Buffy lay in bed staring at the ceiling. The walls were plain white in this room, which contrasted the bed with red silk sheets.
She wondered why this white room would have red silk sheets but she had no answer. She had slept only an hour before she was haunted. She didn’t mind being haunted, in fact she enjoyed seeing his face, hearing his voice saying her name and smelling leather and cigarettes. It was almost like for a moment he was alive and with her. She missed his cool touch and his soft yet firm lips. She missed the way his body was against hers. She missed touching him and holding him. She missed the way he gave her purpose and helped her to focus.
She never really realized just how much she needed him. Sure she had told him she wasn’t ready for him not to be there yet but she didn’t think she would ever be ready. It was just that she had been afraid to admit it. Loving him meant she was grown up and could never longer feel the same way about Angel. Angel was her childhood crush. Every girl has them. Someone they love more than life itself and would die for them without knowing what dying even meant. Someone who you could picture yourself with but not really have a real picture, just a fuzzy image of children, a house and them as husband or wife but never really any redeeming points to the relationship.
Angel was her childhood fantasy. He was her dark hero, who showed up in time to save the day and who was a shadow figure, mysterious and handsome. He was someone who was a puzzle to figure out.
She sighed thinking of him again. Now he wore his feelings out on his sleeve. When someone hurt him he cried. When Buffy had kissed him or complimented him, he smiled big. He wasn’t afraid of feelings. He in fact seemed to thrive on them even when she didn’t give him the option of seeing them.
She yawned remembering his arms when he held her. She absently rubbed the scar on her hand feeling the familiar tingle of comfort as she closed her eyes trying to remember what his arms felt like and slipped off to sleep. As she drifted off to sleep for a few minutes she imagined she was in a simple farm house in the middle of cow fields and felt Spike’s arms around her holding her tight. She drifted off to sleep to imagine then fighting together a battle against a vampire nest.
Spike was pissed. He couldn’t find that temple that Angel claimed was here and no one had heard of it. He was tired of smelling cow dung. He just wanted to go back to L.A. where he could save the world again for his Buffy.
Ahh Buffy. He sure did miss her. He still loved her more than anything else but Angel was right, she didn’t deserve him. He was trying to bring her down when she was his saving light. He was trying to rape her when she had loved him. He had beaten her up when she needed to be held. Sure he loved her more than life itself but sometimes love just isn’t enough.
He sighed as he kicked the bucket in frustration. Why couldn’t he just die like any good champion. Now he knew exactly how Buffy felt. He was dragged away from his grand finale and was now expected to keep living as though nothing happened. God did he miss Buffy but this was the way it should be.
Now if he could only find that temple tomorrow. He found himself absently rubbing the scar on his hand as he closed his eyes and could fell his arms surrounding Buffy lying with her in a red silk sheet bed surrounded by white walls. He could smell her vanilla scent and could feel the warmth of her skin against his cool skin. He drifted off to sleep dreaming of her. They were fighting together against a vampire nest and she looked hot.
Buffy yawned as she heard a buzzer, which said, “Are you hungry Buffy? I can have the dining room send you some food.”
Buffy recognized the voice as Fred and said, “They can send me down a bagel and orange juice.”
Fred answered, “Want cream cheese with that?”
Buffy didn’t plan to eat it only drink the juice but decided to humor Fred saying, “Sure. Sounds great.”
Fred was happy to hear the girl was eating and ordered two bagels with cream cheese and a big glass of orange juice.
Buffy got up and quickly showered and was ready when her food arrived. She made a big show of thanking the person who brought it to her and waited until he left to take the bagels and throw them out and then drank part of orange juice.
She sighed as she realized she has been living off juices for a while. She took the vitamins from her briefcase and swallowed two down.
She figured since she wasn’t eating in order not to be sick, she didn’t to make sure she got the daily amount of vitamins required.
She stood up brushing her hair and added on rouge to give her some color. She resisted the urge to cry as she thought about how much he would yell if he saw her not taking care of herself but she didn’t care.
When she died she heard stories of Dawn about how he beat himself up and barely fed. How he had wanted and tried to dust himself with sunlight with Dawn saving him at the last minute. If he could do that, then she could do this.
After all, it didn’t matter if she died, she’d be with him then.
Angel sat at the table gathered around by a green demon named Lorne, Wesley who she knew, a lawyer named Gunn and the bouncing girl Fred. There was an extra seat but she was told he was out on assignment still and wouldn’t be returning for a while. He was the assignment guy.
Buffy listened closely as everyone updated on his or her happenings. Fred was researching a new chemical released by a demon. Wesley was handling an occult case that was affecting 10 lives of the local high school. Lorne was working hard at his club helping to hire two new employees and weeding out those who are incapable based on their futures. Gunn was working to protect a client who had stolen goods for a demon clan. Buffy noticed that while they weren’t exactly fighting the good fight, they weren’t being idle either.
She didn’t say anything throughout the whole meeting until Angel adjourned the meeting. Angel was told he had a call in his office so he retired to deal with it while Buffy handed the watcher journals to Wesley.
Wesley smiled saying, “I would have thought he would have just sent them but this is fine. Perhaps they are invaluable. I’ll see what is good in them, scan them and then give them back to you.”
Buffy nodded saying, “How long will that take?”
Wesley shrugged, “A few days I guess.”
He knew it would only take him about 2 hours but Angel had said to keep her here at least a week or two because Angel wanted to renew his relationship with Buffy.
Buffy nodded saying, “Sounds fine.”
Wesley smiled at the girl who looked so tragically lost and broken, “It’s good to see you Buffy.”
Buffy nodded whispering, “It’s good to be seen.”
Wesley studied the girl for a moment and wondered if Angel was right in really believing that he could save her. It seemed to him that the only one who could save her was not wanting to go back there again. He shrugged knowing it wasn’t his problem and smiled at her one more time thanking her for the journals before disappearing out of the room before he said something he regretted.