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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yay! Another update! :) I know you're all probably excited. However, if you haven't seen that I added an interlude to the end of the last chapter, please go back and read it.

Personally I love it, even if it's a tiny step backward for her. At the same time I also think it might be a step forward, because it's bringing her need to cope to the forefront. There's no way she can just ignore it now.

I hope you enjoy the following chapter. There aren't many more to go! Thanks to PhotographyNut, zombiegirl, Pet, and lindsay for reviewing the last chapter. :)
Chapter 21: A Season of Change

(Saturday, July 26th)

Buffy woke up snuggled in Spike’s embrace and she couldn’t help feeling peaceful. Since she’d kissed him two weeks earlier, she’d made an effort to let him touch her more often. Sometimes it was a kiss on the cheek or a squeeze of the hand, and more frequently it was letting him hold her at night again.

She’d been sleeping a lot more soundly with his arms around her and she felt stupid for disallowing it in the first place. She glanced at the alarm clock on the night stand and pouted unhappily. She had an hour until she had to be in therapy, which was just about enough time for her to shower, dress, eat something, and have Spike drive her there.

She slid out of his arms reluctantly and padded into the bathroom across the hall. She washed her face and brushed her teeth before hopping into a hot shower. Twenty minutes later she emerged in a towel, hair freshly blown dry and skin moisturized with lotion. She entered Spike’s room quietly, so she wouldn’t wake him, and she began picking out her outfit for the day.

She ended up going for a simple pair of faded blue jeans and a black button-up top, stylishly cut for a woman instead of a man. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and forewent any kind of make up. She looked at Spike still sleeping on the bed and a smile curled up her lips. He always looked adorable when he was unconscious.

She went over to him and shook his shoulder gently, half-kneeling on the mattress beside him. He began to stir, grumbling nonsense as he did so, and she whispered, “Wake up, sleepyhead. You need to get dressed and eat something so you can take me to therapy.” He opened his eyes and frowned a little at having been woken, but it was soon replaced with a smile when he saw her lovely face so close to his.

He surprised her by leaning up and stealing a quick kiss, and then he was out of the bed and headed across to the bathroom. She admired his chest and ass as he walked in front of her, clad in nothing but a tight pair of jeans. Up until April they always used to sleep naked together, but since then he’d started covering himself so he wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. She hated to admit that sometimes she missed feeling his naked body pressed to hers.

With a light flush creeping up her neck to her cheeks, she hurried downstairs and made herself a bowl of cereal. They had about twenty minutes left before they needed to leave the house. She ate quickly and also poured a bowl for him, for which he was grateful when he came down the stairs, dressed in fresh jeans and a black t-shirt. She smiled at him lovingly as she pushed the bowl across the counter.

They ate in comfortable silence then put their bowls in the sink, to be washed later. He grabbed his car keys off the hanging rack in the kitchen and opened the door for her, causing her to smile once again. Even after they’d been together almost a year, he was still a complete gentleman.

They made it to her therapy session just in time and Spike sat in the waiting room, bored out of his mind as he flipped through ancient magazines. He frowned when he noticed the receptionist staring at him every few minutes.

He thought she looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place her in his mind. After the hour was almost up he’d finally figured out who she was: none other than Harmony Kendall, prep extraordinaire and personal lapdog to Cordelia Chase.

He would’ve thought her obvious crush amusing if he didn’t hate her so much. He didn’t know her on a personal basis or anything, but anyone who worshiped the ‘Queen C’ got no respect from him.

Meanwhile in the therapy room, Buffy was on the verge of having a complete breakdown. She’d finally started to open up about what had happened in April and the tears wouldn’t stop coming. She’d opened the floodgates and she wasn’t sure how to close them again. Tara, or Dr. Maclay as she didn’t prefer to be called, had immediately gotten up and moved to comfort her at the first sign of tears.

The woman listened to her intently while offering up a box of tissues and rubbing her back gently. Over the last three months she’d learned that she could confide in Tara without being judged, and today it had seemed right that she should finally face her fears. She’d been making progress with Spike, but she wasn’t feeling any better inside. It was time to remedy that.

When she emerged from the room her eyes were puffy, and she’d obviously been crying. Concern welled up in Spike’s chest and he rose to greet her. She went straight into his arms and clung to him tightly, barely managing not to start crying again. Tara gave them both a warm smile and wished them a good day before going back into her office.

Buffy pulled away enough that she could look at Spike’s face and she bit her lip thoughtfully, wanting to ask him something but somehow afraid of asking at the same time. She knew her request would be a big step toward facing what had happened. She took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge. “Spike… do you think we could… maybe, um…”

He listened patiently and stroked her blonde hair, hoping his silent support would help her to ask whatever she needed. “Could we visit Faith and Percy?” His eyes widened almost comically, as that was the last thing he’d expected. Up to this point she’d refused to talk about either of them and she wouldn’t go anywhere near the cemetery. The only time she’d been there to see them had been at the funeral.

As the shock started to dissipate he felt pride take its place. He knew this couldn’t be easy on her and he was so proud of her strength. He raised her hands to kiss the tops of them and he smiled lovingly at her, answering in a quiet and reassuring voice, “Of course we can, love. I’m sure they’d be happy to have you stop by.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she nodded, but before she could start crying again she was headed for the main door, clutching his hand tightly in hers. He followed her out and drove her straight from the office to the flower shop near the cemetery, so they could pick up some roses. They got a big bouquet of white ones, supposed to symbolize remembrance, and they proceeded to the grave site.

