Chapter 35: Double Checking
Buffy was silent the entire ride home. Xander didn’t seem to notice, though, as he relayed the events of Buffy’s passing out to Anya over and over again. Buffy just sat in the backseat, forehead pressed against the window, eyes closed, hoping she’d be home soon. Clutched in her hand was a little paper bag from the pharmacy. Inside was a little test she’d never thought she’d have to buy. Not even when she was with Riley had she had a scare. She shouldn’t be scared now, because vampires couldn’t impregnate anyone, but she was bound and determined to prove the doctor wrong.
“Are you going to tell Spike?” Anya asked from the front seat. Buffy whipped her head up to stare at the ex-demon.
“Huh?”
“I said, ‘are you going to be alright?’ You’re not going to vomit all over the back seat, are you? Sometimes Xander and I have sex back there.” Buffy, who’d grown used to Anya by now, just shook her head.
“Uh. No. I’m fine,” she assured her.
“An, sex in the back seat? Sex of any kind, anywhere? That falls into the ‘let’s not tell Xander’s friends’ category.”
“Sorry,” Anya said with a sheepish smile and a shrug. “Buffy? If you do happen to throw up…and a lot, your dress for the wedding might have to be taken in, and…”
“Anya!” Xander exclaimed with exasperation. “Buffy’s had a long day.”
“Oh, take her side,” she grumbled.
“It’s ok. Really, Anya,” Buffy assured her. “The wedding’s only a few weeks away. I’m sure everything’ll be ok.”
“Oh my God,” Anya breathed. “I’m going to be married in three weeks. Xander, the wedding! It’s so soon.” She sounded horror-stricken.
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Well, yes! We haven’t finished planning, and…I don’t have any time! With the work at the Magic Box…”
“You plan the wedding at work, sweetie. I don’t see that changing in the next three weeks.” Buffy drowned out the rest of their conversation, and before long, the van was pulling up outside of the summers' home. Buffy squinted, noticing that the mail was still in the mailbox. Dawn wasn’t home yet, but judging by the clock, she’d be home pretty soon.
“Thanks for the ride, guys.”
“Just call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Xander. I’m glad you were there today.” Buffy gave him a weak smile before stepping out of the car and heading up to the house. Her fingers were wrapped so tightly around the little brown bag that her knuckles were white. She quickly stuffed it in her pocket and made her way up the porch steps, grabbed the mail, and headed inside.
Spike was pacing in the living room when she walked in. As soon as the door was shut, safely blocking out the sunlight, he rushed over to her.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m ok,” she assured him half-heartedly. “Just a little dehydrated. They gave me juice.”
“What was it?”
“Orange.”
“No, I mean…what’s wrong?”
“I just told you, Spike. I was just dehydrated. They gave me lots of fluids, and I’m feeling better.” She frowned. “Oh, but I have to pee.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He started to follow her up the stairs. She turned. “It’s ok. I think I can do this on my own.”
“Right,” Spike mumbled. “I’ll fix you something to eat.”
“Thanks. Fix enough for Dawnie. She’ll be home soon. Oh, better make enough for three. She said Jake might be coming with her.”
“Right,” Spike said with a nod. “You’re sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine. Now…go cook.” She smiled sweetly at him and headed up the stairs, hoping she’d pulled off that cool as a cucumber routine convincingly. But by the time she reached the bathroom and closed the door, she found herself leaning against it. Her heart was pounding, and she was gulping for breath. It took her a moment to register what exactly she’d come up here for. Right. The test. There was no way in hell she was pregnant, but she had to be sure.
The voice of reason told her that a test at the hospital would be far more accurate than a home pregnancy test, but the voice of Buffy kicked the other voice’s ass.
She took off her coat and found the little brown bag inside. Clutching it in her shaking hands for a few moments, she mustered up the courage to open it.
She walked over toilet, dropped her pants and underwear and sat down awkwardly. She couldn’t believe she was even taking a test like this. It wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. But, she took a deep breath and did as the instructions told her. When she was finished, she put the stick on the sink and carefully began to read the instructions. Good, this one wasn’t one of those one line means no, two lines means yes tests. All she had to do was wait for either a plus or a minus. Plus…positive…pregnant. God, what if it actually said that? What if the world was playing a huge joke on her, and she was the only person that didn’t get it?
While she waited, she paced back and forth, trying not to look at the test that sat just a couple feet away. When a knock came at the door, she jumped.
“Huh?”
“Everything alright in there?”
