Disclaimer: Owns Nothing!! All original characters belong to Joss and ME, Inc., me, I just like to play with them ;). And She is my character, mine all mine. Tee hee. Oh, and the songs & lyrics belong to the people who sing them and/or wrote them.
She watched, unable to help, hidden, as Buffy rained blow upon blow down on the injured vampire. She forced herself to stay hidden as she listened to the few words that were being spoken between the two warriors.
“That’s it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That’s my girl.”
“I am not your girl! You don’t….you don’t have a soul. There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside. You can’t feel anything that’s real. I could never be your girl!!”
She had to keep, had to force, herself from looking away. Seeing Spike broken, bruised, and battered was so horrendous; seeing the Slayer spew forth such filth with tears coursing down her face was even harder still, because she knew that this was what the girl truly believed. This was the truth. This was how the Slayer really felt, thought of Spike; despite everything the Slayer looked beyond his actions, still placing blame squarely onto his shoulders for past slights and sins he had not committed. And she knew that this was by no means the worst that was going to happen between them. She had to put an end to this, no matter what the costs might be.”
“You always hurt… the one you love, pet. Buffy? Buffy…”
Hearing Spike’s indistinct and waning words spoken to the retreating back of the Slayer as she walked away from him, leaving him unable to move, leaving him there for the sun to have when it arouse. The yearning to remove him from such a torturous environment was much too strong to ignore this time. Damn the consequences! If the Powers That Be were going to allow her to keep and use the powers she’d been given at birth then they should be well aware of what her course of action was going to be. If not, well, the hell with them! It was quite obvious that they were not going to act, and the possible outcome could be deadly, for them all. That was just fine with her, she’d take care of it all herself, that way things would be done right for a change!
Proud of her chosen decision she pulled herself up to her full height, squared her shoulders and set out to meet the infamous vampire. She stomped right up to him, one more step and she would be standing ON him and still he didn’t move. Didn’t even acknowledge her presence. His total lack of self preservation extremely apparent to anyone that might happen upon him. It was obvious that Spike, William the Bloody, the Slayer of Slayers had given up and welcomed death. Exasperated, she decided that it was time, time for him to deal with her.
“Get up Vampire! If you can, that is. I’m not leaving you here nor am I gonna go away. Now, you got two options here. I’m either gonna drag you by the tips of your bleached white hair back to your Crypt, or I can maneuver you there in a nicer manner. Your choice. What’s it to be, then?”
“Bugger Off!”
“Now I was sure that I explained your two options, your only two options, cause you are going one way or another. I can do it nice or not so nice, all up to you.”
“Who the bloody hell are you? Why the hell do you care what I want?”
“Who I am, right now, really doesn’t matter all that much. What does is getting you clear across town and into your Crypt before sunrise, which is not that far off, so make up your mind, you gonna help me get you there or what?”
“Don’t you think if I could I’d already done it? Can’ bloody well move, now can I? An' quit towering over me! Let’s have a look atcha, maybe then we can talk 'bout movin’ me.”
“You...you…you stupid, stubborn, hard-headed Vampire! We do not have time for this, Spike! Once we get you home, safely, then we can play 20 questions, Ok?”
“Fine! Answer’s later, then. Don’ think I’m gonna be much help. Not a lot of steam in my sails, so to speak. If you want me in me Crypt, gonna have to drag me there.”
Looking down at the now passed out Spike, she wanted nothing more than to sit and have herself a good cry, but there was no time for that, she had to move him and move him fast. Once again thanking her parents for the gifts that had been passed down to her, she reached down grabbing Spike around the waist, hefting him up and over her shoulder. Grunting, she found that the term ‘dead weight’ really was accurate, to this case anyway. Shifting her heavy load slightly, getting Spike’s weight balanced, and in a position comfortable enough, not only for her to carry him, but for him as well. Taking the time to achieve this, knowing that some of his ribs had to be bruised, possibly broken, trying to make sure that she would cause no more damage to him, he was damaged enough as it was.
Starting the long walk to Restfield she tried to remember what the exact date was, had to make sure she was within the correct year, knowing that was going to be one of the first questions that Spike would invariably have for her. The only easy answer that she would have for him. All the other questions that he’d have for her, just thinking of those sent bitter quivers down her spine. She’d been warned, of course, that this Vampire was, well, unusual for a Vampire. His thirst for knowledge almost out-distanced his thirst for blood, and that was already the stuff of legend. There was not a doubt in her mind that he’d believe her, eventually, cause hell, he was going to be able to get most of his information with just a sniff, literally. Like the others in her family, she too cursed that damned Vampire sense of smell. Hated the whole sniffing people thing, cause eww that was just gross.
