“Buffy, luv, wait!” he yelled as he jogged toward her.
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks. It was the first time she’d heard his voice since he walked out on her that night not too long ago. The sound of his voice alone made that tingling feeling in the pit of her stomach come back. She missed that more than she ever thought she would or could have.
He jogged up behind her and the closer he got the more he regretted running after her. The close proximity after everything that happened and the vanilla strawberry smell that was purely Buffy… it made everything all too real.
Her shoulders sagged in defeat of a battle she hadn’t even realized she had been fighting. He was here, and now they would have to have the conversation that she now knew would end in ‘Dru and I are back together, thanks for making me realize who I really loved!’
She turned to look at him as he came to a stop behind her, and the crushed look on her face broke his heart all over again.
He couldn’t lie, he was pleased to find that she actually sat at the table with Willow, Xander, and Oz rather than Queen C and Dumb and Dumber. He was sure she would run back to her friends and beef stick boyfriend after she was caught. When he’d heard about the blow out between her and Cordelia this morning he couldn’t hide the smile that formed.
“Buffy, I-“
“Dru, huh?” she said suddenly. “That’s really her?” The pain in her voice couldn’t be missed, but along with that also came loads of anger.
“Yeh,” he said carefully. “She’s gonna be in town for a few weeks.”
Buffy nodded and laughed a little, throwing him off. “You know, I knew you were mad at me. Didn’t want to talk to me or sit at the table with me… but her?!” she said pointing back toward the cafeteria. “If you wanted to hurt me, congratulations. You did,” she said biting backing away from him.
“What? No, I didn’t-“
“Look,” she said putting her hand up to stop him. “I know you two have a lot of history, and that you still love her…”
“No I-“
“But there are things I need to figure out now. And until I figure out what I need to, I can’t be around you.”
Spike was growing angry now. Who did she think she was? She was accusing him of things without letting him explain. “Buffy I didn’t bring her here. I didn’t want her here, but there is some unfinished stuff between us now,” he said looking at her eyes. “I decided not to make her leave, but I want you to understand that my intentions are not for her and I to get back together.”
Hope fluttered through her, and quite frankly it pissed her off to think of how pathetic she felt, clinging to the possibility of being with him again.
He was just another guy… who obviously had no problem moving on.
“I appreciate your concern, really, but-“
“Buffy, do you realize how much it hurt me that you were lying to me all that time?”
She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. “You think I haven’t thought about it? I feel awful about it, I really do, but you act as if you were the one who was being cheated on. Riley was going to be out of my life the minute he got home from that trip,” she said, fresh tears forming in her already red and puffy eyes. “Do you really think I would be going through all of this right now if I wasn’t serious about you?”
Spike was in awe, and didn’t know how to respond. Each time he pointed out that it was her who wronged him, she turned things around to make him feel so guilty about it. And what really pissed him off was that he was giving her an opening letting her know he wanted her and not Dru, and she was saying she needed time to think about things?
He crossed his arms in front of himself and glared at her. “Why did you tell me you loved me?”
A new kind of hurt rose up in Buffy’s chest. She had to look away from him to keep from crying again. She was so tired of crying.
She looked up at him again and for a split second he thought she was going to fall in his arms and kiss him, but then her eyes grew cold again and she backed away.
Then he felt the hand snake over his shoulder and another grasp his bicep. Buffy’s eyes became daggers.
“I hope you two find what you’re looking for,” her voice came with a hardness he had never heard from her before. Before he got the chance to stop her, she was gone.
He clenched his jaw and looked down at Dru who was standing there smiling, resting her chin on his shoulder, wearing his leather duster.
x X x X x
“So how the hell are we going to get them together with the queen of the dead in town?” Xander asked, sitting on an awkward looking orange chair.
Willow was pessimistic. “I don’t know if we can anymore, Xand. Buffy’s moved past sad and now she’s more mad.”
“We should sabotage Dru,” Xander smiled. “Make her get the hell out and stay out.”
“She gives me the wiggins. I can’t wait until she leaves.”
“Well that’s what I’m sayin’, lets make her leave. Get her outta here early.”
“That’s easier said than done, Xander. Besides, don’t you think that if Spike really wanted her gone, he would have made her leave in the first place?”
“If he gets back together with her, I’m going to be very upset…”
“Gets back together with who?” Spike asked as he descended the stairs to Xanders basement bedroom, Drusilla in tow.
Xander looked up at them, wide eyed.
Busted.
“Um, no one… no one you know.”
Spike quirked a brow knowingly at the boy, who turned away in shame.
Drusilla smiled at everyone in the room, and Xander and Oz gave her fake smiles back. When she looked at Willow, however, she was greeted with a scowl. Deciding to leave it alone, for now, she turned her attention back to Spike as they took a seat next to each other on the sofa bed.
“So Spike,” Willow began, already knowing the real answer before she’d even finished the question. “Did you talk to Buffy today?”
Spike looked up, and angry expression immediately covering his face. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did.”
“What did you guys talk about?” Willow smiled, loving the annoyed look on Dru’s face when she said Buffy’s name.
