Chapter 22
“Are you ready for this?” Buffy asked, stepping out onto the balcony of the apartment she and Spike had stayed in at Wolfram and Hart. Spike stared at her, all golden and glowing in the sunlight. He was apprehensive. The thought of walking into the sunlight was frightening and obsessive at the same time. He needed to do this, but his gut was speaking from over a hundred years of experience in avoiding the sunlight at all cost.
“Yeah. Just give me a second, luv.” Buffy nodded and turned to lean against the balcony rail, looking out over the city, amazed at how quiet it was up here, when down the street, it was noisy and crowded. But they couldn’t stay here. Not forever, anyway. She knew that she and Spike needed to get out of L.A. and move on to wherever it was they were needed. But no place would ever feel like home. Despite its hellish history, Sunnydale would always be home. It’s where her mother was. It’s where her best memories were. They were all buried in some gaping hole that covered the entrance to hell.
Spike took a deep breath, feeling his heart pounding so fast in his chest. He finally reached out, placing his hand in the path of the light, feeling the warmth there. He almost flinched and pulled back, but he stayed there. You bleedin’ idiot. It’s sunlight. It won’t hurt you. Finally, he took a step out onto the balcony and was bathed in sunlight. His skin warmed, and he breathed a breath of fresh air. He stepped up beside Buffy, placing his hand over hers on the railing. She turned to him, taking in the sight of him bathed in light.
“So?”
“I don’t know. It’s different.”
“Good different, or?”
“Good different,” he said softly. “When I was human the first time ‘round, I spent most of my time inside pouring over my poetry.” He shrugged sheepishly. “Took it for granted, and I didn’t realize it ‘til I couldn’t go out during the day anymore.”
“Well, now you can. On the weekdays, decapitate demons by day and dust vampires by night, and on the weekends, we’ll take our babies to the park for a picnic. At noon instead of midnight.” Spike smiled, pulling her in.
“I like the way you think, pet. Except we’ll probably want to avoid telling the kiddies about the decapitation part until they’re at least three.” Buffy laughed.
“Yeah. We’re going to be the strange mom and dad that everybody wants to avoid at parent teacher conferences. I’ve already been that parent with Dawn.”
Buffy rested her head upon his shoulder, and he felt one of the babies kicking her hard.
“Our son’s gonna be a football player. Maybe they both will be.”
“Do you mean football or soccer?”
“Oh, right. I suppose it’s what you Americans call soccer.” Buffy laughed.
“Maybe.” She rested her chin on his chest, looking up, as he looked down into her eyes and then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We have to leave, Spike.”
“Yeah.”
“We should leave soon, too. I know Giles and Faith and Wil need to get back to their new lives, and we have to start ours.”
“Yeah. I think we wore our welcome out long ago. Least, I know I did. You’ll always be welcome here.”
“Maybe.” She gently ran her hand alongside his face. “Except I don’t want to be anywhere you’re not wanted.”
“You don’t have to say that. Your friends…they’ll never accept that you…”
“That I love you?”
“Never get tired of hearing that.”
“Spike,” Buffy said seriously, “I respect that they have their opinions, but I have to do what’s best for me. And you’re what’s best for me.”
“And you are doing…”
“Spike, you’re gross.”
“But you like it.” Sighing, she shook her head.
“Come on. We’d better go.” She took his hand and led him back inside.
***
“You don’t have to leave so soon,” Angel said quietly, as Buffy, Spike, Faith, Willow, and Giles all stood out in front of the limo Angel had had pulled around after sunset. It was taking them straight to the airport, and from there, they’d all go their separate ways.
Buffy turned toward Spike and smiled a little.
“I’ll be back.” He nodded, keeping an eye on Angel, as Buffy led the vampire a little further away.
“Angel, you and I both know that if we stay here, you’re going to be miserable. You don’t like Spike any more than he likes you, and if I’m with him, that’s just…I don’t want to be the reason you’re miserable.” Angel said nothing. “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Angel. I love you. Very much.” She looked over toward Spike, who looked away quickly and moved over to make small talk with the others. “I know you can’t understand how I feel. I used to hate myself for feeling it, but it’s real, Angel. I love him. God help me, but I do. And we have a chance now.”
“Because he’s human.” I was human once. You stayed. You wanted to be with me. You don’t remember.
“Not just that. Even if he wasn’t…” Buffy sighed. “You were the first boy…man…that I ever loved. I still care about you a lot, but I’ve been hurt a lot since then. By you, by other guys, and by Spike. But through all of that, I figured out who I was. I might still be the Slayer, but I’m not the same girl you knew.”
“I know. I’ve known for a while. I just…I just wish things had turned out differently.” Buffy nodded.
