Author's Chapter Notes:
I intend no copyright infringement, I just want to tell a story.

WIP
"Is this dirt and mud or is it flesh and blood?
When I reach my hands in, I don't know where I end ...
Are these roots and leaves, or is this a part of me?
When I reach my hands in, I feel life absorbing.
This will all make sense in the morning ...
Oh, it's a little strange.
It'll all make sense,
It'll all make sense in the morning."
- Halou, "It Will All Make Sense In The Morning"

* * *


"Slayer."

His voice sent a tingle down her spine & stopped her in her tracks as she sank into that delicious shudder which announced his presence as surely as his words. He took advantage of her stillness, coming up behind her to snake his arm around her waist, pulling her flat against him so that they stood back to chest, his cool breath tickling her ear. For a moment she let herself forget all the reasons this was wrong; her eyes fluttering closed as she breathed in the familiar leather-nicotine scent of him, her body softening in his embrace as her heat spread through him, her heartbeat echoing in his chest. And then it was over, the familiar cold rushing through her body as she pushed away from him, her mouth hardening as she spun around and spat out his name.

"Spike."

A ghost of a smirk was ready on his face, a familiar sight which set her instantly at ease despite the tension that flowed between them. She could handle his sarcasm, it was his eyes though, that disturbed her the most; a stormy blue that bored right through her, peeling away her masks and leaving her an exposed & tingling nerve with no recourse. She forced her own eyes to meet him, her breath catching momentarily in her throat as she realized that her brief moment of indulgence had not gone unnoticed.

I can’t do this any more.

Panic skittered through her, followed by another ephemeral emotion that sank swiftly down into her cavernous insides, leaving her with only the pervading bitterness that dogged her every step.

I shouldn't be here.

"You shouldn't be here, Spike."

"Last I checked it was a public cemetery, pet." He tilted his head slightly, his gaze warming as it swept over her body, causing her own skin to flush in response. He paused for a moment when he reached her eyes again and she could almost taste the pleased thrill that ran through him as he absorbed what her body, traitorous thing, was telling him. "Besides, I didn't think there was anything remarkable about me wanting to pay a visit to my girl."

"I'm not your girl." The bitterness rose against her throat and she suddenly felt as brittle and thin as rice paper, "You threw me out."

Spike's shoulders slumped slightly, a familiar defeated look, resigned already as they slipped back into their roles, "I was a right git then, pet." He moved towards her again, his hand coming up to rest lightly on her arms, his cool flesh burning through the cotton of her clothing, infusing the patches beneath with a discordant warmth and light. She could have cried at the feeling of it as her mind willed that light to spread, even as it rejected the fact that it came from a dead man.

He was talking again, his words washing over her like a storm, as she stood within his embrace. But she was already far and away again, retreating into herself, her mind picking through memories and feelings that were wrapped in cotton and soft like gauze. Here and there a word, a scent, an image danced behind her eyes, distracting with their muted brightness. All the while the warmth burned brightly beneath his hands, lulling her further and further into the kaleidoscopic white of her memories, his voice wrapping her deeper into the spell until she thought she just might find that last little spark of Buffy Summers before the dive off that tower.


Deeper and deeper she spiraled before suddenly it all stopped. Silence reigned and she felt herself speeding away, her eyes blinking slowly as she focused on his face, the dark worry now so visible in his eyes. Slowly, she raised one hand to his face, the rough skin abrading her fingers as she sighed softly.


“Buffy.” His voice was ragged as he tightened his grip, pulling her flush against him so that she could feel the hardness of him through their clothing, her breasts tightening against his chest as her breathing quickened. The force of his grip bruised but she barely noticed as he lowered his mouth to hers in an open mouthed kiss which sent her spiraling down through the darkness again before … And there it was: the explosion of heat and light that his touch had only promised.


Yes.

It hurt where he touched her. A deliciously sharp pain that made her mewl in pleasure as they lowered themselves to the grass, his coat spread out beneath them as his hands coasted over her skin. She could her him muttering her name like a mantra against her skin, the pressure in her chest expanding as she ran her hands through his hair, his mouth closing over a darkened nipple as she cried out again and bucked beneath him. Somehow her hands found his zipper and with a shiver and a sigh he was inside her. She could feel him kissing her neck, his lips teasing the point that pulsed and throbbed as she clutched him tighter, pulled him in deeper and felt the warmth in her belly expand until it was almost too much to bear.


With a sharp cry she turned them so she was on top now, her movements slowed from the frenetic coupling of before to something more languid and sweet. Gently, this isn’t right, she bent down to kiss him, the edges of her hair framing his face, their eyes wide open, the intensity in his eyes wrenching from her a gasp and a sigh even as his hands slipped beneath her skirt to bring her to climax again. She could feel him getting closer beneath her as well and she squeezed him beneath her until his eyes rolled back in his head. Without warning he was on top of her again, his face buried in the crook of her neck as they came, her body stretched and taut beneath him as the words she didn’t want to hear began to seep in through the fog.


“I love you, Buffy. I love you so bloody much.”


No. She tried to push him away but his hands caught hers as his mouth came down to steal one more kiss, the words whispered against her lips as he looked at her in wonder and she suddenly found herself falling backwards again too quickly to panic or stop it as the hard, glass thing inside of her cracked and for a beautiful, blinding moment she felt.


I can’t.





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