Spike moved his stuff in over the next few days like he had told her he would, but he didn’t end up needing the key because Buffy was in. He wondered if she was skipping classes to help him move in, but he didn’t ask her. Normally he would have, he was very into her education when she was in high school. He always made sure she was doing well, because he knew she could if she tried, unlike him. It was too late for him; he’d ballsed it up already, wasted his time at college doing something he didn’t really care about. But even though he wanted her to do well he felt like it wasn’t his place to get involved. Like it was none of his business what she did anymore, and that’s when that thought from the other night came to him again, that they weren’t really brother and sister now.
He tried to act as normal as possible, but all he could think about was how he was meant to act around her. They’d changed, and so their relationship had changed. It was too bruised to force any kind of serious makeup, so they’d have to come up with a completely new way to be with each other, and he didn’t know what kind of relationship he could have, or even wanted to have with Buffy. She confused him. The age gap didn’t help either. It wasn’t like he could be her buddy, she was only 19, still a kid in some ways, and they didn’t have any friends in common. Not that he had many friends anymore anyway, because most of them had taken Dru’s side over the split.
Spike began to think this was going to be a really bad idea. He was going to have to try and find a new apartment as soon as possible. He knew now that he didn’t want to keep up this awkwardness between them, so he decided he had to do something about it, he’d have to make things up to Buffy, but maybe when he had his own place and they weren’t living on top of each other it would be easier.
“You finished yet?” Buffy said, walking into the kitchen, and even though she had asked, she wasn’t even facing him; she didn’t seem like she really cared for an answer, but he answered her anyway.
“Yeah, I’m almost done.” he replied, holding a box up and carrying it into the spare room, his room for now.
“What’s it with a guy having so much stuff anyway? You pack like me!” She shouted slightly.
“Yeah, well, kitten,” he said coming back in and putting his hands on his hips, “This isn’t like I’m on holiday; this is my whole life init? I did plan to live in that apartment with Dru for a long time, so kind of got settled.”
“I’m sorry, Spike.” she offered turning to meet him.
“Stop saying sorry, love. I might actually start thinking you like me.”
Suddenly Buffy did that weird thing, her ‘avoidy’ eyes. She did them when things got awkward, and all they achieved was to make him notice she felt awkward, and therefore feel awkward himself. She tuned back round and set her empty coffee cup in the sink…That’s what she had come in here for wasn’t it?
“Sorry, pet.” he said softly.
“For what?” She turned to him dizzily.
“Every time you try and be nice to me, I brush it off. It’s just that…” He paused, “It’s just I don’t really want to talk about the break up…at all…and you don’t need to be sorry for anything. I should be the sorry one.”
“What you sorry for?” she inquired. He just stared at her. “Right. You don’t want to talk about it. Check.” she said cutely, and he couldn’t help but smile at her. He really did admire her. He’d never been sure she’d be okay living on her own. He knew he’d manage; he was never one that needed luxuries and stuff. As long as he had somewhere warm to sleep he’d make it through. Somehow he could never imagine Buffy getting a job, or her own place, not that he had at first, but he didn’t see her as the crashing on people’s sofas type either.
But she had got her life sorted, and he was really proud of her. She was still a bit like the Buffy he remembered; only she was stronger and more independent. She’d changed physically too, her hair was shorter, and that was almost a shame, because although it suited her he’d always loved her hair longer and a bit darker.
“What you staring at, Mister?” she accused playfully.
He smirked at her tone and answered simply, “Your hair.”
She suddenly became a bit anxious at whether he was staring at it in a good or a bad way, moving to run her fingers through it. “Yeah, I fancied a change. New lifestyle, new look, you know?”
He nodded. He couldn’t really argue with that, after all when he’d got the nickname Spike had been around the same time he changed his look, so he got that it helped make a different impression. “I like it,” he said to reassure her, “but I liked it before.”
“Yeah, I remember.” she said nostalgically.
“Goldilocks.” he whispered her old nickname.
“Which is one of the reasons I changed it.”
“What? You changed it because I liked it?”
“No.” she said abruptly. “But I didn’t fancy anyone giving me that nickname at college. I was trying to be more grown up.” she said, hoping he would understand.
“You are grown up, Buffy.”
She blushed.
“I mean it. You’ve really changed, luv. You’ve made your own way, and got a life for yourself.” He paused and then smiled before continuing, “But, you’ll always be my goldilocks, no matter what.”
Then he came forward and hugged her. It didn’t feel awkward either, it felt nice, and it felt right. She felt safe and warm in his arms. She was a grown up, could look after herself, but it was always nice to know someone was looking out for you just in case. It was nice to know that after all this time he still cared for her, and remembered who she used to be, even if she had forgotten.
He pulled back slightly to look at her, and she looked back up at him. He didn’t know what he was seeing in her eyes, but it made him hate himself for not being with her recently when she must have needed someone. He lived so close, and he could have helped her settle into college quicker, but she had to do it all on her own.
The way he was looking at her should have made her uncomfortable, but it didn’t. She had to stop using the word awkward in describing things between them, but this wasn’t awkward anyway, it was just strange. They stayed there, neither moving for a long time, and just looked into each others eyes.
He decided to do something, but he didn’t know why he was compelled to do it, or how she would react to it. He lent down to kiss her cheek and then ended up turning back and giving her a very brief kiss on the lips, and then he drew back from her all together. “Goodnight, Buffy.” he said softly, and then he went to his room
She was left there, totally confused, and bewildered. He’d only given her a peck on the lips. She didn’t understand why her body was humming the way it was. Was it hot in here? She immediately went to turn the thermostat down before going to bed herself.