Chapter 19

Faith woke with a start in her dark room. Her heart was pounding. Something wasn’t right. Giles had left yesterday to help Buffy, and now, Faith was beginning to get the sneaking suspicion that she should have gone along.

She rolled over in the bed to see Robin sleeping soundly. She thought for a moment about her options. Robin was a good man, but she knew they were only together because they’d avoided almost probable death together, and they didn’t have anyone else. Their goals were stark contrasts to each other. He wanted children, she didn’t. He wanted a white picket fence, a big, dumb dog, and a big mini-van to take family trips in. She preferred the solitude of a new hotel room every other night, she sucked with animals, and she’d much rather ride a Harley or even a little two-seated sports car than some big, clunky van.

The sex was good, though. She had to admit that. He was the best she’d had in a long, long time, if ever. He was the only man she’d let get close enough to be on top, to make love to her instead of the other way around. It wasn’t just pure, animal sex. It was tender, and she did like that. But it wasn’t fair to him to let him hold out hope that she might change her mind some day.

Suddenly, her heart was racing, and her throat was clenching. She was panicking. If she stayed much longer, that would be her future. She’d either give in and live the kind of life she swore she would never have after her family split up, or she’d hurt him and hate herself even more. It was better this way.

Slipping out of bed, Faith found her clothes and her shoes. Silently she stuffed a few things into her suitcase, which was only partially unpacked. She never expected to stay in one place for too long.

Scrawling out a few words on a piece of paper, she silently placed it down on her pillow. Moving to the other side of the bed, she gently placed her hand against his cheek.

“Goodbye, Robin.” I’ll be back. I just don’t know how long I’ll stay.

***

The room had reverted back to his former dull, sunlit look, and Spike was propped up against the wall, rubbing the back of his head. He felt as if he’d been thrown off of the roof of a twenty story building. A dull ache was now throbbing painfully deep in his head, worse than any headache the chip had ever given him.

“Bloody hell,” he murmured, blinking and shaking his head a little. Everyone stared in shock at him, as he struggled to rise to his feet. Fred was the only one to move over and help him up.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine. Just got the soddin’ sense knocked out of me for a minute.” With that said, he rushed over to Buffy’s bedside. Her eyes were still closed, and she now had the faintest hint of an impression mark from the amulet on the palm of her hand. Spike, still holding the amulet, noticed the same mark beneath it on his palm. We’re the same. We’re soul mates. Lucky I’ve got my bloody soul. Why isn’t she awake? She should be awake, right? I feel like a semi ran over me a dozen times, and for what? Why is she still asleep?

“Think you got your wires crossed, Red. She’s not awake.” Willow looked around nervously. All eyes were on her. I messed up. God, what did I do? How do I fix it?

“I don’t understand. I did everything. I did both. I brought her back. I…”

“Look,” Giles said softly, kneeling down beside the bed. “Her breathing’s returned to normal.” Despite the guilt weighing heavy on the witch’s heart, this bit of news brightened her spirits. Still, why wasn’t she opening her eyes?

“I think,” Willow said softly, “I think she’s just sleeping.” Spike gently took Buffy’s hand, and he gave it a little squeeze.

“Buffy? Slayer?” He saw Buffy’s eyes move beneath her lids, and he felt a lump form in his throat. “Buffy? Can you hear me?” The room was deathly silent, and Spike could almost hear Buffy’s heart softly beating beneath her breast. Then, he could feel the temperature rise in the room, and he looked around to see if anybody else had noticed. It must have been a slight change, because nobody seemed to flinch about it. He brought her hand to his cheek and cupped it against his face. It was the most emotionally vulnerable any of them had glimpsed him before, even when Buffy had died saving Dawn; saving the world. Nobody knew what to say, but Angel couldn’t help but wish that there was something he could do to help the woman he loved; the woman who used to love him.

“Spike, maybe we should,” Gunn began, but Spike’s words interrupted him.

“Please, Buffy. Wake up.” It was a pitiful plea, especially for a vampire, but it came from the heart. And as he uttered those words, the amulet began to shine again. Spike felt the light vibrate through his entire being, and he groaned in pain, dropping the amulet to the floor. Not again.

