Giles gave his slayer fifteen minutes alone before he followed her upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door. She didn’t answer, but he hadn’t expected her to. He cautiously opened the door. “I’d like to have a word with you.”
She was turned away, but he could tell she was crying. The shaking of her too thin shoulders brought a searing pain to his gut. He wanted to be frustrated with her, to remind her of her duty to protect the potential slayers and the world, but, as always, he was torn. The Council had been archaic, sexist, and cruel. Still, they hadn’t exactly been wrong when they’d warned that he needed to maintain an appropriate emotional distance in order to do his job. All too quickly he’d come to love his charge. Buffy was the daughter he’d never had and most days he was glad of it. She’d brought far more than professional success into his life. She brought light and love; she’d given him a family. It was more than he’d ever expected, more than he thought he deserved. He knew that loving her brought pain too. Far too many times Giles had to ask the one person who mattered most to him, the girl whose tears burned his soul, to take on suffering and responsibility he’d have not wished upon an enemy. No one should have to ask so much of their daughter. He knew that having to do so, having to make the choices that no one should have to make, had twisted him. He’d wanted her to stay light and righteous; it meant that he’d had to take on the darkness. The Slayer couldn’t kill a human, couldn’t take an innocent life, but a Watcher could and did. A Watcher did what he had to do and silently thanked whatever powers may be that he was not The Slayer.
He placed his hand gently on her shoulder. “Buffy, I cannot imagine the pressure you must be feeling. I do not know what has happened to build this trench between you and Xander, though I can well guess that it is Spike at the center, and I know that too much is demanded of you. If you truly wish, I will find another location to house the girls, and we shall do our best to keep them safe.” His shoulders stooped as he decided upon his next words. They were harsh, manipulative even, but true. “We will fail. Fair or not, you are the only hope they have.”
“It’s not Spike’s fault. We were just sparring.”
Giles sighed heavily. “And Xander misread the situation. He was obtuse perhaps, but you know that his intentions were not—he was concerned that your feelings had blinded you to the risks that having Spike here presents. I cannot say that I disagree.”
“He’s different now, Giles. He has his soul.”
“Yes, and that’s very well, but—”
“No, Giles!” Buffy stood up and looked at him intently. “He chose to have his soul. He fought for it. How can you just brush that aside?”
Giles rose wearily. He wanted to remind her that The First still had plans for Spike, that even unwittingly, he was a danger, but he found himself telling her the deeper truth. “I want more for you. Your feelings for him—you deserve more than this.”
Buffy’s eyes widened as she watched him remove his glasses. She recognized the movement for what it was--Giles’ method of looking away when things became uncomfortably emotional. She’d never told him that it didn’t work. If anything, his removing his glasses only made the emotions in his eyes easier to see. This time the concern she saw there helped her regain her temper. “You think I’m settling.”
“In a word: yes. I am sure that you find Spike’s…persistence quite comforting.” He left unspoken the reason she would be so susceptible to such charms. He knew she had lost far too many people.
She surprised them both by chuckling softly. “You’re right. I do. I absolutely like knowing that he isn’t going anywhere.”
“Understandable, especially given the circumstances, but hardly enough, you deserve…”
“What Giles? What are you expecting for me? A nice guy with a nine to five job and a mom who criticizes my cooking? I’m The Slayer. I don’t get normal. I get friends who are sometimes demons or who try to destroy the world and full custody of a teenage girl that didn’t exist three years ago. I don’t get to settle, Giles. This—with Spike—it’s not about settling. It’s—Spike get this, me—what I am, what I do. Spike is a part of this.”
“Yes. Spike is a vampire. You are a vampire slayer.” Giles watched Buffy roll her eyes before continuing. “We have been down this road before. It leads to pain, Buffy. I don’t want that for you.”
“Spike isn’t Angel.”
“No, he’s not. Angel saw the damage your relationship was causing and left. Spike lacks such a—”
“Spike trusts me and my judgment. He’s here because I want him here. My decision.” She knew that none of her friends could really understand how important that was to her. When Angel left it had nearly destroyed her. Not only because she missed him, though she had, but because his leaving had colored everything they’d ever had. He’d treated her like a child; he’d done what he’d thought was best for her regardless of her desires. Buffy didn’t doubt that he believed it was for the best or even that he loved her. She just wondered if he had ever really considered her a partner. She realized that Tara would have understood that and she missed her as much in that moment as she had since she’d died.
Giles shook his head sadly. “Perhaps, but the consequences will not be yours to suffer alone.”
Blinking to hold back tears, she raised her gaze up to meet his. “So I shouldn’t have love? I should stay alone forever so that none of you have to deal with my choices?”
“Buffy, no. That is not—”
Buffy stopped him abruptly with a hand in the air and an intent expression. Her head turned slightly to the side and she listened carefully for the noise she’d heard. She relaxed after a second and shook her head. “Come in, Spike.” Her tone was a mixture of annoyance and amusement.
Spike entered with a sheepish expression. “I wasn’t tryin’ to sneak. I just wanted to make sure you were all right and thought it best to let you and Rupert finish up your talk first.”
Raising an eyebrow, Buffy took a moment to enjoy his squirming. “Well that’s good. I mean if you were actually trying to sneak, I’d have to tell you that you suck at it.”
“Oi! I told you I wasn’t. I was just waiting my turn.”
She shrugged. “You might as well come in, I’m sure there are no secrets around here anyway. Giles was just telling me that dating vampires is a bad idea.”
Spike nodded. “Well that’s true.” He turned towards Giles. “Of course you should probably have had that talk back in beginning. You know-Sorry, love. You’re the new slayer. This here’s a stake-you’ll want to stick it in the vampires. Oh yes, while we’re talkin’ about stickin’ it-you must remember to avoid shagging the vampires no matter how handsome and charming they are. Vampires are bad and Slayers aren’t meant to have any fun.” He smirked. “After all, Rupes, once they go vamp they never go back.”
