Chapter 12:
“I’m sorry…”
.
Buffy must have said those words a million times in the last hour. It seemed that each time she said them to William it still wasn’t good enough—that her apology didn’t seem to hold much weight.
“Love, I already told you that it’s alright…”
“Have I mentioned that I told your wife that I was hosting?”
“Yes.” He nodded.
They sat in silence for a moment. Buffy took another sip of her ice coffee that she got from the library lobby café.
“Have I told you that I was the one that brought it up out of the blue?” she pointed out.
“Yes.”
”Then why aren’t you mad?!” Buffy whined.
The two of them were seated on top of the stoop outside the Powell Library on the UCLA campus. William glanced away from the passing summer students on their way to class to look at Buffy. He smiled when he noticed that she had a childish pout on her face and that she was fiddled with straw inside her cup.
‘Hard to get mad at someone like you pet…so lovely…so kind…so…’ William stopped his mind from wondering too far, he reminded himself that Buffy was only here because the situation they were in.
“I guess I don’t get mad easily.” He muttered as he turned to look back at the pedestrians.
“How come?”
William looked back at her to see she had a quizzical expression painted on her face.
“You think I have a temper?” he raised a brow.
“Well…just being in the situation you’re in, I would think you have a lot of anger buried deep down inside of you.” Buffy remarked as she looked down at her drink and started to swirl the ice around with her straw, “I know I would.”
He continued to watch her shy her eyes away from him. “Well…I guess if I let out all my rage because of everything I went through with Drusilla, well, I don’t think I’d be a very nice person to hang around.”
Buffy thought about that for a moment. ‘Guess he’s right…besides, at the end of a temper tantrum you don’t feel better. You feel worse and tired. You end up having to apologizing to innocent bystanders too. And sometimes, the person your mad at doesn’t even care what your feeling at all. ’
“So you let out your anger by writing?” Buffy asked, “Writing it out in your folder?”
“Write out…used to play it out on my guitar but that seemed a little bit more painful.” William said as he turned the palms of his hands face up to look at them.
“How come?”
“I’d played till my fingers bleed…” he whispered and then let his hands fall back to his lap.
Buffy studied the side of William’s face that was turned away from her. She noted that his chin was stubby from being unshaved and that he had a tint of grey in his hair around his sideburns that she never noticed before. She remembered his face back in the photo album, how young and energized he appeared to be. Where was that man now? What did Drusilla do him? She had to know.
“You know, you never really told me why you didn’t leave her…you said the other night that you stopped yourself… and I’m having a hard time trying to understand what that means…”
”Buffy—“
”Because you seemed like you were a strong person once upon a time ago.”
“Ya…well…ya…”
“That’s hardly an answer.”
“How about you?” he shot out at her, “What’s standing in your way?”
“It’s different for me…I love Angel and—“
”And I love Dru…”
“But she doesn’t love you.”
”And you think Angel loves you?” he shot out at her again.
There was a brief moment of silence.
“Buffy, my music career was all I had back then…it was everything to me…I used my life savings trying to get my career going and it just never happened.”
“So you turned to her huh?” she whispered.
’So Dru was his safety net …just like Angel’s mine…’
“I didn’t have a choice…my father was taking care of my dying mother…my friends were all my bandmates—they had no money and were trying to make ends meet themselves, I couldn’t ask them for help. Drusilla was the only one that would help me…she cared about me…well, I thought she would care about.”
“So to make a long story short, you married her because she was the safe haven at the time?” Buffy asked.
William looked over at her, “I did love her…”
‘Did…not ‘do’…did…’ Buffy noted.
“But you never tried music again?”
“No…I promised myself I’d stay away from that…I promised Dru I’d stay away from that…”
‘What does that mean?’ Buffy asked herself, ‘He promised Dru…’
“She wanted you to stay away from something you loved to do?”
William didn’t answer; Buffy could see that he was depressed enough.
“Sorry…” she whispered as she gathered her purse, William’s folder, and her cup quickly.
When William noticed she looked like she was leaving he got up quickly, “You’re going?”
“I…I should…” Buffy said as she searched through her purse for her car keys, “I didn’t mean to bother you at work and—“
“You didn’t.” he interrupted.
Buffy smiled to herself when she picked up a sense of longing for her to stay in the tone of his voice, “Good…” It made her feel special knowing that she would be missed if she left.
“I…I don’t know a lot of people in LA so I enjoy the company.” William said.