“I used to wish that too. But I’m happy.”
“I know. I can see it when you look at him. It’s how you used to look at me.”
“I’m sorry this is difficult for you. It’s not easy for me either.” Angel looked at her sheepishly.
“Good.” She knew he was trying to be funny, so she cracked a small smile.
“I’ll keep in touch, but…but I won’t send baby announcements, because I know you wouldn’t…”
“They’re important to you, so they’re important to me.”
“Spike’s important to me.”
“Well, he’s the exception.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you two. I think I may have to put my original plan into action someday.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you two wrestle it out…in oil.”
“Never happening.”
“A girl can dream.” She smiled. “Thank you for everything, Angel. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me.”
“I didn’t really do anything.”
“You were here. That counts.” She leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek and wrapping her arms around him. He struggled with the decision to hug her back, but he couldn’t deny her that. They were still friends. Maybe she had fallen out of love with him, but he still loved her, and he wanted to be as close to her as he could be.
“Take care, Buffy.”
“You too.” She gave him one last squeeze and pulled away. “Just so you know, there’ll always be a spot open, if you want to be Uncle Angel.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said half-heartedly. Uncle Angel? Is she equating me to a brother?
“Bye.” She gave him a little wave before turning and heading back toward the limo. Giles, Faith, and Willow had already piled in, and Spike was standing outside the limo, holding the door open. Buffy ducked in, slid across the seat, and she was gone. Angel watched Spike, who turned toward him for a moment, looked as if he wanted to say something and then decided against it, and just gave him a little nod. Angel nodded back, and then Spike disappeared inside the limo, and it pulled away.
“Everything alright, luv?” Spike asked, pulling his arm around the slayer. She nodded.
“Yeah. I think he’ll be alright.”
“And you?” Buffy looked at him and took his hand.
“I made my peace that mine and Angel’s time was over a long time ago. That’s the past. That’s not me anymore.”
“Yeah? So…who are you?” he teased, squeezing her hand, as gave her a look that told her he wished they were both alone in the limo right now.
“That, my dear Spike, you’ll have to figure out on your own.” She leaned in to give him a soft kiss.
“Okay, enough with the get-a-roominess,” Willow said, sounding very much like Xander. Buffy looked at her best friend with surprise. “Sorry. New love is just…well, it’s new love. Kind of bums me out.”
“Things are ok with you and Kennedy, aren’t they?” Why didn’t I ask her that before? Maybe it was the fact that I was in a coma, and then my boyfriend was knocked unconscious and turned human. Yeah, that’s a pretty good excuse if I do say so myself. Buffy was suddenly very conscious of the fact that her conscience was very defensive and moody. Maybe her conscience had pregnancy hormones too.
“I…I don’t know, Buff,” Willow replied.
“Okay. That’s it. You’re not going anywhere tonight.”
“I’m not?”
“Nope. Brownie pig out.” Buffy turned to Spike.
“But…we don’t have an oven.”
“That’s ok. I heard one of the secretaries at Wolfram and Hart talking about this bakery where they make the best double fudge chocolate chip fudge swirl brownies.”
“You’re sure this is a human bakery, luv?” Spike asked.
“Yes! Well, they don’t bake humans, but humans eat there, if that’s what you mean.” Buffy felt her stomach growl. “We’re gonna need a lot of brownies.”
***
“Have a safe flight, both of you,” Buffy said sternly, hugging Faith a bit awkwardly, and then giving Giles an affectionate embrace.
“I know you don’t think you need a watcher, but I just want to tell you to take care of yourself.”
“I will, Giles. I promise.” You’re more of a father to me than my own father ever was. Giles glanced at Spike, who had decided to hang back and pretend to look at travel brochures. “Don’t worry. He loves me. Not in the obsessive, ‘I’m going to steal your clothes and pictures and build a creepy shrine to you’ way. He really does love me, Giles. I wish you could see that.”
“I suppose I’ll have to take your word on it.” Can you blame me for worrying?
“You’ll visit, won’t you?”
“Of course. I’ll be flying back in a month or so to take care of some business.”
“We’ll be sure to let you know where we decide to stay.”
“Yes, well, good luck. Watch out for yourself, and, yes, I am saying this, watch out for Spike. He’s human now, and we don’t know what advantages he’s lost.”
“I’ll take good care of him. Promise.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. He gave her a squeeze on the shoulder, and after a brief pause, he turned to talk to Willow. Buffy faced Faith, and Faith shook her head.
“Don’t start. I wasn’t going to go back. I wasn’t. But I guess I should give him another chance.”
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but I could tell he cared about you. You should give him a chance.”
