Epilogue: Perfect Imperfection
(August)
Buffy felt worn-down, but still bubbly, after hours of running from one place to the next. She and Spike had arrived in New York five days prior, to settle into their new apartment near NYU. They’d had to get special permission to live off campus during their freshman year. Now it was the big day to register for classes and finalize all of their schedule information.
They’d argued over countless college options through their senior year, from UCLA to Oxford to UCSD, but they’d finally been able to agree on NYU. Buffy had received several scholarships because of her academic merits, and Hank’s money had more than paid for the rest of the cost. She could live a comfortable life without having to work, if she wanted to.
She wasn’t the lazy type though, and she couldn’t stand the thought of sitting around and doing nothing. She already had it set in her mind that she was going to find a part-time job, as soon as she got comfortable with her classes. Spike, on the other hand, planned to devote his extra time to working on his second novel.
He’d finished his first one and had it published shortly before graduation. It had already started to sell surprisingly well, and the profits made it possible for him to afford the university and the apartment he was renting for himself and Buffy. The thought of living in dorms with strangers and being separated from each other every night, after living together for almost two years, was completely unbearable for both of them. This had been the most logical solution.
Anne had treated them to new furniture for their apartment, complete with a comfy queen-sized bed, and they’d had the rest of their belongings shipped via USPS. They’d opted to fly in and Anne had accompanied them to check the place out, as well as to go furniture shopping and ensure that they had everything they needed.
She’d just left yesterday after they spent a few days exploring the city. It had taken massive pep talks from both Buffy and Spike to assure the woman that they would indeed be okay in the big city. Even afterward she was still skeptical and had her reservations about leaving them. It was only natural for her motherly instincts to kick in when she was faced with the separation of those she held dear.
Now it was almost lunch time and Buffy was in a rush to get back to the apartment. She and Spike had had to split up earlier during the registration process, but they’d made plans to meet at a restaurant for lunch. Enjoying the fact that it wasn’t too hot or too cold outside, she waived the option of taking a taxi and instead walked the few blocks to their apartment.
She let herself in and headed straight for the desk in their bedroom, depositing her important paperwork in the file cabinet in her drawer. Instead of bothering with two separate desks they’d decided to share, him taking the left side drawers and her taking the right. The rich oak surface was already covered in Spike’s papers from when he’d sat down to write the previous evening.
She straightened them up for him out of habit before going and turning on her stereo. She hummed softly to herself as she listened to the music, even as she stripped down and went into their bathroom. She hurried through a hot shower to freshen up from her stressful morning, and then she practically bounced back into the bedroom to get dressed, excited about seeing Spike in a short while.
The music changed to a song she was very familiar with; one that never ceased to make her contemplate the last two years. It fit her life and it didn’t at the very same time. She pursed her lips in thought as she made her way over to the walk-in closet. She thumbed through her brightly colored tops as the lyrics swam through her head and swept her away into memories.
Step one you say, "We need to talk."
He walks, you say, "Sit down, it’s just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through,
Some sort of window to your right.
As he goes left and you stay right,
Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came.
How very reminiscent of the one time she’d attempted to visit her father in prison, minus the polite smiles. There had been no politeness between them, just a strained awkwardness that had nearly led to her breaking down. Despite the months of therapy she’d endured, seeing his face again had nearly crushed her to bits inside. She’d only been able to tell him that he deserved what he was getting before she’d had to leave, the guard staring after her with sympathetic eyes.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
Let him know that you know best,
'Cause after all you do know best.
Try to slip past his defense,
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong.
The things you’ve told him all along.
Pray to god he hears you.
And I pray to god he hears you and,
She’d promised herself that she would never go back there again. About a month later she’d found out she wouldn’t ever need to, since a few of his cell mates had decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. He’d been found brutally murdered one morning and she couldn’t say she was remorseful in the least. After what he’d done to her and her friends, she honestly didn’t believe he deserved any kind of peace in dying. Lethal injection would’ve been a grossly easy way for him to go.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice.
"Drive until you lose the road,
Or break with the ones you’ve followed."
He will do one of two things.
He will admit to everything,
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same,
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
Truly the worst thing in her opinion is that she HAD lost a friend, though not through any bitterness of hers. She’d lost a friend and an acquaintance through the cruelty of a heartless man, to whom she had the misfortune of being related. Her own bitterness after the fact had done nothing to drive away those who cared about her. She’d been able to cope with her issues and keep a tight circle of friends, who she’d vowed to stay in constant contact with after her move.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
In listening to the song and thinking about the last two years, she decided that hadn’t really gone wrong anywhere. Perhaps she should’ve turned Hank in to the police sooner, but at the time she’d only done what she’d thought was best. There was no way she could’ve known what would happen.
For a long time she’d blamed herself and it was only recently that she’d truly let go of her inner anger. She’d come to terms with everything slowly through the constant support of her loving fiancé, her loyal friends, her future step-mother, and her insightful therapist.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
She pulled a vibrant pink and orange striped dress, strapless and form-fitting, off its hanger as she thought of all the times Spike had stayed up with her, holding her and whispering words of comfort when she couldn’t sleep. He worked so hard to chase away her nightmares and keep her happy. He was closer to her than anyone ever had been and she trusted him in a way she couldn’t trust anyone else, even Willow.
The bond they had formed superseded everything else in their lives, and they made sure that nothing got in the way of their relationship. If they ever had a disagreement they worked it out civilly and quickly. They never went to bed angry with each other, knowing that life was unpredictable and that any moment could be their last. Their love was a precious thing that needed to be taken care of and kept sacred, and they couldn’t afford to let petty problems get in the way of the fragile happiness they’d finally found.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
She changed into the dress, feeling chipper and optimistic about the rest of her day, and she grabbed her purse from the table by the door. Leaving the music on behind her, she grabbed her keys and flounced out the doors, an added bounce in her step as she hummed the last verse from memory.
She stepped out of the apartment building and into the afternoon sunshine, a huge smile spread across her face as she walked toward the restaurant down the street. Her diamond engagement ring sparkled brightly as her palm rested on the slight bump in her abdomen.
She knew the future would hold many challenges and that things wouldn’t always go her way, but she was confident that she and Spike could work through anything as long as they were together. In more ways than one, he’d already saved her life.
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
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Chapter End Notes:
I think I might cry when it actually hits me that this is over. This is the first long story I've actually finished and it's taken me a long time. The whole thing has been an emotional roller coaster for me, but I'm very happy with the way it turned out. I hope you will take the time to let me know whether you liked it or not. I'm always open to hearing opinions (as long as they're tasteful) and ideas for improvement. Here's a link for the music video by The Fray. I think it's very touching and I think it fits this story extremely well. If you have a chance, I would definitely recommend watching it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmFi2snLr7o Ttfn! :)