The laughter started and would not stop. She’d gotten these fits of never-ending-giggles thanks to her mother, God bless her, and she always got them at the worst possible times imaginable. Yet another of the many traits she and her mother had in common. She knew that most of what made her up was thanks to her mother, and as always she was thankful for it. Felt sorry for her poor daddy, though, there was next to nothing of him in her. Oh, how she missed them! If only they could be here with her, well daddy maybe, cause mom was so gonna kick her ass when she found out when and where she was.
She realized that she was almost there, more than half-way, keeping her mind occupied with thoughts of family was helping to keep her mind off of where she was, keeping the fear of stumbling upon unwanted people at the back of her mind. Ok, she was just about there, not much further to go now, just have to keep her thoughts under control, that’s all. Oh, why…why… why hadn’t she remembered to bring her grounded cache of daily essentials? She’d give a nog’s balop to have her MiMi with her, she was never without it. Wait a sec, what was she thinking about, again? Singing, that’s what she was gonna do, singing one of her favorite songs would help her through all of this, and have the added bonus of keeping her mind on home, and what she had to accomplish here. It had always brought images of Spike and the Slayer to mind when she heard it, it seemed to, to fit them.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel.
I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you I suppose
Cuz the wounds never heal.
But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me then I could
Learn to feel.
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.
But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me then I could
Learn to feel.
When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.
But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me then I could
Learn how to feel and we could
Stay here together and we could
Conquer the world if we could
Say that forever is more than just
A word.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel.
She came to the door to Spike’s Crypt just as the song came to an end, perfect timing. Moving thru the doorway carefully, making sure not to jostle Spike anymore than she had to, she moved across the room reaching the trap-door, climbing the ladder rungs slowly, finally coming into the space that Spike used as a bedroom. She lay him down as easily as she could manage, thankful once more that he was unconscious as she gently eased him out of his duster.
Surprised that he didn’t even move, not even when she rearranged his arms while working the duster out from underneath him. Making sure that he was as comfortable as she could make him she quickly climbed the ladder, looking for his stash of blood and booze, as both would be needed in large quantities. What she wouldn’t give for a functioning kitchen, wishing for a cleaner mug than the one before her, then remembering that Vampires didn’t care or have to worry about germs. She opened two of the blood packets, pouring them into the mug, whispering the spell she knew by heart to heat the liquid to the perfect temperature. Stopping for a second to listen, she thinks she hears him moving, or trying to move, grabbing the bottle of scotch and the mug of blood, heading back downstairs.
Turning to face the bed, seeing what she’s been terrified of, a furious Spike. It’s plain that he does not want her helping him or anywhere near him for that matter. Hoping to appease him, she hurries over with the Holding mug of blood out in front of her, knowing how fast he healed depended on how much he drank.
“Here, Spike. Drink this, it’s good and warm and you need it.”
“Warm? How the hell did you get it warm? Has been making due with room-temp blood, knows there’s nothing up there that could be used to warm it up. You a witch? Have to be, don’ you? No magic in my place, you hear? I don’ like it, don’ want it used on me, it jus’ buggers everythin’ up, has bad consequences it does.”
“Geez Spike, it was just a little spell. No bad consequences come with it, I know what I’m doing, not five you know! Besides, you need it, so just shut up and drink it!”
“Jus’ how the buggerin’ hell am I suppose to know anything? You won’ tell me anything! Don’t know who you are, where you came from, or what the bloody hell you want! Showed up in my life a few hours ago and think you can just boss me around like you know me, well listen here, jus’ cause you know who and what I am does not mean you know me, not gonna let you order me around, vamp here, yeah! Five more minutes with you and I’ll be draining you dry. So go then, cross me.”
“You drain me? You can’t hurt me, Sir-Chips-Alot! Oh, yeah, I know all about that, know all about that chip crammed in your noggin, even if you weren’t beat half-to-death and unable to even attempt to swing at me, you can’t and you won’t either. How about calming down for a sec here, ok? And drink that already, will ya? I wasn’t kidding about you needing it, knows that you haven’t been drinking any with any regularity, been too busy trying to convince that blonde bitch that you’re not what you are. Yeah, I can tell that too, wouldn’t even need to know half of what I do to know that you haven’t been drinking nearly enough or often enough. You have questions, fine, I have answers. So drink already, we can have us a nice talk, and while we talk I’ll keep your mug full of blood, or scotch, or whatever you want, k?”
