Chapter 5
As much as he’d wanted to kiss her and hold her and do things to her he never thought he’d get the chance to do again, he pushed back on her shoulders, breaking the kiss. He stumbled back onto the floor, while she teetered unevenly on the edge of the bed for a moment.
Both stared at each other, chests heaving with surprise and the intense desire to keep doing what they’d been doing a moment again. His eyes were questioning, hers were pleading.
“Buffy?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, lower lip trembling. “I just…I didn’t know what to say to you.” Spike scooted himself back up onto his knees and took Buffy’s hands in his.
“Just say what you need to say,” he offered.
“Yeah,” Buffy snorted, rolling her eyes. “I keep playing it over and over in my head, and it sounds so stupid. I mean, it’s you and me. It’s us.”
“What’s so stupid about that?” Spike squeezed her hands reassuringly.
“Not us. What’s stupid is that you’re the only person I really trust in this world, and I’m afraid to tell you that…that I don’t want you to see Faith this weekend.” Spike couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips at her words. “What are you smiling about?”
“I’m smiling because I don’t fancy seeing her either,” he said softly. “Xander had to bribe me to take her out.”
“Yeah, he told me.” She sniffled, and Spike reached over to her nightstand and grabbed a tissue. “Thanks.” She dabbed at the end of her nose.
“So that’s what you were doing after school. Talking to Xander?”
“Yeah,” she whispered sheepishly. “I told him he was an idiot, but I’m the one that was the idiot, Spike.” She swallowed hard and bravely looked into his eyes. “What I said about staying friends? That…that was stupid, ok? We’ve been best friends for so long, and I was so afraid of ruining things. You’re the one person in my life that has been there constantly, and I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you.” Spike shook his head.
“That’ll never happen, luv. Even if we have some huge, catastrophic blow up? I’ll be the first to wave the white flag just so you’ll talk to me again. It’s always been that way.”
“Yeah,” she said with a sad smile, “you say that now, but Spike…”
“Buffy, that doesn’t matter. The ‘what if’s?’ That’s all they are, luv. We’re not even dating yet, and you’ve got us breaking up and never speaking to each other again. How is it you bloody Americans say it? You’re…putting the cart before the horse, luv.”
“You’re American,” she giggled. “You’re just too stubborn to get rid of the accent.”
“Don’t change the subject,” he grinned.
“Ok. Ok.”
“Tell me what you want, Buffy.”
“You tell me first.”
“We’re really gonna do this?”
“Yeah. I made the first move. You make the next.” Despite the tears in Buffy’s eyes, Spike could tell she was teasing him.
“Right then,” he shrugged, getting up and sitting on the bed. He nudged her shoulder with his own, and she smiled, placing her head there. He took one of her small hands between both of his large ones. “What do I want?”
“Mmm.”
“I want you, Buffy. Have for a long time.” She pulled her head up and looked into his eyes. “It’s the honest truth, kitten. Never knew how to say it to you. Was afraid of ruining things. Guess we got something in common there, hmm?”
“I guess,” she smiled.
“The other night? When I made love to you? It was the best night of my life. I know you were hurting, but…but I made that stop for a little while. I made you smile. I…I did a little more than that.” He smiled when he saw the blush rise to her cheeks. “It was something I’d dreamed of for a long time. I just…I’ve wanted you for a long time, Buffy, so this just-friends thing? It’s killing me.” Buffy swallowed hard and nodded her head.
“Yeah, I get that.” She turned a little to look at him. “When I came here the other night…having sex with you wasn’t my intention.”
“Thanks, luv,” he teased.
“That’s not what I mean.” The smile tugging at her own lips faded. “But I didn’t not want it to happen.” She could see Spike canceling out the double negatives in his head, and then his eyes widened. “Yeah. I’ve had the biggest crush on you for a long time. But lately…Spike…” Her throat was dry again.
“Just say it, luv.”
“Alright,” he said softly.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” She wanted to hide her face, or better yet, run. But she couldn’t move. She was just looking into his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.
