Chapter 31: Mending Fences
“Thanks for coming, Buff,” Xander said quietly, as Buffy entered the Magic Box. He was seated at the research table, hands folded in front of him. For some reason, she recalled the intervention the gang had pulled on her after they’d found out Angel had returned from Hell and she’d been keeping him hidden away.
This was quite similar, she supposed, because as it was back then, Xander was here to talk to her about her boyfriend, a vampire.
“I just want to get this over with.” She sat down across from him. “What are we supposed to do? Chat it out? Or should I make an opening statement?”
“Buff, it’s me,” Xander pointed out.
“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” she wondered. “Because, lately, you haven’t been acting like the same guy I went to school with. I know he’s there somewhere underneath the jerk that’s been on my back since Spike and I started seeing each other.” Xander looked away.
“Anya gave me her engagement ring back.” Buffy said nothing, so he continued. “She thinks I still have a thing for you, and that’s why I’m acting like this.”
“Oh.” What else could she really say?
“Buffy, I just want you to know that it’s not true. I don’t think about you like that anymore. I love Anya. She’s…she’s everything to me.” He cleared his throat. “It’s just that seeing you with Spike brings back all the memories of when he was working with Angel, and it brings back how I felt when Angel lost his soul, and we had to follow you around watching you grieve over him until you actually got the strength to kill him.” Buffy flinched. “He lost his soul, Buffy, and he hunted us. There was no mercy. And Spike was working with him.”
“Spike didn’t have a soul then either.”
“No. But even after Angel came back, when I looked at him, I couldn’t not see the killer he was. That’s how it is with Spike. I know you see him differently, but it wasn’t that long ago that you looked at him the same way I do. Buffy, you’re dating a guy that tried to kill you for years. He hunted you, and he made plans.”
“And he failed,” Buffy retorted. “And then he fell in love with me.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because, Spike’s different.”
“You keep saying that,” he explained, exasperated. “You say that he’s changed, and maybe he has. Maybe he has a soul. But when I look at him, I see the guy who locked me and Wil in the factory basement and threatened to kill us if she didn’t get a spell right.”
“Again, that was before the soul, Xander. He…he started helping us.”
“Because he had a chip in his head. He was bored, and the only thing he could kill were demons. As long as he got to kill something, he was satisfied.” Buffy looked away.
“Say that was the case at first. Then why did he go out of his way to get a soul? Remember Angel? He was so desperate not to have a trace of humanity in him that he killed Miss Calendar to stop her from finishing that soul restoration translation. Spike went through things that…a vampire with a hidden agenda wouldn’t bother with. He came back, and he was still Spike. He loved me.” Buffy’s voice cracked, but she cleared her throat and went on. “He had the chip taken out, and he’s been fine.”
“What happens if he gets hungry or bored or…or if he gets sick of being the good vampire?”
“That won’t happen. He has a soul now. Just like you. Just like me. He’s got that little thing that tells him right from wrong.”
“Anybody can have a soul, Buffy. People with souls have murdered. What’s to say he won’t?”
“Because he wanted it, Xander. He told himself that the only way he could ever be good for me would be to get his soul back. Nobody had faith in him. I did. I didn’t think he needed the soul in the first place. But he got it. For me. Nobody’s ever done anything like that for me before.”
“Ok,” Xander said with a nod. “Fair enough. But it still doesn’t change the fact that he tried to kill me. Or Willow. Or you.”
“That’s the past, Xander. It really is. To you, he might be the guy that locked you in a basement, but to me, he’s the guy that went through Glory’s torture and didn’t give up Dawn to her. He’s the guy that tried to keep her safe. He’s the guy that looked after her while I was in the ground. The guy that worked side by side with all of you that summer.” It was Xander’s turn to flinch now. “Do you really hate him after all of that?”
“I don’t hate him, Buff,” Xander said quietly. “I just don’t trust him.” Buffy sighed. That was better than she was expecting, but it still wasn’t good enough. “It’s not easy to trust somebody who used to eat people.”
“Yet it’s so easy to trust Anya, who used to eviscerate men because they made their girlfriends cry?” Buffy retorted. “You can’t use that ‘Spike used to kill people’ thing on me, because your girlfriend used to do the same…and then some. If you remember right, she caused a few problems herself when she first came to Sunnydale.”
