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Buffy wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there, in the cottage, first laughing at the absurdity of it all and then just thinking. It was slightly cold outside when she walked toward home, and the moon was bright, illuminating everything with its soft light. She tried to take in all that Spike had told her and was in such deep thought that she didn’t notice the vampire in question following her from afar, only staying behind when Buffy’s home was in sight.

She was startled out of her thoughts when someone called her name. She took a quick look around and sighed in relief when she saw Willow’s familiar form standing by the front porch. “Will—you scared the living daylights out of me. What are you doing here? It must be… really late.”

Willow took in her tired-but-clean-for-a-patrol look. “Where have you been, Buffy? It’s almost four in the morning. I’ve been waiting here for hours.”

Was it really that late? “I was patrolling; you know that.” She didn’t like telling lies, but that was only half a lie, really. She had made the usual rounds before talking with Spike.

There was something off with Buffy, and Willow had a feeling that there was more to this. “Your patrols never take this long. Was there something out of the ordinary?” She narrowed her eyes to see her friend’s face better, but the dim street lights made it difficult.

Buffy leaned against the porch and tried to look as sincere as possible, in case Willow got a good enough look at her. “Just more nasties than usual.” She gave the redhead a small smile and suddenly realized that it was very unusual for Willow to be at her house that late. “Has something happened? Is everyone all right?”

“Yeah, nothing like that. I just needed to talk to you.” There was a pause before she went on. “You’ve been avoiding me and Xander, I think.” Her tone wasn’t accusing—more like hurt. Willow wasn’t one to confront people like that, usually. “You’re lost inside your own thoughts all the time at school and you don’t even mind Cordelia’s snippy comments. What’s wrong, Buffy?”

Resisting the urge to avert her eyes, Buffy tried to look innocent. She really couldn’t tell her friends about Spike . They wouldn’t understand her allying with a vampire, not after Angel. Then there was Giles. Buffy still wasn’t sure whether he was in on the whole scheme, but she couldn’t risk his calling the Council. “Slaying has just been tough lately, when I stumble on one of Angelus’ victims or hear about him and his ways of having fun almost every night.” She blew out her breath noisily. “And there’s Drusilla and Spike to worry about, never mind all the other baddies out there. I have a lot on my mind; that’s all.”

Willow watched her friend closely, trying to figure out if she was being truthful. Buffy’s explanation made perfect sense, and still Willow thought Buffy was leaving something unsaid. Whatever it was, Buffy didn’t look or sound like she was about to share what that was. “I just want you to know that we are there for you,” Willow said finally. “I know Xander has been giving you a hard time over what happened with Angel, especially after Miss Calendar died, but he cares about you.”

That was part of the problem: Xander cared a bit too much. He never fully seemed to have gotten over his crush, even if he was now with Cordelia. It was like he was just waiting for Buffy to realize it had been him she’d wanted all along, and Buffy knew that would never happen. “I know he cares, just like you and Giles do. There are just things you can’t understand, no matter how hard you try or how much you want to help. Being the Slayer is a lonely job, despite what great friends I have.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll be my usual self soon enough.”

She wasn’t getting anything more out of Buffy that night, Willow knew that. She was slightly angry; why did Buffy have to be so evasive and difficult sometimes? Still, Willow didn’t want to start an argument right then, so she smiled back and walked the few steps toward the driveway, where she took hold of her bike that had been leaning against a tree. “Okay. I really need to get back home. If my mom finds out I’ve been out this late, she may actually decide she cares enough to ground me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Buffy waved at Willow and watched her walk away. Then she climbed the tree outside her window with practiced ease and was inside her bedroom in no time. Everything in the room looked so utterly normal that she almost laughed. Her life was nowhere near normal—would probably never be. So why did she need the magazines, all the shoes she had around, the make up? Her life would always be filled with icky things like demons. Her nice clothes would be ruined by slaying. Maybe I should just start wearing ugly army clothes…

While she changed into her pajamas, she tried to wrap her mind around the things Spike had told her. I’m not one of them., I can’t be. She ran the brush trough her hair without even thinking about it; she just kept pulling and pulling, over and over again. I’m just a girl. A human girl. How could I be part of anything that big?

She made it to bed in a daze-like state, but sleep seemed to evade her. There was too much at stake for her to go all wonky, so she would just have to pull it together. Buffy knew Spike would tell her how to contact the Warriors, and she shouldn’t be a mess when she met them. I feel so alone.

That was when she realized something: she had gotten used to telling Angel everything, and had missed that connection for a while, but now the need to run to him was gone. I don’t miss Angel anymore. Not like I used to…

***

Spike had no trouble getting in and out of the mansion unnoticed anymore. Everyone was simply too busy to pay any attention to his comings and goings. He actually suspected that, even if he had just walked in on the main room, nobody would see anything weird about it. Even Drusilla looked like she was in another plane altogether most of the time.

When Spike wheeled in early that morning, he accidentally found out why. He could hear loud shouting coming from Angelus’ bedroom, the idiot himself yelling in his best superior-alpha-male voice. “Just look again! You can’t give me the same excuse every time!”

“There’s nothing to see. The stars are all hiding from me…” Dru’s voice was tired. “I’ve been looking and looking, but I don’t know what will happen. There’s something big coming; that’s all.”

So that was why she had been so out of it. Angelus was making her look into the future—or trying to, at least. Spike could feel a twinge of compassion toward her; she was being used by that jerk again. As fast as the feeling had come to him, it went away, when Spike heard just how Dru was distracting Angelus from the matter. When the grunting was getting too loud, Spike made his way to his own bedroom once more. Having locked the door, he only kicked his boots off before getting into bed. I won’t pity her! That prat is using her, and he’s still the only thing she thinks about!

His thoughts moved on from Drusilla to another female without his even noticing it. A female with a trusting nature that would get her killed, if she weren’t so bright and fast. A girl who took everything that was thrown to her and ran with it, never giving up for real. So very different from me, and yet… there’s something about her that appeals to me.

Spike groaned in frustration and hit his forehead softly with his fist a couple of times. That was a path he really didn’t want to walk down. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, think about the Slayer in any way except as a useful tool in achieving his freedom. Killing her should be the thing he dreamt about, the thing he craved. The fact that it actually wasn’t, at the moment, was just a glitch. Nothing more. She’s just a girl. A girl who is privileged enough to be able to call the Warriors here. An instrument in my plan. That’s it.

He was worried about the Warriors, a fact he couldn’t deny. Buffy might be okay working with him, but that didn’t mean the rest of them would be. He had taken the right first couple of steps though, asking for Buffy’s help and telling her about the other Warriors, and he was about to tell her how to contact them. He’d made his choice and now he had to hope that the agreement with the Slayer would extend to her peers as well. Why did I have to concoct such a big, complicated plan again? Something’s just going to bollix it up…

tbc





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