“Uh, yeah! Be out in a minute.” She hoped that had sounded convincing, but when she heard his footsteps walking away, she let out a sigh of relief.
Another thirty seconds, and a knock came again.
“Hold on, Spike! God!”
“Uh, Buffy?” Shit! Dawn!
“Dawn! Hey, um, I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Ok, but hurry! I really gotta go.”
“Yeah. Ok.” Buffy sighed heavily and ran her fingers through her hair. She checked the clock. It was time. “Ok. You’re the Slayer. You can do this.” She put one foot in front of the other and made her way over to the sink. Without looking, she picked the stick up in her hands. It was hard to look. What if it was true? What if she was pregnant? What did it mean? Uch, just look at the stupid stick, already, her mind screamed at her. So, with one more big breath, she looked down to face her fate.
There it was, staring up at her. A faint but obvious plus sign.
“Oh my God.” The test shook in her hands, and she quickly wrapped it in toilet paper and stuffed it down in the waste basket. Knees trembling, she sat down on the edge of the tub. “Oh my God. Oh my…oh my God!” Another knock on the door. “What?!”
“Buffy! Come on! Whatever you’re doing in there…” Buffy quickly stuffed the pregnancy test box in the paper bag and stuffed it down in the waste basket too. She washed her hands and went to unlock the door. When she opened it, a peeved Dawn stood in the hall, hands on her hips, doing the little dance familiar to all women waiting in line for the next free toilet. But, when she saw the look on her sister’s face, her annoyance faded. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m ok.”
“Spike said you fainted and Xander took you to the hospital.”
“Yeah. But I’m ok now.”
“You’re sure?” Buffy nodded.
“Ok. If you’re sure…”
“I am.” Buffy gave her sister a reassuring smile, and Dawn reached out to hug her. Buffy’s throat had gone dry, and the tears were threatening to fall, but she didn’t let them.
“Ok. I really gotta go,” Dawn pointed out, letting her sister go.
“Right.” Buffy nodded, and in a blur, she left her sister to her business. The smells coming from the kitchen were enticing, but suddenly, Buffy had no appetite. Pregnant. As in having a baby. As in having Spike’s baby. As in…oh God! Spike’s baby. Was it even human?
She somehow made it down the stairs without her weak knees giving out, and she moseyed into the living room, throwing herself onto the couch, feet dangling over one arm while she stared at the ceiling.
“Hey, um, Buffy.” Buffy looked over to see Jake standing in the doorway, that same admiring gaze he’d looked at her with on the beach in L.A., and the one he’d looked at her with for the past few weeks was plastered to his face.
“Hi Jake,” she said with an inward groan. “Dawn’s upstairs.”
“I know. Um, so have you, uh, beat up anybody else lately?” Buffy frowned.
“You know that was a mugger, right? I don’t just go around beating people up for the fun of it.”
“Sure. But, you know, it was like you were this kickass chick…”
“Jake,” Buffy said, sitting up to glare at him better, “why don’t you go tell Dawn, you know, my sister…that you’re dating…that dinner’s almost ready.”
“Is it? I think Spike just started cooking, and…”
“Just go, Jake,” Buffy said with an annoyed half-smile.
“Oh. Um, ok.” He hurried up the stairs. With a frown, Buffy went into the kitchen, where Spike was stirring something in a pan.
“Up for Spaghetti, pet? Figure it’d be easier to pass my blood off as pasta sauce in front of the boy.”
“Yeah, the boy’s here. How fun.” Spike glanced at her with a raised eyebrow and then smirked.
“He’s not still following you around like a puppy, is he?”
“Oh yeah. I hope Dawn doesn’t notice. You know how teenagers can get.”
“I was one myself once. I think I remember,” he chuckled.
“Oh please. You were probably the least rebellious teen ever,” Buffy pointed out, trying not to think of the fact that she’d just found out she was apparently carrying a mini-Spike, that if it was human, would probably grow up to be just like his father. A teenaged Spike? Oh God. What a nightmare.
“I was a bit of a ponce,” he admitted. “Good thing about immortality is that you have plenty of time to change your image. Folks who don’t like you die off, and you have a chance with a new crowd.” Buffy just nodded and started to study the features of his face, wondering what a miniature version of him would look like. Or would it look like her? Or would it even be hers? How did it work? Was she just a host, or was she a mother? There were so many questions, and she supposed that the last one would have to wait until after the birth. Oh God! What if it wasn’t a normal birth? What if the baby was a demon and decided to burst out of her like she’d seen in the movies? “Buffy? Slayer?”
