Wilson’s Mountain Diner – A Soap Opera by LoobyLoo NC17 eventually
Regular Cast
Buffy Wilson - Elizabeth ‘Buffy’ Summers
Abe Hogg – Angel Angelson
Xandy Wilson - Alexander Harris
Mrs Keogh - Janette Bonda
Susie Keogh – Harmony Kendall
Red – Willow Rosenberg
Charity – Faith Benson
Officer Jones – Riley Finn
Timmy – Billy ‘Ford’ Fordham
Dr Ryan - Maggie Walsh
‘Handy Andy’ – Parker Abrams
Isaac the delivery guy – Robin Wood
Mayor Henry- Richard Wilkins
Crew
Andrew Wells – make-up/costume
Jonathan Levinson – Key grip
Assistant Producer/Director Warren Meers
Charles Gunn – Best Boy
Written by Quentin Travers
Additional material by Cassie Newton
Executive Producer Quentin Travers
Chief Director Quentin Travers
Chapter 1 – The beginning of the end?
Elizabeth Summers pulled her Cherokee jeep into her allotted parking space and got out. She was at Blackmore Broadcasting Productions home of three major soaps, endless kid’s programmes, an Art show, two political debating shows, numerous cookery and game shows, and a chat show. Buffy was star of the afternoon soap, ‘Wilson’s Mountain Diner’ a soap opera that had been running for over thirty years. Quite a few famous actors and actresses had ‘cut their teeth’ on the show, before moving off to bigger and better things. Every so often they would get a famous name in to boost flagging ratings – it was the kind of show everybody took the piss out of, from the almost mournful strains of the trumpet and piano ‘Da- dee-dee dum diddly do’ theme tune, to the well know catch-phrases of certain characters, to Mrs Keogh the cook’s mixture of home-spun logic and old adages. But still it had a loyal following, but it was dwindling.
She’d been in this soap so long now that everybody called her Buffy in real life. In fact, Buffy had been on the show before she was born! Her real life mother Joyce Summers had played Ma Wilson and when she became pregnant for real, they just wrote it into the script. When Joyce died, they wrote that into the script too, and had Buffy take over her mother’s role in the diner. But the problem was, the format was stale, old and tired. All the usual subjects had been covered – some twice or three times over. Sudden fatal illnesses, divorce, bigamous marriages, runaways, drug abuse, teen pregnancy, lawlessness (of every conceivable kind, from car theft to arson, fraud to murder), alcoholism, homosexuality, racism, homelessness, learning difficulties…the kind of show where good always triumphed over bad, honesty and the lawful always got justice, the sun always shined and everybody went to church on Sunday’s – and the show needed dragging kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century……………………
Buffy had been called into a ‘crisis’ meeting with the others members of the cast due to low rating figures and more budget cuts – except she knew that this time, it WAS serious. Quentin Travers was retiring as the show’s head writer/executive producer/director, and new blood was to be bought in.
………Buffy helped herself to coffee and sat next to Willow. Willow’s knee was bouncing up and down, as she stared off into space.
“…Will………Willow!”
“Hmm – what, uh, oh sorry!”
“I said, you’re not nervous are you, we’ve been here before, loads of times, your part’s safe – I’m sure of it!” Buffy said, and then she sipped her coffee.
“Different this time, I can feel it” Willow said nervously running her palms along her thighs.
“Well, is that a bad thing – I mean come on, the storylines - I can’t believe Trav made the plot of Abe’s truck having a puncture last the whole week!”
“Don’t forget young Timmy’s exam results!” Willow added with a grin
“Oh yes, and Xandy needing new shoes…I was thinking - as I said to my agent, I said there MUST be something else out there that I-“
“Shh, he’s here!” Willow rudely cut Buffy short and looked eyes front.
Quentin Travers had walked into the room with Cassie Newton the script writer of the show. She sat down. Everybody stopped talking and Quentin looked up and gave a little rueful smile.
A quietly spoken man, he put down a folder full of envelopes onto a table in front of him, and cleared his throat.
“First, I want to thank you all for coming here today an hour earlier than scheduled, I appreciate it” A murmur went around the room and people smiled and nodded.
“As you know, I am retiring in three weeks time, I shall say no more about that now as I don’t want to ruin my retirement party speech!”