Spike shifted uncomfortably. “Stuff…” he said, clearly not wanting to talk about it. “Hey so I thought we could all go to the Bronze some night this week, show Dru…”
“Sure,” Willow said, slightly annoyed. Then her face lit up. “Hey, remember that time you and Buffy went there? After she snuck into you’re room in the middle of the night?”
Xander and Oz looked quickly between Willow and a steadily angering Spike. And a really annoyed Drusilla.
“She told you about that?” he asked, a bit surprised, a little pain evident in his voice at the memory.
Willow immediately felt a little guilty. “She told me about all of the things she loved to do with you…”
Spike looked at Willow as if trying to tell her something, and at first she was confused but then the realization hit her, and hope fluttered.
He loved her too.
So it was decided. Operation-Get-Drusilla-Gone was now underway.
x X x X x
When Buffy had gotten home from school she felt the need to take a long, very hot bubble bath to get rid of the feeling she got after all of the events of the day.
It amazed her, actually, just how much it hurt to not be around him all the time. How much it hurt that Drusilla was staying with him in his home, probably in his bed, invading his space in a way Buffy used to.
Although, the more she thought about it, Buffy started to realize how unfinished his relationship with Dru probably was, and that it was sort of her fault that it hadn’t aired out the way it should have.
She had gone over there, mere hours after Drusilla dumped him, and teased him with climbing through his window and into his bed. She distracted him.
He never fully coped with that breakup, and it was no secret he had loved her… his dark goddess. And he still loved her. That was why he wouldn’t make her go home. He still wanted her.
It angered Buffy beyond belief that she let herself fall for someone who’s mind was focused on someone else. She cursed herself for not being more sensitive to him and his feelings, and for rushing things so much with the relationship they had just begun together. And she couldn’t help but feel that if she had gotten her hormones in check, maybe all of this between them could have been avoided.
Then again, Dru may have still come back, and he would have just left her to get back together with Dru. All you have to do is look at her and know that they fit together. He called her his black beauty. She had that dark sensuality to her.
Buffy didn’t have that.
She was actually probably the exact opposite, probably nothing more than a trist for Spike. A little rebound, spring fling fun to be had, but after that nothing more. Buffy didn’t want to think any of it was true, but she couldn’t help it. She was nothing special, and Buffy knew it.
She took a deep breath and wiped some water off her face. She sat up and wrung her hair out, rinsed off, and pulled the plug.
x X x X x
Spike couldn’t stop thinking about her. No matter what he did… everything reminded him of Buffy.
He was thankful that Willow and Anya had offered to take Dru out shopping for a little while after dinner, and give Spike a break from babysitting her.
Now, as he lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, all he could do was think about her. The way her skin felt under his touch, the way her soft little moans only managed to turn him on even more, the way her emerald eyes sparkled when she smiled…
His heart ached for her… but he refused. He promised himself he would not be the one to go crawling back. He was always the one who would crawl back and beg. This time he refused.
He would not be loves bitch.
x X x X x
At the mall Willow, Anya, and Drusilla sat down at a small café table and ordered some beverages, struggling to put all their bags down on the floor without dropping them.
“Phew,” Willow said once they all got situated in their seats. “That was fun.”
Lies.
“Yes,” Drusilla said. “I don’t do this sort of thing while I’m at home.”
Willow nodded and slightly glanced over at Anya who gave her a subtle nod. “We used to come here with Buffy all the time,” Willow said and was pleased with the annoyed look Dru gave at the sound of Buffy’s name. “She used to come here and shop for some sexy stuff to wear for Spike,” she said wiggling her eyebrows.
Drusilla shifted uncomfortably. “They’ve been intimate with each other?”
Anya chose the moment to speak up. “Oh yes, they’re both very fond of orgasms.”
Drusilla choked on her latte, and her face grew red with anger.
“Spike loved the special orgasms Buffy would give him…”
“Anya!” Willow fake-scolded. “Drusilla doesn’t want to hear about how her dumping Spike caused him and Buffy to-“
“Scream each others names in oral pleasure?” Anya offered, eyebrows raised.
“She doesn’t want to know those things about Buffy and Spike,” Willow said subtly, looking out of the corner of her eye at Dru. “No matter how good they made each other feel.”
Willow and Anya simultaneously looked over at Dru from their seats across the table.
Dru was beyond pissed, clearly not liking the thought that her Spike was using his unique talents on another girl. She looked up with blazing eyes at the two girls. “I think it’s time I get back to Spikes. He’ll wonder what’s keeping me.”
x X x X x
Spike was frustrated with himself as he picked up the phone next to his bed and dialed Buffy’s cell number. He needed to talk to her, clear the air a little, and he needed to do it at a time when Dru wouldn’t be around to stir things up.
x X x X x
When her cell phone rang Buffy set her pen down on her desk and walked over to her bedside table where her phone was charging. The name on the caller ID made her heart sink and race with excitement at the same time.
Spike…
For a moment she thought about just letting it ring. She didn’t know what to say to him, and the last thing she wanted to was to argue more with him. But, as always when it came to Spike, she was pulled to him and she couldn’t help herself as she opened her phone.
