Spike stopped in a hallway. He looked around thinking Lorne had just lead him on a wild goose chase he couldn’t get out due his card wasn’t programmed for this level. He took a deep breath and took off running. He could smell Buffy scent and it was so close. She was somewhere on this floor. He could smell her so strong. He didn’t even think twice as he raced in the direction of the scent.
Buffy sat up in bed. She could sense Spike. The tingles on her back of her head were going crazy. She could feel him before he arrived and she knew those tingles anywhere.
She stood up ignoring the fact she was only dressed in a short black shirt and flung open her door looking down the hallway. She gasped!
She could see Spike and he was alive! She ran down the hallway and flung herself into his arms hoping to God she wasn’t dreaming.
She felt him smother her with kisses and closed her eyes enjoying the feel of him holding her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and felt his hands as always hold her up under her bottom as he walked her back still smothering her with kisses into her room.
He paused at the door and she whispered, “Spike, come on in.”
Spike beamed at her and she dropped to her feet saying, “Um Spike, you ass hole, you’re alive!”
She punched him in the nose and he held his nose and moaned in pain. He didn’t answer her and she collapsed on the floor sobbing. All the pain and suffering she had gone through and he was alive. She couldn’t stop crying as Spike ignored his bleeding nose to pick her up and take her over to her bed and lay her down.
He didn’t even stop to think about anything and just wrapped his arms around her pulling her in close. She just sobbed and sobbed.
He held her close rocking her as tears fell from his eyes too. He was holding his precious Buffy. His precious Buffy was allowing him to hold her. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath of her scent and tried to memorize it as she sobbed and he silently cried.
She finally sniffled unable to cry anymore and noticed her hair was wet. She lifted her head to look at him who was crying. She reached up and wiped the tears away saying, “You stupid vampire, you died and left me and you’re crying? I was the one who was left. Why didn’t you contact me? I missed you and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Spike shrugged saying, “I was dead to you. Always have been. Angel said you deserved…”
Buffy groaned and stood up jumping off the bed saying, “If you want to be like Angel and make my choices for me, you can just leave now. Walk away and never look back and I’ll mourn you as though you died. I’m so sick and tired of everyone thinking of what to do for Buffy. Buffy’s messed up, something is wrong with Buffy. Let’s send her to L.A. to make Angel fix her, that doesn’t work, make her work and do something things she hates as though working at the freaking Double Meat Palace wasn’t bad enough for a job. God I’m so tired of everyone telling me what to do, what to feel, what not to feel and I can’t take it Spike if you do it too. You were my rock, my strength and the only person who accepted me for who I was and not what you imagined me to be. So do you want to leave Spike?”
Tears were pouring down her face as she swung open the door offering him a chance to leave. He didn’t answer her so she punched her hand into the wall and pulled her hand out watching the blood pour down it. She welcomed the blood and pain as a way of release.
The smell of Buffy’s blood snapped Spike out of his world and he jumped up and ran over to Buffy, slamming the door shut and pulled her over to the sink washing her hand clean. He looked at the other hand and said, “What did you do to yourself? You know I saw this…and this….”
He paused pointing to the healing cut above her eye. He saw her looking at him and she lifted his shirt to see the same bruise she had seen in her imagination earlier and she gasped, “How come I knew that was there?”
Spike shrugged and didn’t want to think about it anymore. He cleaned her hands and placed a gentle kiss on both as he did the first time he had cleaned her wounds after she had died and watched her walk over to the bed saying, “I’ll make a deal with you. If you promise to never leave me again and if you do have to die for the good fight to contact me when you return because you will return, then you can stay the night.”
Spike smirked saying, “Deal.”
Buffy flung herself at Spike and pulled his shirt off so she could feel his skin against her hands. She moaned feeling so long since she had been intimate with anyone. She had missed Spike and missed his touch. She had missed the feelings he opened in her and the way he loved her even when she had been unsure of her feelings. She knew what she wanted and it was him.
Spike had been with Harmony once but he didn’t count that since he had no feelings whatsoever for her. Buffy was always so warm and responsive. He removed her shirt and smiled at the fact she only was wearing a black lacy bra underneath. She reached behind herself and undid the clasp just as the elevator dinged.
