Author's Chapter Notes:
I suck. I forgot to post this with a “THANK YOU!” to my BETA Anigen! Sorry ...
The Fourth Chapter

Joyce Summers was nervous. She had every right to be; after all she had a hostile teenage time bomb waiting in her passenger seat ready to go off at any moment. Joyce could honestly say she wasn’t looking forward to the blow-up, not that she regretted her actions up to this point. Mentally bracing herself she opened the driver’s side door and buckled in. Turning the ignition, a tense silence resounded through the vehicle, one that could possibly last the entire ride home. They got as far as the first stop light.

“Mother!”

Joyce jumped, startled, at her daughter’s accusatory exclamation. “I’m not sorry Buffy!” she rushed in her defense. “It had to be done.”

Her daughter gaped at her in astonishment. “It had to be done? It had to be done! Oh my god, Mother, it had to be done! What you did… I… I don’t even…”

“Buffy…”

“No! No mother!” Buffy snapped. “Vampire!”

“It’s to help you and Spike isn’t your average…”

“Vampire!” Buffy broke in once again. “Me, slayer. Him, vampire. Slayers kill vampires, mother. They do not perform ritual thingies with vampires, mother. They do not have Sex with vampires… sex in front of their Mothers!” she shouted, causing Joyce to wince at her shrill tone.

“Vampires are evil, soulless, bloodsucking, dead people. I just had sex with a dead person. There’s a word for people who have sex with dead people! I don’t know what it is but there is a word!”

“Now Buffy…”

“No! Oh no! No now mom. Now is too late. A few hours ago my life was looking pretty good. I mean I got out of crazy town. We were rekindling our mother/daughter relationship. I had had a facial, got a beautiful new outfit, and met the hottest guy in L.A. Then, of course, it all becomes stupid seeing as it’s MY life after all. I’m married to a vampire. Who I just had sex with, for the first time ever, in life, in front of an audience.”

“A very attractive young vampire.” Joyce whimpered, more hurt at the defeat in her daughter’s voice than her words.

“So not the point.” Buffy muttered, shifting in her seat. “This is just major league heinous.” Buffy sighed and looked out her window.

Joyce knew she had to say something, but she was at a loss at what exactly to say. She sat there, turned right, then a left, the urge to speak growing more and more important as each minute passed by. The suffocating silence needed to be shattered and peace restored before all the work she had done was lost in her daughter’s despair. She desperately needed to say something.

“He likes buffalo wings.” She said at last, and instantly wondered why she had to say THAT of all things.

“Huh?”

“Spike. Or well, William, likes buffalo wings, and hot chocolate with the little marshmallows.”

Buffy looked at her mother in abject confusion. ‘What does that have to do with… he eats people food?’

“He also writes poetry, or used to at any rate.” Joyce continued, suddenly spitting out little Spike facts without being able to help herself. “And he knows how to cook. He drives a motorcycle, and he thinks you’re cute.”

Buffy looked intrigued. “he does?” she asked, shyly, a moment later.

“He also likes that you’re a cheerleader.”

“Yeah, well, given; He’s a guy after all.”

“A rather good looking guy.”

“Duh! He’s completely ogle-worthy. Even more so than Christian Slater.”

“Didn’t you have a crush on him or something?”

“It was my life plan. Graduate from high school. Go to Europe. Marry Christian and die.”

The women were quiet for a moment.

“You know… we have wedding cake at home.” Joyce said breaking the tense silence hoping to get a response out of her daughter and cheer her up. She waited for a bit, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

“What kind of wedding cake?” Buffy finally asked.

“Red velvet, with cream cheese frosting, and chocolate ribbon.”

“I like red velvet.”

“There’s presents too.” Joyce added, feeling hopeful.

“I like presents.”

“And Spike will be joining us.”

Buffy smiled slightly, “well… I might like Spike too. Even if…”

“He’s cardiac impaired?” Joyce offered.



Spike had arrived at his new lair in record time. ‘Family’s got posh digs’ he thought as he rode his bike up the drive. He’d have to wait for his new family to come home, seeing as he currently did not have an invite, so he decided to pass the time by having a smoke. He was distracted from his first puff by a noise coming from the side of the house and, hoping for a bit of a scrap, decided to investigate. He was disappointed to find it was just some punk kid wanna-be trying to peer into the windows up above like a lost Romeo. Annoyed he flicked his lit cigarette at the boy to get his attention.

