Swings and Roundabouts
Chapter Three
Spike found Anne fascinating. After slipping her arm through his, she had pulled him from the cemetery and out into a park. It was dusk, and there were a few people here and there; mostly people walking dogs and keep-fit fanatics huffing and puffing their way through a jog.
He hadn’t missed the slight stumble of words when she had given him her name—she had been about to say something else before settling on ‘Anne’. And so, when she had asked what he was called, he’d simply replied, ‘Spike’.
She had laughed, and made a joke about it being a dog’s name, and he had smiled back, her laughter infectious.
And now they were sitting cross-legged underneath an oak tree, their backs to the gnarled trunk.
“What are we doing?” he asked, wondering for the hundredth time since he’d met her why he had left with her so willingly.
“We’re surviving,” she said, softly. “If I hadn’t met you tonight, I’d still be there. Sitting by Angel’s grave and wallowing.”
“Hasn’t it got easier?” Spike asked. “It’s been ten years for you. Surely by now…”
Anne shrugged. “I’ve gotten on with my life, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to give you the impression that I’ve spent the past ten years moping around.”
“No.” Spike was quick to interrupt. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know,” Anne touched the back of his hand, and Spike’s skin tingled. “But losing Angel is tied up in a whole load of other stuff that I don’t really want to get into. Let’s just say that I—I lost two people in a very short amount of time. It was hard. And yeah, it was a long time ago, and yeah, for a while it sucked big time.” She sighed. “I am okay. You just caught me on a bad night. I kind of… save up all my grief for the yearly visit. Weird, huh?”
“I’ve been doing that for the last four years.” Spike realised that Anne’s hand still lay on his, and he fixed his gaze there. “Not so weird.”
“It gets easier.” She nudged his shoulder. “Don’t give up.”
He smiled. “Thanks.”
***
Spike didn’t spend much time just sitting in parks—he took Claire out, of course, but she spent most of her time playing on the swings and roundabouts in the playgrounds, or throwing a ball and Frisbee—but he found he was enjoying it.
Anne had spread her legs out in front of her, and Spike’s eyes were continually drawn to the smooth bronzed skin, despite his attempts to keep his focus on her face. She seemed aware of where his attention lay, because she had a small, secret smile on her lips.
After a while of idle chit-chat, she jumped up and held out her hand to him. “Come on.”
Spike grinned. “What now?”
Patting her stomach, Anne smiled back. “Food, of course.”
“Oh, of course.”
***
When they were still walking through the park twenty minutes later, Spike wondered if they were ever going to get something to eat.
“Where are we going, love?”
“You’ll see.”
He raised an eyebrow, but continued to walk beside her. It was fully dark now, and there was very little lighting on the way along the path. He wondered whether he ought to be more cautious, heading off into the unknown with a virtual stranger. For all he knew, she could be a crazy, axe-wielding murderess, looking to make him her next victim.
He glanced at her, nervously, then looked away. She had been looking at him, too.
“What?” She sounded amused, and Spike wondered what emotions were showing on his face. He’d always had an expressive face—too expressive, he was a piss-poor poker player—and his feelings were always easy to read. So he decided to be honest.
“Just wondering if you were gonna murder me with an axe.”
Anne frowned, and stopped walking. Seconds later, Spike found himself in a headlock, and was struggling to breathe. Almost as soon as she’d captured him, Anne let him go, crossing her arms and arching her eyebrow.
Breathing heavily, Spike managed to choke out a few words. “What the hell?”
“I wouldn’t need an axe.”
“God! You’re bloody weird, you know that?” But he couldn’t keep the grin from his face. What she had just done? Kinda hot. “And strong, too. For—”
“A girl?”
“I was going to say for someone so small, but yeah.”
“I teach martial arts,” Anne said. “I got into it when… when Angel died. Something to help get rid of the pent-up anger, you know?”
All of a sudden, the atmosphere changed, going from light and playful—and slightly crazy¬—to sad and melancholic. Anne’s face became drawn and tight, she was reminded of her loss, and in turn, Spike remembered Dru and felt his face fall too.
“Are you feeling guilty?” Anne asked. “I am.”
“What for?”
“Forgetting. Just for a few moments there, you forgot about your wife, didn’t you? And now you’re feeling guilty for forgetting.”
Spike shook his head, mouthing wordlessly. Until she had said it, he hadn’t realised that the gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach was guilt, and she was right: it was guilt over forgetting about Dru for a short time. For laughing, and having fun on the anniversary of her death.
“Stop it. You don’t need to feel guilty.”
“How can I not?” Spike’s voice was hoarse, and he could feel tears on their way. “I should be back there, by her side, remembering! Not here, with another woman!”
“You decided that wasn’t the way to go anymore.” Anne’s voice was soft, and he felt her hesitant touch on his shoulder. “You decided to walk away from the pain and move forward, remember?”
Spike nodded.
“Okay. So we’re going to go and get some food, and then we’re going to go dancing.”
Spike’s head snapped up. “I don’t dance.”
“You do tonight.”
***
“Have you had any boyfriends since, er—” Spike stopped speaking when he saw the expression on Anne’s face. It was a cross between anger, and the very-teenager-esque ‘duh!’ “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.”
“No, I haven’t been living like a nun for ten years.”
“Sorry.” Spike looked down at his hands and twisted his wedding ring around and around.
“I’ve had boyfriends, yeah,” Anne said, dipping a fry into her ketchup. “None of them lasted very long. There’s never been anyone who I’ve really felt a—a connection with, you know?”
Spike nodded, still absentmindedly turning his wedding ring.
“I take it there’s been no one else for you, then?” She nodded her head towards his ring.
“Oh!” Spike stopped the movement of his hand, and picked up a buffalo wing. “No. I haven’t even thought about it. My dad’s been on at me lately. ‘Move on, find yourself a nice young lady, blah blah.’”
“Maybe you should.”
Spike raised an eyebrow, and smirked. “That an offer, pet?”
Anne bit her lip, and lowered her eyes flirtatiously. “What if it is?”
Eyes widening, Spike hurriedly tried to backtrack. “Er... I didn’t, I mean… I’m not ready, and—and, I have to think of Claire.”
“Spike.” Anne laughed. “It was a joke. You know: haha, funny?”
“Oh.” Spike relaxed. Not that the thought of being with Anne was a bad one—in fact, a certain area of his body was telling him that it would be a very, very good idea—but it was like he’d said. He didn’t feel ready. And he was scared, though he had trouble admitting that even to himself.
He hadn’t been with anyone but Dru. Ever. She had been his first, his only, his everything, and he was terrified that if—when—he slept with someone else, it would be a disaster.
“So, who’s Claire?”
Anne’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the conversation had moved to a safer topic. “She’s my daughter.” His face lit up like it always did when he spoke about her.
“You have a kid?” Anne sounded suddenly upset, and Spike wondered why.
“Yeah. She’s nine.” Like any proud parent, he had several pictures in his wallet, and he started to reach into his jacket pocket for it. “Do you want to see a picture?”
Looking down at the plastic tabletop, Anne shook her head. “Not really.” She sighed. “No offence. It’s a thing. Issues.”
“No worries,” Spike said. “Probably for the best, eh? We’ve only just met.”
Anne seemed to find something funny in what he’d said, for she started to laugh. Unsure why, but finding her laughter infectious, Spike joined in.
“Shall we go?” Anne said, between giggles. “You were going to take me dancing.”
-TBC-
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks again for the comments to chapter two! And once more to Sotia for beta reading. :) Hope you like this chapter.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you thought by leaving a review. :)