Chapter 25
DA Interlude, Somewhere, Post Helpless
Buffy burst into the library. “Giles, are you secretly drugging me again?” she yelled.
“No!” the Watcher protested. “Why on earth would you think that?”
“How else can you explain why I thought I saw myself and SPIKE in my bed doing nasty things.” Buffy made an exaggerated shudder at the thought. There was no way she was going to tell her Watcher that the erotic sight had aroused her. So, she went for disgust instead.
Giles noticed how upset Buffy appeared to be. “Do you think Spike might be playing with you before he moves in for the kill?” He wondered what kind of ‘nasty things’ the vampire could have been doing in the Slayer’s room that would have caused her to run to him instead of staking the vampire in question. She hadn’t mentioned blood and guts. She also didn’t seem worried that Joyce would find a mess of any kind.
“You think he found a lookalike to boink in MY bed to lull me before striking?” Buffy scoffed. “Somehow I don’t see that has Spike’s style.”
“Oh.” Giles felt his jaw drop. “Oh, well, that’s not exactly what I had in mind when you said ‘nasty things’.”
“Well I did mean that,” Buffy huffed.
“We could revoke the invite despite your mother’s protests,” Giles suggested.
“She’d just invite him again.” Buffy shook her head. “She actually likes him.” She let out a sigh. “I guess I better go back and stake him before he does something worse.”
When Buffy got back home, her visitors were gone, leaving nothing behind to even show that they had been there. She wondered what Spike’s motives were. Boy was she surprised when they met up a few months later over the Gem of Amara. The vampire had no clue what she was talking about. However, she had to admit that the idea of the two of them participating in bedroom Olympics brought a gleam of interest to Spike’s eye.
Good thing Buffy didn’t inform Spike of his doppelganger’s declarations of love to the lookalike.
The one with the longer hair sniffed the air. He raised one eyebrow while he studied Amon. “Well, I guess this one doesn’t have a lopsided arse and a bad perm.”
“If you wanna date my sister, you’re gonna have to prove yourself,” Anne replied while she studied the Hellgod. She might be thrilled he wasn’t a vampire, but she wasn’t completely sure a Hellgod was a much better choice.
“I am Ptolamony, but you may call me Amon,” the Hellgod introduced himself. “I’m here to help with Glorificus and the order of Cerberus.”
“The Order of Cerberus? Who hell are they? The Order of Three headed Hell-dogs?” William asked.
Amon let out a bark of laughter. “Not hardly. However I believe you met one. Short little fuck with nine lives and a lizard tongue.”
William let out a growl. “Doc.”
“The one that cut Dee!” Anne’s face turned stony.
“The one that threw me off the tower first.” William narrowed his eyes. “Okay, so Rupes here figured out that Dee’s mate is a Hellgod. As soon as he said so, one just magically appeared? How do we know you’re not workin’ with that bitch sister of yours?”
“I’ve already helped a set of Immortal Guardians,” Amon said. “Besides, I have further proof of my goodwill.”
“What’s that?” Anne asked.
“A willing host.” Amon’s body shifted into that of another man. The new body was of a younger, more innocent faced boy. “I’m Brother Nickoli of the Order of Dagon. I believe you met Brother Malachi, Guardian,” he said to Anne.
Anne nodded. “I did. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him, but Glory did too much damage to him.”
“Vicious bitch,” William snarled under his breath. He rubbed his chest where Glory had tried to dig out the truth about Dawn.
“Amon’s desire to assist is genuine,” Brother Nickoli said. “I chose to be his host, Guardians. I chose of my own free will, as did my brother Amir to host Calypun, Glory and Amon’s other brother. It is my destiny.”
“Someone’s been talking to old Obi-Wan,” William grumbled. “Where is this Calypun?”
“He stayed with the others to help them.”
“Okay, this is getting way too funky,” Buffy muttered. She pinched her arm. “I want to wake up now. All I wanted was a nice Thanksgiving dinner with my friends.”
“Sorry, Slayer,” Spike said. “Reality is a bitch.”
Brother Nickoli morphed back into Amon. “Now that the introductions are over, time to get down to business.”
“Glory’s gonna be a problem, isn’t she?” Anne asked. “I’m so not the one dying this time around.”
William put his arm around Anne’s shoulders. “It’s not going to happen again, luv. I won’t let it.”
Anne leaned into William’s side. She let out a sigh of relieved contentment. “Thanks.” I love you, she whispered into his mind.
