She couldn’t believe he was out of her life. It felt so strange.
Sometimes she wondered if it was all just a dream. Because no matter how intense, how wonderful, how painful the whole thing had been, she’d gone back to her old boring routine almost immediately. Forced back into juggling college and work, and coming home to a cold, empty apartment. To go to sleep on her own only so she could wake up and do it all again. Everyday the same. Everyday without him.
Even Willow’s visit had been hard to remember. She’d stayed for a few weeks, but then eventually had to go back to school. She’d promised to come again soon when summer vacation started, she was going to stay for as long as Buffy needed her she said, but right now Buffy didn’t even know what she needed. She didn’t know anything.
She definitely didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, so she hadn’t felt anything. Maybe at first, but now she was trying her best to go along with her suspicions that none of it really happened, and go back to the way her life was before. She wasn’t particularly doing it on purpose; she just couldn’t do anything but.
Its part of what she hated so much about this. She wasn’t in control.
He’d come and gotten all his stuff while she wasn’t in, just like he’d promised. Even though she knew she couldn’t have faced him, part of her had thought about staying home all week, but she knew how pathetic it would be not to leave her apartment for a whole 7 days just so she could see him again. Also it was too late in the year to be missing important classes at college, and she had to go to work to pay the bills. She thought at the time that she was going to struggle with the bills like before, now that Spike was gone.
That was until she saw another note from him.
I’m Finished.
This is for you kitten.
Luv Spike.
Underneath it was enough money to cover all the bills for the next two months.
She’d thrown out the note, before she could linger on how close his words of “I’m finished” were to “We’re finished.”
She’d felt helpless. He was leaving, and even though she didn’t know what was for the best anymore, she couldn’t stop him. He was hiding away from her, making her decisions, their decisions, for her. But she had to stop being angry at him for taking all her power away from her. She had to get it back for herself.
Even though he’d left her money, it wasn’t going to last forever, and soon she’d be back in her old situation with the same old problems. She needed to work. That’s what she repeated to herself everyday at this stupid diner, as she washed the grease off the plates, and the coffee stains off the cups. It’s what she repeated when the late night customers came in, groups of guys who in her opinion shouldn’t be let around the general public, never mind women.
Taking what felt like her millionth order of the night, even though business as usual was slow, Buffy ground her teeth together waiting for the particular group of guys in front of her to stop fooling around. After they were done, with a smile she told them how long their wait would be and walked back to the counter.
“What’s up, B?!”
“God!” Buffy cried turning around, her mind had been wandering again and she was almost shocked out of her skin. She relaxed when she saw Faith about to sit down across from her. “You scared the life out of me.”
“Is that possible for someone who doesn’t have a life?”
Buffy looked up sadly, and Faith immediately regretted her choice of words. Tough love had been a bit too tough for this girl.
“I’m sorry, B.” she said honestly, “but I just want to shake you out of whatever dark fucking cloud you’re under.”
“Faith…” Buffy started to interrupt her, but Faith was having none of it.
“B.” she said firmly. “He’s a guy. Ergo, he’s not worth it.”
And for the first time in a long time Buffy didn’t come to his defence. She didn’t agree either, she just kept silent and waited for Faith to get to the reason she was paying this late night visit to somewhere she usually wouldn’t be seen dead in. With a girl like Faith if you give them the stage they have to take the mike eventually.
“I know you’re hurting, and I can’t lie and say I understand, because I don’t. The worst a guy’s ever given me’s unwanted attention, never been in love, so never been heartbroken. But you gotta pull yourself out of this, B.”
Buffy took a long sigh, “I know Faith, but it’s not that…”
“Excuse me?” said a male voice.
Buffy looked up and saw a fair haired guy at the other end of the counter. She held up her finger telling Faith she’s be back in 1 minute and moved to stand opposite the guy.
“What can I do for you?” Buffy said forcing a smile.
“Erm…yeah. I was just wanting the bill...I’ve just had a black coffee.”
“Oh, ok.” Buffy said going over to the register and pressing a few buttons to put through the coffee. She came back and told him how much he owed. “You could have just shouted me over you know.”
The guy reached into his jacket trying to find his wallet, “You were talking to your friend…I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt.” he said still searching.
“Well you sort of did anyway.” she said under her breath.
