Chapter 4

Neither Buffy nor Spike could sleep again that night. They lay in bed, both staring up at the ceiling, while Dawn slept down the hall and the kids slept silently in their rooms.

“We can’t forget to turn all the lights out when we leave,” Buffy said quietly, trying to avoid thinking or talking about her daughter’s potential slayer-ness.

“Don’t worry, pet. We’ll take care of everything in the morning.” Buffy rolled onto her side to face him. He did the same, only to face her. “You’re alright?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I’m just wondering if this is the best idea.”

“I thought you wanted to go.”

“Want to go? No. Have to?” She closed her eyes for a moment. She felt Spike’s hand on her cheek, and her eyes slowly opened again. “It’s my job. I can’t leave them hanging like that, Spike.”

“I know, pet. Just because you’ve got a family doesn’t mean you can give up your duties.”

“It isn’t like that,” Buffy replied gently. “My family matters more to me than anything. But if I didn’t go and something happened to them, I couldn’t forgive myself.” She swallowed hard. “But at the same time, if I go, and Bex or Bella or…or you got hurt, I don’t know. I can’t win here, Spike.”

“I’ll be there by your side, helping every step of the way, Slayer. You can count on me. You should know that by now.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” she blurted out.

“What?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t go. Maybe you should stay here. Stay with them. Keep them safe.”

“You want me to stay here while you run off to London to help fight what’s turning into an ugly war?”

“Maybe it would be safe.”

“It’s never safe, Buffy. Wherever we go, there’s danger. You think that if you leave here, nobody’s going to come sniffing around the place? If Bella’s…if she’s a potential, then the minute you’re gone, they’re going to come in droves.” Buffy flinched at the thought.

“Yeah. You’re right.” God, she hated this. She hated that her children were in jeopardy, and there was no way she could guarantee their safety one hundred percent, but she was going to have to lie to them and tell them there was nothing to worry about, so she wouldn’t have two terrified little youngsters on her hands. “I’m glad you’re coming with me. I just wish it was an actual family vacation. Not a weapon-wielding one.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe one day we’ll be able to go to the beach, and you can get a tan.”

“Without the fear of spontaneously combusting. I like that. But getting a day off might be a little difficult. Unless there are demons at the beach.”

“Well, that loan shark…shark that was after you. Maybe there’s more of his kind there.”

“Because it would be funny?” Spike asked.

“Well, it would be to me.” She smiled a little, and he pulled her in. She snuggled up against his chest. Sometimes she was taken aback by the fact that this was all real. A man that had once been her enemy was now the only person she could let herself be this close with. He was a damned good father. He was everything that she very easily could have not given him the chance to be. He’d exceeded every expectation, and all she could do was bask in the warm, gooey feelings of love that she would have once found lame or would have freaked her out. But it was comfortable. She didn’t mind being warm and gooey and lame with him.

After a long silence, Buffy frowned in the darkness of their room. He could practically hear the wheels turning in her head.

“What’s wrong?”

“How do you know something’s wrong?”

“Because I usually get some sort of a response when I’m doing this.” His hand was trailing suggestively up her thigh.

“Sorry,” she muttered sheepishly.

“Just say what’s on your mind, luv, so we can…get back to not sleeping.”

“You really don’t have to go, you know. If you don’t want to.” Spike let out a frustrated sigh, and he caressed her shoulder under the covers.

“We’ve been over this, pet. We’re staying together. I lost you too many times before. I’m not doing it again. I couldn’t take it.” Buffy nodded in understanding. Tears filled her eyes, and she was thankful he couldn’t see. The last thing she needed was for him to dry her tears right now. She was a slayer, for crying out loud. Of course, that didn’t mean she had to be brave all the time. “I’m gonna tell you something I told you a long time ago.” He sat up in the bed, and she sat up with him. Taking her hands in his, he whispered, “you’re the one, Buffy. You’re the Slayer. You’re my wife. You’re the one I can’t go a bloody day without thinking about. Wherever you go, I’m gonna be at your side.”

Without words, Buffy drew him into a hug, clutching at him, resting her head against his chest to hear the comforting patter of his heart. She’d come to rely on hearing that, these past few years. It was a constant each night, lulling her to sleep with the promise that she’d wake up to the same sound in the morning. Still, she was unsettled tonight. The fact that they were going into a potentially deadly situation with no idea of what was going on was scary, much like going into battle with the First. Thankfully, the First was still squished for the time being. But what was it that had interfered with the spell? Why had all the newly activated slayers been demoted back to potential status? Why was all of this happening?

