. It was all a dream…really? It felt so real…so true. If it was a dream then she wanted to be sleeping again. “Angel…sorry. I had this dream…I didn’t lose her and me and-Spike-you were happy. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wig out like that. I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay…shhh…it’s okay. How about we just stay here today…I have no energy to do anything anyway. Just let me hold you, okay?” All Buffy did was nod, and fell back into sleep.

When she woke up again it was just past five, and she felt her body starting to ache from lying down for so long. She felt around next to her for another body but felt nothing but cold sheets. As Buffy stretched herself out in bed she glanced around the room and noticed that she had not left her bed with Angel. Everything is so dark here; dark beddings…dark walls. It was even raining heavily outside, as if God was crying for their loss. With Spike everything is always so bright. The sun is always shining, and so were their faces.

Buffy moved from the bed and made her way down the stairs into the kitchen where she could fix herself a cup of coffee. She paused when she heard a voice, Angel’s voice talking on the phone.

“Yeah…don’t worry about it, I’ll be there. Don’t worry about her she’s still sleeping, she probably won’t even notice I’m gone.” He sounded bitter. “She doesn’t notice much these days.” He mumbled more to himself. “Just give me ten minutes okay, and I’ll be right over. You too, bye.” Angel hung up his cell phone collected his jacket and quietly left through the back door.

Buffy walked into the kitchen after she heard the door close, a look of shock on her face. What was that all about? Who was he talking to and why was she brought up? Her mind started to run a mile a minute until she forced herself to just stop. Stop thinking about more painful things and to focus on what the hell was going on with her. She decided that maybe if she said it out loud it would finally settle in and she could move on with her normal life.

“Deanna’s gone.” She stopped. She felt her head get dizzy and her eyes start to water. Her baby was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. Buffy’s muscles started to weaken and she felt herself falling to the ground.

* * * * *

Her eyes slowly started to open. Everything was blurry and she couldn’t focus on much.

“Baby, pet…you okay? You had a bit of a dizzy spell there.”

That voice…so comforting…I love that voice. “Yeah I’m fine…can you help me up?” he grabbed her hand and slowly pulled her to her feet. “Thanks Spike.”

Spike pulled her into his arms and kissed the crown of her head. “You scared me for a minute there. You gotta start eating more, luv.”

“Yeah, your right. Where’s Deanna…she didn’t see that did she?” Buffy asked referring to her collapsing.

“Naw, she’s at her friend’s house to for the night, remember? I just dropped her off.” Spike reminded his wife.

“Right.” Buffy shook her head. “Sorry, temporary insanity.” She laughed it off.

Spike chuckled as well, and guided Buffy to sit down at the table. “Just relax, kitten. I’m gonna make my wife a great delicious dinner.” Spike smiled lovingly at her, and she felt her knees go weak despite the fact that she was already sitting down.

“Do you want any help?” She asked out of habit.

“You can help me by sitting there and looking pretty. This is all about you okay?”

About ten minutes later Spike was stirring a homemade Alfredo sauce, and stir frying some vegetables. He glanced back at his wife and saw her beautiful smile, and almost lost it. “You got to stop looking at my like that, it’s a little distracting.” He joked. “How do you expect me to concentrate when all I see it that amazing smile of yours?”

“You told me to sit and look pretty, that’s what I was doing.” She pouted. She loved that she knew all the right buttons to push.

“That’s it.” Spike temporarily turned off the elements, and rushed over to the blonde that was still pouting at the kitchen table. He pulled her up from her seat and planted one hell of a kiss on her lips. One kiss and she was shaking from excitement. Angel never got her like that. When Spike pulled away he saw the lust building in her, and the excitement written all over her face. “That’ll teach you to distract me while I’m cooking.” He smirked and moved back to the stove to continue his prior activities.

Buffy shakily sat down again and stared at the hardwood floor. She hadn’t been kissed like that since Spike left her all those years ago. But the Buffy he knows gets kissed like that all the time. Buffy decided that she really, really liked this place.


Chapter End Notes:
hope you liked it please review



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