“…Hello?”
x X x X x
Spike was more nervous than ever as the phone rang and rang. He wasn’t completely sure of what he was going to say to her. He supposed he just needed to hear her voice.
It seemed to ring forever and after a while he decided to give up. He had pulled the phone away and was about to hang up when he heard her on the other end.
“Hello?”
He quickly put the phone back to his ear. “Buffy?”
“Yeah…”
Spike sighed heavily and closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “Hi.”
Buffy was confused. What did he want? She sat down on her bed and blinked a few times, confused and unsure of what to say. “What’s up?”
Spike chuckled a little at how ridiculous everything was between them. “So much, pet. So much and I just wanted to hear you.”
Was he drunk? “Spike, I-“
“No, please don’t. Don’t tell me not to talk to you ‘cause I think we need to clear the air between us.”
“I wasn’t going to tell you that, spike. And,” she took a deep breath. “We do need to clear the air.”
Spike nodded to himself. “Alright.”
For a few minutes neither of them said anything, just sat in an uncomfortable silence. But Buffy couldn’t take it, she needed to get things out and she decided she could be the one early on to start the mending process.
“Spike, I… I’m sorry. For hurting you. I really never meant to and please believe me when I say I wasn’t using you.” She took a shaky breath. “I was just too impatient. I didn’t want to wait for him to get home so I could break the news.”
Spike listened angrily but intently as she spoke. As much as he wanted to stay mad at her he was finding it harder and harder to keep his resolve. “I’m sorry too, pet, for acting like a right ponce when you were hurting. But,” he sighed. “It hurt. It really did and after everything that pillock put you through-“
“But I didn’t know! I didn’t know about all the cheating and lying yet and I didn’t want to be a bitch and break up with the guy while he was on vacation. I’m not heartless, you know.”
“Yeh, I know. But you could have told me…”
Buffy laid back against her pillow and looked down at her fidgeting fingers. “Yeah. I know that now. I should have, and I’m sorry.”
Spike already felt better that they were making his kind of progress and good communication. “So,” Spike started. “Are… we… good now?”
Buffy didn’t want to say yes, she wanted to confront him on Drusilla and why she was really here and why he didn’t make her go home.
“It depends.”
Spike was a little surprised. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting to hear. “On what?” he asked with a little more disgust than he intended.
Buffy took a deep breath. Here we go… “Spike… you and I… we started to fast. We followed our hormones and everything was sort of a big haze. We, I don’t know, didn’t take enough time to really get to know each other… as friends. That’s something I really think we should have done.”
Spike nodded to himself again. “Yeah. Yeah I guess we should have. I’m sorry.”
“No! No, I’m just as guilty as you are. It’s just… it happened, and were both to blame for that one. I guess what I’m trying to say…” she sighed. “I think if we were ever to be okay again we’d have to start over. Take things slower this time. Be friends first.”
Spike sat up in his bed, feeling excitement flutter through him. “Alright, we can-“
“But I can’t do that, can’t be around you and be your friend if you’re going to be with Drusilla.”
Suddenly everything around Spike seemed to shut down.
Buffy’s voice was shaky as she continued to talk. “I’m so sorry, Spike, I am. But it’s just too much. To know you have her in your home, and that you too her back so fast… I can’t come around you if she’s around.”
“Buffy, pet, she’s leaving. We’re not together, I swear it. I make her think that there’s a chance so that she’ll back off a little but Buffy… you’re the only girl I think about.”
Buffy let out a small sob, and was mad at herself for letting him know she was crying. She was hearing what she wanted to hear but her brain was telling her to stand her ground and keep strong for now.
“There’s so much unfinished between you two, Spike, and I can’y help but feel like part of that is my fault.”
Spike was shaking his head. This wasn’t what he had wanted to hear.
“When is she supposed to leave?” she sniffled.
“A week…”
“If she really does leave… in one week we can talk again.”
“No, Buffy, please…”
“I can’t, Spike. I can’t watch you be with her. One week will go by faster than you think.” Buffy sat silent, listening to him breathe, unsure of what he’d say next. “Take this week, to figure out how you feel about her, and what you want from her. I’ll talk to you then.”
Spike clenched his jaw. “Fine.”
“Goodnight, Spike,” she said and before he could say anything else, she hung up.
x X x X x
As Buffy got ready for bed she couldn’t help but look over at Spikes bedroom window. She could see him walk by the window as he grabbed a pair of shorts out of the closet then disappear out of sight. She backed up a little when he reappeared again so that he wouldn’t be able to see her. It made her skin hot to see him walking around his room with nothing but a pair of shorts on. She missed being able to touch him.
Maybe we still have a chance…
Buffy felt a small wave of relief flow through her at the thought of them having another chance… that was until Dru appeared in the window and looked directly over at Buffy, smirking, and pulled the curtain shut knowing full well that Buffy would still be able to see the silhouettes.
Buffy’s blood was boiling at the thought of that girl being in Spikes room. Through the curtains Buffy could see Drusilla come up behind Spike and wrap her arms around him, running her cold bony hands down his creamy chiseled body.
Buffy felt like she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t have a chance at being with him again. That reality sunk down into her as she fell onto her bed, buried her face into her pillow, and cried over him one last time.
TBC