“Damn it, Anya!” Giles lunged forward, desperately trying to rescue his books from the wax that was now pouring out of the fallen candle.
“Well I’m sorry.” She crossed her arms and made a huffing noise. “It’s not my fault we have to have a research party in the dark. That’s clearly Buffy’s fault.”
“What?” Buffy snapped her eyes up at Anya. “Was I supposed to just let the demon go? Cause, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to kill them.” Willow and Xander glanced at each other and braced themselves for yet another Buffy/Anya bitchfest, the third of the day. It was unseasonably hot, and with the power out neither girl was responding well to the lack of basic amenities. They were starting to intentionally push each other’s buttons in a desperate attempt to release unfocussed tension and take their minds off the heat.
“Well sure, but did you have to blow it up in the middle of the power plant?”
Buffy slammed her book shut, making Giles wince. “It’s not like I knew it had an exploding stomach. In fact,” she straightened in her seat, “since you’re a researchy and not a stabby or magicky Scoobie, maybe that means it was your screw up.” She smiled triumphantly as Anya’s mouth popped open for what was sure to be a bitter and frighteningly accurate retort.
Giles didn’t bother relighting a candle. It was still light enough, being mid afternoon, and he cringed at the thought of another errant spill. “As much as I enjoy following this apparently endless stream of logical blame,” Giles realized it was futile, and got up and went to the kitchen without finishing his sentence. He paused at the fridge door, trying to think of what he wanted before opening it so as not to waste the little cold that was left, while trying to block out the increasingly high pitched prattle coming from the other room. He opened the door, intending to quickly grab the half sandwich left over from his lunch, and stopped. Waving his hand through the air in the fridge, his face tightened as he realized it was now exactly room temperature. “Dear lord.”
“Whoa, did I just her a dear lord?” Xander’s voice was loud as he latched onto something other than whose fault their current lack of electricity was. “Do we have an apocalypse? Please tell me it’s an apocalypse!”
Willow scrunched up her face. “Xander, I don’t think you should joke about that.”
Giles slammed the fridge door shut and walked back into the living room, his voice quiet and controlled as he looked at each of the four at the table in turn. “Why, exactly, is the refrigerator warm.”
Buffy abandoned her verbal sparring with Anya, rolling her eyes. “Easy there Ripper. Tense much?”
Giles whipped off his glasses and began vigorously cleaning them. “I don’t know how you, all of you, could be so thoughtless. I told you repeatedly to be careful and not let the cold out.” He shoved his glasses back on.
Xander leaned forward, suppressing the urge to crack a joke; clearly the situation was getting to Giles too. “Hey man, I don’t think any of us did it.” He gestured towards the bathroom. “It was probably the bleached wonder. Didn’t you say you let him out earlier so you could shower?”
Willow laughed nervously. “Yeah. That’s the kind of evil thing he would do too, you know, with the whole not being able to do real evil anymore.”
“Oi! I’m bloody evil! Let me out of here and I’ll show you, you stupid bints!” Spike’s bellow caught them all off guard. He had just been getting into a good wank and so was being unusually quiet, until he couldn’t tune out their stupid argument anymore. Angry, he banged the back of his head against the tub. But, the Watcher was pissed, and that was always good for a laugh. He took a deep, unnecessary breath. “I’ll twist your heads off and suck them dry! I’ll scoop out your hearts and squeeze every last drop of blood into my gullet! I’ll rip off your arms and beat your ugly faces with them!” Oh yeah, he was in the flow now. He grinned to himself, and was about to describe what he would do with their eyeball sockets when Xander started yelling back about him being neutered and a chiphead and retarded from too much peroxide soaking into his cranium.
“Enough!” Giles yelled. “I’ve had it with all of you! This is clearly going nowhere today. I am driving to the next town and staying in a hotel. Xander and Anya, I suggest you go home.” He continued speaking as Anya’s eyes brightened, clearly about to launch into some vivid sexual description. “Don’t tell me what you will do there. Just go. Willow, take the text you’re working on back to your dorm. You have all behaved like children” The Scoobies looked at each other, shamed and realizing they had gone overboard with the irritants.
Anya jumped up and walked out the door, dragging Xander behind her, who waved apologetically. Willow stood up, putting the text Giles had indicated into her book bag. She spoke quietly, not wanting to aggravate him further. “What about Spike? You’re not gonna just leave him here alone, in the tub, are you? Cause, hey, evil yeah, but that’s just cruel.”
Giles turned to Buffy, his voice still tight. “No, Buffy is going to stay here with him.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “No! Giles!” She sputtered as he turned around and headed up the stairs to pack an overnight bag. “But, the Bronze! Candlelight Club Night! Power Outage Party!”
Spike yelled from the bathroom. “Don’t think so mate! You’re not leaving me alone with that annoying, whiny little bitch!”
Buffy shrieked at the bathroom. “Shut up Spike!”
Ignoring her whining, Giles started randomly grabbing clothes out of the dresser. “It’s your turn Buffy. You were supposed to stay with him last week when Olivia was here and you didn’t.” He started stuffing clothes into the bag. He smiled to himself. This was good. “You’ve been shirking your responsibilities lately Buffy. At least you can babysit Spike for one night.”
“What? No! No Shirkage! I’ve patrolled every night this week! Okay, well, some nights. And I killed the big exploding demon!” She stopped for a second, eyes wide. “And okay, maybe that blew up the power plant, but hey! No shirkage!” Her voice was getting higher by the second, as she watched Giles come down the stairs with his hastily packed bag and snatch his car keys. “Don’t make me stay here with my least favorite not-even-a-person ever!”
“Enough Buffy.” He turned and looked at her, all desperate and pleading. His eyes softened. “Just tonight Buffy. I’ll be back tomorrow. Just don’t let him out, give him some blood at some point and try not to kill him. We still need him.” And with that he walked out the door.
Spike grinned to himself. So the Slayer had to stay here, with him, alone. She was annoying, yeah, but he could make this fun. He leaned back in the tub, and began fantasizing about all the ways he could piss her off before her Watcher came back.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is maybe season fourish, pre-Something Blue, but it's not exactly canon. Spike's chipped, Riley's around but MIA, no looming apocalypse. Smut starts in earnest around Chapter seven, so those of you who are impatient (I know I am sometimes) can skip ahead to the yummy stuff. You'll miss the appetizers and the buildup, but I promise I won't be offended! Also, this wasn't beta'd so if you find mistakes of any kind, please let me know. I definitely want constructive criticism.