Billy gave his father a questioning look as he stepped through the door, but didn’t say anything. Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “Pull up your sleeve.”
The boy looked confused for a moment, then rolled his eyes, understanding dawning on him. “What, Buffy told you? It’s nothing.”
Taking a deep breath, Spike made a silent promise not to lose his temper. “Show me.” Letting out an annoyed sigh, Billy reluctantly pulled up his sleeve a bit, revealing the large bruise on his arm. Spike took a step closer and his eyes widened. “Must’ve hurt like hell.”
Quickly pulling the sleeve back down, Billy shrugged. “Told you; s’nothing. Didn’t hurt at all.”
Spike found that very hard to believe, but nodded. “I see.” He paused. “Mind telling me what happened?”
Billy was quiet for a moment, then lowered his eyes to the floor. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
“That right?” Spike gave his son a patient look and went on; “Cause according to Buffy, I’m the one who did that to you.”
Immediately raising his head, Billy stared at his father in shock. “What? What did she say?”
“That’s not relevant.” Spike waved his hand in dismissal. “Question is; what did you tell her?”
Billy looked genuinely surprised. “I… I didn’t…” His voice trailed off as he was clearly at a loss for words.
Spike just looked at him for a moment, then let out a bitter laugh. “Hate me that much, do you?”
The boy’s eyes went wide. “What do you mean?”
Sighing, Spike walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. “I know I haven’t always been a very good dad, and God knows I screwed up back in LA. But I would never hurt you, Billy. Ever. Don’t you know that?”
Swallowing hard, Billy nodded. “Yeah.”
“Don’t know what you said to Buffy to make her think I had something to do with that.” Spike gestured towards Billy’s arm. “Hell, I don’t even wanna know. But what do you think’s gonna happen if people around here start thinking I’m hurting you?”
The boy just looked at him, a blank expression on his face, so Spike went on; “I’ll tell you what’s gonna happen. Sooner or later, someone’s gonna call the Social Services. And then they’ll come here and take you away. Cause they’re not gonna let you live with me if they think I’m hurting you. You understand?”
Billy swallowed again. “I never said anything like that. Honest. I don’t know why Buffy thought…”
Spike interrupted him. “What did you tell her, then?”
At first, Billy didn’t answer. Instead he seemed to concentrate on drawing patterns on the floor with his shoe. Finally, he slowly walked over to the table and slumped down on one of the chairs. “Told her I fell. She didn’t believe me.”
“I see.” Spike paused. “Is that what really happened?”
Billy wouldn’t meet his eyes. “No.”
“So, you’re telling me you lied. Again.” It was not a question; it was a state of fact. “Bloody hell!” Spike let out a frustrated groan. “Why, Billy? How many times have we talked about this?! Lying is bad. It’s wrong. You know that, why can’t you…?”
“It doesn’t matter if I tell the truth or not, does it?” Billy suddenly jumped up from the chair, glaring at his father. “You don’t believe me, anyway!”
“That’s bollocks, I…!” Spike immediately became silent as realization finally hit him. “Oh.” Suddenly he felt like someone had just punched him, hard, in the stomach. “So that’s what this is about.” He had thought they would be able to let go of the past and move on, now when they had finally left LA. But now he realized how naïve he had been, thinking that things could ever be that simple. No matter how eager he was to just forget what happened – if possible, to just completely erase the last couple of years from his memory – it was obvious that Billy wouldn’t forgive him that easily. And Spike couldn’t really blame him.
There were no excuses for how he had handled things, he was well aware of that. He had simply refused to see what was right in front of him. Now, afterwords, he didn’t understand how he could have been so blind. Back then, when he had finally been forced to see the truth, his guilt and self loathing knew no limits. Of course, by then it was already too late, the damage was already done. And now he had no choice, but to accept and live with that. Living with the painful fact that his pathetic and desperate attempt of clinging to a love that hadn’t been returned for years, if ever, could have damaged his own son beyond repair and most likely scarred him for life.
For a minute or two, neither of them said anything. Finally Billy spoke, quietly; “I don’t wanna move back to LA.”
“What?” Spike frowned, not understanding where this was coming from. “We’re not moving back to LA. Why would you think…?”
Ignoring him, Billy went on; “I’ll tell ‘em what really happened. Social Services. If they come here. I don’t want them to take me away.” His bottom lip was trembling.
“No one’s gonna take you away!” Spike closed his eyes for a moment, lowering his voice as he went on; “I’m trying here, Billy, I really am. But you’re not making it very easy for me. Know you’re blaming me for what happened, hell, I’ll blame myself for the rest of my life. Just give me a chance to make things right.”
Billy was quiet for a moment. Then he glanced at Spike. “How long’s Mum gonna stay at the hospital?”
“I…” For a moment, Spike was taken aback, having no idea what to say. He let out a sigh. “I don’t know.”
Nodding in acceptance, Billy seemed to be thinking hard about something. “Then what? Is she coming here?”
“No!” Spike really didn’t want to have this particular conversation right now, but knew he didn’t have much of a choice. “Already told you; your mum’s not gonna live with us anymore. When she gets better, I’m gonna go back and see her, just so she can sign the divorce papers. We talked about this.”
Billy nodded again. “Do I have to go? When you go see her?”
Spike shook his head, not missing the look of relief on the boy’s face. He knew exactly how Billy felt; he didn’t look forward to facing his wife again, anymore than Billy did. But it would just be one more time, then he would hopefully never have to see that bitch again. And then, when the divorce was final, maybe he and Billy would be able to truly move on. Either that, or the painful memories and the guilt would just keep haunting him for the rest of his life.
TBC