“Spike?” Willow asked. Everybody looked at one another, as Spike fell to his knees on the floor. He clutched at his chest, feeling it tightening. He started to groan in pain, and Willow moved to him, but the moment she touched him, a force threw her back, causing her to hit the wall. Nobody else moved to help him, and Giles moved to help Willow up.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m…ow.” She rubbed the back of her head and blinked a few times, shaking her head. “Guess I didn’t see that coming.” Giving Giles a nod that she was ok, the two of them made their way to Buffy’s bedside.

“Look. She’s waking up.” Sure enough, Buffy was opening her eyes. She squinted into the light, her forehead creasing in confusion.

“Spike?” she murmured. Spike let out a hiss, as he clutched at his head, now.

The pain turned to searing agony, and Spike started to scream, throwing Buffy out of her state of unconsciousness completely. She sat up in the bed, seeing Spike writhing in pain on the floor.

“Spike?!” she asked, as if she’d been awake this whole time. “Oh God. Do something!”

“We can’t,” Willow said, rubbing the back of her head, as Spike fell back onto the floor, writhing, clutching at his chest and at his head, ripping at his shirt, as if it hurt just to wear it. Buffy started toward Spike, but Giles pulled her back.

“Don’t. It threw Willow back against the wall.” Not thinking, she broke free from Giles, and she knelt down to Spike, putting her hands on his shoulders to hold him down. She wasn’t thrown back. Instead, she seemed to calm his pain just a little, though he still groaned in agony, just not as loudly.

“Spike?”

“Get back. Please,” he moaned, not wanting her to get hurt because of him. Buffy wouldn’t move, but in a moment, she felt arms pulling her back. “Don’t want to….hurt you…” I never want to hurt you. Just let me die…

“Buffy, come on.” It was Angel. Don’t take me away from him. Please, don’t take me away.

“No! He’s in pain!” Buffy yelled. She looked helplessly at her best friend. “Wil, please. Do something.” He wasn’t just any vampire that the world would be a better place without. Despite the fact that he was a vampire, he was a good man. He had a soul. The world needed him. Buffy needed him. “Please, Wil!” Willow started flipping wildly through the spell book, trying to think of something to do to stop Spike’s misery. Despite the things he’d done in his past, he now wanted only to help Buffy, so she couldn’t just let this amulet destroy him. Not again.

As everyone stood around, Spike’s body continued to convulse, and Willow’s fingers shook against the thin, rattling pages. Buffy stared into Spike’s eyes, tears flooding hers.

“It’s ok, luv,” he groaned. “Get back. Don’t…I don’t…it hurts.”

“It’s ok,” she whispered. “You didn’t leave my side. I won’t leave yours.”

Willow began to chant something, but she didn’t sound very certain about it. Spike’s pain continued to grow, as Willow continued to chant.

“Look at me. Look into my eyes,” Buffy finally stated. “Spike. Look at me! Focus. It’s ok. It’s like with the chip?”

“Worse,” he managed. Buffy nodded.

“Ok. Ok, Spike. You have to look at me. Look. Spike!” She was growing frustrated and terrified. “Spike. Look at me!” She held him down harder, as his body shook more and more violently. Angel started to move forward to get her out of harm’s way, but Wesley held him back.

“Wait,” he murmured.

Spike unclenched his fists and looked directly into Buffy’s eyes, and Willow stopped chanting. Uncertain as to what actually relieved him of this attack, Willow’s spell or Buffy’s gaze, he finally relaxed, and the pain went away, leaving him panting and spent on the floor. Sighing, Buffy bowed her head, thankful that Spike was still with her.

Spike, however, remained very still, a look on his face that Buffy had never seen before.

“Spike?” she whispered.

“Buffy…I…” He reached for her hand, and she took it. Everyone slowly gathered around. Spike closed his eyes, gasping for breath. Ragged breath. “Oh God. I can…I can feel it.”

“What?” Buffy asked, eyes wide. “What is it?” He placed her hand on his chest, and she began to tremble. “Oh my God.”

“What is it?” Lorne asked from the background.

“I can feel it,” he repeated, before passing out against the carpeted floor. Buffy’s hand pressed hard against his chest, and she could feel the thumpthumpthump steady against her palm. Looking up at her friends; her family, she struggled for the words, until they came tumbling out.

“He’s human.”





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