“Spike, wait, we can’t...” Buffy reluctantly pulled back a little, silently cursing herself for getting so caught up in the heat of the moment. “Billy...”
He immediately let go of her, his eyes darting around the room in panic. Then he relaxed, giving her a somewhat confused look. “Billy’s upstairs.”
“I know that!” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “What if he comes down, and we...?”
Spike glanced towards the stairs, then waved his hand in dismissal. “He won’t.”
“You can’t know that,” Buffy objected with a sigh. “Spike, really, it’s not that I don’t want to, but...”
“Hold on...” Spike interrupted her. “Was just a kiss, yeah? Not like I was about to shag you right here on the couch.”
Buffy stared at him for a moment, mouth open. Then she blushed, furiously. “I – I wasn’t implying...”
“Relax, kitten, m’only teasing you.” Giving her an assuring smile, he gently cupped her cheek, happy when she didn’t pull away. “Meant what I said before, all right? Way I feel about you. Wouldn’t screw it up by rushing things. Far as I’m concerned, we got all the time in the world.” A pause. “I mean, unless you’re having second thoughts?” He glanced at her, an uncertain expression on his face.
“No.” Buffy shook her head, firmly. “No second thoughts.”
He looked so relieved; she failed to keep the silly smile from spreading on her face. She could just lose herself in his beautiful eyes; she felt like she was drowning. And judging by the way Spike was looking at her right now, he felt the same way. It was a scary thought, yet, being this close to him felt like the most natural thing in the world. The attraction they felt towards one another was real; she had no doubts about that. But the question was; would it last?
Buffy quickly made up her mind; it didn’t matter. The way she saw it, she had a choice. She could either follow her heart and risk getting it broken in the future, or she could back away – and risk ending up as an old, bitter woman who had never dared to give love a chance. It wasn’t really a hard decision. Taking a deep breath, she put her hand gently on top of his. “No second thoughts,” she repeated, looking him right in the eyes.
Spike swallowed, hard. Buffy looked so determined, yet so vulnerable, and he realized that she trusted him enough to willingly put her heart in his hands. She obviously wanted this, as much as he did. But what if he failed to live up to her expectations? This woman deserved nothing but the best, what if he couldn’t give it to her? Maybe she would wake up one day and realize that she was making a mistake, that she deserved better than him. What if he wouldn’t be good enough for her?
Of course, deep down, he knew that he would never have been this insecure and self-conscious if it hadn’t been for Drusilla and her betrayal. He was well aware of the fact that Buffy wasn’t Dru; she had no intentions of hurting him like his wife had. But still, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling of not being worthy. He supposed that a part of him would always blame himself for Drusilla’s cruel actions, no matter how ridiculous it may be.
Now, he pushed the disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind and turned his attention back to Buffy. After all, life was all about taking chances. Buffy clearly did, so why shouldn’t he? He cleared his throat. “So, um, Billy’s got school tomorrow. Wanna meet up for lunch?”
Buffy gave him a teasing smile. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
“Well, yes, I believe I am.” Spike couldn’t help but smirk, curling his tongue behind his teeth. “Could always, you know, come back here when we’re done. With Billy gone, we’ll have plenty of time to...” He raised a brow in a suggestive manner. “...get to know each other a little better.”
She let out a snort. “Get to know each other? Is that the best you could come up with? Lame!”
Spike mock glared at her. “Lame, you say?” He pretended to be deeply offended. “I’ll have you know, ‘lame’ is not exactly the word I would use to describe what I have planned for tomorrow.”
“Oh, you’ve made plans?” Buffy’s brows went up. “You just asked me out, how can you possibly have made plans already?” Spike opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it; “Oh wait, don’t tell me. You gonna ‘shag’ me here on the couch?” She giggled at the shocked expression on his face.
