He was going to get Buffy out of his system right now, and if he couldn’t he was going to drink so bloody much that he wouldn’t even remember her name.
He’d been talking to some bimbo for the last 10minutes, had no clue what she was saying, but caught that her name was Harmony something.
“I just love that film…I mean Antonio Banderas is just soooo sexy. Don’t you think?”
“Wouldn’t know about that, luv.” he said looking for the nearest exit. When he found it he didn’t even look back to her, he just asked, “You wanna get out of here?” and before she had even answered he’d stood up determined he was leaving, and preferably not alone.
He was bored of this place, and he wanted to start on his ‘Erase Buffy’ plan as soon as possible; hopefully erasing his actions from the other night along with her.
“Okay.” she said a little confused by his sudden eagerness, even she could tell he hadn’t been that interested in her most of the night.
He still wasn’t looking at her when he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the exit. He was dragging her along so fast that a few times she crashed into him when he was forced to suddenly stop and let someone cross in front.
Eventually he manoeuvred them through the bar and outside. That’s when he faced her, and with his eyes firmly shut he kissed her hard.
She mewled into his mouth and at first it actually felt good and he pulled her tight against him when he felt himself becoming aroused.
When they found themselves in an alleyway behind the club Spike was suddenly pushed against the wall. Normally he’d say something about that, but he didn’t care right now. This was just happening, and he was just going to let it. Like he was a passenger of life, along for the ride. He looked up at the sky, wishing like hell he was somewhere else, with. someone else. He hadn’t even noticed the girl had gone anywhere until he felt a jerk of his jeans.
He looked down and found her on her knees level with his dick, slowly pulling down the zipper with her practically inch-long, manicured French nails scraping against the denim. She was gazing up at him confidently like she had something over him.
Something about her smile made his stomach twist. It made him feel like he had picked up a hooker. But then again hadn’t that been the reason that he’d gone to that place? To get a girl like her? Once again he’d set out to achieve something, accomplished it, and then wanted to take it all back, like the other night when he wanted to get back at Buffy.
This wasn’t him. This wasn’t right. It felt dirty and wrong, and when she went to reach inside his pants he gently grabbed her hands and stopped her.
Buffy got back to the apartment late that night, like she did most nights since Spike had left. The place felt so empty, and even though Buffy had been fine before Spike got here, now there seemed something missing, and she didn’t like to think about that, so she went anywhere she could to avoid coming home. Today she’d been to the library, but she hadn’t really achieved anything, she couldn’t concentrate enough to do any work.
Coming in, her eyes were drawn to the phone, but no messages had been left for her. She briefly reached out for the handset then hesitated. She went into the kitchen, poured herself some water, drank it, and slammed the glass down on the counter when she was done. The sound vibrated in the air and something inside Buffy snapped and she suddenly had to blink away tears. She was leant against the sink with her arms outstretched and her head hanging down, and through her tears she could see the fading bruise on her wrist. The mark that reminded her how weak she was. His mark. And seeing it made her take a deep breath, stand up, and wipe away her tears.
When she had reached for the phone on her way in she had been thinking of calling him, but she knew she couldn’t. She didn’t have anything to say. She couldn’t say ‘I miss you’ because that was pathetic, and he didn’t deserve to know that. She couldn’t say ‘I hate you’ because that wouldn’t solve anything, and more importantly it wasn’t true. And she definitely couldn’t say ‘Come home’ because even though she wanted him too, she really wasn’t ready.
She was mad; she was upset; she was confused. She didn’t want to ever speak to him again, but at the same time she wanted to know why he hadn’t called her. She wanted to know if he was okay, and if he missed her. All the things she didn’t know, they where the things that were killing her. Did he not want to talk to her anymore? Did he not even care? Had they pushed each other too far this time to ever be able to be together again in any real way?
The sound of ringing in the hallway brought her back from her thoughts. Not really thinking anymore she walked straight back into the hall to pick it up, and then panicked. For a moment she considered turning it off, ignoring the call and hiding away, but instead she answered it and held her breath.
“Hey Buffy!” Willow’s cheery voice called across the line.
Buffy sighed. “Wills, hey.” She walked down the hall and opened the door to her bedroom.
“You okay, Buffy?” Willow asked, automatically sensing that something was wrong from Buffy’s tone. She pressed on, “You don’t sound so much with the happy.”
“I’m…” Buffy paused, swallowing her lie of ‘I’m fine.’ This was Willow, who she’d know since she was 12, she couldn’t lie to her. She’d see right through anything she made up, so she couldn’t lie, and also she didn’t really want to. “Oh, Will. I’m…I’m not…Oh God. Everything’s such a mess!” She sat dejectedly on the end of her bed, hanging her head and awaiting the inevitable question that was to follow.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?”
She laughed a little, “I wouldn’t know where to begin. I really wouldn’t.”
“Buffy.” Willow said sternly, or at least as sternly as Willow could be. “This is me. Willow. You can tell me anything.”
With a deep breath and a lot of courage Buffy began to tell Willow the whole sordid story. Willow didn’t say much, she just listened, and to be honest that’s all Buffy had expected or wanted from her at the time.
When she was finished though she was suddenly not okay with Willow’s silence. Buffy was a complete mess, telling her best friend all that was like reliving it all over again. She hadn’t told her what happened the night before Spike left, only that they had argued. It was too painful to speak about, and at the same time she didn’t think it mattered enough to mention. At least it only mattered to her, and Willow not having been through it, could not have understood how traumatic it all was. On top of all this Buffy’s heart was now racing. She knew it was a lot to process, but the longer Willow took to say anything the more nervous Buffy got about her reaction.
She couldn’t have been more relieved when Willow offered to fly to New York to see her. She hadn’t judged her or voiced an opinion; she was only concerned with how Buffy was coping.
Of course Buffy said it wasn’t necessary, but Willow put her foot down and insisted that she would come next week when she had time off college and stay for as long as her break was. Buffy felt calm for the first time in as long as she could remember. She also felt like she wasn’t on her own in this anymore.
After a while Buffy and Willow said their goodbyes and hung up their phones. But as soon as Buffy put the receiver down on her nightstand she felt utterly alone once more.
Harmony was long gone, but Spike hadn’t left. He was still stood in the alleyway, unable to move, not really knowing what to do with himself. Should he go home? Or go see Buffy? Or go throw himself off a bridge? He didn’t know what he was doing. He couldn’t think straight.
No longer being able to stand he slid down the brick.
Buffy couldn’t keep it in. She let out a sob, and then sank face down onto her bed. Crying into her pillow, letting it soak up her tears.
Spike laid his head on the wall behind him, his eyes fell shut.