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Buffy made a stop at Angel’s office, not sure of where to go. She knocked on the door jamb. “Hey,” she said, softly, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She should be home with Spike, making up for lost time, but instead, here she was. She didn’t even want to be here. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Angel. It was his fault that she hadn’t been able to be with Spike. Angel had kept them apart.

Angel quickly made his way toward her. “Buffy,” he said, reaching for her. She could see the panic in his brown eyes, the wheels turned in his head to come up with lies to keep her from seeing Spike. But he didn’t know she had already seen him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Spike,” she said, crossing her arms. “I don’t know why you never told me, and I don’t really care right now. I came here to maybe rip your head from your shoulders but I just want to go home.” It was none of his business where Spike was concerned, but something inside her just couldn’t leave without at least giving Angel a piece of her mind.

Angel’s face fell. “I thought you’d be with him,” he said, shaking his head. “You should sleep tonight, though. I’ll put you on a private jet first thing in the morning. Its too late for you to go anywhere. You can sleep in my apartment. It’s private.”

“Thanks,” she said, trying not to lose all her composure. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Spike’s an ass,” Angel said, reaching out to wipe a tear from her eyes. “I don’t know what his problem is. Want me to kick his ass?”

She laughed slightly and backed away from him. “No,” she said. “You know, you haven’t exactly been on my good side since coming here.” She couldn’t trust Angel anymore.

“I’m trying to do good things, Buffy,” he said. “I feel like I am.”

“You were doing good things before,” she pointed out heading toward the elevator. “Just remember your purpose, Angel.” She pressed the button to close the door and sighed. She wanted to go home, get as far away as she possibly could. She never imagined the day when Spike wouldn’t want her. She tried and failed to stop her tears but her broken heart would not allow her to.

The elevator opened and she folded her arms as she entered the dark apartment. She had never been in Angel’s apartment but it didn’t take her long to collapse onto the couch, too weary to make it to the bedroom. She missed Spike terribly and she didn’t understand how things had gotten so bad this time around. They never fought like before, and it was clear that everything that they had been through was boiling over, and they couldn’t deal with it.

***

About twenty minutes after Buffy left, Spike realized the mistake he had made. Breaking every speed limit, he raced to Angel’s knowing she’d be there. He couldn’t let Angel feed her more garbage and try to get inside that pretty blond head. Buffy needed to work things out with him alone, with no help. He bypassed Harmony ready to choke the bird, and went straight to Angel’s office. “Where is she?” he growled.

Angel looked up from his desk with hooded eyes. “She’s asleep,” he answered, climbing to his feet. “You know I don’t like you and you’re the last person I want Buffy with. But she loves you and all you do is bitch about it.”

Spike sighed. “Where is she?” he repeated softly. He wasn’t in the mood to fight with Angel, he just wanted to find Buffy. He wanted to apologize, kiss her, love her.

“Asleep upstairs,” Angel said. “Told her I would put her on a plane first thing in the morning.”

Spike headed toward the private elevator with a grumble and made his way up to where Buffy was. He folded his arms as the elevator ascended and his nerves started up again. What was he going to say to her? How could he fix this? One agitated hand went through his hair. It wasn’t all his fault. She had to fix the damage she had done as well.

When the doors opened, he paused when he saw her curled up on Angel’s couch, sound asleep. He could tell just by looking at her, that she was exhausted. As he made his way toward her, he chewed his lip. He crouched by the couch, wanting her to sleep, but knowing he couldn’t leave things the way they were. “Buffy, luv,” he said, running a hand over her arm.

She drew in a breath sharply as her eyes fluttered open. “Spike?” she asked, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. “What are you doing here?”

Spike sat back on his toes, but otherwise didn’t move. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “I didn’t mean what I said.” Well he did, but he needed to say it in a different way. “You know I love you Buffy.” He paused. “Maybe you don’t know that because I haven’t shown it, but its not just my fault. I don’t know how you felt either. I didn’t think it made a difference whether I was in your life or not.”

Buffy folded her arms with a frown. “When would I have shown you?” she asked. “You kept yourself away from me, Spike.”

“You’re right,” he said, nodding his head. “I did but I didn’t know you wanted me around Buffy. We’ve never had anything close to a real relationship and you telling me you love me while I’m burning up isn’t exactly the way I wanted to hear it.”

“You don’t understand,” she whimpered with a shudder. “I didn’t expect it this time, but you were the one that always came back. No matter what. Then this time around, you didn’t.”

Now he understood. He had abandoned her like all the rest. “Oh pet,” he said, coming up to sit next to her. “I was stupid. I didn’t realize.” He wanted to reach out to comfort her but he clenched his fists. “I want to be with you, you know that. I just… I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want you to get hurt either.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “That’s all we’ve done to each other since we’ve met. Whether we loved each other or not.”

“So maybe it’s time to make a change,” she said, softly. “I want to be with you, Spike. And I do love you. And I know sometimes it’s not enough just to hear me say it, but I can’t show you here. I don’t want to be here. I just came here to find you and I thought we’d be heading home together.”

“How did you find me?” Spike asked, looking at her.

Buffy cleared her throat and looked at him. “Some girl named Fred called me,” she said. “Friend of yours?”

Fred did this? Spike couldn’t believe it. “She’s my only friend here,” he said, softly. “And that’s all she is. Did she tell you about Harmony?” He didn’t think Fred would reveal something like that, but it was possible.

She flinched away from Spike at the mention of the ditzy vampire. “Yeah, she did,” she said. “Told me what had happened, the circumstances under which it happened and to not hold it against you. And I’m not. I just… you were throwing Angel in my face and I retaliated.”

Spike reached for her to gently grab her hand. “Buffy, I am sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to start a fight with you. I just… sometimes I think it would be better if you just went back to your life without me.”

She pulled her hand free. “Is that what you want?” she asked. “For me to just leave?”

“I want you to be happy,” he said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Buffy. Whatever chose you make, I’ll be okay with.” It pained him to say that to her, to make it seemed like he would just let her go, but he wanted her to make the chose.

“Dawn and I have a life in Europe. She has school and I have a job,” she said. “But I want you to be with us. She misses you. So if you want to come home with me, if you want to be with me, and work things out, I would love for you to be with us.” She shook her head and sighed. “It’s been so hard without you. Felt like a part of me was missing and I couldn’t get it back.”

Spike reached out to touch her cheek and when she didn’t flinch away, he moved closer. “Been miserable without you,” he whispered. “I hate it here.” He smiled softly when she leaned into his touch and he took a risk and pulled her into his arms. His eyes closed in contentment as she curled up against him, her arms tight around his waist. After a moment, he felt her yawn against him, and he shifted, so they could stretch out on the couch together. “Get some sleep, Pet.”

Buffy hugged him tightly against her and nuzzled him. “Goodnight Spike,” she whispered. It wasn’t long before she was asleep again, securely tucked in his arms.





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