“Well, if you ask nicely...” Their eyes met, and Buffy found herself once again blushing. A part of her had a hard time believing they were actually having this conversation. If anyone had told her a week ago that she would be sitting here with Spike, comfortably making jokes about having sex, she would have laughed hysterically. But suddenly, everything had changed. She had changed. And it was all because of Spike.
“So, what do you say?” Spike’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she gave him a questioning look. He hurried to clarify; “About tomorrow. Technically, you haven’t answered.”
“Oh! Sorry.” She smiled sweetly at him. “Sounds wonderful. I’d love to have lunch with you.” Lunch, dinner, breakfast, anything you want, a naughty little voice inside her head added. And it doesn’t even have to be food involved... Okay, this was so not like her. Then again, she had seen Spike with his shirt off. A body like that could probably get a nun to throw away her wimple and say hell with celibacy.
Suddenly she remembered something. “Hey, I bet Billy will be pleased when he finds out about us. Now he can stop playing matchmaker.”
Spike snorted, then couldn’t help but grin. “Told you the kid was smart, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, well, it’s good.” Buffy looked relieved. “At least now I don’t have to worry about your son hating me. I could never stand any of the men my mom used to date after my dad left. Could be a real brat sometimes.”
He glanced at her, carefully. “That’s ‘cause you wanted your parents to get back together.” A pause. “As far as Billy’s concerned, that would be the ultimate nightmare.”
Buffy’s smile faltered. “Poor Billy. No kid should have to be afraid of his own mother.” She got a thoughtful look on her face. “I was just wondering... How much does Billy really understand about Drusilla’s condition? I mean, he obviously knows she’s sick, but...”
“You’re asking if he’s aware of the fact that his mum’s locked up at the loony bin?” Spike rolled his eyes. “Been honest with him from the start. He knows. Just don’t like to talk about it.”
“Can’t blame him.” Buffy sighed, then gave him a stern look. “Seriously, Spike, ‘loony bin’? Don’t you think you should watch your language a bit around Billy?”
He looked at her in confusion. “What the bloody hell are you on about?”
“Just saying.” She shook her head, her face a mixture of disapproval and amusement. “The way he talks, there’s no doubt that he’s your kid.”
“Like father – like son, eh?” Spike had the decency to look a little embarrassed.
“Right.” Buffy tried to stay serious. Then a sudden thought occurred to her. “Hey, Billy doesn’t think you and Drusilla are getting back together, does he?”
Spike shrugged. “Asked me about it. Told him s’not gonna happen.” He paused. “It’s true, you know. You don’t have to worry ‘bout her. That part of my life’s over.”
“I know!” She quickly averted her eyes, not wanting to admit that she had thought about it. Spike was right. In a couple of days, he would go to LA to see Drusilla one last time. And when he got back, his marriage would be over for real. Then, none of them would ever have to worry about that woman again.
Meanwhile in LA...
“Good evening, Drusilla.” Doctor Williamson entered the small hospital room, smiling at his patient. “How have you been today?”
The dark-haired woman turned away from the window, watching the man in silence for a moment before returning his smile. “I feel wonderful, doctor. I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”
“That’s good to hear.” The doctor walked over to her, handing her a small plastic cup. “Here’s your medication.”
“The stars told me my William is coming to see me.” Drusilla took the cup from him, putting two small pills into her mouth. “They talk to me in my sleep, whispering their little secrets...”
“That was me. I told you yesterday, remember?” Doctor Williamson looked at her, expectantly.
Drusilla went on, like she hadn’t heard him; “My William’s coming here. And we are going to be a family again.”
“Drusilla, I don’t think...” The man stopped with a sigh, shaking his head. There was no point in arguing with her, he supposed. Instead he just smiled again and left the room.
Waiting for a moment to make sure he was really gone, Drusilla then opened her mouth and let the pills roll back down into the cup. She would not be taking them anymore. Her William was coming back to her, and she needed to stay sharp. It was just a matter of time now before they would all be back together. And this time, she would never let them walk away from her again.
TBC