How many times had he imagined her saying those words to him? How many times had he thought he might say them before she would? But actually hearing them? There was nothing like it. His heart swelled in his chest, and with each moment he said nothing, he saw the doubt cloud her eyes. He had to say something.
“Spike?” she asked. “I…I’m kind’ve on a limb here. What are you thinking? I probably just did the dumbest thing that…” And he kissed her. He took her face between his hands and brought her to him, kissing her hungrily, needing to show her that they would never be just friends again. It was impossible. They were too far in now.
Before either of them knew it, Spike and Buffy were lying on her bed, and he was kissing her neck. She gasped softly when his hand brushed up her ribcage and along the side of her breast. She bit her lower lip, gripped the back of his head in her hand and brought his lips to hers once again.
“Spike,” she breathed against him. “Oh God.” His other hand moved up her inner thigh, torturing her, making her squirm against him, which in turn, made him harden inside of his jeans. She draped a leg over his hip, pulling him closer. He moaned as she brushed against him, and a little growl escaped his throat.
“Dreamed about this for so long,” he murmured, pressing kisses to her neck and her throat. “The other night…was the best night of my life. Wanted it to last forever.” He smiled when she whimpered.
Her hands moved to his shoulders and down his strong arms. She wanted to touch him forever. She wanted to feel every inch of him pressed against her. But first she wanted to kiss him again.
“Kiss me,” she whispered, as he nipped at her earlobe. He drew back a little and smiled down at her.
“What’d you say, luv?”
“Kiss me,” she grinned, biting her lower lip as he went in for the kill. His lips brushed against hers softly, and when he felt her respond, he pulled back just a little before dipping in again, putting a little more pressure there. He could feel her starting to squirm again, and the way her body moved against his had him straining rock hard against his fly. If only he could just… “Spike!” Her frustrations sent a thrill through his body, and he finally slipped his tongue between her eager lips and felt the sweet warmth of her tongue against his own.
The feel of his hands running up and down her ribcage sent sparks to her core, and she moaned into his mouth, urging him to keep touching her. Boldly, her hand moved between them, stroking the bulge in his jeans, and he broke their kiss, practically hissing at the contact.
His eyes were wide, and his lips were swollen from kissing her. She moved her hand away and stared up at him, wondering if she’d done something wrong. He hadn’t minded the other night…
“Spike?”
He said nothing. He just sat up on the bed a little, kneeling between her legs, and he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles, her palm, her wrist, moving up her arm until she was clawing at him, bringing him back to her and kissing him with renewed passion.
But just as her hands were bringing his shirt up his finely-toned back, a knock came to her door.
“Shit!” Buffy hissed under her breath.
“Buffy?”
“Mom?!” She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, praying her mother wouldn’t come walking in. Spike was already scrambling off of her. He hurried over to Buffy’s desk, turned on her computer, and she sat up, raking her fingers through her hair.
And then the door opened. Buffy tried to hide the horror on her face, and Spike prayed that the computer wouldn’t take too damned long to load.
“Hi honey,” Joyce greeted her with a warm smile. “Oh! Spike.”
“Mrs. Summers,” Spike said with a nod.
“Mom!” She cleared her throat, trying not to sound too frantic. “I thought you were working late today.”
“I finished early for once. I thought about going out for dinner. Spike, would you like to join us?” Spike swallowed hard, and Buffy gave him a little nod.
“Um, sure. I…I’d like that.”
“That is, if you two have finished your homework.”
“Was just about to help Buffy with her…uh, chemistry,” Spike offered, oblivious to the glare Buffy shot him from her bed.
“Alright, well we’ll leave in about a half hour, so you two finish up here. I’m going to take a nice, long shower and wash the work off.” She laughed a little at her own words and walked out of the room, leaving Buffy and Spike alone together, staring at each other from across the room.
“Oh my God,” Buffy blurted out.
“Close call, eh pet?”
“Too close. I didn’t know she was…oh God.” She hurried over to her door and shut it. When she turned around, Spike was there, and in a moment, his lips were on hers again. She responded in kind for a moment, but soon she was pushing him away.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
“Me too. I just…” Her eyes were drawn to his mouth, and she had to bite her lip to keep from kissing him. “Wow.”’