“Huh?” She snapped out of it quickly.
“Where were you just then? You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”
“Oh. I don’t know. Daydreaming, I guess.”
“Daydreams aren’t usually that scary, I hope,” he pointed out.
“Well, when you’re the Slayer, you never know.” She shrugged her shoulders and started to walk out of the kitchen, only to see Jake coming down the hall. She groaned and sat back down at the counter. “Incoming. Horny sixteen-year-old.”
***
Dinner went by smoothly, though Dawn did most of the talking. Buffy mostly sat there and pondered her future with Spike and their possibly all-demon, half-demon, or all-human child. It was a mystery as to what she was carrying inside of her, and the even bigger mystery was…how? Under normal circumstances, of course she would know how, but these were far from normal.
Later that evening, after Jake had gone home and Dawn had gone up to bed, Buffy was silently cleaning up the kitchen, while Spike sat out on the porch having a smoke. When she was finished, she stepped out on the back porch to sit next to him. He immediately moved to give her his leather coat.
“It’s ok. I’m not cold,” she assured him.
“You were quiet at dinner.”
“Oh? That? Oh, I was just sitting there, wondering how on Earth you were able to force down spaghetti and blood sauce.”
“I put some tomatoes in it. Gave it some texture. Made it more realistic.”
“Okay, gross,” Buffy frowned.
“Better get used to it pet. We’re stuck with each other.”
“Stuck? Is that how you see it?”
“’Course not. Just teasing you, pet.”
“I know.” She scooted in closer to him, linking her arm through his and resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s quiet.”
“Yeah. Too quiet?”
“I dunno. The gang’s out patrolling tonight. They wanted to let me rest. I guess if they come across anything especially hard to kill, they’d call.” She sighed. “Do you think it’s been too quiet, lately?”
“Hmm?” He took a long drag on the last of his cigarette before tossing the butt out in the yard.
“I mean, we normally can’t go more than a few months without some horrible apocalypse-y thing happening. The worst I’ve had to deal with since I came back is the occasional hard-to-kill but not un-killable demon.”
“You mean to tell me you’re jonesing for a good fight?”
“Well, not really. I’m just saying…it’s too good to be true.” She looked away. “Being the Slayer means constantly being out there fighting some baddie, but since Glory, there hasn’t been anything.”
“Aside from your oh-so-normal resurrection?” Spike asked.
“Well, that didn’t come with any demons to slay except for my own personal ones.” Glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes, she swallowed hard. “Maybe things are about to change. Maybe…maybe this is the calm before the storm.”
“Change? In what way?”
“I don’t know. In any way. Good or bad.” Spike shrugged.
“I like things just the way they are, myself,” he pointed out, stuffing his pack of cigarettes into his jacket pocket.
“You do? You don’t, you know, wish for anything?” Spike cocked an eyebrow and glanced at her.
“Evil vampires don’t wish,” he teased. “Though the minute I fell in love with you…yeah, I wished pretty hard. My wish came true, it did, the minute you told me you love me.” Buffy felt the tears start to come. Oh no, her head warned her, not the hormones! It was official. She was pregnant, and she was a hormonal pregnant woman at that.
“That’s really sweet,” she whispered.
“What’s the matter, luv? You’re acting like…like something bad’s going to happen.”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shake of her head, brushing the tears away and biting her lip to try and ward off the rest. “Maybe it’s…it’s not necessarily bad. I don’t know.”
“Did the doctor tell you something today? Is that what’s got you scared?”
“I’m fine, Spike. Really,” she said with a nod. “Xander had me thinking maybe I was…was sick like my mom.”
“That little wanker.”
“No. It wasn’t his fault. I guess the thoughts were already kinda there. I just didn’t want to think them.” She sighed, and could practically hear her heart fall.
“There something you wanna tell me, pet?”
“I…” I’m pregnant with your child. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do. I need you. She couldn’t form the words. “I’m tired. Let’s…let’s go to bed, ok?”
***
“Hello?”
“Dana?”
“Yes?”
“This is Quentin Travers.”
“Oh…oh, hi.”
“I was just calling on behalf of the Council to check on you. How are you doing?” There was a pause, and then Dana took a deep breath.
“Ok. Mr. Giles is a good teacher. I’m learning a lot from him.”
“Yes, you would be wise to learn from Mr. Travers. However, I should warn you that while Ms. Summers may be the only Slayer you have to model your actions after, you would be wise to show more…self-restraint.”