Everybody again nodded and smiled, Quentin continued
“Obviously there are going to be changes. Please don’t take these decisions personally, they are no reflect on your character or acting ability. In all honesty these things boil down to storylines and characters – and like I said, there has GOT to be changes. Things need freshening up. I know it’s usual to resist change, but if ‘we’ and I use that term loosely, are to survive, we need to move with the times. I’ve always tried to tackle today’s problems on the show with honestly and the right information.
Truth is, I’m spent. I think I’ve dealt with everything that the bosses asked of me, now it’s time for somebody new. Saying that, the show’s format is also going to change, and instead of four half hourly shows, there is going to be two one hour shows instead, with an omnibus repeat at the weekend. This will mean more money for some of you, but I’m sorry to say that cuts have to be made, and certain actors and actresses will not be having their contracts renewed, so however much time you have left then that will be it.
There will be new characters coming in, gradually – ratings will merit how many how quickly, and of course, storylines permitting. One of you is going earlier than you have contract left – you will be compensated for this, and the letter explains why. Obviously the change in schedule means different hours, and these are all explained in the letters I have here. I’ll not waste any more of your time, I just want to say it’s been a pleasure working with you and I wish you all the best, and I hope to see you all on set in twenty minutes
Quentin looked up and smiled, and just before he left, he handed Cassie the envelopes to give out. No sooner as he’d ducked out of the door, everybody started talking, when Quentin came back in and everybody quietened again
“I’m sorry…sorry – I forgot to say this, you must not say anything to the media about your contracts, if you are staying or going, it could spoil future storylines and you are bound under contract not to do that – Blackmore Broadcasting Committee have informed me that a very dim view will be taken on any such breech of contract, with a mind to sue. What you say or do after your contract expires is up to you – okay then, this time, I *am* going – bye”
Nervous chatter began again and the rustle of ripping envelopes could be heard as Cassie made her way around the cast giving out the envelopes.
It gradually quietened as people began to read their letters, then shrieks, sighs and a cry began to rent the air.
A kerfuffle over in the corner had everyone looking at the actress Janette Bonda, who played Mrs Keogh the cook.
“But…But they can’t, they just can’t! How will…why – oh gods…thirty years I’ve been here – thirty years, they’ve had the best of me now I’m – I’m – oh ggggggggoooooooooodddd!!” She began to sob uncontrollably.
“Well we all know who’s going straight away now, don’t we!” Billy ‘Ford’ Fordham said to Willow. She raised her brows quickly after reading the small print in her letter and nodded, luckily for her she had five months still to run with a review to renew.
“So…how long have you got?” Ford asked Willow
“Five months – with a renewal if yadda yadda yadda…, you?”
“Three months, then that’s it!” Willow turned to him and nudged Buffy
“Hear that, Billy’s only got three months left – then he’s gone – how about you?”
Buffy looked at them both and said,
“Me? Eight months, with a renewal, etc – hey sorry Billy, bad luck”
Billy nodded and said
“Wouldn’t mind – but I just put a down payment on an apartment”
“Well I shouldn’t worry, you’ll soon pick up something else – you’ve got that advert campaign for DevilsOwn Hot Sauce, haven’t you?”
“Well yeah, but…I don’t know…it’ll seem strange not being here!” Billy toed the floor thoughtfully
Buffy looked around, a few despondent faces, a couple with smiles, Janette still sobbing…she looked around at Angel – he looked – well, gobsmacked – she caught his eye and he came striding over to her
“I can’t understand this!”
“Understand what?” Buffy asked he pointedly looked at Billy and Willow, and they both took the hint and walked away.
“Go on, understand what?” Buffy asked again, disinterestedly.
“Three months, that’s it – three months, and I’m out! ME – OUT!”
“Well you heard what Trav said, not to take it perso-“
“I KNOW what he said, but I’m one of the main characters – oh gods will that woman shut up, I’ve almost lost my job!”
“Angel – so has she by the sounds of it, have a bit of compassion!”
“But what about ‘Our Arrangement’?” Angel snapped
“Our what?” Buffy asked
“You know! The one where I introduce you to any new people, ‘this is Buffy, were not engaged or anything, but we have an understanding’ that arrangement!”
“Well, they’ve said there was going to be changes – they’ve either changed their minds about ‘us’ as a couple, or you read too much into our ‘show’ relationship!” Buffy said
Angel just blinked at her angrily.
Willow came back towards Buffy grinning from ear to ear she said
“Hey, you’ll NEVER guess who they’ve got lined up to come on here!”