“I don’t know about that, but…I am gonna face him. I mean, you and Spike gave up, well, accidentally gave up being a vampire for you. The least I can do is break things off face to face.” Buffy nodded in understanding.
“Thanks for coming, Faith. It was…it…it meant a lot.”
“Hey, a slayer’s gotta watch a sister slayer’s back. You just watch your own back and don’t, you know, get killed or anything.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Five by five.”
“Yeah. Five by five.”
***
“Oh my God, how did you eat seven of those things! I could barely eat two!” Willow exclaimed in absolute shock. “I’m a witch, so I’ve seen a lot of incredible things, but that…that was inhuman, Buffy.”
“What? I’m eating for three,” Buffy replied, brushing crumbs off of her shirt. She looked at Spike, who’d barely taken a bit of his brownie, because he’d joined Willow in the spectator sport of watching Buffy devour over half of their purchase.
“Are you sure they’re human babies?” Willow asked, as they sat on the bed in the hotel room.
“Wil!”
“Sorry, but, geez Buff.”
“Hey, you try carrying two bowling balls around inside of you and see how you feel.” Just as she was shifting, her face turned pale, and she put her hand over her mouth. “Oh no.”
“Spike, get out of her way,” Willow warned. Spike stepped aside just as Buffy went tearing toward the bathroom. A few gagging sounds and a toilet flush later, Buffy reappeared looking just as pale as before.
“Okay, that hasn’t happened in a while.”
“You alright, Buffy?” Spike asked, moving over toward her to place his hand on her back. She nodded.
“Yeah. Just…do you think you could go down the street to that little convenience store and get some mints or something. Something to calm my stomach. Something pepperminty, preferably.”
“Sure. I’ll leave you ladies to chat.” He headed out, and Buffy sat back down on the bed next to Willow.
“You sure you’re ok, Buff?”
“Yeah. I guess seven double fudge chocolate chip fudge swirl brownies didn’t agree with me after all.” She made a face. “Okay, so spill. We have approximately ten minutes before Spike gets back, so let’s talk private stuff.”
“Oh ok. Well, what do you want to know?”
“You and Kennedy. Are you having problems?”
“Like, in the bedroom?”
“Oh! No! Oh…well, yeah.”
“Um, well, there’s not really much to tell. Not lately anyway.”
“Oh. Dry spell?”
“Not exactly,” Willow replied. She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know anymore, Buffy. I don’t know if this is what I want.”
“To be a lesbian witch?”
“No. No, I’m pretty much as lesbian as you can get, but Kennedy…as horrible as it is to say, I think she was really just…just my cushion. She was a comfort, you know, after Tara. But the more I think about Tara, the more I realize Kennedy is…”
“Not her.”
“Right. And I like Kennedy. I do.”
“But you don’t love her.”
“Right. I feel like a terrible person.”
“You’re not, Wil. You’re a great person. One of the best I know. Much better than me.”
“Then why can’t I just be happy with her?”
“Maybe because you’re not as ready as you thought you were.” Willow nodded.
“I think you’re right. I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m not happy, and she’s not happy. I don’t know how we’ll make it out of it as just friends. She’s a Slayer, and she’s important in this.”
“You should talk to her. There might be tears. There might be screaming and throwing things. There might even be attempted murder, but in the end, you’ll be friends.” Willow stared wide-eyed at her friend.
“Oh, that’s just me and my relationships. Sorry.”
“Speaking of your relationships. So? How is it…with Spike being human and everything?” Buffy cocked an eyebrow.
“You really want to hear about me and Spike.”
“Well…yeah. I mean, he’s good now, right?”
“Right,” Buffy said slowly.
“And he makes you happy.”
“Yeah…your point?”
“My point is that we don’t get to see each other very much anymore, and if he makes you happy, you know, when none of us are around, then he must be a good guy, and, you know, not putting it on for appearances.”
“Spike’s never really been one for appearances.”
“That’s true. Like when he came into our dorm room and flat out told me he was going to kill me. We had a pretty nice chat after that. Until I hit him over the head with a lamp.”
“Yeah. He’s always been pretty straight forward. And hey, the plus side of him being a human is that he won’t try to kill you. Not that he would have if he’d still been a vampire. Soul, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. How could I forgot? We had Spike tied up, shackled up, pretty much grounded in the house for months on end.”
“Yeah. I’m starting to wonder if he secretly got off on that.” Willow laughed at Buffy’s remark.
“Well, you’ve been with no-soul, chip only vampire Spike. You’ve been with no-chip, soul-having vampire Spike, and you’ve been with soul-having human Spike. So…which one’s better. Inquiring minds want to know.”
