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Author's Chapter Notes:
i know alot of people are disappointed with the last two chapters because spike seems like a pushover, but hopefully this chapter makes up for it. the conflict is coming
Buffy stretch when the sun peeked over her face through the window. She searched for Spike’s body and when she didn’t feel him next to her, she shot up. “Spike?” This wasn’t happening. She felt like she had dreamed up everything that happened. Panic rose in her chest and she felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t lose him again.

“Here Luv,” he said, coming out of the kitchen. He joined her on the couch handing her the items he had brought. “I thought you’d be hungry when you woke up.”

She relaxed slightly and crossed her legs on the couch. He was so thoughtful. “Thanks,” she said, nibbling on the cream cheese bagel. Her heart rate began to calm down as she eyed him carefully, unable to believe that he was till here with her. She felt bad, seeing the look of guilt all over his face, knowing their already fragile bond had been damaged by both of them.

“Buffy, I am sorry about last night,” he said, ducking his head. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did sleep with Harmony,” she stated. It wasn’t a question. She knew that he did, but she didn’t understand why. It didn’t make any sense to her. But nothing that had happened recently made any sense. They just had to work it out, and hopefully it would be alright.

Spike sighed and got off the couch. “It wasn’t like that,” he said, folding his arms. “She nearly ripped my throat out in the process. It was just a physical reaction to getting my body back.”

“Only once?” She asked, licking her lips clean from her bagel.

Spike met her eyes. “Yeah,” he said, softly. “I wasn’t thinking and I never thought I’d see you again.”

She really wasn’t mad; she had no right to be. She didn’t have claim to Spike, and he was a big boy. It wasn’t as if they had been sleeping together all this time, or even dating. “Spike,” she said, going toward him. “I’m not mad about it and I didn’t mean to throw it in your face last night.” Things had gotten way outta hand the night before, and she just started screaming at him, trying to justify her actions. But really, she had none.

He slid his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “A lot of things were said last night that neither of us meant,” he said.

Her hands tangled in his hair as she leaned her forehead against his. “I love you,” she whispered. “Please believe me.” More tears started to slide out of her eyes. “I wanted to tell you for so long and I never thought that you would die that day. But I still meant it.” She raised her eyes to his. “I never stopped.” He had to believe her this time. If he didn’t, she didn’t know what she would do. She was crushed the first time, and another time would devastate her.

He wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks and frowned. “Don’t cry Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “I cant stand your tears. I wanted to believe you, but I didn’t want you to stay down there with me. You needed to get out and have a good life.”

How could he want her to be happy without him? He really didn’t realize how much she had come to rely on him and love him. Then to not have him, she had been so lost. So confused. “I didn’t want to,” she whimpered, clutching him. “It broke my heart to leave you there. For not doing more to get you out.”

“Stop,” he said, placing a gentle finger over her lips. “Don’t blame yourself, Luv. We knew the risks and I’m here now. I’m never going to leave you. Never again.” He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly, cradling her close to his chest. “I love you so much Buffy and you’re never going to be without me.”

She nodded and sniffled before raising her head to kiss him. She pressed her body up against his, trying to crawl inside of him. Her hands slowly pulled his shirt from the confines of his pants to run over his abdomen. It had been so long since she had felt his skin, so long since they had been this close to each other.

Someone cleared their throat and the blondes pulled apart. “Good to see you guys worked things out,” Angel said, folding his arms.

Buffy licked her swollen lips as Spike moved next to her. She slid an arm around his waist, and smiled when his went about her shoulders. “What’s up?” She asked, shortly. Angel was already on her shit list and for interrupting much needed smoochies with Spike wasn’t helping his case.

“Just checking on you,” Angel said. “Not sure what you wanted to do. Told you I would put you on a plan this morning.”

Spike snorted before he could control himself and Buffy lightly wacked him in the stomach, not wanting any fights. “We’re fine,” she said, as if Angel couldn’t already tell. “Despite what you said to me last night, you know this was the last thing you wanted.”

“I want you to be happy, Buffy,” he said. “But you’re right. I know you can do better then Spike.”

“Of course you do” Spike said, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Spike,” Buffy said, soothingly. Spike had a temper and especially when it came to Angel. But the last thing she wanted was for them to be going at it fist and fangs. All she wanted was to go home to Dawn, with Spike. That’s what she needed right now. And that’s what Spike needed too. He needed to get away from Angel before they killed each other.

“No,” Spike said angrily. “I’m so tired of him sticking his nose in our business. And the last two times he did that, it kept us apart. He chose to walk away from you, more then once and I have always been there for you.”

She closed her mouth, knowing there was nothing that she could say. “I know you have,” she whispered. And she was trying. Spike’s anger wasn’t directed at her, but she didn’t like seeing him upset. Not over Angel.