“Oh,” he said a little surprised, “Sorry.”
Her eyes widened at the realisation of what she’d just let slip out. “Oh no, God I’m sorry.” she said stuttering, “That was so not what I meant to say…I mean…I…I shouldn’t talk to customers like that, I’m sorry…I’m just…please don’t tell my manager.”
The guy laughed. He just out right laughed.
Even though it was obviously not directed at her Buffy felt a bit embarrassed.
Eventually he smiled and explained himself, “I’m not going to tell anyone.”
“Thanks.” she said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.
“Look,” the guy said, “My name’s Riley.”
“Buffy.” she said looking down at her name tag and then back up at him.
“Of course.” he paused, “It’s a nice name.”
“Thanks.”
Buffy quickly looked over at where Faith was sat, she was staring at them both intensely, and when she noticed Buffy had caught her she tried to hide her grin. Buffy heard Riley start to say something and turned back.
“Would you…this is gonna sound weird, considering I don’t know you…but would you like to go out sometime?”
“What?” Buffy asked, not really together enough to understand.
“Well it’s just that…I know you don’t know me, but I had to ask…I don’t remember the last time I met someone so cute.”
Buffy looked dumbfounded, and then blushed.
“So do you wanna?” he asked when she didn’t give him an answer.
“Yes, she does.” Faith jumped in.
Riley looked at the brunette with confusion, and then hopefully at Buffy who still looked slightly stunned.
She glanced at Faith and Faith narrowed her eyes as if to persuade her to answer him. Buffy looked back at Riley and just nodded meekly, unable to form words.
“Great, how about tomorrow.”
Buffy looked even more shocked and Riley couldn’t help but give another little laugh. “Okay, okay. Too soon. Next week maybe?”
Buffy paused, biting her lower lip gently and trying to search for a way to let him down gently, but after already agreeing, she knew that wouldn’t be easy. Damn Faith and her ‘looking out for her’ thing. “I dunno…I’m really busy.” she said, trying to sound as apologetic as possible so Faith wouldn’t scold her.
Determined Riley smiled, he could see this was going to be tricky, but he really liked this girl, so he didn’t mind a challenge, and he didn’t mind going out on a limb if there was the slightest chance she’d say yes, so he took out his wallet. “Well, how about we take the pressure off. Here’s my number.” he said pulling out a cream coloured piece of card which had his name embossed on it in black silky letters. He placed it down on the counter and slid it towards her slowly, seeing her eyes float to it and then back to him before continuing, “And you can just call me if you ever find some free time.”
Buffy nodded again, and had to smile. He did seem genuinely nice, nothing like all the pushy guys she usually met. He really had made her feel like there was no pressure. He seemed from the little she could tell from first appearances, just like the kind of guy she’d always wanted to meet. The guy she could imagine taking home to meet her parents. But that was before Spike. She wasn’t the same girl anymore after him, so how could anyone expect her to be after the same kind of guy.
Riley paused for a second and then took out some bills from his wallet, placing them down on the counter where he first placed his card.
He turned to Faith and nodded politely, “See you around.” Then he turned back to Buffy and said, “I really hope you call…But if not, it was really nice to meet you.”
Buffy blushed again and looked down. When she did she saw the card still on her side of the counter and daringly picked it up, slipping it into the front pocket of her apron.
This gave Riley a little hope, and he couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face as he left the diner.
Buffy took the cash he had left and placed it into the register. For a while there was just silence interrupted only by the bing and crash of the money draw opening and closing. Soon though Faith couldn’t keep her words in.
“Soooo?” Faith beamed excitedly, “You gonna call him?”
Buffy placed her hand over her forehead, feeling suddenly exhausted. “I don’t know.” She huffed.
“Come on, B. What’s the worst that can happen?” Faith turned around as if Riley was still there, and her eyes lingered on the doorway he had left through, “He’s a nice, good looking, well built guy. And he’s not even remotely my type, so you know he’s dependable.”
Buffy huffed a laugh before she could stop herself and Faith caught her smile and returned it to keep it going for as long as possible.
Eventually Faith leaned forward and spoke a little quieter, a little more care in her voice, “If you don’t pull yourself out of this rut, you’re never going to move on.”
Buffy knew she was right, but she also knew one thing Faith didn’t.