“Wil!”
“What? You asked me about Kennedy. It’s the least you can tell me.”
“Promise this stays between us?”
“Promise.” Willow made the scouts honor gesture.
“Alright.” Buffy cleared her throat. “All three.”
“What?”
“Well,” Buffy laughed, her cheeks reddening a bit. “Chip-having, no soul Spike was an animal. We’d start out tender…rarely, but it always ended up with us on the floor, broken things everywhere.” Willow’s eyes widened. “I know. Some of my favorite scars are fond reminders of those times.” She lifted her pant leg to show a faint scar on her shin. “Coffee table.”
“Wow.” Willow picked up the barely-eaten remnants of Spike’s brown and began to munch on them, despite Buffy’s lovely pre-brownie pig out party in the bathroom.
“Let’s see. Well, soul-having, chipless, vampire Spike was the other day, and, well, it got pretty hot and heavy, but he was really tender. The pregnancy probably helped matters. I have a feeling that the first time we have sex after the babies, I won’t be walking straight for a week.” Willow sucked in a sharp breath, sending brownie particles down her windpipe. She began to choke violently, and Buffy thumped her on the back a few times. “You ok?”
“Mmm…um…yeah. Go on.” She coughed a couple more times but waved Buffy on.
“You sure?”
“I’m living vicariously through you.” Buffy eyed her. “I’m not saying I want to be with Spike or anything. It’s just been a while since I’ve been with a guy, you know? Not that that’s what I want anymore, but hey, I can have fond memories of Oz, can’t I?”
“I’m not judging you,” Buffy replied.
“Okay. Good. So. Human Spike?” Buffy smiled again and Willow raised an eyebrow this time. “How’s it different?”
“Well, vampires, they’re…well, they’re colder than humans.”
“Obviously.”
“It was a nice contrast, feeling how cool his skin was, especially when I felt like I was getting hotter, you know, during the, um…”
“Yeah, yeah.” Willow’s cheeks were a bit red now.
“But as a human, he’s so warm, and it’s nice. I’m finally with someone who…who feels like me. The warmth is comforting, and I know that he’s the first man…first human man I’ve ever loved with everything in me.”
“More than Riley?”
“Riley was a re-rebound guy, Wil. I mean, after Angel, it was Parker, and that was miserable. Riley was sweet. I did love him, but I couldn’t bring myself to open up to him. I think some of my worst enemies in the past have known more about me than Riley.”
“Oh,” Willow said slowly. “And Spike…”
“I know he doesn’t know everything about me, but I feel like he can read me. I feel like sometimes he knows me better than I know myself. After…after you guys brought me back from the dead, I…I was in a fog, and he was my guide. I hated him all along the way, but something happened, and…and…” She looked down at her belly. “Here we are.”
“Yeah, here we are,” Willow replied. “Wow, Buffy. It sounds like you’ve got everything you want.”
“Yeah.” She shook her head, “but I don’t know how long it’s going to last. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“Don’t think like that.” Buffy nodded, tears in her eyes.
“I know. I just can’t help it.” She suddenly grabbed for Willow’s hand. “Wil?”
“What is it, Buffy?”
“I want you to promise me something.”
“Oh…okay. What?”
“If anything happens to me, you’ll be there. You’ll be in my kids’ lives. Spike…he’ll do okay, but I want them to know you, and I want their Aunt Wil to be able to tell them things…things like this, that Spike can’t.”
“You mean, about sex?”
“Well, no! Okay, if one’s a girl, then maybe, when she’s forty.” Willow smiled, but a frown came creeping back in immediately.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
“I’ve been having dreams, Wil. Dreams that Spike says ‘they’re coming.’ I don’t know who ‘they’ are.”
“Maybe he’s talking about the twins?”
“I don’t know. I had a couple before I even knew it was twins. I just…I just need to know you’ll be there.”
“Buffy,” Willow promised, squeezing her best friend’s hand. “Whatever it takes, I’ll be there, no matter what. When those babies are born, you know I’m gonna shop until I drop trying to find the perfect mini-slayer outfits.” Buffy sniffled, letting out a little laugh.
“Thanks, WIl.”
“What are friends for anyway?” They smiled at one another and then shared a hug. They’d both missed this.
“I wish you weren’t leaving tomorrow.”
“I’ll come back and visit. I’m sure Kennedy’s going to need a break from me after…”
“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “You always have a place with us. Just keep in touch, and we’ll let you know where we end up.”
“I will. I promise.” A shout from outside startled them both. It was muffled, but it was loud. Then a scream.
“Oh my God,” Buffy gasped, getting up and rushing toward the door. “Spike!”
To Be Continued...
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