Chapter 4
Xander Harris was pleasantly surprised to find his friend Buffy waiting for him after school, but the moment he saw the look on her face, he realized that this was not a pleasant social call.
“Hey Buffster,” he said nervously, trying to lighten the mood. “Need a ride home?”
“No thanks. I’m waiting on Spike. I just wanted to ask you something.”
“Ok. Shoot.”
“Are you a complete moron?”
“What?”
“You’re sending Spike out on a date with your cousin Faith.”
“It’s not really a date,” Xander offered. “But I figured, he’s single. She’s…”
“The biggest hoebag this side of the Mississippi?” Xander’s eyes widened at Buffy’s declaration. “I was talking to Cordy earlier, and she said that when you two dated, she met Faith. And she said Faith had already met just about every guy at the party you guys went to.” Xander grimaced and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Ok. So she gets around, but she’s nice, and…”
“And you’re setting her up with Spike!”
“What’s so bad about that? I mean, it’s not like Spike’s seeing anybody,” Xander pointed out. Buffy folded her arms across her chest, and she raised an eyebrow. Getting the hint, Xander backed up a little.
“I didn’t know, Buffy. I didn’t…well, does he know you…you know, have a thing for him?”
“Oh, he knows. He has a thing for me too.”
“Yeah. I…I knew that.” He cleared his throat. “So…what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that I’m more of a moron than you are,” she groaned, shoulder slumping.
“Buff…is there anything I can do?”
“Unless you can figure out how to turn back time and keep me from saying something I really didn’t mean to say, then no. No, you can’t.” She leaned back against the wall. “Cordelia and Willow told me I should tell him to forget what I said and to give us a try. Of course, I go to Spike, and he’s already making plans to take Faith out. And if Faith’s reputation is what Cordy claims, then she’s definitely going to do her part to make sure he gets over me.” Xander frowned.
“If it makes you feel any better, he really didn’t wanna take her. I had to promise to pay for gas and everything.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He didn’t wanna go.”
“Did he say anything else?”’
“Uh…” Xander was suddenly very uncomfortable.
“Xander? Did he say anything else?”
“He just said…he said he’d rather be taking you out. But now that I know you have a thing for him too…Buffy, I can find somebody else to take out Faith.” Buffy sighed.
“If he wants to go…”
“Are you deaf, woman? He doesn’t wanna go, Buffy. Just…talk to him, ok? He seemed pretty miserable this morning, and I guess I know why now.” Buffy nodded her head.
“Thanks, Xander.”
“Seriously. Talk to him. Because if you don’t, I’m telling him exactly what you said to me right now. Either way, he’s gonna hear the truth.” Buffy swallowed hard.
“You don’t think it’d be weird? Me and Spike?”
“You’re basically attached at the hip already. I think we can deal with a little smooching and PDA. Just not too much, ok? Don’t have to flaunt your love in our faces or anything.” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Noted,” she grinned.
“Go on. Go tell him, Buffy. Before you lose your chance.”
“Or my nerve,” Buffy added. She gave him a weak smile and headed out to the parking lot, where Spike was heading to his car. “Spike!” He turned quickly to see her rushing over to him.
“Was just gonna pull up front. Get that task done?”
“Uh, yeah. Um, hey, are you busy now?”
“Just got homework. That can wait. That can always wait.”
“Ok. Well, uh, do you wanna maybe go hang out at my place for a while? My mom’s gonna be at work ‘til seven.”
“Sure,” he said with a nod. “I’d love to.” He flashed her that smirk that made her knees weak and her panties wet. She took a deep breath. She could do this. He was Spike. Her best friend. The guy who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. All she had to do was take that next step. She just hoped that she wouldn’t crash and burn.
***
“Buffy?”
“Can I come in?”
“S…sure,” he said slowly, opening the door wider and stepping aside so she could enter. His heart was immediately lodged in his throat at the sight of her tear-stained, mascara-smudged face.
The minute the door was shut, she was holding herself up against him, clutching his shirt in her hands, as he soothed her with soft words and rubbing slow, calming circles against her back. He closed his eyes, letting her cry it out before he even attempted to move.
They stood there for what seemed like hours, but before too long, Buffy looked up, wiping her eyes, and she said the words she’d never thought she’d have to say.
“My parents are getting divorced.”
“Oh Buffy. I’m…I’m sorry, pet,” he whispered. It had come to a surprise to him. Hank and Joyce Summers had always seemed like such a solid, happy couple. If any couple had a chance in hell at making it in this cruel bloody world, he figured it would have been them.
“They just told me. I couldn’t stay. I didn’t know where else to go. I just…”
“Shh,” he whispered. “S’alright. You know you’ve always got a place here.”
“Thank you.” She blinked her bleary, beautiful green eyes at him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“For one,” he offered, brushing the pad of his thumb across her cheek to catch a falling tear, “you’d be crying out in the road.”
“Right,” she whispered, smiling a little.
“Pizza guy just came. Pepperoni. It’s still hot. You hungry?”
“I just ate,” she admitted. Spike cocked his head to the side. He knew that when things were crummy, Buffy would indulge herself in a pig out, and Spike would always be right beside her, pigging out as well so she wouldn’t feel bad. “So yeah, I’d love some.”
“That’s my girl,” he said with a grin. “C’mon.” He took her hand and led her to the couch. He disappeared into the small kitchen and returned seconds later with a large pizza box. He opened it up on the coffee table and went back into the kitchen. He returned with two glasses and a bottle of the hard stuff, courtesy of his father’s liquor cabinet. He’d nicked it shortly before his father moved back to London.
He sat down next to her, poured the amber-colored liquid into the glass and handed it to her.
“You don’t have to drink it. Just thought…” And she downed it in one gulp. “Or you could do that.”