“Spike.” Buffy glared at him for a second. “Not helping.”
Giles pursed his lips as he once again tried to determine the appeal Spike held for Buffy. Spike reminded him of the delinquents he’d chummed around with as a teenager, only without the excuse of youth and ignorance. “It doesn’t matter. You have clearly already made your decision.”
Buffy nodded. “I have.”
The Watcher gave her a sad little nod before heading towards the door. “Very well.”
“Anyone who can accept my choice, or at least accept that it is my choice to make, is welcome to stay here and help me—us—protect the girls.”
Giles paused in the doorway. “Thank you.” He walked out without looking back at them.
Buffy sighed as she dropped down on her bed. “You really didn’t help there.”
“Rupert just rubs me the wrong way.” He sat down beside her. “Come on then. No offer to rub me the right way?”
Buffy considered trying to explain to Spike that he needed to try to get along with the others. His dirty jokes and dark humor gave off the wrong impression, made people think that he didn’t take his past seriously or that he wasn’t haunted by what he’d done and who he’d been. Only she knew that was exactly why he did it. It had taken her a long time to see it, but she knew now that the whole Spike persona was a cover, always had been. It was a good cover, she figured that he even believed it most of the time, but it was still just a cover. Once upon a time she’d been surprised when Spike behaved in a sensitive or chivalrous manner, she knew now that those had been glimpses at the truth. Spike was, at heart, a gentleman, and he was determined not to let anyone know it. She supposed too, that he had his reasons. So, she knew that she couldn’t ask him to make himself any more vulnerable in front her friends. He’d already changed far more than anyone could be expected to change. He deserved whatever protection his cover provided. It was her friends’ turn to change.
She shifted to the side and rested against him. It was nearly dark, but her earlier inclination to go patrolling had worn off. Now, she just felt tired. Her bed felt deliciously comfortable beneath her and she decided on the spot that she and Spike were done sleeping on the crappy cot in the basement. It was her house, she had a perfectly lovely bed with high thread count sheets and a three season down alternative comforter and, she would share that bed and those coverings with whomever she chose. Her eyes narrowed as she considered her bedroom window. She would need to cover it with something, but that didn’t seem too hard. “We need to find something to cover the window.”
It took Spike a moment to process her words. He followed her gaze across the room. “This window?” He tried to keep the question casual to hide his surprise.
She nodded.
“Oh.” He wanted her to say the words. If she was actually inviting him into her bed, he wanted to hear her say it. A part of him felt silly for wanting it so badly; she had already said that she was his girl, she’d let him make love to her twice the night before, and she had just kicked her best friend out because she thought he’d hurt him. He still wanted it. Being in her room was different. This was her real life, her regular human girl space; it was a world away from secret trysts in his crypt.
“It’s more comfortable if that’s okay with you.”
The word okay was so far from the elation he was feeling that Spike nearly laughed. He gave her a quick nod instead. “Sure, pet. Whatever you like.”
Buffy was about to tell him that she wanted to know what he’d like too when she heard a rustle of bags and stomping feet in the hallway. Scowling, she turned toward the door as her sister rushed in. “Dawn, this really isn’t the best—”
“We went to the mall with Anya.” She held up two full looking shopping bags and grinned.
Buffy took a deep breath and reminded herself that when you shoplifted you didn’t get bags and so whatever trouble her sister had gotten into it had to be a step up from the previous year’s drama. “And how did you afford this venture?”
“Oh. We put it on Anya’s credit card. She says you can pay her back…with interest.”
“Dawn—” Buffy’s irritation was erased as her sister dumped the contents of the first bag on the bed beside them.
“A couple of the girls thought it would be fun to get like a suit or a tweed jacket, but I thought it was best to stick with the classics.”
Buffy surveyed the small sea of black clothing on her bed and blinked back tears. Dawn had brought home a package of men’s black t-shirts in size small, two pairs of men’s black jeans, several pairs of black socks and a black leather belt. “Dawn.”
“Ooh! And…” Dawn rummaged through the other bag for a moment before triumphantly pulling out a black leather wristband with silver studs. “Look. We went to Hot Topic.” She held the bracelet out towards Spike. “I figure its stylish and a deadly weapon. Cool, huh?”
Spike’s hand nearly shook as he accepted the unexpected gift. “Very cool, niblet. It’s all…umm…”
“Thank you.” Buffy stood up and pulled her sister into a quick hug. “You did good, Dawnie.”
Dawn blushed slightly as she shrugged. “No biggie.”
Spike snorted. “No biggie for you maybe. Me, I’ll consider getting into a pair of jeans plenty big.” He gave her a shy smile, which broadened dramatically when she returned it. “Thanks, love.”
Dawn bounced anxiously on her toes for a couple of moments before walking over to him. “I still promise to burn you if you hurt my sister.”
“Give you the matches myself.” He opened his arms in quiet invitation and only waited a second before they were filled with the little girl he thought was growing up far too quickly.
[Reviews - 149]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 1921 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
I have had this chapter written and beta-read by the lovely Sanity Fair for an eternity, seriously there may still have been snow on the ground. I held off on posting because I had nothing left-no more chapters written-and I wanted to wait until I had something going before I gave up this chapter. That has finally happened. Updates will undoubtedly still be irregular for this fic, but they are coming once again. Thank you to anyone who hasn't given up on me or this fic and thank you to Sanity Fair for her beta-reading and advice. If you see a mistake it is undoubtedly because I was too stubborn to take her advice.
Comments are love.
Comments are love.
Chapter End Notes:
Thoughts?