Nope, not gonna think about that right now, she decided, as she felt Spike resume his movements against her thigh. Without warning him, she pressed her mouth to his, kissing him slowly at first, her lips lingering for moments on end, and as her heart began to pound and her head began to swim with doubts and worries about this trip, she gasped, pulling herself atop him, kissing him harder, trying not to think, trying not to do anything but love him.

His hands moved to rest on her hips as she straddled him. He was hard in moments, and because he preferred sleeping in the buff, it was only a second before Buffy felt the length of his erection against her thigh.

Her nipples hardened, and Spike helped Buffy off with her nightgown so he could take one between his teeth, putting the perfect amount of pressure there. She let out a little hiss, as he rolled her over on the bed, bringing her legs to wrap around him. She bit her lower lip, as his fingers found their way between her legs, feeling her already wet to the touch. He smiled the smile that always got her body going, but he could still see in her eyes that her mind was on things she didn’t want to think about right now.

So, he leaned in to kiss her, inserting two fingers inside of her, stroking her, eliciting a soft moan. Her hands moved up his back and into his hair, pulling his mouth harder against her own. Her lips parted, and he traced soft, teasing lines against her lower lip, until her tongue met his, and he moaned in return.

She craned her neck back, and he kissed the hollow of her throat, feeling her pulse against his lips, something that still tantalized him, made his mouth water. Her heart was pounding faster now, and he kissed the center of her chest, nipping at and tasting the soft flesh of the sides of her breasts. His tongue could work miracles, she was convinced.

His fingers continued to explore her, circling around her clit, making her throb harder, making her wetter for him.

“Come here,” she murmured breathlessly, and in a moment, his mouth was on hers again, and her hand was on his pulsating cock, and she was guiding him in. In a few moments, he filled her, and she needed a moment. She always needed a moment to adjust. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder before her head hit the mattress again, and he softly traced his thumb along her jaw line, and she took his hand in hers, kissing his palm.

He could barely see her eyes in the darkness of the room, but he could see now that all of her focus was on him, and he smiled down at her.

“I love you,” he whispered. She caressed his cheek, her fingers dancing across his lips. He suckled a fingertip for just a moment, before he moved down to taste her lips again. Then he began to rock against her, and she closed her eyes, letting the feeling of him inside of her overtake her.

It had always been this way. Only with him. He was the only one who could make her forget about everything for just a little while. Maybe not completely, maybe just pushed it far to the back of her mind. But he was the only one who’d ever managed to make her feel exactly what she needed to feel at the exact moment she needed it most.

A crescendo of muted cries of pleasure, soft gasps, and the rhythm of their bodies moving faster together ended with Buffy wrapped in her husband’s arms. The fog had lifted, and those thoughts had drifted back. Sleep wouldn’t come easy, if at all, but for those few minutes, she had been able to let go, to be free, and to not worry that the fate of the world might very well rest in her hands once again.

***

“Morning,” he said awkwardly, as he descended the stairs in nothing but his silk pajama bottoms. She looked up from the table, spoon full of some sort of chocolaty cereal, and she could feel her cheeks burning. Mentally telling herself to cool it, suck it up, think of something else, she just nodded.

“Morning,” she replied rather flatly. The only thing she could be grateful for at this moment was that there were a few ex-slayers sitting around, and having a private conversation would not be happening.

“Still eating healthy, I see,” he said sarcastically, hoping to lighten the tension. She shrugged.

“I know what I like,” she replied in a cool, flat tone, hoping to get the point across. “It’s hard to change old habits.”

“I realize that,” he replied, getting that she was referring to the fact that she would never be the settle-down type girl. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Fine,” she answered, going back to her cereal, averting her eyes to the comic section of the paper. When they had lived together, this had been a common ritual in the morning. She’d sit at the table, avoiding conversations that might get too touchy-feely, and he would gawk at her, wondering how he could have fallen in love with somebody who obviously didn’t want to be in love, but was too far under the spell to really break free. It was better that they were apart, but still, seeing her sitting there like he’d seen her do so many times before felt like a punch in the gut. A lot of things had gone wrong, but here she was. If it wasn’t for Willow’s spell not working anymore, she’d probably be in L.A. or some other place, far away from London.

Finally, the awkwardness was getting to be too much, so Faith got up, poured the now-brown milk out into the sink, put the bowl on the counter, but quickly turned back to it, remembering that he hated it when she didn’t put dishes in the skin, but then she turned away again, deciding that it wasn’t for her to make him happy anymore. So, she left it on the counter and headed out of the room, tossing a friendly but reserved smile his way. He couldn’t help but smirk at the obvious jab she’d just thrown his way, but he decided not to say anything, as the other girls apparently had no clue what had just silently transpired in the quiet little kitchen.





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