Buffy smiled and shook her head and asked
“Who?”
“That English Shakespearean actor, Sir Rupert Giles!” Buffy looked surprised and pointed to the floor and said,
“On here”
Willow nodded quickly, still grinning, brows raised. Buffy frowned and said
“Where d’you hear that?”
“From Cassie, she said there’s a new writer coming here called Tina Maclay or something, she’s worked with him before, she’s asked him to come look at her work!”
Buffy replied
“But that doesn’t mean he’s gonna act on here…I mean, it would be like asking the likes of Clint Westwood or um…Don Bravolta to act on this show – they just wouldn’t do it- blow the budget for one thing!” Willow’s face fell
“Hmm…didn’t think of that – well maybe they’re doing it for free!”
“Yes Willow, I’m sure!” Buffy said with a little smile Willow felt silly – Buffy had a habit of making her feel stupid – but then again she was right, it was hardly likely that and actor of Sir Rupert Giles’ calibre would even know about their little soap, let alone act in it.
oo00oo
“Oh for fuck’s sake Ethan! Get me some acting work I said – and what do you get me?”
“Acting work, and please kindly take your feet OFF my desk!” Ethan didn’t bother looking up at his charge, he just busied himself with paperwork on his desk.
‘Slim Spike’ William Giles, ex lead singer with the heavy metal band The Vampyres, was sitting opposite his agent, feet up on the desk. He reached for his cigarettes and lit one.
He tipped his head back, blew out smoke rings and then righting his head, he punched the air towards Ethan with his cigarette and said
“A-C-T-T-I-N-G work – you know a movie – I could play head of a drugs cartel or be the leader in a gang of specialist car thieves, wheel man or something like that – and instead what do you get me? A fucking bit-part on the biggest joke on TV!”
Ethan looked up and said truthfully,
“And when did you take acting lessons, hmm?”
“Wha?”
“I said, when did – “
“Heard what you said mate, just wondered why you’re taking the piss”
“And why would I do that?”
“Coz of who me dad is, that’s the why, mate!”
“Yes William, and my mother is the best cook in the world, but I’m not about to open a Michelin starred restaurant because I could burn water!”
This befuddled William – not hard all the years of drink and substance/drug abuse…
“What do you mean?”
Ethan sighed and said,
“Look William, you’ve got to learn to walk before you can run, learn your craft and then go onto bigger things, just because your father can act, doesn’t mean to say YOU can!”
“Acting, is a piece of piss!” Will stated, stubbing out his ciggie.
“You think do you – so why hasn’t everybody in Hollywood won Oscar’s then?”
“Those…look, like when I was in the band, the only awards that matter, are the ones that come from the public – those from inside the business – it all depends on who’s doing who and who’s greasing who’s palm with the old greenbacks and stuff – and you can’t tell me different!”
“A decent cop show then!” William said after a minute or two’s thinking.
“What?”
Get me a part on a decent – “
“William – let me give it to you bluntly. The only acting you’ve ever done in your whole life is third sheep in the Nativity Play at Rookery Road Infants school! You’re bad news – nobody wants to touch you with a bargepole to tell you the truth. I’ve tried to call in all the favours I can, but nobody wants to know – THIS is all still fresh in their minds” Ethan threw the paper Music World at him, with the screaming headline: The Vampyres – they suck big time for letting down 10,000 people at Corn Fields Festival. The piece went on to describe how being either too drunk or stoned to play onstage, Slim Spike, Rik Rack and Stu Sweetly left fans angry and disappointed. Two days later Rik was found dead in his hotel room with a hooker, and Stu had a massive coronary from a drugs overdose. This had been the last of the band’s ‘incidents’ – of which there had been many, trashing rooms, drug taking, jail, inciting rioting…
“And may I remind you that you’re not one week out of the Sheila Nixon Addiction Clinic for alcoholism!”
“I’m NOT a fucking alcy! – I just like a drink or six!...Look, can’t you try and – “
“William, believe me, I’ve tried every avenue, even you father has-“
“I don’t want him involved! – I’ve got on this far without him, I’m 26 and don’t need his help!”
Ethan didn’t dare tell him that Tara Maclay had only said yes to him having a part on the show was because William’s father knew her………
“Right then, I’ll get myself another agent, one that actually CARES about what I want!” William stood up
“Bye then Will – good luck – you’ll need it! – Don’t slam the door on the way - SLAM out – bastard!”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is for Tammy
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