“Ow! What the hell man!” the boy snapped as the cigarette burned him through the cloth protecting his skin.

Spike just glared. “You got business here mate?”

“I’m looking for Buffy.” The young man answered sullenly. “Who are you?”

“Not here to answer your questions, kid.” He declared “Why don’t you just toddle off. It’s a bit late for you to be out innit? School night and all.”

“I don’t go to school, and my name is Pike. Where’s Buffy? I went to… that place but she’d already left.”

“Buffy’s no longer any of your concern… Pike? Your parents named you after a fish?” he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “Parents these days. Where do they come up with these names? First a Buffy and now a fish.”

Pike glowered at the bleached blonde man before him.

“Look, Pike, she’s a lovely girl. Young, sexy, every move’s a dance with her. But she’s not for you, not anymore, probably never was. See… she’s mine now.” He paused as Pike’s eyes widened with a mix of surprise and anger. “Was an arranged marriage and all that high-society bollocks. At any rate, you seem the decent sort that doesn’t go mucking about in other men’s ponds, so I figured I’d give you the chance to bow out gracefully now while your balls are still attached.” He stepped forward allowing a bit of the demon to show though his countenance. He smirked wickedly at the youth’s fear polluted the air like potent cologne. “Though if you’d rather we play it another way…”

“No!” Pike squeaked, embarrassed, and highly intimidated by his leather clad rival. “No, it’s good. I’m leaving, town, for good. Um… it was… bye.” Pike hurried over to his scooter and mounted it in record time. He paused, giving the stranger one last message. “Uh, tell her I said good luck... With you know the slaying and everything.”

‘Slayer had this whelp helping her out? That’s different.’ Spike raised his brow in surprise. “No worries mate. The vamps and demons don’t stand a chance against the pair of us.”

Satisfied, Pike drove off. It was only a few minutes later when the females returned home to see Spike lounging, bored, on his motorcycle.



The women shared a giggle before pulling up their driveway. They were met by a bored blonde haired blue eyed punk, who had been eagerly awaiting their arrival so he could be granted his invite. Once the new family was inside the festivities began.

“Aw, don’t they make the perfect little us?” Buffy teased, pointing out the cute plastic blonde couple adorning their wedding cake.

Spike pouted as he eyed the miniature groom. “I don’t much care for ‘im. Looks insipid, he’s clearly human.” His moue of distaste amused his spouse to no end. Undead or not he could be quite adorable.

“Here” She said taking the doll from his grasp and departing for the bathroom. She emerged after a couple minutes to return the figure to his rightful place; however it now bore a dab of red nail polish on its lips. “There you go… blood of the innocent.”

Spike smiled and chuckled softly. ‘That’s my girl’ he thought gracing the slayer with a warm look.

“Who wants presents!” Joyce announced, quite pleased with how the evening was turning out, and hoping it would last well past morning.

The next day dawned, bright and early. The sun beamed down to earth with happy delight and reflected Joyce’s mood. She got up with a smile and prepared for the new day. ‘Hmm, I think a nice pancake breakfast is in order.’ She mused.

Buffy on the other hand wiggled and grumped as the rays of light dared to pierce her happy dreams and rolled over onto a smooth cool surface. She snuggled her sleep inhabited body against the obstruction under her covers, slowing becoming aware of the other intruder in her room. Peeking through sleep addled eyelashes in confusion her eyes popped open with a start once she spied her bedmate.

“What!” she squeaked with surprise.

“You mind keepin’ it down pet? Am tryin’ to sleep here.”

“I will not. Tthis is MY bed and I am not your pet. Technically if you think about it you’re the Pet!”

“Oh so you wanna play it that way then love?” Spike grinned wickedly.

Joyce was glanced upwards at the loud thump which was quickly followed by a loud wailing “MO-OM! Spike pushed me out of my bed!” Then a couple more thumps followed before she heard “Quit it! SPIKE!”

“Ah Joyce.” She told herself with a sigh, turning the radio up a bit louder to drown out their noise. “You haven’t lost a daughter, but you’ve apparently gained two adolescents.”

