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"Spike?" her voice squeaked his name out. He wouldn't even look at her, or the others as a matter-of-fact, but he kept a tight grip on Giles' arm as they all stood silently, wondering what to do, what to say.

Giles held up a finger before anyone uttered a word. "Buffy, why don't you go upstairs and get yourself cleaned up? Willow and Dawn can assist you. Xander, Anya and Meg, could you please prepare us all something to eat?"

Xander nodded and the two girls trailed behind him into the kitchen while Dawn and Willow proceeded to escort Buffy up the stairs to help her along with a shower and to slip into a less pungent and worn attire. Giles heard a muffled whimper escape from her throat, and looked her in the eye, giving her his best reassuring smile. Reluctantly, she let them lead her away.

Once everyone had left the living room, Giles turned to look over the vampire still standing close by but at least not clutching onto him any longer. "Are you alright?"

Spike's head snapped around, bringing him out of his reverie as realization hit him that he wasn't standing there all alone. He took a step back when he noticed how close he actually was to the watcher. Spike cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

"Yeah, I think so. I feel…different. I'm remembering stuff now. Remembering things that have happened in the past but then there are pieces that seem to be missing. I can feel those pieces missing, like big, gaping holes. Does that make any bloody sense?"

"In a way, I guess. Here, sit, let’s start from the beginning. You know who you are, I assume?" Giles sat down on the couch and faced the vampire who had also sat down.

Spike gave him a discerning look as he slowly shook his head up and down. "Spike, and I'm a vampire. Came to Sunnydale a few years back with Dru, ended up helping Buffy "save the world" from Angelus' wrath." He made quotes in the air.

"I left, took Dru with me, she ended up leaving me and I came back to this God-forsaken town. Had a soddin’ chip shoved in my brain by those wankers, reluctantly helped you gits…sorry, just remembering as I go along…then, there seems to be some things missing here. I mean, I remember helping you all out when I really didn't want to, then as time wore on, not minding it so much. I remember taking care of Dawn, especially after Buffy died. Then she came back and we…became friends? Huh, didn't see that one coming."

"So, you recall that you and Buffy worked together, that you were slaying partners in a sense, became friends, but nothing else about her and yourself?"

"No…just that, I think she tried to kill me. I mean recently…It didn't look like her, didn't sound like her. I remember the pain here mostly," he held his fist over his unbeating heart, "and seeing her standing in front of me. And then black, it all went black. Are you sure…is that really her up there?" Spike looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes, most positive it is. She's been away for a very long time, well, a long time for her and she probably was kept in isolation. Who knows what they did to her. That can do something to a person, to their head. Do you remember exactly how she got there?"

"Wasn't she taken by a demon, took her away, down into the hellmouth? S'all I can dredge up, her being pulled into the hellmouth." Giles could see he was telling the truth by the look in his eyes.

"I see…How do you feel about Buffy…about the slayer?"

"I feel like I'm in the middle of another interrogation again, s'what I feel. What do you mean?" Spike seemed to be getting tense again.

"I mean, what are your feelings towards her? Like, hate, love?"

"She's a friend, I guess I like her. Yet, sometimes I strongly dislike her but that's only when she's being a bitch." Giles softly laughed at his answer. Spike looked back at the staircase.

"You know, since you seem so sure that she really is the slayer up there, I think maybe…I think I should apologize to her…you know, for being so out of it earlier. Huh, I can't believe I just said that. I must be going out of my mind."

"Do you know why you feel so compelled to apologize?" Giles looked on as a sudden realization hit Spike.

"I have a soul," he whispered. "I can feel it now. How?...Why?...I must have been daft to go and do such a thing…and now I remember you helping me, with getting the chip out. The pain was unbearable, that's definitely still vivid in my head. But why would I have gone to get a soul?

"You don't recollect anything about that at all?"

"I went to Africa, found a demon who could grant me what I wanted. I remember wanting to be a man more than a monster. Something happened…I hurt someone…I think I hurt someone and it…it scared me, tore me up inside. Felt like I was being ripped in two. Had to change it, change myself. Couldn't bear to live with what I had done. I just don't know what it was." His voice trailed off.

Giles gently patted him on the shoulder. "I'm not really sure what's going on here with you yet, or with Buffy or how all this stems from what happened in the hellmouth. We'll talk to Buffy and see what she can rake up for us and we will figure it out. Come hell or high water we will figure out why there seems to be holes in your memory."

Spike looked up at the watcher, a bit of fear and anticipation appearing behind his eyes. "Am I really sure I want to find them again?"

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Buffy had remained silent through the whole showering ordeal, even while drying off and dressing. Dawn wished there was something she could do, it was just so good to have her back safe and sound, well, hopefully sound. The odd incident with Spike had her spooked and Buffy wasn't fairing very well from it either. She looked over at Willow, pleading with her to say something to Buffy, or just anything out loud. Willow caught the look.

"Buffy, it is so good to have you back home."

That's all it took as Buffy chose that moment to break down. Silent sobs wracked her body, leaving the two girls bewildered.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Please talk to me and tell me what's wrong?" Dawn begged.

Buffy threw her arms around her sister, crying even harder. "Sorry, I'm so sorry," she gasped out between sobs. Willow stood close by and rubbed her back and her damp hair softly, trying her best to comfort the miserable slayer.

Buffy quickly turned, grabbing Willow's hand and squeezing it. "Spike, what's wrong with him? Did something happen with the spell that brought us back? He's not the same, he didn't want me near him, he acted scared of me. Something's wrong, I need to find out what it is."