“Fuck if you’re not the meanest bint I’ve run across in an age. An you shut your gob about Buffy, you don’ get to call her that, no one does, you don’ know her or nothin’ about her so jus’ shut the hell up about her! I don’ try to be anything but what I am, never have, everyone knows I’m a Vamp, never claimed to be anything but. You wanna keep in me in warm blood for the next few hours, fine by me, but don’ expect nothin’ else, you hear me!?!”
Trying but failing miserably to keep the grin off of her face, she was pleased when he downed the mug in one long gulp, his eyes closed, a look of joy on his face. Softly chuckling when he gave her a dirty look as he held the mug out towards her.
“More?”
“Yeah, want more.”
“Want it warm? Or are you gonna bitch about it?”
“Yes, damnit, I want it warm. Not gonna bitch about warm blood.”
“Good, cause I always get my way, quicker you learn that the better off we’ll be.”
“God-damn bossy bint!”
She let the howls of laughter loose as she went back up the ladder, stopping long enough to say the spell then making her way back down. Only to end up laughing all the harder after spying the look on his face. She knew that if he could he’d be ripping her heart from her chest right about now. She’d never seen a face have that much contempt displayed on it, not even being black and blue made much of a difference.
“Are we mad? Keep it up and I’ll start calling you Count Grouchy. All you’re doing is wasting good energy that you should use to heal instead of giving me dirty looks. Trust me; they will not faze me, I’ve learned from the best there is, grouchiest man on this planet. So just drink up and I’ll get you more, or if you want booze I’ll get you a clean mug.”
“Fine…jus’…bloody fine! I don’ need no damn clean mug, can drink straight from the bottle, I'm no pansy! What’d you bring down here, doesn’ matter, just hand here cause I know this is the last of the blood and if I’m gonna have to talk to you then I’m gonna need to be cracked to do it!”
“Scotch? Um…Glen… oh, where did the letters go? Yeah Glenlivet…Glenlivet Scotch 1962…yup, that’s the name of it. And you’re wrong, there is more blood, so whenever you want or need it, just let me know.”
“Glenlivet? Where the bloody hell you get that? Know that wasn’t in my crypt before you showed up.”
“It was too here, I just grabbed one of the bottles that was the fullest. If you don’t even know what you’ve got, then it sounds to me like you imbibe too much.”
“Wha? I do not drink too much, Vamp here, high tolerance. God, your annoyin’! Jus’ gimmie the damn bottle!”
“Temper…temper. Ok…ok, I’ll stop teasin’. Sheesh! Forgot how sensitive you are.”
“I’m…”
“Sorry! Truce? K?”
“Whatever. You gonna answer my questions now or what?”
“Sure, fire away. I’ll tell you what I can.”
“What you can? Not whatever I ask?”
“Nope, sorry. Can’t go telling you everything, but no worries, I’ll be telling you far more than you really wanna know.”
“Don’ like the sound of that.”
“Then don’t ask.”
“Bloody Hell! Fine! Let’s start out simple here, yeah. Got a name?”
“Everyone’s got a name Spike! Mine’s Torch.”
“What bubble-headed parent named you Torch?”
“Ha…ha…ha. Very funny. It’s not my real name, but it’s what I’ve been called my whole life. Family and friends have this weird thing about giving everyone they care about these ‘nicknames’, and well, that’s been mine.”
“Why Torch? Don’ see anything about you that screams red, hot, or fire to me.”
“It’s cause my eyes. I was told that when I was born they were described as ‘torch flame blue’, or something close to that anyways. And what can I say? I’ve been Torch ever since.”
“Hmm…yeah, I see that now. Bloody good call, whoever made it.”
“Thanks. Next question?”
“Actual name?”
“No.”
“Wha? No?”
“You heard me, no. And not; no, I don’t have one, just no, I’m not saying. Not yet. And don’t start on me either; you do the same thing, William.”
“Fine. Bloody hell, you’re a pain!”
“Thank you.”
“Wasn’t a compliment, pet.”
“Coming from you it was. Now, next question?”
“What was that song you was singin’? I’ve never heard it before, and I know about good music, and it was good music.”
“Everything Changes.”
“Yeah, tends to happen’.”
“That’s the name of the song, you goof. Everything Changes. By the band Staind. It’s an older band, won’t be surprised if you’ve never heard of them, not exactly the kind of music that gets played at the Bronze.”
“Well, I haven’t, and I am older, pet. But, whatever you say. You sure there’s more blood up there?”
“Yup. Need some?”
“Yeah.”
“Be right back, then.”
Spike took a moment to really look at her. Who the bloody hell was she? Everything about her was familiar to him, the way she looked, spoke, and moved. How the hell did he not know who she was? He’d play her 20 questions, for now. As long as she was bringing him warm blood and good scotch, and plenty of it, he’d let a few things slide.
