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Author's Chapter Notes:
Betad by Mabel Marsters. Thank you! Also thanks to PhotographyNut, cordykitten, IamGhost, JO and TammyAsh666 for reviewing the last chapter!
”Buffy...” Reluctantly pulling back a little, Spike could feel how she immediately tensed up in his arms. He hesitated, not sure what to do next. Not only had Buffy agreed to come back here to his apartment, but she was also sitting on his couch, willingly returning his kiss. And judging by the way she had gently been tugging at the edge of his shirt, she wanted more.

He wanted to ask her if she knew what she was doing, if she was sure about this, but no words came out. All of a sudden, talking seemed like a very bad idea, mostly because he was certain that whatever he would be able to come up with would ruin the moment.

Suddenly he was convinced that any moment now, she would come to her senses and run away, so he tightened his arms around her in a desperate attempt to prevent her from leaving. But to his great relief, he felt her relax again, melting into his embrace with a contented sigh.

She put her head down on his shoulder and he started stroking her hair, mostly to keep his hands busy. Truth to be told, he wanted nothing more than to just scoop her up in his arms, carry her over to the ridiculously small bed and shag her silly. And he had a feeling Buffy wouldn’t object.

Yet he remained where he was, repeatedly running his trembling hand over her soft, golden hair. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was terrified. Terrified of making the wrong move; one that would most likely drive her away for good. She was so close now, finally within his reach, and he had no idea what to do about it.

“Please, Spike...” She lifted her head from his shoulder, looking right into his eyes. And he was lost. There was no way he could ever deny Buffy anything when she was looking at him like that. Certain that his voice would fail him if he tried to speak, he simply responded by kissing her again.

Buffy’s lips parted slightly, allowing their tongues to meet. She was a little surprised by the pleading note in her voice, but she had noticed Spike’s sudden hesitation and it scared her. Didn’t he want her anymore? Deep down, she knew that was not the case. Spike still loved her; he had said so himself a minute ago. But clearly, something was bothering him.

She wanted to ask him what it was, but then again, she had a feeling she already knew. Everything had happened so quickly; he probably feared that she would end up regretting it later, should they take things to the next level. It wouldn’t be the first time. Determined to prove him wrong, she shifted her position a little, her lips never losing contact with his as they fell back on the couch, him on top of her.

When Spike pulled back again, she nearly screamed in frustration, until she realized he had started unbuttoning her pants. He kept his eyes on her face the whole time, as if to make sure she was really okay with his actions. She found it touching, but at the same time a little amusing, seeing how she was the one ready to jump his bones.

Somewhere at the back of her mind, a little voice was telling her it might be better to wait. But she didn’t want to listen. Hell, hadn’t they both waited long enough? She knew exactly what she wanted, and she wasn’t going to let another second go to waste. Struggling with the button of his jeans, she finally managed to get them off.

Spike kicked his jeans to the side with an impatient grunt. At last he seemed to comprehend the fact that she wasn’t going to run – nor kick him in the head – when it was over, he clearly couldn’t wait to be with her. She let out a gasp as his hard cock easily slid inside her, mimicking his movements as he started thrusting up and down.

“Oh, God!” Buffy closed her eyes, unable to hold back a whimper as she felt him moving inside her.

“Gonna make you come, luv,” Spike whispered huskily into her ear, letting the tip of his tongue trace her collarbone in a way that caused her to shiver with pleasure.

It hit Buffy how well they fitted together, him filling her up completely. Somehow, it felt to her like the first time all over again. And at the same time, there was something almost achingly familiar about the sensation of Spike’s body pressed against hers. God, how she had missed this. How she had missed him.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, not caring how needy or desperate it made her sound. Her fingers were digging into his shoulders as she tried to pull him even closer, her nails scratching his skin hard enough to draw blood, although neither of them noticed.

He didn’t respond, instead just kept slamming into her over and over again while letting his mouth explore and devour every single inch of her upper body. Running his tongue over one of her stiff nipples, he felt her shudder beneath him.

“Spike...” She breathed his name, like a wish or possibly a prayer. Reaching for the back of his neck, she pulled him in for a deep kiss, only to pull back with a soft moan and she threw her head back against the cushion as she was hit by wave after wave of pure pleasure.

Afterwords, for a couple of minutes, neither of them spoke. Although he had eased himself out, Spike was still lying on top of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. Buffy pressed her cheek against his head, her fingers running slowly through his bleached blond curls. She was panting hard, feeling like her entire body had been completely drained of energy.

After a time Spike raised his head a little, watching her closely. “You okay, pet?”

She couldn’t help it; she burst out laughing. “Oh, God, are you serious?”

He chuckled, a little embarrassed. “Yeah, well, you’re being awfully quiet. Was afraid I broke you.”

A soft giggle escaped her. “Nope. Not broken.” She was silent for a moment before adding, “Happy.”

“Yeah?” He didn’t even try to hide the hopeful note in his voice. When she nodded, he grinned. “Makes two of us, then.”

Buffy gave him a somewhat sleepy smile before pouting a little. “Tired, though. Feel like I could sleep for a week.”

“Wore you out, did I?” He sounded proud, and not the least bit regretful. When she rolled her eyes and playfully swatted his arm, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “You sleep for a while, luv. ‘M a bit knackered, myself.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy asked, failing to suppress a yawn. When he nodded, she closed her eyes, her arms immediately slipping around him as if to keep him from going anywhere. A moment later, she was deep asleep.

Although he was tired as well, Spike wouldn’t allow himself to fall asleep. Instead he just lay there, watching Buffy’s face as she slept next to him. She looked more peaceful than he could ever remember seeing her before. “I love you,” he whispered, although he knew she wouldn’t be able to hear him.

Deep down, there was still a small part of him that couldn’t help but fear the worst. That was one of the reasons why he wouldn’t let himself go to sleep, half expecting Buffy to be gone when he woke up. Because good things like this didn’t just happen to him. He may have gotten the girl, but he didn’t dare hope he would get to keep her.

Of course, he didn’t find the idea of voicing his fears to Buffy very appealing. The last thing he wanted was to come out as some self-conscious nancy-boy. Sadly, along with the soul came the painful realization that he could never be truly worthy of her. Even though he had been fighting on the side of good for years now, he was still a vampire who had done horrible things in the past. It was just easy to forget, sometimes.

Buffy mumbled something in her sleep, stirring a little beside him. Without thinking, he reached out his hand towards her face, softly caressing her cheek with his thumb. He may not deserve her, but he loved her, from the bottom of his un-beating heart. And she had feelings for him. She had told him that she never wanted to be apart from him again. But did that mean she could love him?

Spike didn’t know what to think. He realized he and Buffy still had a lot of talking to do. Maybe it was finally time to clear the air between them, once and for all and hope for the best. It would have to wait until morning, though. With any luck, she would still be there by then.


TBC


Chapter End Notes:
Some of you know how much I hate writing sex scenes, basically because it's next to impossible to do something new. Hope this didn't suck too badly. ;)



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