Buffy wakes up. The motorcycle is turned off and parked. They're home, and now Buffy has to deal with how to un-do her wish, the only problem is to do that she will need to actually look at what her feeling for Spike are. Instantly Buffy walls up, it's simply a common reaction for her by now. Not dealing with her feelings has become something that Buffy is really good at. Spike can feel her physically clam up behind him as she lets go of him and gets off his bike. Her body language turns stiff and Spike can feel the distance between them grow. Silently she heads inside. Spike takes one last look at the sun in the sky knowing as soon as the spell is over he’ll never view it like this again then follows her in.
Buffy is standing in the entrance way when Spike walks in. He closes the door behind him and Buffy walks up to him, she opens her mouth to speak but her words fall flat and she shuts it again. In a huff she turns from Spike and walks away. He follows her into the dining room confused by her actions and watches as she stops in her tracks and spins back around to face him.
“I… I can’t do this,” Buffy says turning away from Spike once again. This time he follows her into the kitchen and puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her from walking away. She turns around again and they stand there face to face.
“Love what is it?”
“I just can’t do this right now Spike.”
“Is this about the spell… that’s why the world’s not spinning again yet?”
“Spike…”
“You didn’t wish for more time to figure out things with the First did you?”
“I just need more time…”
“You have all the bloody time in the world pet… that was the point. The thing is, waiting longer isn’t going to make whatever this is that you need to get out any easier… it’s just gonna make us stuck here longer.”
She knows he's right. She wants so bad just to push this decision to the back of her mind and the bottom of the list where she could continue to find more important issues to put before it so she'd never had to actually deal with it; but she can’t. This is at the top of the list now and nothing else will get resolved until she deals with it. Buffy looks up at him and into his deep blue eyes. She finds herself at a loss of words, a part of her isn’t sure exactly how she feels… but she knows she feels something and that's a start. She does have all the time in the world to figure it out, after all that was the point. Buffy takes a deep breath and summons some courage.
“My wish wasn’t to have more time to figure things out with the First… I wished… you know I didn’t even mean to, I just…”
“Buffy, love, whatever it is… you can tell me.”
“Well I did wish to have more time, thus the freeze-age with the world, but…”
“Buffy… look, I know we’ve got all the time in the world here, but I’d rather not spend it playing twenty questions with you.”
Buffy stops and takes a deep breath. She wonders why this is so hard, but she knows the answer. This will change everything, but she has to confront it.
“I wished to have more time… I wanted more time to figure out what you mean to me,” Buffy finally says softly. Instantly her eyes dart to his face, it's out and in Buffy’s mind that's a cause for alarm. She watches him and waits for what will happen next. His face softens. Now it’s Spike’s turn to be speechless. He looks her up and down and sees a small frightened girl, whatever it was that she was feeling he could tell that she was truly scared to say it.
“Alright, well let’s have out with it then… what do I mean to you?”
“I don’t… I just don’t know.”
“It’s not that hard love, you just have to say what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
“Stop fighting this… stop hiding… Buffy, you have to confront this, an I’m not saying that cause I want to know how you feel about me, you have to do this or we’re gonna be stuck in this limbo land forever… just… how do you feel, about me, right now?”
Buffy’s staring deep into his blue eyes and Spike finds himself lost in hers as well. He’s searching for an answer in her shining green orbs just as she tries to understand her feelings by staring into his. They are standing so close now; Spike can feel her breath on his skin. He watches her as she searches for words, his eyes traveling to her lips examining them as they attempt to form sentences.
So many thoughts are running through Buffy’s head, memories of their relationship the year before, of hearing Spike tell her he got his soul, of Spike getting thrashed by Glory to protect Dawn, and of the weeks he’s spent fighting by her side against the First. She knows she has feelings for him, but she finds herself falling short when it comes to expressing them and understanding what they mean, she still needs to figure that out. Then she decides to do just that.
Soft lips smash against soft lips as green eyes flutter shut. Spike is startled by the kiss at first but quickly falls into pace with it. Within seconds his hands are sliding up her back and her arms are wrapped around his neck. Things are starting to get heated and while Spike wants terribly to go with the flow, he pulls away and looks down at Buffy. If things were headed where he thinks they will be he needs some answers first.
“What’s this all about now?”
“I’m figuring out how I feel.”
“You sure you want to do it like this… not that I’m complaining love, but I need to know.”
“I have feelings for you Spike… everyone sees it… I just, I don’t know exactly… All I can tell you is what I feel right now, and what I want right now, where things go from here I still have to figure out, but I still have time.”
That's all the answer Spike needs, within seconds he and Buffy are tangled together again in a feverish kiss that deepens with every second that fails to pass. Spike runs his hands through her hair and takes in every ounce of her. It feels so good to be kissing her again; he wishes that this moment would never end. As Buffy lets herself fall into him for the fist time in over a year she realizes that kissing Spike isn’t going to help her think, but then again maybe she’d done enough thinking. It's time just to feel.
--
Whimpering sighs and smoldering kisses lead a path up the stairs and down the hall to Buffy’s room. The soft bed is Buffy and Spike’s final destination. There they lie still fully dressed wrapped up in each other. The alarm clock beside the bed still reads 7:12; and Buffy and Spike decide to take advantage of this frozen moment. Buffy runs her hands up the back of Spike’s shirt dragging her nails across his pale skin then slowly begins to pull his shirt up and off. Their kiss breaks as the black t-shirt is pulled over Spike’s head and thrown to the ground. He’s looking down at her now, the direction of where they’re headed is very clear.
“Are you sure about this love?” Spike questions needing reassurance. After all they’ve been through; all the hurt and abuse Spike needs to know this is what she really wants.
“Yes,” Buffy replies in a lusty whisper and pulls Spike back down into another kiss.
Unlike their affairs in the past this is not a fevered, lusty encounter. They move slowly together savoring every moment.
Every button of Buffy’s blouse is unfastened with care, zippers are unzipped instead of ripped apart, and as every article of clothing is removed it’s done so with the care of soft caresses. Spike unclasps her bra and Buffy pulls at his rough jeans. Their eyes meet as they make their way beneath the sheets. As Spike makes love to Buffy he realizes that she’s there with him. This is something they are doing together not just some service that he's providing for her. Every whimper, stroke, and thrust is an all new experience.
--
The white sheet ruffles in a smooth rhythmic dance. Soft kisses and gentle caresses glide over soft skin. Between heavy breaths blue eyes meet green with trust and affection. Their dance is building up to a climatic conclusion. Muscles tighten and fingernails dig into skin as a breath of passion escapes Buffy’s lips. Sweet release flows through both their bodies as Spike collapses atop her then leaves butterfly kisses on her neck as his eyes flutter shut. Buffy runs her fingers through Spike’s curling locks.
“I love you,” she says softly in a trembling whisper. His kisses stop and he lifts his head to look her in the eyes. He stares down at her propped up on his elbows as she says “I know how I feel Spike. I’m sure of it now,” just before Spike gives her one more kiss. Then lost in exhaustion they fall asleep beside each other.
The alarm clock beside the bed turns from 7:12 to 7:13.
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