“That’s…”
“Different? How?”
“It just is.”
“Come on, Xander! This is probably the dumbest conversation I’ve ever had. You don’t like Spike, therefore you don’t want me to be with him. Can’t you just…get over it?” Xander was quiet for a few minutes. “If you wanna start the 'your boyfriend’s worse than my girlfriend' thing, then we can just lay it all out right here. In the end, Anya’s list of little nasties is gonna come out much longer than Spike’s.”
“You know,” he finally said after a couple of minutes, “you’re starting to talk like him.” Buffy shrugged, and he smiled a little. “I’m sorry, Buff. I know I’ve been an idiot, but I don’t trust the guy, and I’m not sure if I ever can.”
“Alright,” Buffy said with a nod. “Can we at least agree that you can never play the ‘Spike’s killed so many’ card ever again? ‘Cause if you ever say that again, I’m just going to bring up Anya.” Xander sighed and winced.
“Alright. Deal.” He held his hand out, and Buffy shook it.
“This is gonna be Hell for you, isn’t it?”
“And you’re gonna enjoy every minute, aren’t you?”
“You kinda deserve it, Xand.” She stood up and began to pace. “Guess there’s really only one thing that’s gonna get you to talk to Spike. Sort out your issues with him.” Now Xander was worried.
“What?”
“Just…stop by my house tomorrow. Make sure you eat a big meal first.” Xander raised his eyebrows.
“Wha…”
“Seven o’clock. Don’t be late.” She turned to leave, but Xander reached out, taking her arm.
“Buff,” he said quietly. “Are we gonna be ok?” She turned back to him and cocked her head to the side.
“I hope so. But…if you and Spike can’t work things out…I’m not sure how.”
***
“Don’t see the point in this, luv,” Spike muttered, hitting the punching bag a couple of times. “The boy doesn’t exactly have a soft spot in his heart for ol’ Spike, now does he?”
“He realizes that he’s an idiot. That’s a step forward, right? I mean, his girlfriend did way worse than you ever did, right?”
“She had several hundred years on me, pet, and she ripped the innards right out of men as her job. Should I go on?”
“Uh, no. That’s ok,” Buffy said with a frown. It was hard to believe that her conscience was now weighing what was worse: killing for food or killing as a calling. Buffy frowned. At least her own calling had her killing evil things.
“Not excusing the things I did, but if he wants to point fingers at whose got the longest list of dirty deeds, then I think Anya’s gonna win the lot. Heard she once took out an entire dinner party.” Buffy shivered. Spike hit the bag again. “Done a lot of things I’m not proud of. But that’s the past.”
“And I want Xander to see that. He sees it for Anya…”
“But he’s not shagging me, is he?”
“Now there’s a picture,” Buffy teased. Spike grimaced.
“There’s a warm cup of blood on the counter. I figured he’s probably gonna push your buttons, so you’ll at least want a full stomach.”
“I’m not gonna eat him, luv.”
“I know. But I also know you have a little more patience with me than with Xander. Humor me, baby.”
“Ooh, pet names,” he said with a smirk, pulling his arms around her.
“Too corny?” she wondered, as his lips closed over hers. He moaned against her lips and reluctantly pulled away.
“Not when you say it like that. Now if you start in with ‘pookie’ or ‘blondiebear’ I might bite you.”
“Don’t tempt me,” she grinned. “Now. Go eat.” She smacked his but as he started off toward the steps.
“Sure you can’t just lock yourself in the basement with me? It’d be a lot more fun.”
“Nope. You and Xander. One on one. As long as it takes.”
***
“Shut up!”
“Please! Stop it!”
“Shut up, or I’ll give you something to cry about, you little bitch!”
“No! No!” She blacked out, but she could hear the voices swirling around her. She had to get out. Had to get past them. But how?
***
Dana woke with a start, eyes adjusting to the dim light on the plane.
“Are you ok?” came a soft voice from nearby. She turned her head to see a somewhat familiar face. It was the witch. Willow. “Do you remember me?”
“You’re Willow,” she said gently.
“That’s right,” Willow said with a nod. “You were dreaming, I think. What were you dreaming about?”
“I…I think I was remembering something. From before I was with Mr. Travers.” Willow felt a knot form in her stomach. What if Dana remembered the murders? What if those memories triggered her to murder again?