Buffy recalled moving from Sunnydale to LA for Angel’s job years ago. The transition from little town to big city was certainly overwhelm at first, but for William this was completely different—she couldn’t image having to move across the globe. No friends. No family, except for Drusilla. To Buffy, it seemed that having Dru as a companion in a foreign country was worse than having no one at all.
“Well…maybe I’ll come by more often.” She smiled as she slid her sunglasses from the top of her head to her face.
‘I’d like that.’ He thought to himself. “Wait…weren’t you suppose to be at work today?” he asked.
Buffy rolled her eyes under her shades when she thought about Wolfram and Hart, swinger headquarters, “My friend covered for me…”
‘Besides…if I see Darla, Dru, Angel, or Harmony I think I might scream.’ She thought to herself.
“Oh…good…” he nodded.
“Well I better go…got to clean the house for this stupid….party.” she spat out in disgust, “What was I thinking?”
“So I guess I’ll see you then.” He shoved his hands in his pants pockets.
“I’m sorry William…” she whispered, “I didn’t mean for this—“
”I told you Buffy, I’m not mad. Don’t worry about it.”
Buffy nodded and turned to go down the stairs, she got a few steps down before looking back at him. “I think you should give it a try” she called back.
“What?”
“The music…your music…you should give it another go.” she explained.
William stood there awestruck, not able to blink or utter a single word. Buffy noticed by the look on his face that she caught him off guard, so she decided not to say anything else; she turned around and continued down the stairs.
*~*~*~*~*~
Friday Night…
For the first time in her life, Buffy was breaking all the rules of fashion on purpose.
She turned to the left, she turned to the right. Buffy made a face of disgust at what she was wearing; in response she stuck her tongue out at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
‘Take it off!’ the little voice inside her head yelled, ‘The color is all wrong!’
If this was any other event, Buffy would probably be hyperventilating and racing to find something else in her closet. But since this party was on the bottom of her list of something she should care about, she ignore her fashion instincts.
‘Doesn’t matter if it’s a little bit big and the color is crappy, it was $2,400’ Buffy smiled when she remembered buying the hideous dress in Beverly Hills the other day. She could have sworn she got a magical tingling sensation that ran up her body when she passed the cashier Angel’s American Express card.
“Buffy?!!!” Angel called from down the hallway.
She rolled her eyes, “What?!”
“The guests are starting to arrive!” he yelled.
Angel’s enthusiasm for this party seemed to carry throughout the week when she told him they were playing hostesses. The man had been giddy and smiles, walking around with a hard on all week long it seemed.
“I’m coming!” she yelled and then whispered softly, “You needledick”
*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Buffy, your dress…it’s…it’s…” Darla stuttered, trying to find the words to describe the ugly dress.
‘It was $2,400’, Buffy wanted to come right out and say, ‘The shoes were $600…and probably after this party I’ll use the dress as a towel and give the shoes to charity.’
“It’s glamorous, right Lindsey?” Darla turned to her husband.
“Right…” he bobbed his head, his eyes skimmed down Buffy’s smooth tan legs for a moment.
‘Hello…eyes up here scumbag’ Buffy wanted to snap when she saw the way Lindsey was leering at her.
“So, where are the drinks?” Lindsey asked as he slapped his hands together.
*~*~*~*~*~
2 hours later…
Buffy eyed the clock that sat on the mantle above the fireplace over the rim of her glass as she downed her third glass of wine in one gulp. She let out a refreshing “Ahhh” when she finally came up for air and then muttered, “This stuff is good.”
She turned to the nearest person and said again, “You know, this stuff is good.”
The guest though it was rather amusing—the drunken state that Buffy seemed to be in. With a snicker, the guest left Buffy’s side and went over to Darla and Harmony.
“Hey Buffy…” Angel came up from behind his wife and directed her over to the sofa to sit down, “Take it easy on the drinks…” he muttered as he kissed the top of her head and left her side once again to talk with some other guests.
“He’s not the boss of me…” she muttered softly to herself, “Angel’s not the boss of me everyone!” she yelled.
The room was silent for a few minutes; all eyes were directed on Mrs. O’Connor, wondering what she was going to do next.
“I got to pee…” she announced and stumbled down the hallway alone.
“Don’t worry Angel...” Darla laughed, “In about ten minutes she’ll be someone else’s problem for the night. That is if Drusilla and her lamebrain husband show up anytime soon.”
And with that said, the doorbell rang.
TBC…