“Because of what I did in the past? Mr. Giles told me he let you know that I remember now.”
“Yes, but the past is behind you, Dana. You’re a Slayer now, and that comes first. You are under our watch now, not the prison’s. Just remember that. What I need you to know is that while Ms. Summers may be gallivanting around with the enemy, you should be careful. Vampires are not to be trusted.”
“But Spike’s nice. He’s…he’s nice to me.”
“I’m just saying to watch yourself, Dana. He may be in Ms. Summers’ good graces, but he’s no longer controlled by a little chip in his head. He’s free to kill if he sees fit, and demons are often unpredictable. Just be careful, and don’t hesitate to…”
“I’m not going to kill Spike. Buffy would kill me,” Dana pointed out. “Everybody’s been really…really good to me, even if I don’t deserve it.”
“You’re not happy there, are you, Dana?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You want to come home?”
“London isn’t home. I don’t know where home is anymore.” She sighed heavily.
“I’ll keep in touch, Dana. Just remember, if you want to come back to the Council and work with our therapists, they cannot stop you from leaving.”
“I’ll think about it. I just…I have a lot to learn from Buffy and Mr. Giles. I want to leave, but…I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
“Like I said…I’ll keep in touch.” The line went dead, and Dana hung up. She sat down on the couch in her empty apartment, and she closed her eyes. Flashes of her past ran through her head, and she felt the anxiety rushing through her. Shaking her head, she decided she wasn’t going to let herself panic anymore.
She stood up and grabbed her coat. Fishing through a box next to the door, she grabbed a couple stakes. With one look around her secure apartment, she headed out into the night to join the patrol.
***
Buffy anxiously sat on the side of the bed, wondering how exactly she was supposed to tell Spike. She thought hard about it. Maybe he would find out on his own. Maybe…wait a minute. He could often hear her heart beating. What if he could hear the baby’s?
Spike came walking into the room completely naked, and Buffy’s jaw dropped.
“Spike! Dawn’s still up! She’s doing homework!”
“No she’s not,” he chuckled. “She’s snoring. Must’ve fallen asleep face first in her book.”
“Oh,” Buffy muttered. Ok, so…maybe he’d find out. She was barely a month pregnant. Did the baby even have a heartbeat yet? She swallowed hard. Or was it still just a little clump of cells? She didn’t know much about these things. It scared her to realize that she was going to have to find out eventually, especially since she assumed her life with Spike would mean no children.
Spike came over to her side of the bed, and he had that gleam in his eyes. She bit her lip nervously, and he wondered why she suddenly looked like a shy little virgin. She was preoccupied, he decided. He’d quickly change that.
He knelt down in front of her, and she realized his was her chance to test out his hearing. She let him raise her gown over her head, revealing her toned, naked body underneath. She smiled down at him, cupping his face in her hands. She leaned down to kiss him and ran her fingers through his hair.
When she finally let him go, he leaned in to place a kiss along the valley between her breasts. Then he moved downward. His hands gently massaged her thighs, while he pressed kisses to her stomach, working his way down. This was her chance.
“Did you hear that?” Spike froze.
“Hear wha--?”
“Shh!” she insisted. “Listen carefully.” Spike was still now, listening, wondering what little game his minx of a Slayer was up to. She smiled a little, watching the expression on his face. He was so focused, so intrigued. She brushed her fingers through his hair again, and slowly, she brought his head to her stomach. His ear was pressing against her. Surely, if he was going to hear a heartbeat, he would hear one now. But several moments passed, and he finally pulled away to look up at her. Her eyes were filled with wonder and anticipation.
“Didn’t hear anything, pet,” he said with a shake of his head. She sighed a little and nodded, making a mental note to pick up a book about pregnancy in the morning. Do they make books about potentially mystical pregnancies or demon babies?, she wondered.
“Oh…hmm…probably just the wind,” she suggested. With a smile, she bent down to kiss him again. “C’mere.” He stood up long enough to straddle her legs that dangled over the bed, and he crawled over her, laying her back, kissing her softly.
She loved it when he made love to her like this. When he took his time and explored her. She could tell by the way his hands moved her arms up to rest them against the mattress, that his intention was to make this all about her. She moaned softly, as he scooted them both up the bed, never letting his lips move from her neck. She closed her eyes, relishing the sensation, and she let out a little gasp as his hand moved between her legs, parting her already wet folds.
“You want me?” he murmured against her pulse, as she turned her head to give him better access.
“Always.” It was a whisper, but it was enough.
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