Upstairs Buffy continued to battle the vampire to the rights to the bed. She finally succeeded on not being tossed off by her sneaky adversary; However Spike managed to roll them over so he was now comfortably squishing her into the mattress.

“Huh… get off!”

“Don’t wanna; I’m nice n comfy n warm.” Spike declared, wiggling sensuously into her rumpled form. Buffy gasped as his movements caused an ever so exciting sensation to blossom in her loins. She instinctively spread her knees and allowed him to grind himself against her, much to their growing pleasure. “Mmmm.”

Buffy freed her wrists and wrapped her arms around his neck, enjoying the nuzzling sensation of his lips upon her throat. She mused silently that as a slayer that would be the last place she’d want his mouth to be but as she could no longer recall the reason she should be protesting, she decided to just bask in the enjoyment of his embrace.

“Are you purring?”

“Ah… no.”

“You sure cause I can definitely hear purring-like noises coming from… mnf.” Spike silenced her teasing enquiries by battling her tongue into a dance with his own. Once he allowed her to come up for air, the pair of them looking rather flushed and rumpled, they were interrupted from more cuddle-play from a voice calling them from below.

“Kids! Breakfast is ready!” Joyce shouted, and laughed, shaking her head, at the squawks of protest as someone was once again tumbled out of her daughter’s bed. The thunder of running feet heading for the stairs soon followed after. ‘Kids indeed.’

It was during breakfast, mouths full with pieces of pancake and bites of egg, that the first bomb was dropped.

“We’re moving? Why do we have to move to Sunnydale? That place sounds… harmless.”

“Well it’s actually situated on top of a hell mouth.” Spike said. “They tend to give them cutesy names so daft humans will move there and give the nasties someone to eat.”

“Seriously?”

“No, but you’d be surprised how oblivious humans can be.”

“Gangs on PCP whose victims die of rapid blood loss from the neck?”

“Precisely.”

“Anyway children, I’ve had all the arrangements made and the movers will be here by the end of the month. So you both have about two weeks to get everything packed and in order before we head out.” Joyce announced. “I’ve already acquired all the necessary paperwork so Buffy can enroll in the local high school when we get there.” She had just finished filling them in on all the other minor details, when Spike cleared the plates and the second bomb dropped.

“Hey. Why aren’t you on fire?”

Joyce looked to her son-in-law to realize that she too had just become aware that the vampire was standing in direct sunlight and putting their dirty dishes into her dishwasher. ‘Oh I meant to put up those curtains but I forgot!’

Spike paused before deciding to flash his ring finger at his new bride. “My ring is special. A ring of Amara makes me invincible. Sunlight, crosses, stakes, holy water, you name it; even beheading won’t work on me!” he smirked, tongue curling behind his teeth like a naughty little boy. “Can’t even take it off my finger as it’s sized to fit and stay put.” He said, his smirk widening with mischievous glee.

Refusing to be phased by her rising temperature caused by that very naughty grin, Buffy continued to question her master vampire. “So... what if someone cuts off your hands?”

Spike blinked. He had just been made aware of a weakness in his ultimate weapon. The ring he agreed to sell himself for. His absolute power over absolutely everything and this slip of a girl had to go and point out what any real adversary of his would find so bloody obvious. “Bollocks. Never thought of that; guess I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“So now what?” she asked.

“Now, I have to make a lil visit to my lawyers. Put my things in order and all that. Make arrangements.”

“What kind of arrangements?”

“Well for starters I need to get it down my new married state. Plus I’ll need to get blood delivered to our new digs. Won’t stand for butcher bought pigs blood if I can help it, and I figure you’d not take too kindly to me snacking of the locals.”

“You figured right, bub.”

Joyce handed him the copies of the wedding certificate and the address to their future home, bussing his blushing bride lightly on the cheek, Spike strode out the door and into the daylight. “What a fantastic day.” He announced cheekily. “Birds singin’, squirrels makin’ lots of rotten little squirrels. The sun beaming down in a nice non-fatal way. It’s very exciting. I can’t wait to see if I freckle.” Then with a laugh, he mounted his bike and roared down the street.





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