Ominous Sunrise:
Buffy sits on the steps of her front porch and watches the sun rise. As it comes over the horizon it throws a golden glimmer across everything before her. Its glow fills the sky with light turning the clouds pink and illuminates Buffy’s face with warmth. For the first time in a long time she takes in its beauty absorbing every second of the sight before her. Buffy has made up her mind about what she’s going to propose to the gang today, but so far she hasn’t let what that will mean for her completely soak in. All Buffy knows is that she wants to enjoy this sunrise, and she does.
--
It’s mid day now and the Summer’s home is filled with busy bodies. Potentials roam from room to room gossiping among each other and eating everything in sight. The scoobies go about their daily routines scolding the potentials for the small annoying things they do to get in their way. Andrew hangs around following one person then another through the house, and Spike stands by the back door lighting a cigarette allowing its smoke to float outside having been scolded by Dawn one too many times about second hand stinky-ness. Buffy notices that he’s wearing his coat again. She had felt bad for getting on his case the other day telling him that he needed to toughen up; now however, Buffy realizes that she will need him to be tough to do what she will ask of him.
Buffy watches over all her friends as she moves through the house with her arms crossed and her thoughts far from the present moment. She thinks about her life with them. She thinks about days in the sun and good memories from her youth. She thinks about the happy times, about hanging at the bronze and trips to the beach. Then Buffy sombers up and puts on her slayer face. Banishing all nostalgic thoughts from her mind she falls into that all business mode and proceeds to gather everyone in the living room.
Once everyone is standing before her she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for what she’s about to say. Buffy knows they won’t take it well, but it’s what needs to be done. She builds a wall, builds it thick and high to block out all her own feelings about her situation and begins to speak as if this were any other plan.
“I can’t fight this… I’m not strong enough… Yesterday the shadowmen offered me more power and I turned it down, but I shouldn’t have… things are really bad this time guys, this is bigger then anything we’ve ever faced, and I need to be stronger if we’re going to beat it,” Buffy says as she looks over all the faces before her. She watches them watch her, look up to her and follow her every word. “There’s something I need to do… I need to be stronger. You all need to understand that, because if you don’t then we will loose…”
“Come on Buff, you’re killing us with suspense,” Xander says.
“I know, I’m sorry… it’s just that what I’m about to tell you is a big deal… I want… I,” Buffy pauses for a moment then catches Spike’s eyes from across the room; she gathers her strength and hides once again behind that thick, high wall, “I…want… I need Spike to turn me.”
Buffy watches as her words register with everyone in the room, watches as those words float in through their ears and turn wheels in their brains. It takes them all a few moments before they understand what she’s said. Then slowly eyes start to bulge and expressions of uncertainty cross their faces. Some glance at each other as if to look and see if everyone else has heard what they heard; others simply bow their heads trying to sort through the meaning of what she’s said.
“What?” Xander then says breaking the momentary silence.
“Buffy, you can’t possibly think this will be a solution to…” Giles begins to say.
“Doesn’t matter, I wont bloody do it,” Spike says cutting Giles off.
“Buffy, think about this, if you become a vampire… you’ll be evil,” Willow interjects.
“I had a slayer dream last night… Mom visited me, she told me this is what I need to do, she said I would keep my soul because of the spell you did to bring me back,” Buffy explains.
“And you have no possible way to know if that was a real dream or a trick by the First,” Giles says.
“It was real. I know it.”
“You are off your bloody nut Summers, I won’t take part in this,” Spike says as he begins to exit the room. Buffy immediately follows him and stops him in the entrance way.
“And just where do you think you’re going?” Buffy asks.
“Downstairs… I won’t listen to your insane ranting of this sodding death wish.” Spike turns to leave again but Buffy has her hand on his arms holding him in place. “You know Summers, I always knew you needed a little monster in your man… you proved that the other night wishing me back to my old ways, but love, I’ve got my rocks back… I can be all the monster I used to be, but you don’t want this.”
“Yes, I do Spike… I need you to do this.”
Spike looks into the determination that swirls around within her sparkling green orbs. Stubbornness radiates from every inch of her and Spike realizes that she’s dead serious about her proposition. She really expects him to kill her just because she asked him to. Spike decides that he needs to do something to change her mind, needs to show her that this isn’t the way. In a flash Spike moves around Buffy pushing her up against the wall with force. He holds her there by her neck though not tightly enough to hurt her and slams his other hand loudly against the wall, but she still stares him down with that unwavering glare.