“I’ll get Giles.”
“No. Please. Don’t bother him. It wasn’t…”
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Dana looked at Willow suspiciously, but her gaze softened after a few moments.
“You’re the first person who’s asked me that,” she admitted. “I don’t know who I am, Willow. Am I a bad person? Do you know who I am?”
“Do you…do you feel bad?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shake of her head. “Maybe…maybe it was…Mr. Giles calls them Slayer dreams. Maybe that’s what I was having.” Willow furrowed her brows.
“Tell me about it. Maybe…maybe I can help.”
“No. It was…I don’t know. I was trying to get away. They were holding me down. I couldn’t…I couldn’t breathe. And it went black. That’s all I remember.”
“Who was?”
“There was a man. More than one, I think. I just…I can’t remember.” She rubbed her temples.
“It’s ok,” Willow said quietly. “Hold on.” Willow maneuvered herself over a sleeping Tara, who was settled in next to her. She made her way over to the empty seat next to Giles. He was fast asleep as well. She nudged his shoulder, and he woke with a start.
“Oh. What…what is it?”
“It’s Dana. She had a dream. Giles, I think she’s starting to remember…”
“Remember what, exactly?”
“I’m not sure, but I think maybe she might be remembering the night she killed those people,” Willow whispered low enough that Dana couldn’t hear.
“You’re sure?”
“She was dreaming about these men holding her down, but she can’t remember what happened. She said it was like a memory. Maybe she’s remembering what happened that night. Giles…I don’t think it was her fault. I think she killed them to save herself.”
Several long moments passed. Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them. When he replaced them on his face, he turned his attention back to Willow.
“It’s too early to assume anything from a few dreams. We’ll monitor her closely when we get back to Sunnydale. She opened up to you, yes?”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
“Good. Maybe you can befriend her, get her to open up some more. If she feels that she’s remembered something else, write it down, and we’ll keep track of everything.”
“Right,” Willow said carefully. “You…you don’t think she’s dangerous, do you?”
“At the moment, no, but I wouldn’t let my guard down completely.”
“Yeah,” Willow said quietly. “Good thinking.” Several more moments passed. “Where’s she gonna stay? It’s kind of a full house at our place. And she might feel weird staying with you.”
“The Council’s already arranged for her to have an apartment of her own. Mostly, I think it’s so they can keep track of her. I may be her Watcher now, but they’re not going to let their guinea pig out of their sight completely.”
***
“Wow. Seven on the dot,” Buffy said with raised eyebrows, as Xander walked in. Buffy was surprised to see Anya right behind him. She wasn’t wearing her engagement ring, so apparently she hadn’t asked for it back yet.
“I followed him to make sure he actually came.”
“Good,” Buffy said with a nod. “We’ll get started then.”
“What do you want me to do? Where’s Spike?” Xander wondered.
“He’s in the basement. He’s ready to talk to you.”
“He is?”
“Yep. Time for you two to have a heart-to-unseating heart. And there’s a punching bag down there in case somebody gets pissed off. No use roughing each other up, because that’s not gonna win any points with me, and I’m guessing not with Anya either.” Xander glanced at Anya, and she shook her head.
“Normally I find you manly and I want to have sex with you when you punch vampires in the face, but you’re not here for that. You’re here to get over your issues.” She looked at Buffy. “Do we get to watch?”
“No. I’m locking them in there.”
“You’re locking me in the basement with a chip-less vampire?” Xander asked incredulously.
“A chipless, soul-filled vampire,” Buffy corrected him. “Go on. I’ll let you out when you’re good and ready.”
“You’re taking me hostage?”
“Think of it more as an intervention…I’m preventing you from saying stupid things about Spike to me. You can say them to Spike, and you can talk it out.”
Xander wondered if there was any way to actually talk out problems with a vampire.
“You should go,” Anya said with a nod. “I’ll wait with Buffy.” Buffy smiled uncomfortably at Anya, and Xander ran his fingers through his hair.
“Did you tell him no biting? You did, didn’t you?”
“He wouldn’t bite you, Xander. He might want to if you piss him off, but he won’t. Just go. Talk. Try to see what I see. He’s not the same man he was back then. He’s changed. He’s good. Just…go.” Xander frowned, but he headed into the kitchen, the ladies lagging along behind.
