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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'd like to say thank you so much to IamGhost, cordykitten, JO, Amaya, Kirsty, guest and a mysterious (lol) nameless reviewer for commenting on the last chapter. :) Thanks also to Mabel Marsters for betaing!
Spike was silent for so long, Buffy started to think he had fallen asleep again. When he finally spoke up, his voice was unsteady, doubtful. “Why?”

“Why?” She stared at him in disbelief, of course, he still couldn’t see her. “Isn’t it obvious? Because you need it. Because I want to help you get better. Because...” She was too embarrassed to admit that the idea of him willingly drinking Angel’s blood and refusing hers filled her with an irrational feeling of jealousy.

The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became. It wasn’t the first time she had been in a situation like this. But this time, she had no doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. The thought of Spike drinking from her didn’t scare her at all. And why should it? Even Angel had confirmed that Spike would never hurt her.

The truth was, deep down, Buffy feared that Spike still didn’t dare to fully believe that her feelings for him were real. Not that she could really blame him, with all the mixed signals she kept sending out, but the idea of him once again rejecting her declaration of love was almost more than she could handle. If she could just get him to accept this gift, maybe then he would realize how serious she was.

Of course, she couldn’t quite bring herself to think of it as a gift. To her, it just felt completely natural. Spike needed her blood to heal, so she would give it to him. She had done the same thing for Angel once. The only difference was that she didn’t have a choice back then. Angel had been dying, and her blood the only thing that could save him.

Spike would survive without her blood. He would heal eventually, even though it would take much longer. She did have a choice this time. And she had already made her decision, not that it had been a hard one to make. If anything, the thought was filling her with excitement. Maybe it was a gift after all; the best thing she could give him. The ultimate proof of her love and trust.

And Spike wanted to know why. She had so many obvious reasons, her first instinct had been to start ticking them off one by one, desperate to make him understand. But in the end, there was only one that mattered. And it was so simple. She squeezed his hand, putting as much emotions in her words as she could possibly muster, “Because I love you.”


~ ~ ~


“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Angel looked skeptical. After leaving Buffy and Spike, he and a somewhat reluctant Rowan had returned to his office where Gunn and Wesley had been waiting for them.

Gunn nodded in confirmation. “Positive. That’s the only way this Morou can be killed.”

Angel let out a sigh, casting a glance at Rowan who had slumped down on a chair across the room with a blank expression on his face. “So, basically you’re saying that Rowan will have to fight this creature by himself.” The tone of his voice clearly indicated that he didn’t have much faith in the success of that plan.

“According to the cat, yeah.” Gunn grimaced. “There’s no way around it. Morou has to be destroyed by his servant.” He glanced at Rowan.

Wesley cleared his throat. “Perhaps some spell-“

Gunn interrupted him, giving Wesley an apologetic look. “I wouldn’t count on it. Magic would be too easy. The Senior Partners aren’t stupid.”

“No, they’re not,” Angel agreed, sighing again. For a moment, he considered getting hold of Eve like he had originally planned, demanding to speak to the Senior Partners by himself. Then again, he doubted it would do much good in this situation.

“Research, then,” Wesley suggested, not about to give up. “Even if there’s no mention of Morou in the database, there has to be some information in the source books. I’ll get started right away.”

Angel didn’t look convinced, but nodded anyway. “It’s worth a try. All right. The rest of us should-“

The vampire was cut off as Rowan suddenly jumped up from the chair with a gasp of surprise. At first the blond man just stood completely still in the middle of the room, the confusion evident on his face. Then his expression turned into alarm, and he pressed his fingers against his temples. “Not again,” he mumbled as realization started to hit him.

“What’s wrong?” Angel wanted to know.

Rowan swallowed hard. “It’s Morou. He-” A sharp wave of pain kept him from continuing and he squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a groan. He clenched his fists, struggling against the panic threatening to well up inside him. Finally the pain eased a little, although he had to take a couple of deep breaths before he was able to speak again. “He’s calling for me. I have to go back there.”


~ ~ ~


Buffy felt how Spike tensed up at her words, his entire body became completely still, and his reaction was starting to make her more than a little nervous. “Spike? Say something, I’m kinda freaking out here.”

