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Author's Chapter Notes:
Work issues still have me down, but I'm not out of the game yet! So, here's Chapter 10!
Chapter Ten:

"Are you gonna do it?"

"Huh, wha? Oh...yeah."

Spike hadn't realized how long he had stood in front of the toilet, poised to empty the contents of the small plastic baggie. It wasn't that he was reconsidering disposing of the substance, though some small part of his mind did cringe at the idea of flushing away so much of the potent white powder. He was just momentarily paralyzed by the strangeness of the whole scene. It seemed like such an unlikely situation for him to be in—standing in the loo with a little rich girl, preparing to dump out more cocaine than he could snort in one day. The Spike Pratt of a couple of years ago would be laughing his ass off if he could see him now.

"Look, if you're not gonna do it—"

"I'm doing it!" Spike glanced over at Buffy with a frustrated expression on his face. She was stiffly leaning against the sink giving him her own less than pleasant look. Turning back to the toilet, he lowered the bag into the bowl. Pausing only a second more, he tipped the bag, emptying the contents into the water. He immediately hit the flush and watched the cloudy liquid swirl and disappear.

Buffy tried to keep her sigh of relief as quiet as possible. She began to mentally prepare herself for Spike to launch into whatever speech he had prepared. He had been so adamant that she hear him out. She was somewhat surprised when he just silently leaned against the wall across from the toilet. She ducked her head, attempting to meet his eyes, "Spike...you had something to say?"

"Oh...right...right...yeah, I...uh..." He ran a hand through his spiky blond locks.

She nodded encouragingly, "You...uh...said you'd had a bad couple of days...right?"

He leaned his head back against the wall. "Yeah...right...downright shitty. That night I went to your friends' party, I was..." he trailed off as his eyes landed on the empty baggie sitting next to the sink. "Ya know what, luv? I think I want to explain something first."

Buffy was surprised to find a little jolt of excitement course through her body at the prospect of learning more about the man with the beautiful blue eyes. It unnerved her to know that she must have an attraction for him that ran deep enough to transcend all the anger and bitterness that had surfaced between them in the short amount of time they'd known each other.

"Well, pet, it's like this...I used to be involved in a lot of stuff..."

"Stuff? Drugs?"

Spike nodded. "Yeah, drugs. I was pretty well high off of something all the time, which to be honest, pet, really didn't seem like that bad of a way to be."

Buffy let out a small exasperated sigh, "Yeah, Spike, but there are always consequences to that stuff."

Spike chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, consequences. Well, I'll give you that, luv. I didn't like those so much."

"Spike..." she paused to gather her thoughts, "I'm a little confused already. You talk about this stuff like it's in the past, but when I met you...you were—"

"That's the first time I'd used anything in a year." He said it in a rush, not wanting to hear her description of how she'd found him that morning at the lake house.

She looked at him incredulously, "I'm supposed to believe that?"

If she expected him to be angered by her response, she was wrong. He simply looked her in the eye and calmly replied, "Yes." Somehow, the simplicity of his answer made her inclined to believe him.

She looked down at the floor for a moment, not being able to stand the intensity of his gaze. "Why then? Why, Spike? Why would you just throw away a year of sobriety?"

With a thump, he leaned his head back against the wall. He let out a wry chuckle, "For a woman. Why else?"

Buffy observed him again, finding it easier to face him when his eyes weren't on her. "What happened, Spike? What was so bad?" After a moment, she watched his chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh.

"The night of that party...I had gotten off work early to surprise Drusilla...Dru...for her birthday. I...I went home, and I found her there...with my best friend...and they were..." he closed his eyes, remembering the night much too clearly, "...they were together." He let out a breath. "And on top of that, there were drugs involved...she's the one who got me to quit in the first place. She's the love of my life...was the love of my life."

Buffy felt absolutely sick inside over Spike's story. He was clearly in a great deal of pain. So, she was not one hundred percent certain why the next words came out of her mouth. "Well, my ex cheated on me constantly and I never started shooting up a bunch of crap or anything."

Spike's eyes flew open. He instantly remembered why he had wanted to throttle the girl earlier on the driveway. Not wanting a repeat of that, he silently began to move past her to exit the bathroom. He was stopped when a small hand latched onto his wrist.

"Let...go," he gritted out between clenched teeth.

"No, Spike, no...I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that." She was nervous that she'd again angered the man, but she couldn't help her desire to set things right.

Spike wasn't sure if there was even a point to revealing anymore of himself to this girl. She would either blow it off or use it against him. And yet, he so desperately wanted her to understand—wanted her to know that he was more than just a worthless junkie.

He spoke softly, "Dru wasn't all there. She needed me. I thought she needed me. I suppose it made me feel important." He released a tired sigh. "The point is—while you were going through the motions with Captain Cardboard—I was taking care of the woman I loved more than anything in the world. And now that's gone...my best friend's gone...everyone's gone."

She lightly caressed his wrist with her thumb. "You're right...about Riley. We never exactly had a passionate love affair. I never loved him. I don't think he ever loved me. If he did, he had a funny way of showing it." She paused. "Spike, you say everyone's gone. What do you mean? Why do you have nowhere to go?"

He leaned his shoulder against the wall across from her, but she refused to release her hold on him. "When I was going through withdrawal, I couldn't be around my friends that still used, so they just sort of drifted away. A lot of my other friends were a bit on the self-righteous side like you," she rolled her eyes at him, "and they wandered off while I was still using. Angel and Dru have each other now. Oz has always stuck by me, but..."

"But what? Why can't you stay with Oz?"

This time, Spike's sigh sounded defeated. "Willow. She'll never let me stay there."

Buffy furrowed her brow. "Willow? Why won't this Willow person let you crash with them?"

"Consequences, pet. It's those bloody consequences."

She tugged gently on his arm. "Will you tell me? Will you tell me what happened?"

He tilted his head in her direction and regarded her for a moment. "This isn't a conversation to be had in the loo."

"Come on." Buffy pushed away from the sink and pulled Spike from the bathroom by his wrist. She started towards the living room but stopped abruptly when the man behind her ceased movement. Buffy's expression was puzzled, "Why'd you stop?"

"Let's go to the bedroom."

"Wh-what?" Buffy felt her face heat up.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Just to talk. Look, if I'm gonna tell you this particular story, then I want to be as comfortable as possible when I do it, okay? It's hard enough as is...ya know, I don't know why I'm even—"

"No! I mean...the bedroom is fine." Buffy could tell he was about to change his mind about opening up to her. For some reason, she found that particularly distressing.

"All right then, luv." He glanced down at his wrist, still being held hostage by her feminine little hand. "You can let me go now, kitten. I promise I won't pull a runner on you."

"Huh? Oh!" Buffy's eyes widened as she quickly dropped his wrist. "Sorry!"

"S'all right, luv. Just prefer to hold your hand is all." With that, he took her hand in his and guided her back to the bedroom.

Buffy glanced at the small sofa to one side of the room, though most of her attention was taken by the large bed dominating the space. Being here...in this room...at night...with him...well, she was finding it a bit difficult to focus. She felt her heart speed up and butterflies fill her stomach as she had a particularly vivid memory flash of him moving inside of her. Get a grip, Buffy. That isn't what you're here for.

"Did you hear me, luv?"

"Huh?" She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realized she was being spoken to.

"I said we should get on the bed. It's a hell of a lot more comfortable than that tiny sofa."

"Oh...the bed...right." She swallowed.


Chapter End Notes:
Please, please, please let crazy, stressed-out Pandora know how she's doing! Thank you so much!



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