“Thanks for coming along, Fred.” Buffy picked up a green, silky halterneck top, staring at it critically before putting it back on the hanger. Her eyes moved to a red, spaghetti strap dress with a deep V-shape neckline and she rushed over to get a closer look. “Oh, wow! Look at this!”
Walking up behind her, Fred reached out and ran her hand over the soft fabric. The two women had spent the last two hours at the shopping mall, and so far, Buffy had politely but firmly rejected every single one of Fred’s helpful suggestions of what to buy for tonight. “It’s beautiful, Buffy. Spike will love it.”
Finally tearing her eyes away from the dress, Buffy glanced at the other woman hopefully, blushing slightly. “You think so?”
“Are you kidding?” Fred stared at her in disbelief. “Buffy, anyone who has eyes can see that Spike’s totally crazy about you. But seriously, I don’t think it really matters what you put on, you know?”
“Yeah.” Buffy nodded in agreement, rolling her eyes. “He’ll just end up tearing it off, anyway.” Seeing the shocked look on Fred’s face, her cheeks turned bright red. “But clearly that’s not what you meant and now I kinda feel like a slut.”
“No.” Fred let out a nervous laugh. “Buffy, don’t take this the wrong way. If you like the dress, then I say go for it. It’ll look great on you. But if you ask me, you should-“
“You’re absolutely right.” Buffy cut her off, her eyes darting around the store. “What I really need is a new set of lingerie. Something sexy. Something that screams...” Her voice trailed off as she noticed Fred’s somewhat amused expression. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just...” Fred hesitated, giving her a soft smile. “Sweetie, I know you want everything to be perfect tonight. But don’t you see? You don’t have to buy new clothes and lingerie to impress Spike. He loves you just the way you are. I’m pretty sure you could show up all covered in mud with a brown paper bag over your head, and he would still think you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.”
Letting out a deep sigh, Buffy stepped away from the expensive dress and turned around to face Fred. “I know that. I’m not trying to impress him. That’s not what this is about.”
“Oh.” Fred seemed a little confused. “Then why...?”
“Look...” Buffy hesitated for a moment. “I know you think this whole thing with me and Spike’s all sweet and romantic. Lost lovers, finally finding their way back together. Right?”
“Sure.” Fred nodded, although suddenly appearing to be a little uncertain. “I’m not sure I follow.”
“There’s a lot of things you don’t know, Fred. About me and Spike, and our past.” Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth, contemplating on how much she should reveal. “Look, the thing is, we’ve both made a lot of mistakes. We’ve both treated each other horribly.”
“I understand, Buffy. I really do.” Fred put her hand on Buffy’s arm. “But things are different, now. I mean, God, Spike went and got his soul back for you. That has to be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard!” She got a dreamy expression on her face.
Quickly casting a look over her shoulder to make sure no one else was listening, Buffy looked Fred straight in the eyes, her expression suddenly dead serious. “You’re right. He did that because he almost did something really bad. To make sure he would never hurt me in any way again.”
Fred opened her mouth, but Buffy wasn’t finished. “You think you understand, Fred, but you don’t. How could you?” She paused. “Yes, Spike did that for me. Because he hurt me. But you know what? I hurt him, too.”
“Okay.” Fred was quiet for a moment. “Buffy, I’m sure Spike doesn’t think-“
“Spike hurt me, and then he got his soul back for me,” Buffy repeated, slowly, like she was talking to a small child. “I hurt him, and I haven’t even told him I’m sorry.”
~ ~ ~
Although the smell of demon blood and decomposing body parts was thick in the air, Spike was still not prepared for the sight that met him as he stopped in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs, looking into the small room. The walls and the floor were almost completely covered with blood in different colors. He spotted demon entrails and a small pile of some unidentified yellow substance in the middle of the room. And over by the far wall...
Eyes widening in surprise and disbelief, Spike forgot to be on his guard and stepped into the room. The female vampire was facing away from him, curled up on her side in a fetal position. She wasn’t moving, and she made no sign of hearing him approaching her. He stopped a few feet away, hesitating for a moment before dropping to his knees next to her. “Harmony?”
She immediately tensed up, but didn’t move right away. It took almost a minute before she slowly turned her head in his direction, blinking a couple of times as if she had a hard time to get her eyes to focus on him. Then her cracked lips parted, although no sound came out at first. Finally she managed to croak, weakly, “S-Spike?”
As Spike’s eyes ran over Harmony’s body, he realized she was in a really bad shape. Judging by the pale, almost grey color of her skin, she had been drained nearly dry. Her clothes had been torn to shreds and he could see large cakes of dried blood tangled in her blonde hair. She also had several nasty looking burn marks on her cheeks and forehead. And her arms and legs were badly bruised.
Not quite sure what to do at first, he reached out and awkwardly patted her arm. “Yeah, ‘s me. It’ll be okay. Just...” His voice trailed off as he threw an alarmed look over his shoulder and watched the large stone door closing silently, as if moved by an invisible hand. Quickly jumping to his feet, he rushed across the room, but it was too late.
Throwing himself against the heavy door a couple of times, Spike vamped out and let out a furious roar when it wouldn’t budge. There was no handle on this side and he cursed himself for not noticing sooner. Closing his eyes and silently counting to ten, he then took a step back, contemplating his options. Unfortunately, there were none.
“Oh, God...” Harmony struggled to sit up, her eyes wide with fear. She seemed a little less dazed, although she was clearly still very weak. “Spike, you have to get me out of here! Hurry, before he comes back!”
Spike spun around, quickly made his way over to her and crouched down so they were on the same level. “What the bloody hell are you talking about? Before who comes back? Rowan? He the one who did this to you?”
“No!” Harmony shook her head, grabbing Spike’s arm to keep him from moving away. “It’s not Rowan. It’s...” She hesitated. “It’s someone else. I think...” Her eyes met his and she swallowed, her voice trembling as she continued. “Spike, I think Rowan’s dead.”
~ ~ ~
Fred was quiet for a moment, allowing the meaning of Buffy’s words to sink in. Finally she spoke up. “Buffy, it’s okay. I mean, nobody’s perfect. You just said so yourself – you have both made mistakes. I know Spike doesn’t blame you for any of this.”
“You can’t possibly know that,” Buffy protested. “How could he not blame me? God, he should be hating me!”
“I see.” Fred nodded slowly in understanding. “And do you hate him?”
Buffy’s mouth opened, and then closed again. Lowering her eyes, she finally mumbled, “No.”
“Because you love him.” It wasn’t a question.
Sighing, Buffy reluctantly raised her head, her eyes meeting Fred’s. “Yes.”
“So, what makes Spike so different from you?” Fred crossed her arms over her chest, watching Buffy expectantly. “You can forgive him, but he can’t forgive you?”
“When you put it like that...” Buffy bit her lip, a thoughtful look on her face. Then she threw her arms up in frustration. “But you’re missing the whole point, Fred. Sure, Spike may have forgiven me a long time ago. Maybe you’re right; maybe he doesn’t blame me. But that doesn’t mean...” She stopped, not sure how to explain.
Fred remained silent, obviously waiting for her to go on. Buffy let out a sigh. “Fred, I have to make sure everything will be absolutely perfect tonight. I can’t afford to screw this up. I need to make Spike realize how much effort I’m putting into this dinner. Make him see how serious I am about this. And then when I...” She looked away.
The brunette raised her eyebrows, giving Buffy a questioning look. “And then when you... what?”
Stubbornly blinking away the tears threatening to fall, Buffy whispered, “When I tell him this time, then maybe he’ll actually believe me.”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Betad by Mabel Marsters. Thank you! :)