In the living room the scoobies and slayeretts look on at the blonde duo. Xander stands up as he sees Spike’s hand around his best friend’s neck, but before he can say or do anything Willow has her hand on his arm stopping him.
“He’s just trying to scare her,” Willow says so low that only Xander can hear and Xander sits back down. He doesn’t like letting the vampire go on with his scare tactics, but he likes the idea of Buffy dying far less.
Seeing obstinacy still running strong through her veins Spike tightens his grip a little and leers in closer letting his eyes shine yellow.
“Is this what you want Slayer… your life in my hands?”
“Yes,” Buffy replies with resolve.
That hadn’t been the answer Spike had wanted to hear, for a moment he nearly backs off not really wanting to hurt her but then realizes that she won’t stop and the last thing that he would ever want for her would be for her to end up like him; for her to be dammed like him. At that moment he decides that he hasn’t pushed her far enough. He hasn’t scared her yet. Spike lifts Buffy up by the neck, surprised when she doesn’t fight back. He watches as her breath falls shallow then he wedges his body between her dangling legs pushing himself up tight against her and vamps out. He knows that he’s crossing the line, but feels that he needs to in order to get through to her.
“This isn’t just a little blood play in bed Buffy,” he says. Spike knows he’s making a show before her friends, but he hopes that knowing they’re watching her will make Buffy want to change her mind. Spike runs his tong over his fangs, “this is a little more serious then kinky fantasies.”
Spike watches as Buffy closes her eyes and for a moment he thinks he’s finally gotten through to her, but he hasn’t. Buffy tilts her head to the side revealing her neck and making the blood that’s pumping through her veins easy access for him. He growls at her, did she really think he could actually do that to her. Violently Spike drops her to the floor and she lands hard. With another low guttural growl Spike watches as Buffy, still lying on the ground, gasps for air. He wants to yell at her, wants to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. Angrily he turns and storms off to the basement.
Xander rushes to Buffy’s side and helps her up. She had just let him hurt her and Xander doesn’t even know what to say. He wants to be mad at Spike, but he’s still very upset over what Buffy has told them she wants to do. As he helps her to her feet he finds himself seriously questioning her sanity.
--
Buffy sits perfectly still at the kitchen counter as Willow hands her a glass of water. All the slayeretts and Andrew are in the living room most likely gossiping over the scene they had just witnessed. Only the scoobies stand before her with eyes of concern, Dawn especially. Buffy has now regained her composure and looks at the faces of all her friends before her. Then she drops her eyes and stares into the reflective surface of her water as she takes a sip.
“I know you don’t understand,” Buffy says.
“Oh I think I understand quite well Buffy,” Giles says, “You’re scared and you’ve concocted this absurd idea to deal with…”
“That’s not what this is Giles.”
“You really believe that this is the solution, that death is the solution?”
“Do you really think I would be suggesting this if it wasn’t the only way,” Buffy says raising her voice, emotion flooding every word.
“No, no… this can’t be the only way,” Xander says.
“Buffy…” Willow begins.
“No… no you, guys don’t get it,” Buffy says raising her voice further. “This has been my worst nightmare since I first became the slayer, but I can’t even think about how scared I am to do this because I know it needs to be done.”
Dawn then silently exits the room obviously upset. Her footsteps are heard by all as she storms up the stairs to her room. Dawn’s door slams with a loud thud and Buffy winces at the sound. The slayer looks over the rest of her friends then turns and walks out after Dawn.
“I have to go talk to her… I can’t argue with you anymore… I’m sorry, this is what I need to do,” Buffy says as she leaves.
--
Spike sits on the cot in the basement, his head tilted upward, resting against the cement bricks and vehemently puffing away at another cigarette. He can hear them talking in the kitchen above and listens to every word they say, every word she says. He starts to understand her seriousness for the first time, starts to understand that she’s not insane or delirious. She really had a slayer dream and this really is what needs to be done.
Spike’s eyes tear up and he clenches his jaw at the thought of what this means then he drops his head in his hands and lets a few tears fall. He doesn’t want to kill her, hasn’t in a long time. More so though he doesn’t want to take the sun away from her, doesn’t want to steal the feeling of being alive, of having blood pump through her veins, or the ability to grow old. Spike doesn’t want to condemn her to living undead, but he will. He sucks back his tears and watches the smoke from his cigarette rise in ribbons into the air.
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There is a video up for this fiction on my website. Go to http://beyondthebuffyverse.webs.com/apps/videos/videos/view/3501153-embracing-darkness-trailer