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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's the deal. In between Ch. 8 of this and Ch. 4 of my other fic, I got some distressing work news on top of the already distressing work news I was dealing with. I've been one big ball 'o' anxiety ever since. Apparently, I can't write when I'm anxious. I feel like I can't put together a sentence more elaborate than 'see Spot run' right now. As this fic is my 'baby' of the moment, I've been scared to touch it. I don't know when things will be all right for me. I don't want to work on this fic if my writing isn't going to be very good. I tried to get myself to focus yesterday and today and here's what I came up with for Ch 9. I barely even got into my notes on this fic, so I probably have notes through the next couple of chapters, but I'm not going to flesh it out if my writing is not there right now. I'd be happy to explain the work stuff in a long answer to someone's review if you guys are interested, but I'm not going to make you guys suffer through any more of this AN. So here's Ch. 9!
Chapter Nine:

Buffy's eyes were wide as she shifted her gaze from Spike to the object dangling from her fingers. As she stared unblinking at the substance in her hand, the world seemed to tilt on its axis. Suddenly, they were no longer Buffy and Spike in the really real world. No, at that moment, they became Randy and Joan in some cheesy after school special—and Joan had just found Randy's stash. That could only mean one thing—this was the confrontation scene.

Look at me, luv. Please, just look at me, kitten. Let me see those beautiful hazel eyes again. Spike was desperate to draw Buffy's attention back to his face and away from the wicked snow—but certain that it would set off a dangerous chain reaction if he was to break the silence. If he could only get her to focus on him, then maybe they could just pretend for a little bit longer. Pretending. That's what they'd been doing, right? What he'd been doing? How could he ever think that...god, he was such an idiot. Finally, the quiet was disrupted by his own disconsolate chuckle. He felt strangely ill when he saw the girl didn't even notice—she was so transfixed on that fucking bag.

Buffy was disgusted at herself. She was every bit the arrogant little...bint he thought she was. Did she think he'd somehow spontaneously change when he was graced with her infallible presence? All the names she'd called him in her head, and yet she never thought she'd find...this—not here, not now. And oh god...this...in her hand...god...

The two tense blonds were both shocked when Buffy violently flung the bag to the ground as if suddenly burned by even her lax hold on it. Finally, she met his eyes.

"Th-th-that's...that's..." she stuttered out breathlessly, never completing her thought.

Spike knew this wasn't the time to be a smartass, but old defensive mechanisms die hard. He bent over slowly and snatched the evidence off the ground. Completely unhurried, he straightened back up and once again met her eyes. For a moment, his own softened at the confusion and hurt he saw in them, then he allowed his blank mask to fall and cleared his throat.

Holding the baggie up between them, his lips curled into a smirk, "It's cocaine, luv. You aren't going to go to Hell for saying it."

Buffy dragged her hands across her face. "Oh...my...god. Oh my god! I told you! I told you not to do anything stupid!" She cringed at her screeching voice but continued on, "Well, Spike, this constitutes as stupid." She closed her eyes and lightly tapped her knuckles on her forehead. "I am such an idiot! Of course, the junkie is going to bring drugs, Buffy. Idiot! God! I'm just lucky you didn't steal my valuables!"

Some part of Spike knew he had no right to his sanctimonious outrage, but at that moment, he was livid. Without giving it any further thought, he grabbed one of her arms and jerked it downward, her other unconsciously following as her eyes widened in shock.

Still holding her wrist in a bruising grip, he bit out, " I...am...not...a...thief."

Her eyes flashed, not ready to give up the fight, "Right, Mr. Innocent, you've never stolen before." She noticed his eyes flicker to the drugs in his free hand before returning to her face, his glare harsh in the moonlight. "Oh..oh-oh-oh..I see." She snickered, "That's beautiful, Spike. You fuckin' stole drugs!" She began to laugh outright even as he wrenched her wrist roughly in an attempt to quiet her. "Yeah, you're no thief!"

Spike quickly shoved the bag in his pocket to free up his other hand. Who knew shutting this bint up would be such a physical job? As she chattered away, he moved to grip her biceps and abruptly haul her to his chest. He intentionally used enough force to knock her breathless, though he almost felled them both in the process. After a slight stumble, they remained upright, pressed tightly together—faces inches apart. As she struggled to get her bearings, he used this opportunity to get a word in edgewise.