"Ok, ok, Buff, a little too slayerly with the hand grip here. We'll find out what happened. We’ll sit down and talk about it, find out what went wrong down there, or up here, whatever the case may be. We'll figure it out, don't you worry your pretty little warrior head about it. And don't cry anymore, please. And don't go all comatose-y on us either. Now, let's get your face washed up so you look somewhat presentable, and let's go get some nummies for that tummy of yours, put some more meat on those bones, then we’ll all discuss the hellmouth happenings, deal?"

Buffy began to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand, nodding simultaneously. "Deal," she whispered.

"I missed you Buffy, We all missed you so much," Dawn tried hard not to break down herself. Her sister looked at her and gave her a weak smile.

"I missed you all, too. I'm happy I'm back home, with my family." She pulled both girls into a group hug. The sniffles were lessening as she washed her face of the remaining tear tracks. "Let's go eat, I'm ravished."

The girls agreed heartily as they stayed on either side of Buffy, supporting her on the way down the stairs. At the bottom, as the living room came into view, she noticed that Spike and Giles were still lingering there, sitting on the couch. Both stood when the three entered. Spike and Giles exchanged a look, as Giles silently told Spike to make his move. The vampire nodded once and made his way around the table.

"Uh, Buffy, about earlier. I'm…sorry…if I upset you. Things were a bit wonky there on the get go. I didn't mean to go off and frighten you…" She didn't let him finish his sentence before she had pulled away from the girls and walked up to him, throwing her arms around his neck and embracing him enthusiastically.

Giles had cleared his throat and made an attempt to step in and stop things from progressing any further, but he noticed that Spike was returning the hug, a bit stiffly, but hugging nevertheless.

"I'm so thrilled you’re alright." Buffy said in a hushed tone. She moved her hands around to cup his face as she pulled back to look into his eyes. Swiftly, she pulled him down to meet her lips, kissing him tenderly yet passionately.

Giles cringed, especially when he noticed Spike become rigid automatically. He watched as the vampire grasped Buffy's forearms and forcefully push her away.

"Slayer, what are you doing?" his voice was raised an octave. He turned and looked at the watcher with astonishment. "What's going on? Why is she doing this, acting this way?"

Buffy looked hurt as she glanced back and forth between the two men, her arms instinctively wrapping around herself.

"Uh, maybe we should all sit, have something to eat and then discuss this predicament." Giles offered.

"Yeah, your bloody well right we need to discuss matters." Spike huffed as he made his way into the kitchen.

Dawn and Willow swooped in to lead the dejected Buffy in as well, Giles sighing and following the others.

Hardly anyone spoke during the meal making the gathering around the dining table a bit on the uncomfortable side. Megan had fixed a mug of blood for Spike, which he took with a sincere smile, but who had also decided he would sit and eat along with the others, enjoying the delicious food that was being served.

Giles cleared his throat when he had finished, causing all to raise their eye levels higher than their plates sitting in front of them. He dabbed each corner of his mouth with the napkin before setting it on the cleaned dish. Everyone else did the same, placing the utensils down to signal supper was over. Meg took the cue and scurried to clean off the table, Anya rising to help, even without being asked for it.

"So, I guess we should make some headway with the problem at hand. First things first, Buffy, can you tell us anything from your ordeal?" Giles wanted to hear his slayer's version of the story before delving in any deeper into Spike’s tale.

"Well," her voice was uncommonly soft as she began. "I'm not really sure how long I was down there…in the hellmouth. Seems like an eternity. An eternity of doing not much of anything. Waiting. Waiting for I didn't know what. Hoping that someone was coming for me. There was no way for me to get out…and believe me, I searched for one. At first they, it, whatever, kept me chained to the wall, only to let me go when I ate. Then I guess they began to trust me more because I wasn't chained up anymore. The demon who brought me my meals kept telling me to eat to keep my strength up. I was to fight someone, fight them for my freedom. Told me I was going to have a visitor, someone I knew."

Buffy turned and looked at Spike, who seemed to be listening to her intently. "I had a strong feeling it was going to be you. I was having dreams, some of them seemed so real, some of them so violent."

She looked back down at her clasped hands sitting on the table. "Just recently, a voice would speak to me, in my head, day and night. It told me all about the plan for Spike to come and rescue me. Told me I would have to fight him, fight him to the end. The only way I would be able to go home was if I killed him."

Buffy looked back up at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I just want you to know I wasn't going to do that. I had to make it look good though, had to make it seem I was there to fight you to the death. I didn't know how I was going to get us both out alive, but I was going to try anything I could possibly think of. And then I heard you and I heard Willow. Heard you talking to each other, but you wouldn't fight back. I was so scared it was going to kill you. When it came into the room…and then you were in so much pain. Yet you were so brave, so clever, so fast. You got us out of there despite your agony."

"Wait," Giles interrupted. He glanced over at Spike who seemed to be off in his own little world, trying to fit pieces together. "He was in pain right before your transit back?"

Buffy shook her head in confirmation. "Yes, he grabbed his chest and screamed. I heard him yelling at Willow, well, yelling in his head, to get us out of there. He lunged at me, wrapping his arms around me and then a flash of white light before everything went black.

"Do either of you remember what the voice said? Before this all happened?" Giles queried.

Buffy took a chance to glimpse at the vampire seated across from her. His eyes were wide with puzzlement and he shook his head no. "Don't rightly recall any of it. Just that it stopped the fight."

"If I remember correctly," Buffy continued, "it said that we weren't fighting. That his love for me was getting in the way, and that it was going to fix that problem…or something like that. Then Spike grabbed his chest and screamed. And you know the rest."

Buffy looked back up at him, hoping that something would register with him, so he could tell them what was wrong with him. "I don't remember any of that," he whispered. "And I know I don't love you, slayer. Never have."

TBC





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