She jumped behind Spike who carefully blocked her view as Angel stepped into the room saying, “Spike get out. You decided not to contact Buffy. My God, you jumped her already? Don’t you have any shame? Buffy get behind me and I’ll throw that guy out.”
He turned around saying, “Spike you left Buffy alone for a reason.”
Spike turned around pulling Buffy’s shirt over her head and then turned around and jumped up swinging Angel around as he vamped out in anger saying , “Yea you told me to. That’s my reason. You said she didn’t want me. She was over me and deserved better. She deserved a real life. I only wanted two things in this world, Buffy and to fight the good fight. Since you said I couldn’t have Buffy, I decided to fight the good fight here. Obviously Buffy wants me. She was already half naked for me so you can just bugger off you wanker and let us live our lives. I had a funny feeling Buffy was arriving the day you sent me to Wisconsin but I thought no Angel wouldn’t be so petty.”
He turned to Buffy unvamping saying, “You arrived on Wednesday?”
She nodded and he turned around and punched Angel saying, “YOU SENT ME ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE SO YOU COULD CONVINCE BUFFY SHE WANTS YOU. So tell me big guy, did it work? Did Buffy fall head over heels for you again? Did she want to be with you? Did she say she was willing to stay without sex? Did she?”
Angel didn’t say anything and Buffy said, “No I didn’t. I only came here because my friends insisted and I can’t believe you sent him away. You kept him from me on purpose. It’s one thing to not tell me he was around but to send him away on a wild goose chase just to keep him away. That’s unforgivable!”
Her hands clinched into tight fists and she knew if she saw his face for another moment she was about to really do something she’d regret so she said, “Angel I think it’s best if you leave. This is where you live and stay. I can leave if you want but right now I need to cool off and burn off some energy and I wish to be alone to do that.”
Spike turned and nodded opening the door to leave as she said, “I can be alone with you here Spike.”
Spike smirked recognizing the words so well. Angel turned to her and said, “What does that mean?”
Buffy shrugged but answered anyway, “It means he’s a part of me and belongs with me therefore I’m still alone when he’s here.”
Angel frowned and said, “But you were cookie dough Buffy. You said you thought about the future sometimes with me.”
Buffy shook her head sadly saying, “No I said I thought about the future sometimes and I do. Just I’m sorry not with you. You were my hero, my childhood love. You have a part of me that no one else can touch but there’s whole big heart left you can’t have. Spike is in it. I once told someone I loved you more than I’ll ever love anyone in this world and I meant that but what I didn’t realize is that your first love is strong but it’s not always eternal.”
Spike blinked and Buffy continued, “You were first and I loved you completely. You could do no wrong but then you turned evil. I’m not blaming you but it ripped a part of me out of myself that no one had been able to touch until Spike. I never loved Riley and actually wasn’t capable of it. Spike healed me. The last few days we were together….I experienced something new. It was powerful, amazing and completed me. It finished me off. It gave me the missing piece. Spike went all the way to Africa to find his soul, which was his missing piece and therefore was able to give me the piece I was missing which was true heartfelt love. It took me years to determine what love was. It’s when you don’t know where you begin and the other ends. It’s where you close your eyes and still feel them near. It’s not about fear to be alone or being used to them being around. Hell it’s not even about thinking about them all the time. It’s about knowing when you’re complete and knowing who brings the best out of you. It’s definitely wild, passionate…”
She turned looking at Spike knowing he’d remember telling her that, “But it’s also strength building, motivating and comforting. I’m grown up and I’m a part of Spike as he is with me. I chose him and I hope he chooses me. I’m sorry Angel. I hope you someday realize who you are meant to be with but do me a favor and stay out of my life unless you can accept that I’ve moved on to bigger and better things.”
She turned towards Spike getting lost in his eyes and giggled as she took his hand in hers and smiled at the matching scars. Angel blinked saying, “I never noticed those before.”
Buffy shrugged saying, “Not sure you would have. I think they mean something. Fred was awfully interested in them. Personally I like the way it burns.” Spike smiled at her ignoring Angel’s presence.