“What’s going on?” Dawn asked, coming down the stairs to find her sister, Anya, and Xander heading into the kitchen.
“Buffy is going to lock Spike in the basement with Xander. They’re going to talk out their differences, and maybe after Xander’s gotten over his annoying hatred of Spike, I’ll agree to marry him again.”
Dawn responded with a resounding snort and a laugh.
“Yeah. I think I’m gonna grab my camera.”
“No camera. They’re doing this now. And they’re not coming out until Xander sees that Spike’s not the evil monster he thinks he is.” Buffy opened the basement door, and Xander took a step down the stairs.
“If I’m dead at the end of this, I’m never talking to you again.” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Go on.” She cleared her throat. “He’s ready, Spike. You boys have fun now.” And she shut the door behind Xander, locking it with a firm click.
A beat. And then Anya headed around the kitchen counter, “I’ll get the popcorn.”
“I’ll get the glass to press against the door so I can listen,” Dawn offered. Buffy eyed her. “What? I saw it on TV!”
“Ok. Get two.”
“No! Three! I wanna hear this too.” Anya announced with a nod, tucking the popcorn bag into the microwave.
***
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Spike grumbled, smacking the punching bag hard with his fist. “What were you smoking? Yeah, I knocked you unconscious. I might have threatened to eat the redhead, but I didn’t, did I? I just wanted a love spell for Dru…”
“Come on, man. How do you expect me to trust a vampire that spent decades following that nutcase around like a puppy dog? You realize she wasn’t playing with a full deck, don’t you?”
“We vampires don’t much care about the line between sanity and insanity. You’re right. She was a few eggs short of a dozen, but she…she made me who I was.”
“A psycho killer with bad teeth?”
“I’ll give you the psycho killer part, but my teeth were quite clean. Flossed after every meal.” Xander rolled his eyes.
“How do you expect me to trust that you won’t hurt Buffy? You spent so many years trying to kill her. Yeah, you have a soul, but I’m not entirely convinced that this isn’t some elaborate scheme to render her defenseless so you can snap her neck in the middle of the night.” Spike’s fists clenched at his sides.
“I’d never hurt her, you berk,” he spat. “She’s the only reason I stayed in Sunnyhell. I could’ve left when the Initiative put that sodding piece of plastic in my head. I could’ve been miserable elsewhere. I wanted to stay.”
“You wanted to piss the rest of us off, you mean.”
“Well, yeah. You’ve got me there. But I wanted to be close to her. Didn’t know why then. Wasn’t ‘til later that I fell for her, you know.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how a vampire could be capable of love.”
“You didn’t question it when Angel…”
“Oh, I questioned it. I’m still not convinced about it, really. I haven’t forgotten what he did to Jenny Calendar. But I haven’t forgotten what you did to Willow either. You tried to bite her after you got the chip.”
“But I didn’t.”
“That’s not the point. You would’ve if you hadn’t had the chip.” Spike sighed heavily looking up toward the basement door. This could go on forever.
“Look, we could be down here for days. Why don’t we do it this way. You tell me the thing you hate most about me, and I’ll do the same.” Xander was silent. “Come on. What’s the one thing that gets your blood boiling. The one thing that makes you want to drive a stake through my undead heart?” Spike came toward him, eyes dark. Xander swallowed hard.
“You’re not good enough for her.” Spike’s eyes widened.
“Come on. You can do better than that.”
“No. That’s it. You’re an idiot, Spike. You don’t think. You’re selfish, and you’re going to get her killed one day.”
“I’d never do anything to hurt her.”
“Maybe not,” Xander said with a shrug, “but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. You don’t deserve her.”
“I’m inclined to agree with you there, Harris,” Spike said with a nod. “I don’t know why she loves me, but she does. And you’re right. I’m selfish. I won’t let her go. I could be noble and leave, because it’s what’s best, but I’m not that strong. I love her, and she wants me here, so I’m here.” He came closer to Xander. “You think I asked for this? You think I wanted to fall in love with her? Would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if I hadn’t. But I did, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You can believe me or not, but it’s the honest truth.”
“You sound like you’re telling the truth.”
“But I’m a vampire, so how can you trust me?”
“That about sums it up.”
