Chapter 8:
Buffy was anxious, too anxious, and she only hoped William didn’t notice as he searched carefully through his desk for something. They both were currently in William’s work study; Buffy was admiring his Shakespeare collection on his bookcase and trying hard not to think about what was going on upstairs. Up until now, all the petite blonde felt for her husband was rage and betrayal. It was only until William brought up the subject of her actually leaving Angel, that she started to feel a little panicked.
‘I’ve been with Angel for nine years…nearly a decade…that’s not something I can just get over in a single weekend.’ Buffy thought to herself and then glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.
‘3:55am…in less than 6 hours he’ll be down here…with HER… and wanting to go home…home, expecting them to get on with our lives…probably asking me if he wanted to attended another party, oh god!’
Buffy felt started to feel a little light headed, her heart started to speed up. She spared a glance behind her shoulder to see if William could hear her pounding heart and smell her fear. She was afraid. She was afraid of what’s going to happen tomorrow and next week and next month. ‘Can I leave him?’ she asked herself, ‘Can I really be that brave to walk away from him and be alone…not lean on him like as if he was a security blanket?’ Buffy thought of her mother for a brief moment, and remembered a conversation she had while back when she was dating Angel.
‘You have the chance to break the curse of bad marriages, Buffy…your grandmother was treated like crap by my father—she didn’t have the opportunity to even run away from him because she didn’t know how to drive a car. And I admit that I crumbled when your father left and you were my solid rock that I held onto, even though you were 15 years old. But now…now, you have a chance to change that. Give your children a happy childhood by showing them you love your husband and he loves and respects you. Give them the childhood that we never got. Get the love that you deserve.’
It felt like a weight was forever put on Buffy’s shoulders after that little heart to heart with her mom.
Buffy jumped when she felt a hand on her bare shoulder.
“You alright?” William asked when she turned around to face him.
“Ya…just….ya, I am.” Buffy shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts of her anxiety.
“You sure? You look a little flushed love.” William said with concern, “You need some water?”
“Water would be good.” She said quietly with a nod. Buffy thought it was best that he step out of the room for a moment so she could collect herself, make sure she doesn’t break down in front of him.
“I’ll go get you some…umm…here.” William awkward handed over a book to Buffy. “You can look at it if you like while I’m gone.”
“What’s this?”
Buffy read the golden words curved on the leather material outside the book, ‘Photo Album’. She looked up at him with a quizzical brow.
“Thought that would cheer you up…you were wondering about my hair before....well, take a peek and have a laugh.” He shrugged as he exited out of the room to fetch her water.
Buffy watched William’s backside as he left her alone in his study. She thought he was an odd sort of man. He seemed to have good social skills when he was with her but there was still something about him that was didn’t seem to fit. Like showing her a photo album to a person he just met tonight?
‘God Buffy, give the guy a break…for ten years he’s been mistreated by his wife. That’s bound to leave a person a bit damaged.’ Buffy thought as she sat down on a black leather chair next to the bookcase. ‘Besides, all he’s trying to do is make me feel better…make me smile…what’s wrong with that?’
*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy’s fingers slid over William smiling face in the photo, standing with a few of his band mates at what looked like a night club. Her lips curled into a smile when she recalled her daydream of him with bleached blonde hair.
“Whatever possessed you to do that?” Buffy laughed as she looked up at William sitting beside her, on the armrest, looking over her shoulder as she flipped through the pictures.
“The hair? I don’t know…just felt right…” he shrugged.
“So you were a punk…in a band…” Buffy summarized, “Lead singer…so, how did this man.” She tapped on the picture in the book, “Turn into this guy here?” Buffy looked back up at William’s brown curly hair with a smile.
William frowned, “Not a very wonderful transformation huh?”
He got up off the armrest and walked around his study, looking over his hundreds of books on his shelves. His eyes darted up to his poetry collection on the top shelf, where no one could reach them.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that at all…” Buffy argued as she shut the album and sat it next to her.
‘Why does he keep putting himself down?’ Buffy thought to herself, ‘Doesn’t he have any confidence left inside of him, or did Drusilla take that away as well?’
“Are you going to tell me why it’s so hard for you to leave her now?” Buffy whispered.
“I don’t even know if I have a legitimate reason why I’m staying with her…it’s just…I’m almost 40 and I feel like I never really accomplished anything. My music never got a jump start, never made it out of little gigs at clubs…my writing probably would never get as far as I’d like it to be…” he sighed.
“You write?”
Buffy wasn’t too surprised, with William’s collection of books surrounding him and inspiring him, she could definitely see him pick up a pen and scribble out his own ideas.
“Nothing too exciting…just stories…thoughts…”
‘Okay, this is ridiculous…this man needs to a support mechanism, now!’ she thought as she got up off the couch and moved closer to him.
“Has anyone read it?”
“Drusilla read a bit…nothing recent.”
‘I wouldn’t blame you…’ Buffy thought, she could easily see now that there could be a nasty side to that dark gothic chick.
“Well…maybe you need a second opinion.”
William turned around fully to look at her.
“I-I...I-I don’t know…I wouldn’t want you to waste your time with something that-that probably isn’t even internet worthy…”
‘Internet worthy?’ Buffy thought that was a little bit weird, a little bit nerdy... but it only captivated her more to read something he wrote. Maybe it would help him rediscover himself; help him move forward, help her move forward.
“Is it that or are you scared of what I’ll think?”
“I’m terrified of what you’ll think.” He admitted quickly.
‘Terrified? Of little old me, that dropped out of college, settled for a man like Angel O’Conner, and thought she was actually going to a dance party tonight?’
“You don’t have to be afraid of me…”
William begged to differ, this woman was frightening. The way she was gentle with his feelings and was encouraging him, William couldn’t remember the last time he had someone like that in his life.
“Please…” Buffy smiled sweetly for him.
William pondered the thought for a moment before looking up at her and nodding. “But…don’t read it here…take it with you…”
Buffy agreed. She watched him go around his desk and open up his bottom draw to retrieve a blue folder. With a little hesitation, William handed over his most personal position to Buffy.
TBC…