"Now, look here, you stupid hypocritical bitch," he hissed out in an odd stage whisper of sorts. "I got the co—that from your little friend. Yeah, she didn't know I took it, but she's the one that had it in the first place. And I don't think that was her first rodeo either, luv. So, what is this? Huh?" He gave her a little shake, desperately wanting her to get it. "What is this? At least half your fucking friends use. I have no doubt your boy...ex-boy uses. Do you give them this much grief? Are they a bunch of junkies?!" As the words poured out of his mouth, he found his rage intensifying. How dare she hold him to such a different standard than her picture perfect little friends.

Buffy had been so lost in her own self-righteous anger that she hadn't given a thought to being afraid of the man in front of her, but now—god, how his eyes blackened with ire. She remembered them darkening another time...for a very different reason. "Let go of me, Spike," she begged in a hushed whisper, hating herself for letting it get to this point. She couldn't help but tremble when his grip didn't even begin to loosen. At that moment, there was no comfort to be found in the warmth of his body pressed so intimately against hers. "Spike, please," she breathed.

This was getting out of control. Spike knew it as well as she did. He was just a little slower on the uptake—but nothing could speed up that realization faster than the small trembling girl in his arms. His stomach turned with the understanding that she was not shivering from the cool night air, but from fear...of him. Fuck fuck fuck. He was horrified to find his eyes filling with moisture. Releasing her to dab at the wetness before it could streak his face, he mumbled woefully, "Look, I've had a really bad couple of days..."

Buffy hugged herself tightly from her place about five feet from the miserable blue-eyed man. His crumbling face had halted her retreat from going any farther. Why? She didn't know. She could already feel multiple bruises forming on her arms from his rough treatment. God, I should run. I should fucking run...but...he looks so lost...

Still rubbing at his eyes, Spike spoke softly, no trace of harsh indignation left, "I—this isn't me. You don't...get it..."

"You brought drugs into my home Spike. That's not acceptable. And tonight...I just...you should go." She swallowed, her throat feeling strangely constricted.

Spike's red-rimmed eyes flew to her worried hazel orbs. No, no, no! Stop throwing me away! This always fucking happens! "No! Wait! Let me...let me...let's talk a little, luv. Please, let's just talk, yeah?" he pleaded breathlessly, the stress of the evening evident in the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

"Spike!" She laughed humorlessly. "This is ridiculous..." God, she couldn't stand the way he was looking at her so desperately. This was worse than any leer or cocky smirk, so much worse. This was almost...pathetic. "You have cocaine in your pocket, Spike."

He blinked rapidly and nodded, gathering his thoughts. "Okay, okay. I can get rid of that, pet. Will you listen to me if I get rid of it? And-and I'll leave. I'll leave after, I will. What do you say, kitten? We'll talk, yeah?" He took a deep breath and in a much less frantic voice repeated, "We'll talk?"

She knew she shouldn't. She had the bruises to prove it, though she didn't think he'd really hurt her. Everything had just gotten so out of hand. Somehow, she knew he'd never strike her. Hell, he looked like someone had kicked his puppy when he realized how much he scared her tonight. Pros and cons, Buffy, pros and cons. To kick him out or not to kick him out. Pro—one less drama in her life. Con—wondering every damn day what the man had to say. Pro—easier to pretend any feelings she might have had were just a fluke. Con—having to pretend her feelings were just a fluke. Pro—no drugs. Con—no Spike. Oh...fuck.

"Fine...Spike. You ditch the drugs...we'll talk."

His face lit up at that as he held out his hand. "Let's head to the guest house, luv. This isn't a conversation to be had in the middle of the road."

Buffy had to force herself not to roll her eyes. Why did she have this niggling feeling that she'd just made a deal with the devil? Could this man talk her into anything? And why did she have a feeling that theory would be tested again before the night was over? Shaking her head, she found herself slipping her hand into his. Even after everything that had happened, she couldn't help the little burst of pleasure she felt from having her small hand encased in the warmth of his larger one.

Silently, they began their short walk to the guest house—hand in hand—the devil and the angel.


Chapter End Notes:
Oh, angst. For concerned parties: I'm just calling Spike the devil, because Buffy did. I may not condone all his actions, doesn't mean he's a bad person. So, don't get too pissed at me. Will Spike ditch the drugs? Are he and Buffy done arguing? What does he have to tell her? Will they come to an understanding? Is he leaving?! Those questions and many, many more to be answered in the next few chapters of Poison. Please read my author's note if you did not! And please, please, please review, so I know how broken my brain is! Let me know if I still have enough brain cells hanging on to work on this fic! Thank you so much, everyone! So sorry it's taken me so much longer than I wanted to get this out.



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