“You don’t have to trust me. But what I say is the truth. I love that girl, and I’d die for her.” He put his hand to his own chest. “It’s not easy being love’s bitch, but I guess I fit the qualifications.” He eyed Xander. “Do you ever look at Anya—really look at her, deep in her soul—and realize that nothing else matters but what the two of you have together?” Xander was silent, but he nodded. “That’s how I feel when I look at her, Harris. You ever tell her that I got all soft like this, and I might just bite you.”
“You realize they’re probably listening at the door,” Xander pointed out. Spike glanced up toward the door. He could see the shadows of three pair of feet.
“Bloody hell,” he muttered. But, he shrugged it off.
“Look,” Xander said with a nod, “I do love Anya. The whole reason I agreed to this was for her. I love her too much to let you be the reason my life is ruined. And I love Buffy…” After a glare from Spike, he quickly finished, “as a friend. Honest. I haven’t felt like that about her in a long time. She’s just…just a friend.”
“Like you’d ever have a chance,” Spike muttered, lighting up a cigarette.
“I’m not saying we’re gonna be best buds or anything. But I want Buffy back in my life, and if that means you have to come along, then I’ll deal. I guess it’s good. That way I can see for myself if you’ve really changed.”
“Clean out your ears, you ponce! If I hadn’t changed, you’d have been dead twenty minutes ago!”
“Spike!” came a cry from upstairs. It was Dawn. Xander and Spike both shared a look before sprinting up the stairs. The door unlocked, and the two came rushing out. Buffy was sprawled out on the kitchen floor, still but breathing.
“What happened?” Spike aside, rushing to her side and taking her hand in his. “Buffy? Wake up…” He gently pat her cheek and looked back up at the girls. “What happened?!”
“I don’t know. She said she felt funny and went to get a drink of water, but she collapsed,” Dawn stammered.
“Come on, luv,” he whispered, lifting her up off the floor and cradling her against his chest. He carried her into the living room and placed her down on the couch while the rest looked on.
She started to move around a bit, and he pat her cheek again.
“Buffy. Luv, come on.”
“Mmm…Spike?” Her eyelids fluttered open. “What happened?”
“You took a bit of a tumble, pet.”
“Oh,” she muttered, rubbing the sore spot where she’d hit her head. “That was weird.”
“Can I get you something?”
“Just some water, thanks.”
“I’ll get it,” Xander offered, rushing off to help. Buffy’s hand moved to her neck, where the claim marks had almost faded.
“This…it burns a little,” she whispered.
“What?” Dawn asked. Spike ignored her.
“Let me see.” Buffy lifted her hand, and he examined the spots.
“It looks normal.”
“You bit her?” Anya asked.
“What? Buffy?” Dawn wondered, eyes wide. Buffy slowly sat up, putting one hand to her forehead and rubbing her neck with the other.
“It’s gone. The burning,” Buffy finally whispered when Xander came back with a glass of water.
“Here, Buff.”
“Thanks,” Buffy muttered. She took it and drank every last drop. When she placed the glass down on the coffee table, she looked up at Xander. “Can you call Giles? I think something might have happened.”
“Sure. I can try,” Xander nodded, dialing Giles’ number on his cell phone. “He’s not answering.” Buffy squeezed her eyes shut tight, and her head started to pound.
“Spike…I don’t feel right. I…” She leaned against him, resting her forehead against his shoulder, as he rocked her back and forth.
“It’s alright, luv. We’ll get this figured out.” He looked up at Anya, Dawn, and Xander. “I need books.”
“What kind of books?” Dawn asked slowly.
“Anything having to do with vampire claims.”
“Claims?!” Xander asked abruptly. “What…you…you claimed her?”
“I claimed him too,” Buffy pointed out, lifting her tired head. “Don’t be mad at him. It was a…a mutual thing.”
“Come on,” Anya urged. “We should hurry. She doesn’t look very good.” Xander hesitated, but seeing the worried look on Spike’s face as he held Buffy told him that she would be safe there. In the back of his head, however, he knew that if Spike were to try anything, she could still kick his ass, even in her weakened state.
“Yeah. We better hurry.” He grabbed his coat, and he, Anya, and Dawn headed off toward the Magic Box, leaving a very concerned Spike with a very pale, very confused Slayer.
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Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for your support, once again! I felt a little better this morning and finished this chapter. Hopefully I won't have to go to the hospital now, but I don't wanna speak too soon! Anyway, let me know what you think! Thanks!