“What?”
“You’re just…a really good kisser.”
“Didn’t figure that out the other night?” he grinned, caressing her cheek.
“Well, I was a little drunk. It’s…it’s different doing this totally sober, you know?” She blushed like a virgin, and Spike leaned in to kiss her softly.
“Yeah. But this time it’ll be better. No secrets, right pet?”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “No secrets.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head against his chest. Maybe this was going to turn out better than she’d ever imagined.
***
Because of Buffy and Spike’s amazing friendship, neither Spike nor Buffy had any doubts about how Joyce might feel about them dating. Still, the fact that her parents had just split up didn’t exactly make Buffy want to talk about her new boyfriend with her mother.
Dinner went well, which surprised Buffy. She’d thought it would be uncomfortable and awkward, especially with the avoidance of mentioning her father. But having Spike there had been a bit of a comfort. He would hold her hand under the table or gently squeeze her knee if he sensed her getting a little anxious while Joyce prattled on about work.
“Listen to me,” Joyce laughed, “I guess it’s been a busy few days at work. What have the two of you been up to?” Buffy and Spike shared a quick glance.
“Uh,” Buffy said quietly, praying that the words ‘amazing sex’ didn’t leave her lips in the next few moments, “just hanging out, you know? Doing stuff for school.”
“That’s nice,” Joyce said with a smile. “How’s the new year treating you, Spike?”
“Not so bad, Mrs. Summers,” he said quietly. “Grades are ok so far, and me and Buffy are helping each other with the hard stuff.” Buffy nearly choked on her water, but Joyce didn’t seem to notice.
“It’s good you two are so close. It must be nice to be able to call someone up at a moment’s notice and get homework help. When I was your age, well, I wasn’t allowed near the phone until all of my homework was done, and my mother had double checked it twice.” She shook her head. “Are there any special girls that’ve caught your eye?”
“Mom,” Buffy groaned.
“What, honey? Spike’s like a son to me. I’ve given up trying to get anything out of you when it comes to talking about boys.” Buffy felt her stomach twisting up tighter. “How about it, Spike? Any special young lady?”
Spike could feel Buffy’s hand sweating in his under the table, and he smiled kindly at Joyce.
“There might be someone.”
“Oh really? Do I know her? It’s not that Drusilla girl again, is it?”
“No!” Buffy scoffed getting surprised stares from both Spike and her mother. “I mean…I didn’t think you were still interested in her.”
“I’m not,” he said with a little grin in her direction. “Dru and I are history.”
“I can’t say I’m not relieved. I never thought she cared for you the way you deserved, Spike. You’re such a good kid, and you deserve somebody very special.”
“Thanks,” Spike said with a little nod.
“Maybe all this talk about relationships will rub off on my stubborn daughter here.” Buffy rolled her eyes at that. “Oh, Buffy. You’ve not really dated much at all, and as much as I want to know my daughter’s safe and sound, I want to know she’s happy. You are happy, aren’t you?”
“I’m happy, Mom. Spike’s all the man I need right now.” Did she really just say that?
“Yes, well, pretty soon you’ll be starting college and meeting new people. You won’t have as much time to spend with each other, and you’re going to meet new people.” Joyce sighed and waved her hand. “You know, I’m sorry. I guess I never had as good a friend as the two of you have in each other.”
“Mom,” Buffy said slowly, “can we not talk about this right now?” Joyce gave her a little smile and nodded. But that smile soon disappeared, and Joyce’s gaze shifted to somewhere over Buffy’s shoulder. Buffy turned in her chair to see her father coming in with Lydia, his secretary. Joining them was Lydia’s five-year-old daughter who was all smiles and pigtails. Buffy bit back the jealous twinge that made her want to cry. She turned back to her mother. “You know, I’m full. I think we should call it a night.” Joyce shook her head.
“No, that’s ok. I should be going. Why don’t you go talk to your father, and…” She started gathering her purse and pulling out money for the bill. Buffy put her hand over her mother’s.
