As Buffy sat in her bed she wondered why Faith had reacted the way she did but all of these thoughts were thrown away as sleep overcame her.
*************************
Buffy was having a very odd dream. She saw herself and Spike standing in an alleyway and wondered why she was dreaming about events that had never happened to her.
Spike was approaching her dream self and speaking in a cold and calculating tone.
"The only thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Everyday you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you. Is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know, what's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world. Your mum, brat kid sister, Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just puttin' off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second - the second that happens, you know I'll be there. I'll slip in. Have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did."
***********************
Buffy was confused not understanding what the vampire was talking about but before she had time to ponder about it she was moved to another scene in this theater play like dream.
She suddenly found herself in a basement looking place and saw herself chained up with Spike and a very odd woman in the room.
"I love you." Spike said.
"Oh, my god." Dream Buffy replied.
"Hey, no, look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you."
Buffy continued to watch the situation play before her eyes as new questions flooded her.
"Just give me something, a crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday, there's a chance."
Dream Buffy looked at Spike with disdain. "Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious."
******************
The images kept coming. Buffy dying then coming back. Her encounters with Spike, it was almost too much.
She now found herself in a torn down house watching Spike fight her.
"Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love."
Dream Buffy retorted incredulously. "Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot. Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes."
Spike seemed as if she was cutting him more and more by the minute. Emotionally anyway.
"I'm in love with you." He said through gritted teeth.
"You're in love with pain." Buffy all but yelled. "Admit it. You like me because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?"
Spike had had enough and grabbed dream Buffy roughly by her collar. "Hello. Vampire. I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?"
***************************
Buffy kept on tossing and turning in bed not being able to understand what was happening.
***************************
She saw herself having mind blowing sex with Spike over and over again until she could barely stand. She saw how she used him without regard and it hurt her.
Then the images of what had apparently been their break-up arrived.
***************************
"It's over." She watched herself say.
"I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want." Spike stared at her with intensity.
"I know that." Dream Buffy admitted. "I do want you. Being with you... makes things... simpler. For a little while."
"I don't call five hours straight a little while." Spike scoffed.
"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just... being weak, and selfish..."
"Really not complaining here." Spike said with a small smile.
"and it's killing me." She finished. "I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry William."
With that Buffy watched herself walk away from a confused and heartbroken vampire.
*************************
Suddenly Buffy was in a church with herself and Spike. She didn't know when these flashes were going to end but she did know that they were showing her things that she felt had been hidden from her before and she was determined to find out as much as she could.
"This is all you get." She heard herself saying. "I'm listening. Tell me what happened."
"I tried to find it of course." Spike said.
"Find what?" Dream Buffy asked confused.
"The spark." Spike replied. "The missing - the piece, that fit. That made me fit because you didn't want- I can't. Not with you looking. I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak? Thinking of you? Hauling myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your- ending. Angel, he should've warned me. Makes a good show of forgetting, but, it's here. In me. All the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn."
"Your soul." She said with tears in her eyes.
"Bit worse for lack of use." Spike said somberly.
"You got your soul back. How?" She asked desperately.
"It's what you wanted, right? It's-It's what *you* wanted, right?" Spike all but yelled looking at the ceiling. "And-and now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I- and him. And it. The other... the thing... beneath... beneath you. It's here, too. Everybody... they all just tell me go. Go... to hell.
"Why? Why would you do that?" Dream Buffy asked with tears streaming down her face.
"Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev- To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?" Spike all but sobbed while he whispered.
************************
Buffy was crying in her sleep from the things happening in front of her. Little did she know the most sad and revealing dream was yet to come.
************************
She now found herself watching herself and Spike once again but this time he was kneeling in front of her and they were in a quiet room.
"I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you - it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your kindness, and your strength, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."
Hearing Spike's words both she and dream Buffy began crying. Yet this was short lived as out of nowhere Buffy was ripped from the scene before her eyes and put in a crumbling cave with dozens of other girls. There were vampires everywhere and Faith was there.
Suddenly Buffy heard her name being called by a familiar voice and turned to watch herself run to Spike.
"Buffy!" Spike yelled.
"Spike!" Buffy yelled back as a bright light started emanating from him.
Spike looked at her amazed. "I can feel it, Buffy."
"What?" Buffy asked with tears in her eyes.
"My soul." Spike looked at her in awe. "It's really there. Kind of stings." He said half jokingly trying to lighten the mood of the situation.
As the walls started to crumble around them Spike hurried dream Buffy. "Go on, then." He said.
Buffy would not listen shaking her head. "No. No, you've done enough. You could still—"
Yet Spike cut her off. "No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup."
Buffy saw Faith yelling at her. "Buffy come on!" Faith said. Yet she saw herself refuse to move.
Spike looked at her still trying to make her realize what had to be done.
"Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer." He said with a sad smile.
Dream Buffy looked at him not wanting to let go. "Spike!"
"I mean it! I gotta do this." He growled out as he held out his hand to stop her.
At this Buffy saw herself interlace her fingers with Spike and what she saw made her stare in awe. Their fingers were locked around each other's fingers and their joined hands burst into flames. It was the most beautiful thing Buffy had ever seen.
She then saw herself look deep into Spike's eyes. "I love you." She said with tears in her eyes and a smile.
"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." Spike said.
************************
Buffy shot up in her bed. The tears coming down her face unstoppable and her cries of anguish uncontrollable. As Buffy shook there was only one thought crossing her mind as she whispered it.
"William."
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Author's Chapter Notes:
There is going to be a lot of what happened in episodes on this chapter but there is a reason for it. I am having Buffy remember very specific moments but next chapter will be all original. I still hope you guys enjoy it. I wanna give a special thank you to keddy and AMI for your wonderful reviews and thanks to everyone else as well. Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
So what do you guys think? I have decided to continue with the story because of how many people said I should so review and let me know what you thought.