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A massive thanks to my Beta Pixiecorn and a huge thanks to Edgehead for the awesome banner.
Chapter 12

Confessions of a slayer

Buffy took a much needed breath. She had been standing outside the front of Riley’s apartment for the last ten minutes trying to figure out what she was going to say to him.

It was bad enough that she had technically cheated on him and with Spike but to add insult to injury, she was now 5 weeks pregnant with Spike’s child. “A child he clearly wants nothing to do with,” she couldn’t help but think bitterly.

Taking another deep breath, she finally mustered the courage to knock. She heard Riley’s muffled yell to come and turned the knob, slowly walking into the room. She smiled softly at him as he moved to greet her, placing a soft kiss on her check.

“Hey, this is a surprise; I thought you said you were busy tonight?”

“I was but it turned out to be quicker than I thought it would be.” She replied, sitting next to him on the bed.

“Oh, ok. Well I had some plans with the guys but I can cancel if you want.”

“Actually we need to talk.”

“This sounds kind of serious.”

“It really is… D-do you remember about two months ago when Giles called one morning and I took off?”

“Vaguely but yeah.” Riley replied, memories of that morning slowly coming back.

“Well the reason he called me was because the council had sent him a scroll to translate,” she took a breath. “It was a prophecy about the major apocalypse and me.” Buffy met his gaze. “It said that on the day of the apocalypse my power, my strength wouldn’t be enough and I would lose.”

“Buffy…” Riley started, alarmed but Buffy was quick to cut him off, she just wanted to get this out and over with.

“There was one loop hole.” Riley’s shoulders relaxed. “On a certain day and time, a transfer of power from a master vampire to me could be made but the only way the transfer could be made is during a… physical act… a sexual act.” She explained, watching Riley stand and begin to pace.

“There’s no way… I mean, they can’t expect you to do that… When is it meant to happen? How long do we have to find another way?”

“We’ve looked,” Buffy sighed. “Giles, me and the gang have spent weeks looking.” Buffy met his eyes. “There isn’t another way, Riley. T-the date was five weeks ago.”

Riley spun around to face her, his face a mask of shock and pain.

“So what now? You lose and then what? You die? We all die?”

“That won’t happen, not now.” Buffy said. looking at him. Realization flooded through him.

“Please tell me you didn’t,” he whispered.

“I had to,” she replied, standing to face him.

“You cheated on me?” He asked, clearly hurt.

“Riley…” She started. “It’s not like I went out to some bar and brought a random vampire home so I could have my way with him. I was saving the world!” She tried to explain but when she saw his face twist in disgust, she knew immediately that they were about to have a major fight.

Not that she could blame him, he was right, she had cheated on him. With a sigh, she sent out a silent prayer, hoping that he understood that it wasn’t something she set out to do. She had looked for a way around it but in the end, had done the only thing she could in order to save the world.

“It doesn’t matter how you try and justify it, Buffy. You still cheated on me.”

“Yes, I did. Please try to understand that I never set out to hurt you. I looked for weeks for another way and there wasn’t one. What did you want me to do? Say screw the world, let it go to hell?”

“That would have been a good start.” He spat.

She couldn’t have been more thrown by his words. Sure she knew he would be hurt, mad even but never did Buffy think that he would have wanted the whole world go to hell, then to have her sleep with someone else.

“I know you’re hurt but that has got to be the most selfish thing I have ever heard you say… I’m sworn to protect this world and that means saying and doing things that others shouldn’t have to.”

“Yeah, if that’s what helps you sleep at night.” He hissed.

“You know what? I sleep just fine because I know when this apocalypse comes I’ll be ready.” Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “I will win and that is all that matters.”

Riley spun around to face her, face red with rage, eyes dark and hollow. Buffy had never seen him like this and to be honest, it scared her a little.

“Who was it, huh?” He demanded.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. It matters to me… was it Angel?”

“No. You know that’s not possible, not with his soul.”

“Was it Spike?” Her head shot up.

“It was wasn’t it?… Oh my God! You slept with Spike.” He spat, revolted by the thought.

“I did what I had to,” she replied simply.

“You let that filthy vampire touch you? I bet he just loved that, didn’t he?”

“Actually, he was a gentleman. Something you’re not being right now.” She said, her voice starting to rise.

“You want me to act like a gentleman then maybe you should stop acting like a whore!” Riley growled.

Buffy’s eyebrows rose in shock. Riley would never say something like that to her, she must have heard him wrong.

“Did you just call me a whore?”

“Well, if the shoe fits.” He spat back at her.

Buffy didn’t even realize her hand had left her side until it connected with his face. Her eyes glared at him with pure hatred, seeing a perfect red hand print forming on his left check.

“How dare you! I expected you to be upset, angry even…but never in my life did I think you would ever say something like that to me… I was hoping that somehow we could salvaged what was left of our relationship,” she shook her head. “Because God knows it’s been falling apart for months now,” she met his eyes. “But you have no respect for me or the job I was destined to perform.”

“How can I have any respect for you when you just admitted to willingly jumping into bed with yet another vampire?”

“I should have told you when I first found out but I was hoping that the gang would find another way. Do you honestly think I wanted to do this? I didn’t… I looked for weeks for another way but I was NOT going to let the whole world go to hell just because I wasn’t willing.” She found herself yelling at him. “I don’t even know who you are anymore,” she whispered, tears shimmering in her eyes.

“Ditto,” he spat.

“I can’t do this anymore… it’s over!” Buffy said, shaking her head.

“Buffy, no. Wait…” She saw panic in his eyes and quickly cut his pleas off.

“Don’t! I don’t want to hear it. I want you to stay away from me, my friends, my family and stay the hell away from Spike. I mean it, Riley.” She warned, both her tone and look deathly serious. Not giving him a moment to respond, she turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

Buffy leant back on the door, taking a much needed breath. The conversation hadn’t gone as planned, she hadn’t even got the chance to tell him about the baby. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she deciding it was probably for the best. Taking another deep breath, she pushed away from the door and headed home


Chapter End Notes:
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