“Thanks,” Buffy offered, placing the glass down on the table. She took a piece of pizza out of the box and took a bite. After a few moments, she eyed the liquor bottle and looked at Spike. “Are you gonna have some too, or am I drinking alone tonight?”
***
“I did not,” she laughed after a loud hiccup.
“Yes you did,” Spike snorted. “Fell right over the handlebars, and your skirt went over your head. I remember it well. It was the day you stopped wearing dresses. ‘Least ‘til you were fourteen.” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“You’re such a liar.”
“Would I ever lie to you?” Spike asked, picking up the empty bottle. He frowned and reached for a beer.
“No,” Buffy said quietly, running her finger along the neck of her own beer bottle. “You’ve never lied to me. You’re the only person I can trust.” Her eyes met his, and if he wasn’t so bloody drunk, he might have heard the hint in her voice. The hint that was begging him to make her feel better.
“Adults are bloody stupid.”
“We’re adults, you know.”
“Barely,” Spike muttered. “It’s the older ones I’m talking about. The ones that are supposed to…to set an example. What do we have? Parents who can’t even make their own marriages work. But they…they want the best for us? What the bloody hell is that?”
“I know!” Buffy agreed, slapping Spike’s knee. “If they wanted what was best for us, they’d have stayed together!”
“Right you are, luv,” he slurred. He chugged his beer and placed the bottle on his bedside table. They’d moved into his room, which was where his television was at the moment. They’d turned on something, anything to have something to focus on, but it had failed to distract them from Buffy’s sorrows.
“God I’m so tired,” Buffy whispered. She was sitting up on the bed, and Spike was laying back against the pillows.
“Can sleep here tonight if you want,” he breathed, rubbing his eyes. Buffy nodded and lay back against the bed, turning on her side to face him.
“You’re my best friend. You know that, right?” She blinked slowly, her eyelids heavy. He cupped her face in his hand, turning on his side to face her.
“And you’re mine.” She smiled a little, and he traced the shape of her mouth with his thumb. She made a soft humming sound, and she looked deep into his eyes, feeling those familiar pangs of longing that made her want to cry. She swallowed hard and boldly kissed the pad of his thumb.
His breath caught in his throat, and he leaned in to kiss her forehead. He then made the mistake of taking in a deep breath, inhaling her sweet scent. It killed him every time. He could feel her tremble against his hand, and he pulled back.
“Spike?”
“What is it, luv?”
“You know I love you, right?” Spike smiled sadly. Of course she loved him. They’d been friends forever.
“Yeah. I love you too, pet.”
Buffy nearly choked up then. He didn’t get it. Unfortunately, she didn’t get that his words meant so much more than they did as well.
He pulled her in close again, and he kissed the top of her head. She buried her face against his chest, breathing in the intoxicating scent of him. Everything she’d ever wanted to say to him that she couldn’t say was right on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say that being with him was the happiest and the most scared she’d ever been at the same time. Being with him made her a better person. If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have a reason to smile in the morning anymore. He was the only one she could count on, and she was certain he was going to be there forever. That made her feel safe. That was a comfort.
When they both pulled back, she took the initiative and leaned in, pressing her lips softly against his. Their mouths met only for a moment before Spike pulled back.
“Buffy?” His eyes were wide, and his lips were parted as little pants of breath came out.
“Please, Spike. I just…I need you.” Tears began to trickle down her face. “I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
“You’re not alone, luv. You’ll never be alone again.” He closed his eyes when her hand moved up his arm and then down his chest. “Buffy…”
“I trust you. You…you’re the only guy I trust myself with. Please, hold me, Spike.” Spike’s throat went dry, but before he had the chance to say a word, her lips were on his again, and he couldn’t stop her, not even if he’d wanted to. It just felt so right, holding her and being the comfort she needed. Damn the consequences.
***
Buffy wondered exactly how long she’d been upstairs ‘changing’ out of her school clothes. The moment they’d arrived at her house, she’d excused herself to go change, and Spike had gone into the kitchen to scrounge up some after-school snacks. However, Buffy had failed to even start changing. Instead, she was pacing her bedroom, trying to think of what to say to him.
How exactly was a girl supposed to go up to her best friend and say something along the lines of, “Hey, you know that thing I told you about us not being together? Forget that.” It probably wasn’t as hard as it sounded, but this was Spike. She loved Spike. She was falling in love with him more and more each time she thought of him. But that fear was still there. It gripped her heart. There was an empty place in her home now, because her parents’ marriage hadn’t lasted. What if this thing with Spike didn’t work out either?
“Buffy?” The voice was followed by a knock. “You decent?”
“Uh, yeah.” Buffy cleared her throat and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Spike opened the door and poked his head in. He furrowed his brows at the sight of her.
“Thought you were gonna change.”
“Oh yeah,” she said quietly. Spike stepped into the room and closed the door. He leaned against it, and it was all Buffy could do to stop from staring at his well-muscled arms, thinking about the way those muscles flexed when he was pumping in and out of her. God, the strength he had…
“Buffy, what’s going on? What’s the matter?”
“I just…Spike…” She had to sit down on her bed to stop herself from falling on her face. She was dizzy. Her palms were sweating. They were best friends. They’d had sex. They knew everything about each other. So why did she feel like she was in the middle of a chase scene in a scary movie? Only she was sitting still, waiting for disaster to strike.
She leaned forward, burying her head in her hands. Spike, eyes filled with worry, rushed to her. He knelt before her, taking her hands in his.
“Talk to me. Please, Buffy.” She looked up at him, green eyes searching blue.
“I just…I wanted to tell you…” Her lower lip trembled, and Spike gave her a quick nod to tell her to go on, but she couldn’t. Instead, her hands found his face, and she pulled him to her, sealing her lips against his.
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