“Mom, we came here as a family.” She gave Spike’s hand a squeeze under the table. “And we’re leaving as one.” Buffy let go of Spike’s hand and stood up. He stood too, and the three of them went up to the front, paid the bill, and headed out to the car. Before Buffy walked out of the restaurant, she turned and made eye contact with her father, who looked as surprised to see Buffy as she was hurt to see him.
***
“Ok, I’m going to bed. You two don’t stay up too late. School in the morning,” Joyce yawned, making her way up the stairs.
“Night, Mom.”
“Night, Mrs. Summers.”
After dinner, Buffy, Spike, and Joyce had returned to the Summers’ home, popped in a movie, and now that it was dark, Joyce was ready for bed. However, sleep wasn’t on either Spike nor Buffy’s mind. So, they waited until her footsteps were clearly coming from upstairs, and when her bedroom door shut, Spike pounced and tackled Buffy to the couch. She couldn’t help but yelp as he crawled over her, attacking her with kisses that she eagerly accepted and returned in favor.
“Wait,” she giggled, gasping for breath and pushing on his chest. “Wait!”
“Sorry,” he snickered. “Been wanting to do that all bloody night.”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Me too.” He leaned down and kissed her again, and she moaned softly when his hand caressed her thigh. She placed her hand over his, and he pulled back.
“Something wrong?”
“No,” she said quietly. But the frown on her face told Spike otherwise.
“S’about your dad, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she grumbled. Spike sat up, and Buffy sat up next to him. She leaned against the armrest of the couch, and he pulled her feet into his lap. “It sucks. It’s not fair. He should be wallowing in misery. Not taking Miss Ho Bag 2008 and her kid to dinner.”
“I thought Dru was Miss Ho Bag 2008.”
“She was runner up,” Buffy offered. Spike smirked. “It’s not fair. He’s such an asshole.”
“He’s still your dad, pet.”
“Yeah. He’s just playing dad to somebody else, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, luv.”
“I wish he’d move away. Just…leave Sunnydale. If he’d just go to L.A. or something…”
“You really want that?”
“I don’t know,” she frowned. “I just…”
“C’mere, luv.” He pulled her over so that she now lay with her head in his lap facing the TV. “When my dad and step mum got divorced, I thought things would be ok. No more fighting. ‘Course, my step mum decided she didn’t want anything to do with me, even though she helped raise me since my real mum died. Thought something was wrong with me. That I wasn’t good enough. ‘Course, I found out she’d been shagging two guys from her office, so I figured she didn’t much care about being part of a family.” Spike shrugged. “Your dad loves you. He’s not like that.”
“Yeah, well, we’ll see.” Buffy frowned and sat up, staring at Spike.
“I totally ruined the mood, didn’t I?”
“No worries, luv. It’s getting late.” He stood up, and Buffy followed him to the door. He pulled her in close, kissing her and rubbing slow, soothing circles on her back before slowly sliding his hand down to cup her ass. She blushed and kissed him again. “I wanna take you out.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll tell Xander to find another friend to take Faith out. I wanna go to the Bronze with you.”
“We always go to the Bronze.”
“Yeah, but I wanna go with you. As your date.” Buffy chewed on her lower lip, but her green eyes sparkled with excitement. “Whaddya say? Buffy Summers, will you go out on a date with me Friday night?” She grinned and nodded excitedly.
“I’d love to!” She pulled her arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily, wanting to sneak him upstairs, or better yet, sneak out with him, but she knew that it would be best if they didn’t completely rush into it. Sure, the sex thing had already happened, but that didn’t mean that their next time together had to be so soon. The next time, they could make love knowing that it wouldn’t be their last time, knowing they could completely give into each other and not have to worry about the boundaries.
Knowing there would be a next time gave them time to anticipate, and Buffy could tell by the tingle she felt deep down that the anticipation was all a big part of what would make it so amazing.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
To clear something up...in chapter 4, I was doing a flashback scene of the night Buffy and Spike slept together. I think some people were confused, but I can't figure out how to do italics...LOL...sorry about the confusion!
Chapter End Notes:
Please let me know what you thought!