“That was between Buffy and I,” Angel growled. “She understood why I had to leave.”

Spike gave him an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me?” He asked. “You think that an 18 year girl understand why the love of her life doesn’t want her anymore?” Spike rubbed a hand over his eyes and looked at Buffy. “I don’t mean nay disrespect to you, Pet, but you know I’m right.” His gaze returned to Angel. “You broke her heart when you turned into Angelus. Think about how it made her feel to send you to hell where you should have staid to have you come back to life to walk out. Do you not think about anything before you do it?”

Now Buffy felt like she was being suffocated. Spike was ripping down the walls that she had so easily built, that even he had not yet been able to break through. The emotions that she had never dealt with were assaulting her and she felt her chest was being compressed.

“You have no idea what Buffy and I went through,” Angel said, taking a step toward the younger vampire. “You couldn’t even conceive of our feelings for each other.”

“You’re right,” Spike admitted softly. “I would never understand why you say you love someone and then break their heart over and over again. I would never be able to understand why you did that to her. She’s the best thing you ever had and you left.”

“I had to,” Angel argued. “It was too dangerous for us to be together.”

“You didn’t try hard enough,” Spike said, shaking his head. “If you really wanted to be with her you would have done everything to try and make your soul permanent.”

“You think having a soul makes you better then me?” Angel asked.

“I was better then you before I got my soul,” Spike growled.

“Enough!” Buffy screamed. She couldn’t take this anymore. She got the point loud and clear. “I’ve heard enough.”

Spike’s eyes softened when he realized how upset she was. “I’m sorry, Buffy,” he whispered.

“Neither of you even stops to consider my feelings in this whole mess,” she said, glaring at Angel. Angel had done that time and time again. Spike had never exploded like that in front of her, and she couldn’t take it. “I’m fully capable of making my own decisions.”

“I know you are,” Spike said, reaching for her arm. But she flinched away from him.

“Spike you just sat here and argued with him like I wasn’t even here,” she said, with wide eyes. “I don’t expect that from you. From him? Yeah. But you?”

“You’re right,” Spike said, dropping his head and going toward the door.

She longed to go after him, but she had something she needed to do first. She rubbed her fast and held up a hand when Angel said her name. “Don’t say a word,” she said. “I’m so close to ripping your head off right now. You think it was hard for me to kill you when I loved you, think about how easy it would be for me to do when I hate you.”

Angel licked his lips. “He’s not right for you.”

Buffy clenched a fist. “He is the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said, slowly. She couldn’t believe that Angel was really this stupid. He had been the one to choose to walk away from her, and to try and stick his nose in her business repeatedly, he had some nerve. “And you kept him away from me. He’s going home with me and unless the world is coming down around your ears, I don’t ever want to hear from you again.”

Angel grabbed her arm as she walked away. “Buffy, please don’t do this.”

Her last bit of control snapped and she delivered a right hook to his jaw, sending him flying into the wall. “Go to hell Angel,” she said. With that, she headed out the door Spike and left and collided with him in the hallway. “Spike,” she said in surprise and relief. “I thought you left.” This was good. He was here, and she wouldn’t have to run all over the city trying to find him. It touched her heart to know that he had been here, not wanting to be far from her.

“Couldn’t,” he said, softly taking a step toward her. “Just needed to not be near him.”

Good. Then he heard everything she said. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. They couldn’t get out of his town fast enough. They needed their own time together to make things up.

“You sure?” Spike asked. “After everything that just happened?”

She reached out to grab his hand. “Spike, I love you. And I know that you love me. Angel gives you a hot head. You weren’t wrong. I just felt like you forgot that I was there. I don’t always need protecting.” She wanted to be included in things that were about her. And she was sure that she and Spike could work that out so it didn’t happen again.

“He just pisses me off,” he said, squeezing her hands. “He’s the biggest reason why I haven’t been able to get close to you. To break down the walls that you put up to fix what he did.”

She couldn’t deny that. Angel was the reason she hadn’t allowed herself to get close to anyone and Spike was the only one who had kept trying. “I know,” she admitted. “You’re right and I wish I could take back every horrible thing that I’ve done to you. But I can’t. I wish that I hadn’t hurt you the way that I did, but I can’t take it back.”

Spike pulled her a little closer to him. “You know I don’t care about that, Buffy,” he said softly. “We both hurt each other a lot in the past. I just know that he’s the love of your life and it’ll be easier when we’re away from all this.”

“He’s not the love of my life anymore,” she said, as they left the building. “He hadn’t been for some time. I’m just a little slow.” She needed to show Spike that she was over Angel and that he was the only man in her heart. She just didn’t know how she was going to do that.

“Where are we going?”

“Airport,” she answered. “Using his jet to get the hell outta here.”


Chapter End Notes:
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