The gates of Restfield cemetery seemed awfully daunting to Buffy, but she swallowed hard and forced down her inner panic. She needed to do this. She owed it to Faith and Percy, and she owed it to herself. Spike led her to the graves and she could no longer hold back the tidal wave of tears.

She knelt before Faith’s grave and broke down, sobbing like a baby and taking fistfuls of dirt and grass from the earth. Spike watched her with an aching heart, wishing he could somehow take away the pain. He knew, unfortunately, that the only thing that would heal her was time.

They spent almost half an hour mourning her two unfortunate companions, and then Buffy was in Spike’s arms again, begging to be taken home and tucked into bed. He kissed her forehead and eagerly agreed, leaving half of the roses on each grave before walking her out to the car.

(Thursday, August 7th)

Spike had begun writing again in the last few weeks, having taken several months off after the horrific incident. He’d lost his inspiration and had just started getting it back, now that things with Buffy were looking more on the bright side. He was beyond relieved that she seemed to be making progress inside and outside of therapy. Their relationship had taken a turn for the better since she’d started opening up to him.

This morning she’d given him a surprisingly passionate kiss before she left for therapy with Willow. Normally he was the one to drive her, but she’d told him she wanted some girly time with her best friend after her session. Resigned to spending the afternoon alone, he’d sat down at his desk and busied himself with his new project.

He was now well into the third chapter of the fiction novel he was writing, which happened to be loosely based around the tragic events of that April. He’d been very cautious in approaching Buffy for permission, but she’d granted it with very little persuasion. He felt more proud of her each day for the progress she was making. Little steps in the right direction sometimes had the biggest impact on the future.

He was thoroughly engrossed in his writing, pen scribbling madly and papers strewn about, when the bedroom door opened and closed loudly, startling him out of his quiet concentration. He jumped a little in his seat as he whipped around to face the intruder. His shoulders slumped a little and he calmed when he saw that it was only Buffy.

Then his eyes grew comically wide as he got a good look at her. This didn’t look like his Buffy at all. This looked like a supermodel slash goddess standing before him. He gawked a little as he drank in the short blonde hair, with obvious new highlights, that barely brushed her bare shoulders. Her usual jeans had been replaced by a playfully short denim mini, paired with white flip-flops and a flirty pink tube top that had a bow on the front.

Her face was adorned with light make-up in the form of smoky eyeliner and pink lip gloss, just enough to make him drool and want a taste of her. He swallowed hard and willed his vocal cords to function properly. When they finally cooperated, all he managed to get out was, “Hair cut?”

She pouted a little and he immediately felt like an idiot. He fumbled with his words for a minute as he said, “Well I mean, what I meant was… I like the new look, love. You look amazing.” A smile crossed her face then and she came forward to reward him with a kiss. He ran his fingers through her silky short hair and sighed contently against her lips. In a way he would miss her long golden locks, because he’d spent hours playing with them in the last year, but he also loved this new daring fashion statement.

When their lips separated he smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her close so his face was nuzzled against her stomach. She giggled and played with his hair a little, still amazed that it could be so soft after so much bleaching. When he looked up at her he seemed to have a twinkle in his eye. He pressed a kiss to her abdomen then asked good-naturedly, “So what inspired this dramatic change?”

She smiled at him and ruffled his hair as she answered, while moving to sit sideways on his lap, “Well school starts on Monday and I thought it would be nice to have a positive attitude, and a spunky new look, to start off my senior year. I’m glad you like it.” He nodded once again and brought her hand up to his lips, admiring her manicured nails subtly as he pressed a kiss to the back of it. He nearly shivered at the thought of her raking them down his chest, but he fought to suppress any sexual urges. It was still too soon for that.

She leaned in close and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, an even larger smile blooming on her face. She seemed to truly glow for the first time in months. “I have more good news for you.” He raised his brows inquisitively and nipped at her lower lip before asking, “Oh yeah? What’s that?” She nipped back, catching him by surprise with her playful retaliation, and she responded, “Tara told me earlier that we can reduce our sessions to twice a week.”

He felt her happiness coming off in waves and it was contagious. He cupped her face in his hands and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. Instead of shying away or getting uncomfortable, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with vigor. It was empowering, amazing, erotic… She felt her body begin to respond to his presence alone, never mind the fact that his tongue was in her mouth.

She allowed herself a small moan before she pulled away, panting slightly to fill her lungs. She loosened her grip on him and bit her lower lip as she opened her eyes. An air of timidity surrounded her then and he wondered if she would flee. She stayed put, however, and offered him a shy smile. It was the first time she’d let herself feel anything in months, and while she wasn’t ready to act on it, it was still incredible.

She laced her fingers with his and looked into his eyes, trying to convey her love and her feelings without words. He knew her well enough to read every expression and every minute change in her body language. He didn’t need her to speak to know what she was thinking. He kissed her forehead reassuringly and hugged her close. ‘Soon’, she promised herself… soon she would be ready to take it further. For now this was enough.


Chapter End Notes:
All right... only two more chapters to go! I have the epilogue written already, but not the chapters in between. I'm hoping to get it finished by this weekend, but I certainly can't make any promises. I have to work AND I'm in the middle of moving. Please review!



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