I love you too, Slayer, William whispered in return. Aloud, he said, “First order of business is a list of rules for dating the Slayer’s sister.”
Amon lowered his head in acknowledgement. He might be a Hellgod, but he knew better than to piss off his bride-to-be’s family. Some higher – and lower – beings did learn something from Hades’ woeful method of wooing a lady love. “I will agree to whatever terms you both set forth for me to adhere to. I am sincere,” he said.
“On to other business. Angel is on his way with the Codex,” Giles said to Amon. “Is there anything we need to reference besides the Shades?”
Amon’s head popped up. “The Shades? Are you sure?”
“Met them myself,” Giles replied. “They were here before, but we successfully vanquished them.”
“That means the Puzzleman has been awakened.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
WILLYRIA
Willyria stepped through the vortex into a dark, desolate world. The night sky was filled with scaly, screeching beasts flying in and out of a hazy, swirling blue mass.
I like this place, Illyria murmured to Willow. It reminds me of home.
A scabby little creature in a brown robe that Willow recognized as one of Glory’s minions scurried out of the darkness. “Ah, excellent,” he said when he saw Willyria. “Another acolyte for her Glorificusness.”
Thought so, Willow reflected. Glory won here.
Illyria searched Willow’s memories for references to this Glory creature. What he found disturbed the God King. Glorificus was nothing more than a glorified – forgive the pun – upstart with delusions of grandeur. How she escaped her brothers’ influence was a mystery to Illyria.
They kicked her sorry insane ass to the curb, Willow provided. They should have found a deep dark hole for her instead.
Good idea. Illyria laughed. We destroyed an entire dimension because they wouldn’t bow to our wishes. This one is primed for us. I think we should take over. Make it ours.
What about…
Forget the Guardians. This is our place. Illyria surged forward, and their body armor turned bright red. “Bow before your King, slime. Bow before Glorificus’ King.”
“I know you,” the minion cackled. “You can’t fool me with your puny magic spells. You’re that red haired witch bitch of the Slayer’s.”
“We shall see.” Willyria raised her hands in the air. She released her magic that would call her Qwa’ha Xahn to her side while it simultaneously ripped the scabby little minion to shreds.
In Los Angeles at the Hyperion Hotel, John Knox, ex-research flunky at Wolfram & Hart, awoke. Willyria’s magic flowed through his body making his skin itch in all kinds of fun ways. He smiled to himself while he slipped out of bed to dress.
Knox had to contain his laughter while he snuck past the other sleepers. There was the blond Slayer from Sunnydale and her equally blond vampire pet, the dark Slayer and her new lawyer boy toy, the members of the Scooby gang and Angel Investigations. Then, there was Angel himself curled around his heavily pregnant vampire slut.
Knox found himself an abandoned car to hotwire. Soon, he was driving in the direction of his King’s call with his wild laughter pouring out of the broken car windows.
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PUZZLEMAN AND DOC… DOCS
“We need to send the bulk of your army against the set of traveling Guardians,” Doc Four pointed out to the Puzzleman. “Of all of them, they have the greatest influence over the others.”
The Puzzleman bowed his head in agreement. “Make it so.”
“However, it would be advisable to send a squad to the stopgap dimension,” Doc Five informed the Puzzleman. “We’ve already lost a sect member to the Guardians there.”
The Puzzleman sniffed in disdain while he considered the suggestion. “I agree. Send the Kobalts.”
The Kobalts were the best of the best in the Puzzleman’s army. They trained longer and harder than any other division of soldiers.
Doc Five bowed his head. “I will inform them immediately.”
Twenty minutes later, Doc Five stood in front of the Puzzleman again. He quivered and quaked under the potent glare of the more powerful demon. “We were unable to insert the Kobalts into the stopgap. I don’t know what went wrong. We tested their insertion into other dimensions after the failure, and it worked every time.” He muttered under his breath again that he didn’t know what went wrong.
“Get your best researchers on this problem,” Doc Four growled. “Failure is not an option.”
“Right away,” Doc Five replied. He hurried from the room as if Hell hounds were nipping at his heels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS
“These Shades creatures sound like bad news,” Alonna Gunn said. She and her older brother Charles had met the vampire during a low point in their life a few years before. They had been with Angel ever since.
“Very,” Angel replied. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I’ve seen some really nasty things in my years as a vampire… “
“Probably was one of the really nasty things,” Claudius piped up. “I know I was.” He smiled down at the woman curled up at his side.
“Yeah.” Angel nodded. “I was, but I have to tell you the Shades really scared the fucking shit out of me.”
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