Buffy felt her breathing calm and return to normal as he carried her up the stairs and into the second story hallway. Moving her head from where it rested against his shoulder, she could feel the uncertainty and guilt about what they had done radiate off his body. The lustful air between them had since dissipated. She had thought that things were back on the road to normality. When he’d grabbed her wrist, she’d seen his battle of thought but still jumped up willingly onto the counter.
What the hell had just happened? She was the one who had encouraged him. Her thoughts flashed back to their conversation pre-throwing out “nothing good could ever come it…everything would change, and probably not for the best”. Oh God. Had she ruined them?
He’d stopped in his tracks the second he felt Buffy’s body tense and the world came hurtling back to him. It had been their moment of weakness, his to be exact. He tried to rationalize it, but he couldn’t. Just seeing her across from him; everything felt so right. Had that first kiss they shared on the balcony been enough for him to crave her forever? Suddenly he felt her shiver, and looking down he saw her eyes wide with fear and anxiety. Her voice was frail,
‘Will? What—I’m…I don’t…’
His body kicked into autopilot when he saw her panic and eyes begin to tear. He rushed into her room, sitting her gently down on the side of the bed and draping the light throw around her shoulders. He handed her a tissue before retrieving his shirt from the hallway floor and slipping it back on. He kneeled before her, too scared of himself to touch her, and watched as she dabbed away the tears.
‘Will, why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like we’re— tell me we’re not hurting anyone.’
He felt his heart sink. The name of the person hung unspoken in the air between them.
Liam.
His eyes shone at her with a desperation, begging her not to make him name him.
‘Buffy, what happened before. I-’
‘Oh God,’ her voice was strained, her hand flying up to cover her mouth as she tried to stop more tears from falling.
Looking down at the ground, he clenched his fists in frustration. He was a pathetic, brainless twat. He didn’t even know where to start. Why was it so hard for him to explain? He loved this girl and it terrified him. She’d filled up the dark, empty, angry void in his soul; filled him with light, hope and all those happy things. She was his own personal angel. And it didn’t matter when he’d become so irrevocably hers, or about the twenty one years that separated them. Somehow, along the way, their fates had been bound. Head still bowed, he jumped straight into the deep end,
‘You’re everything I ever wanted Buffy. Everything I could ever want.’
She blinked rapidly at his words and took an uneven breath. Her heart skipped a beat when he raised his eyes to her, open and vulnerable with emotion,
‘I don’t know why…but there are things I can share with you that I never dreamt I’d say to another person. You’ve been a gift, sweetheart. You saved me. I know I’ve been far from deserving… but I’ve gotten to watch you become this strong, breathtaking, beautiful young woman. Best of all, after all these years, it’s as though… I have you. I know I’ve been lucky enough to have so much, but still it’s like…it’s not enough…I want more. After all the things I’ve done. What kind of person does that make me?’
Overcome with shame, he looked away.
Trying to stop her hand from shaking, Buffy reached out to turn him back to her. But he kept looking down. Touching his chin she said,
‘Look at me, William. Everything you’ve done, all of it, I couldn’t care less. I’ve seen you. I know you and I would never doubt you, so neither should you. No one will ever mean as much to me as you do.’
She brushed away a tear from his cheekbone then smiled softly,
‘My William.’
Relief flooded through him that she had seemed to accept his poorly executed apology. Taking her hand he placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles,
‘Don’t wanna hurt you, I love you.’
His voice rang with the same truthfulness as it had all those hundreds of times before he told her this, but his eyes betrayed him. Something was different this time, and it rendered her helpless in her struggle to resist him. He sat up straighter, the space between them closed until their foreheads touched intimately. She could feel his warmth of his gentle breaths against her skin and her eyes fluttered shut. This was too much, no matter how many times or how hard they’d tried t—she wanted him. She had never been so certain. She parted her lips, preparing to say exactly so. But she was interrupted,
‘Buff- I can’t…I’m sorry.’
Her eyes flew open and she felt her heart begin to fall out of her chest; her last chance to bear herself to him, and she’d missed it by a fraction of a second. Then, his lips were against hers.
‘Can’t resist you, luv. Don’t know how.’
~
She pulled him next to her onto the bed, their lips never parting. Feeling her push his shirt off his shoulders, he grabbed her by the waist pulling her closer. His hand travelled under her blouse and up the side of her ribcage. She inhaled sharply, skin tingling at the sensation.
Rolling them over, William looked down at her flushed complexion, her eyes hooded but shining with desire. He sucked on her neck before lightly rubbing his cheek down her soft skin exposed by the v-line cut of her top, smelling the rich fragrance of her perfume. He groaned against her skin when he felt her arch into him,
‘Oh Buffy, how I want you.’
Everything he did was a dream come true. Giving him the gentlest, most tender of kisses she whispered,
‘So take me.’
~
to be continued...
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Yes, I did take a little inspiration from Buffy & Spike's famous heart to heart scene in Touched S6- but I thought it'd be interesting to flip their emotions the other way around :) More Spuffy loving to come!