“Here, drink it before it goes cold.”
“Cheers, pet. How old are you, pet?”
“19.”
“That young? Damn, gotta say, you do look older.”
“Yeah, whatever, next question?”
“For someone that said she’d give me answers, you sure don’ seem to want to talk about yourself.”
“Listen, I’ll answer your questions, but there’s just some things I can’t answer, yet. What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing because I can tell by the look on your face that it’s ‘not nothing’. So just save yourself the time and tell me, how much pain are you really in?”
“Enough. Happy now?”
“No, stupid Vampire! Here, take these, but just take two. Trust me, you’ll feel better.”
Spike looked at the bottle Torch was holding out to him, wondering where she’d kept it in that next-to-nothing skirt she was wearing. Must’ve conjured them, he decided. Taking them and shaking a couple into his hand, he stopped. They looked like nothing he’d ever seen before; they were tiny, round and blue, and they shimmered. Had to be magical, and he hated magic, but she hadn’t lead him wrong yet. He took the two that were in his hand, not expecting them to really do anything, nothing that tiny could.
“Mind tellin’ me what I just took, pet?”
“Varnius. Nothing magical, I know what you’re thinking, just ordinary pain killers. Strong, but ordinary.”
“Good to know. How strong?”
“Starting to feel ‘em, huh?”
“Oh yeah. Felt like this back when I drank from that flower-person at Woodstock.”
“That weird?”
“Oh, yeah. Ok, what gives? Thought you said these were just ordinary pain killers.”
“They are.”
“An why do I not believe that?”
“Oh, alright. They really are pain killers. Varnius is the newest in our line of Supernatural Medications. We start out with the simple formula for the drug, then amp it up several hundred times, and Voilà! Strong pain killers for our friends with, ya know, the whole lacking a heartbeat thing. Hey! I explained it, why are you looking at me like that? Honestly, I’m telling the truth here!”
“Are you tellin’ me that you make narcotics, which are made for humans, and mess with ‘em till you’ve made ‘em strong enough for Vamps?”
“Well, yeah. But we just don’t manufacture only narcotics, we make all kinds of different medications and not just for Vampires either; we don’t believe in Demon Discrimination so we provide for all of the Demon Species.”
“Uh huh, sure you do. Don’ mind me, I’m jus' gonna pass out now.”
And that’s exactly what Spike did. He passed out cold leaving Torch to sit there and watch him snore. And wonder how exactly Vampires even snored, or passed out for that matter. Oh well. Torch shrugged her shoulders, happily going along with whatever she was presented with; after all, her parents had always told her that she had the most agreeable personality.
Torch walked over and placed a throw over the sleeping Vampire, content to just let him sleep. The evidence of just how badly he needed the rest was evident on his face and body; knowing that when the Varnius wore off and he was awake, the rapid-fire questions that were sure to come her way would make her long for this short reprieve of peace and quiet.
Those were two things that she knew that she would not see again for a long time, not when Spike was going to wake up, not only fully rested, but completely healed as well, then the demand for answers were going to hit her head on.
Sparing one last glance at the Vampire she’d heard so much about during her life, she cleared a small space for herself in the middle of the floor, drew all of her energy to her, and readied herself for Dhyārana.
Within a few moments Torch was lost to herself, deep within Dhyāna, knowing only that she existed and was at peace with herself and nature.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Author’s Notes: Story is set in Season 6, at the end of the “Dead Things” Episode, and there will be usage of the dialogue from it, but just a little. After that, well then it’s really gonna take a huge dive off the tracks, but totally in a good way. Cause how many of us wanted to change how that scene ended? Am I the only one, then? Didn’t think so. Oh, and Story Title & Chapter Title(s) are named after songs by Staind. What can I say; this is what I was listening to when the Story idea hit me, and I’m just drawn to the Story Name, can’t help myself, I’ve tried. Ok, and away we go….
Chapter End Notes:
Endnotes: Explanations – Dhyāna Yoga is the yoga of Meditation. The stage of Meditation preceding the preceding Dhyāna is called Dhyārana .In Dhyāna, the meditator is not conscious of the act of meditation (i.e. is not aware that s/he is meditating) but is only aware that s/he exists (consciousness of being), and aware of the object of meditation. MiMi is the acronym I’ve made up for her music player, Microscopic Instantaneous Musical Instrument. Varnius, the name for the Vampire Strength Replenishing Narcotic/Restorative-Rest Inducing Sedative Agent, I so totally made up. And a Nog’s Balop, well it’s a Witchy term, kinda like a bat’s wing, and yeah I just grabbed that out of thin air.