Spike took a deep, unneeded breath. “Oh, sorry.” But then he fell silent again. Naturally, he missed how she rolled her eyes. Having been holding his hand the whole time, she now let go, and Spike suddenly realized he could feel the hurt and fear rolling off her in waves. That, and the sudden loss of contact, finally snapped him out of it and he reached for her again. “Don’t go,” he mumbled.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered. He could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest. When she continued, her voice was trembling, “Please, don’t tell me what you told me down in the Hellmouth.”

He tilted his head to the side, hating the fact that he couldn’t see her. “What?”

Buffy swallowed. “That I don’t love you.”

“Oh.” He held on to her as hard as he could, suddenly terrified of saying something that would make her pull away again. “You love me?” he finally asked in a husky voice.

“Uh-huh.” She inhaled shakily. “I’m sorry.”

It took a moment before Spike realized how hard he was suddenly squeezing her hand, and managed to loosen his grip a bit. “Sorry?” he croaked in disbelief. “’Bout lovin’ me?”

“What? No! God, are you kidding?” Buffy sounded so genuinely shocked that he relaxed a little. “I’m sorry about not telling you sooner. Because...” she hesitated, “I’ve known for a while now.”

“How long?” The words were out of his mouth before he realized he had spoken. Spike suddenly felt like his head was spinning; a feeling he had come to be quite familiar with over the last couple of days. Only this time, the feeling had nothing to do with blood loss.

“Since you asked me out on a date outside Angel’s office.” Buffy frowned. “Or maybe even before that. I can’t remember. Feels like I’ve been in love with you forever.” She bit her lip. “I was afraid I’d never get to tell you.”

Spike was quiet for a moment, letting the meaning of Buffy’s words sink in. A part of him couldn’t believe this was really happening. Maybe it wasn’t real; maybe he was just dreaming, and any moment now, he would wake up on the cold, hard floor down in that basement. The thought made him shudder.

“What’s wrong?” She sounded both concerned and nervous.

He shook his head, pushing the disturbing thought to the back of his mind. “Nothing.” He swallowed. “What does this mean, then?” As Buffy shifted on the bed, he froze, wondering if she was leaving after all, and then he realized she was simply curling up next to him.

“Whatever you want it to mean,” she murmured. “Everything. I wish you could just see my face. You’d believe me then.” She sighed, carefully putting her head down to rest on his shoulder.

Spike slowly rolled over so he was lying on his side, trying not to grimace as the movement caused his broken ribs to protest. Ignoring the sharp pain the best he could, he reached out a shaky hand towards her face, gently cupping her cheek. “I believe you, luv.”

“Really?” There was a hint of uncertainty in Buffy’s voice. When he just nodded, she let out the breath she had been holding, almost sobbing with relief. A part of her couldn’t help but fear that he would just tell her what he must know she wanted to hear, but she wouldn’t allow herself to think like that. She had to believe he meant it.

She leaned in to kiss him softly, almost hesitantly, on the lips before reluctantly pulling back. “I missed you so much,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

He wanted to tell her he had missed her, too, but was afraid he would start blubbering like a nancy-boy, should he so much as open his mouth. Instead he ran his trembling fingers down Buffy’s cheek, only to stop when he felt the wetness of her tears. “Don’t cry,” he pleaded. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being miserable because of him.

“I’m okay,” she mumbled, sniffling a little. “You’re here now. Please don’t leave me again.”

“I won’t,” he breathed, slipping his arm around her. Maybe he was dreaming, but if that was the case, he never wanted to wake up. However, the pain in his hand and his ribs told him that he had to be awake after all. Besides, the exhaustion was starting to overwhelm him again, which wouldn’t make much sense if he was already asleep. He failed to suppress a yawn.

Realizing how tired he had to be, Buffy ran her fingers gently through his hair. “Spike? Would you do something for me before going back to sleep?”

“What?” He sounded a little suspicious.

She took a deep breath. “Drink from me?” When he didn’t answer, she went on, quickly, “Please, Spike, I know what I’m doing. I trust you with my life and I know you’d never hurt me. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it. I know you want to.” She paused, suddenly self-conscious. “You do want to, don’t you?”

“Are you daft? Course I do,” he exclaimed, incredulously. “But-“

“I’m not afraid of the pain.” Her voice had taken a serious note. “But if you don’t want to bite me, there are other ways. Please, let me do this for you.” He was silent for almost a minute, and Buffy figured he was trying to come up with a way to refuse without upsetting her too much. So his next words came as a total shock.

“All right.”


TBC





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